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Beautiful

DEAR EVAN HANSEN!!! Okay guys, this song is really amazing :)

A/N: hey guys! So this chapter might have some trigger warnings for depression... And it includes language...I'm sorry.  Also I think that this book severely lacks in Tim... So this is one of my more sad storylines about him

Also I'm really sorry I know I write a lot about this type of stuff and it's getting really old... but it really hits home for me :(  sorry again... I'll try to make a fluffy chapter in the near future.

Summary: basically Tim is depressed and his family had to help.  This is actually half canon bc there was a 90s Robin issue(that I do not own sadly) that focuses on Tim being a little depressed after his father's death.  Luckily at the end he called Dick so he got better :)

Also.... before I start.... HAS ANYONE READ THE REBIRTH TITANS SERIES?!?!?! I swear I am in love with it now..... anyway... onto the story:

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"Grayson? Where is Drake located?" 

Dick Grayson set down his Calvin and Hobbes comic strip and suspiciously eyed the ten year old who's head was peaking around the door to his room, "What for bud?"

"Math help."  Damian said, tossing his head back then stopping to glare Dick right in the eye, "Why?  Is there a problem?"

"No not at all..." Dick paused, then turned to hug Damian, "You two are finally getting along!!!!"

"Stop is Grayson.... You're choking me..." Damian squeezed out, glaring daggers at the young man he had come to secretly call father.

Dick loosened his grip, "I am so so proud of you Damian.  I never imagined you two would get this close!"

Damian rolled his eyes, "It's just one problem!"

"It's just one of the most momentous occasions ever!" 

"Please! I just needed help!"

"You sure you didn't want to just spend time with Tim?"

"Leave him alone." 

Dick and Damian both turned to see Cass leaning at the doorway, a small grin tugging the tips of her mouth.  Her arm was limp by her side, strained from the fall she had taken last patrol.

Dick glared a bit at her, "Cass... Don't you dare."

Cass smirked a little wider, "Tim's in his room Damian."

"Thank you!" Damian's said exasperated.  He turned and left the room, "Cain likes me better Grayson."

"Cass is that true?"

"No..."

"Your eyes dilated!"

"So?"

"You read human body language.  You tell me what."

"..."

"It means you're lying Cass!"

"Hands off! I don't need a noogie!"

"Hehe!"

"I'm calling Steph right now!"

"No no!  I'll stop!"

Damian giggled as the good natured teasing faded out and he walked down the hall.

"Hey kid!"

"I'm not a kid Todd." Damian said, turning to glare at his elder brother, "If anyone's the kid it's you."

Jason's shoulders tensed and he took his cigarette out of his mouth momentarily, "I am not a kid.  Not even close."

"You drink from juice boxes and take an unhealthily immense joy in getting the toys from McDonalds Happy Meals." Damian said, the signature evil grin growing on his face.

"Ooh... That was a low blow..." Jason winced, then tried to deflect the topic, "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"Finding Drake.  I need his math expertise for help." Damian said, "Cain says he's in his room."

Jason nodded, then put his cigarette back into his mouth.  He took a long drag, ignoring Damian's wheezing coughs from the smoke that was blown into his face.  "Well..." Jason drawled, "I wouldn't go visit him."

"Why?" Damian tested, curiosity seeping through his voice.

"I tried to go in and talk about guns but he yelled at me to get the hell out."  Jason said casually, "It was kind of weird... it's not really Tim-like."

"What's not really Tim-like?" Dick asked, his ebony hair bobbing out from behind Jason's head.  Jason blew a puff of smoke into Dick's face then smiled. "No smoking Jason!"

"Bleh blah." Jason retorted.

"Damian?" Duck turned to his smaller brother, his face still bright.  A giant bruise was festering on his cheek.

"Drake is being irritable," Damian said, then cocked an eyebrow, "How'd you get that bruise?  I was literally only gone for like five minutes."

"Cass happened.  Even with a hurt arm she can beat me up... I accidentally pinched her in the cheek and it didn't bode well for me." Dick smiled sheepishly, "Uh yeah.  Anyway Dami can you go check that Tim's really okay?  I really don't want him to be.... doing things?"

Jason and Dick shared a pointed look.

Damian nodded slowly, not understanding their implications, "I'll go... Check?"

"Yeah." Jason said, "I'm sure it's not anything.  Steph and him probably argued."

"Again." Dick chuckled.

"They'll never learn." Jason smirked, the turned his back and headed down the hall.

Dick smiled, "Well you go check in with Tim and do your math kay?"

Damian rolled his eyes, "I know what I'm doing Grayson!"

"Okay okay!  Just makin sure!" Dick held his hands up in an I'm-innocent gesture, "Later bud!" He saluted.  Then ran off.

"I'm surrounded by children." Damian muttered, gripping his math book to his side, taking a deep breath, then turning to Tim's room.

A short distance away, Dick  whipped a camera out of his pocket and followed Damian quietly.  "Family photo album time!" he whispered under his breath.

Damian's small feet padded along in a steady beat as he contemplated the insult in which he would open up with.  Maybe insulting the name?  His maturity?  Superboy?

The last one worked the best.  Damian smirked and didn't wait to knock, and he barged in.

Only to find Tim holding a razor blade to his wrist.

/?(&!:(&

Damian couldn't say anything, his mouth dropped wide open, math book forgotten on the ground, "The fuck?!" Tim's eyes were glazed over and giant tears were streaming down his face.  His hair was matted to the front of his face, and his mouth was drawn into a taut line of what looked to be like pain.   A trickle of blood was starting to slide down his arm and onto the wooden floor in front of him.

"Language Demon brat..." Tim said half heartedly, quickly shuffling the materials behind his back, "What do you need?"

"What the fuck are you doing to yourself?" Damian asked, unable to keep the concern from seeping through his voice.

"Nothing!" Tim cried vehemently, whipping matted pieces of ebony hair out of his face.

"Tim....?" Dick stood at the doorway, hand over his mouth, choking out any further words. His camera was broken in his fist.  Small tears peeked from the corners of his eyes, "You.... You fucking promised you wouldn't."

"Dick I'm so...." Tim's voice broke, and his head bent down, "I can't help..."

Dick shook his head, voice cracking, "Don't apologize.... Explanations later.  I'm gonna go get you some better bandages and.... And shit...  uh yeah I'm gonna get Jason... uh I wonder where Bruce is.... the fuck"

Tim's head bent down, "Dick please don't call over Bruce...."

Dick stopped at the door momentarily before looking back at Tim, "Sure little bird.  Damian take care of him and stop the bleeding.  I'm gonna go get my bandages and Jason..."  He turned quickly out the door, "I'll be back Timmy!"

Tim buried his head into his arms, shaking with silent sobs.

Damian stared silently, pondering what to do next.  It had all happened so fast and he didn't know what to do... he'd never imagined Tim would do this to himself.  But he had to do something fast.

"Head up."

Tim's head jerked up, and he stared into the ice cold eyes of his younger brother.  He hadn't expected Damian to say anything, or even care.

Damian sighed, "Put your arm out."

"What?"

"You heard what I said."  Damian said, doing his best not to glare, "Put your arm out."

Tim jutted his arm out.

"Other one Drake."

Tim hesitantly pulled his cut arm in front of Damian.  

"Give me the razor blade."

Tim's eyes widened, and he almost pulled his arm back.  But Damian was to fast, and he gripped Tim's wrist in his own, then quickly pulled the razor blade from behind Tim.

Damian took another deep sigh before using the razor blade to rip off the sleeve of his shirt.  He pulled the piece of cloth around Tim's wrist and started to soak up the blood, clotting it.

"Oh... you weren't gonna hurt me." Tim said blandly, eyes still glazed.

"No... why?  You seem to be doing a good job of that on your own." Damian said coldly.  

Tim avoided eye contact, and put his head down again.

Damian inwardly sighed(again), before putting his words in a more gentle voice, "Drake, look at me."  When Tim didn't respond, Damian put his hand on Tim's face and gently pushed it up so that their eyes met, "Why?"

Tim snuffled a little, then shifted uncomfortably in his spot, "I... I just don't think...."

"Think what?" Damian asked gently, aware that Tim could clam up, and he didn't want for Dick to be dealing with a clammed up Tim.

"That I was worth anything." Tim said, his face down into his arms again, "That I looked good enough, that I could be anything, that I was a cool enough person, a good brother, a good son, a good hero...."

Damian reeled back again, then his voice turned into his normal scorn, "Seriously?"

Shocked at Damian's sudden voice change, Tim looked up curiously, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Damian scoffed, "Here, Drake, hand me that razor."

Reluctantly, Tim handed the razor over, "What for?"

Avoiding that question, Damian's eyes roamed the razor as if it held answers, "How many times?"

"How many times what?" Tim's voice stuttered a little.

"Did you cut yourself?" Damian confirmed, his eyes darting up to look at Tim.

"Uh.... I only got in five strokes...." Tim looked at his damaged wrist, now bandaged in his little brother's shirt sleeve.

"And how many times were you going to cut?" Damian asked, turning the razor blade over in his hand.

Surprised at the question, Tim looked at Damian curiously, his tears slowing, "Erm... at least ten times."

Damian lifted an eyebrow before steadying the razor in his shaking hands.  He sighed deeply and tears started to perk into the corners of his eyes.  

"Damian.... what are you..."

Damian pressed the razor down to his wrist and slit it... one... two... three... four.... five times.  Blood trickled down his wrist, and his eyes started to fill with tears.  He bit his lip hard and dropped the razor in front of Tim.

"Damian!!! What the fuck?!"  Tim semi-screamed, jerking the razor back into his own hand.

"We're matching," was all Damian simply said, "I finished the job for you."

Tim opened his mouth and then closed it.  He looked at the blood that was trickling down his brother's arm and the tears that streamed down his face.

"You look like a gaping fish."

Tim shook his head and ignored the insult.  He picked up the razor blade and used it to rip off one of his sleeves.  He whipped the cloth around Damian's wrist and and held his hand around Damian's hand.  He didn't let go, "Damian... why...."

Damian didn't look up for a few seconds, but when he did, his eyes met Tim's and a fire seemed to blaze, "Drake... everyone feels like you do.  Everyone feels like they aren't worth anything, and they feel like they're alone.  I know the feeling.  I get it every time I'm around you."

Tim shook.  Damn it, that turned quickly.

"I get that feeling every time I'm around Father.  But I've never considered cutting myself once.  Because, someone taught me that I needed to take a step back.  There are people that love me.  I mean the world to someone.  To actually... quite a few people." Damian chuckled, "It was surprising.  I grew up thinking that I was alone.  Thinking that I was meant only to be a weapon.  Perfect.  Then someone waltzed into my life, and he showed me that I can't be perfect all the time.  He showed me something I'd never felt before.  He taught me love.  And he always told me that no matter what... I'm beautiful."

Tim's face scrunched up, "Then why'd you cut yourself if you've never even considered it?  And WHY THE HELL DID YOU CUT YOURSELF?"

"Because, Drake, I'm trying to teach you something," Damian sighed, "I'm going to regret this in a week when you're healed," Damian sighed again, "I'm trying to teach you that you are worth enough to me that I would do something that I would normally hate.  I'm trying to teach you that no matter what... you'll be beautiful in someone's eyes."

Tim took in a gulp in of air, words flashing in his head, images of his younger brother.

"There you go looking like a fish again." Damian scoffed, his tears tapering off.

Tim ignored that, and pulled Damian into a hug, "Thank you....  "

"TIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dick burst through the door, then took in Damian and Tim hugging each other, "Aw....."

"Oh my gosh Dick." Jason rolled his eyes, which were filling with tears, then grabbed the roll of bandages and quickly pushed Damian away, "Outta the way for a few lil' demon.  Tim needs medical attention."

Dick's eyes filled with tears, "Tim are you okay?  Like honestly?"

Tim paused for a second, then met Damian's eyes, and without looking away, "Yeah.... and I'm gonna be okay."

Damian smiled.


A/N:  Okay guys I'm sorry, I know, this was really hard for me to write... I know it's not the best but um.. yeah I tried :)  Hope you guys liked... and please don't hate me!! I swear my writing will get better someday :o

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