"How are you doing today, Jenna?" Dr. Stevens asked.

"Ok. I guess."

"You guess? What happened for you to sound so uncertain? Have you been having some flashbacks again?"

"Lindsey made a surprise visit."

"Oh. So, tell me how that went." Dr. Stevens said while writing down notes.

"I still couldn't tell her. I want to tell her, but I can't. It causes me physical pain to hold it back, but I know that I can't tell her."

"Hmmm."

"What?" I said defensively.

Dr. Stevens sighed. "Jenna, we have discussed this. You need a support system in your life. Lindsey is that support system. Unless, you want to reconnect with your parents." I choked out a laugh. "I didn't think you did, Jenna. But, you can't go this alone. For you to get past this episode in your life you need help. You need someone to lean on. Alcohol is not going to fix this."

"What...I don't...how did you?" I sputtered.

Dr. Stevens gave a small smile. "I have treated many people, Jenna. You are not the first or the last to use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain inside. Believe me when I say, this will just destroy you. If you don't start being honest with the people who love you, alcohol will start to take over, spill into your career then slowly kill you. I don't want that to happen to you. All I ask is between now and the next time I see you I want you to open up to those who care about you. It doesn't have to be a lot. Even a little will help. Can you do that?"

"I can try." I said meekly.

"Ok. I will see you next time, Jenna."

Walking out of my psychologist's office I thought about what he said. It had been two weeks since I saw Lindsey and Razer. Surprisingly, I hadn't had a phone call or an email from Lindsey. I'm was a little upset that I hadn't heard from either one of them. Lindsey didn't come back to my house after she ran her errands the day after our Buffy alcohol induced marathon. That left me to take Razer back to his hotel.

After his flirting in my bedroom, he never acted on those winks and innuendos. On the drive over to his hotel, I got a glimpse of the man behind the drum kit. He sang along with the radio with a sweet voice that I could still hear when I closed my eyes. The drive was a short one. When I pulled up to the main door, Razer turned in his seat before getting out of the car.

"Thank you for helping me, Razer." I said in the silence between us.

He smiled slightly and reached his hand out pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "I asked you to call me Brian."

With that final comment, Brian opened the door and made his way into his hotel not even glancing back.

***

Driving away from the psychologist's office, I started to notice more of the world around me. The town I grew up in was changing in so many ways. The parks that were filled with metal swings, wooden see saws and merry go rounds, now had elaborately colored jungle gyms with nothing too high and nothing with sharp edges. The cement or wood chips on the ground were now replaced with rubber mats. The small sticky floored theater was no longer there. A large chain superstore sat in its place. Ball fields that I once called home were still there but now they sat like mini stadiums with all the bells and whistles. All of the changes made me feel homesick for the life I had before. The life that wasn't tainted with sexual assault or PTSD or alcohol. That life only now existed in my mind and memories.

I was so lost in my thoughts, memories and feelings that when I pulled into my driveway I didn't see someone sitting on my porch. Fumbling around in my car and still singing the song that was on the radio, I was startled by the tap on my window.

"Holy Shit!" I exclaimed when I looked into the smiling face tapping at my window. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Brian shrugged and said, "I was bored and thought I'd see what you were up to."

Opening my car door, I stepped out and took him in. Today, he was wearing a Notre Dame sweatshirt with basketball shorts and worn sneakers. No, hat today which gave me a good look at his close-cropped hair that made my hands tingle to run my fingers through the short strands.

"How did you get here?" I crossed my arms.

Shrugging again, "I ran here."

"From your hotel? How long ago?"

"Yes, from my hotel. I've only been here a little while."

"How long?" I insisted.

"I don't know. What time is it?"

I pulled my cell phone from my purse and looked at the time. "1:30"

"Oh...um...if that's right then I've been here for about four hours." He looked down sheepishly.

"Four hours! You could have run back to your hotel, had a shower, lunch and run back to see me in the same amount of time. Why did you stay?"

"I don't know. I just really wanted to see you. I wasn't sure if I left and came back that you'd see me again. It's also really peaceful here. Time just flew by."

Staring at him, I didn't know what to say to that. "Alright, lets go inside and eat some lunch. Then, I am going to drive you back to your hotel."

A flash of disappointmentcrossed his face, then a smile replaced it. "Sounds good. Thank you, Jenna."