Priscilla_Mack we are sharing brain cells

EDIT: TW PANIC ATTACKS//BRUCE IS DEAD

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-a-panic-attack

https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/anxiety-and-panic/how-to-deal-with-panic-attacks

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/panic-attacks/

"I never asked for it to be this way!" Dick yelled. His small hands travelled up to his hair and pulled harshly at his black curly locks. The pain was an attempt to ground himself. It didn't work. "I never asked for Bruce to die! I never asked for you to be here!" He whimpered and cried, choking on the breath that felt miles away from him. He hated this. He hated everything. Why did everything go so far? He squeezed his eyes closed hoping it would somehow block out the world. His hearing was already fading as everyone's voices faded. The music was gone. The chatter disappeared though it was distant, to begin with. He couldn't hear the wind that carried the conversations. The leaves rustling were nothing to him now. Dick felt claustrophobic despite being outside in a massive garden. He should be happy. He should be running around like he used to, exploring everything then running back just in time before someone found his absence suspicious. He'd go to galas purely to explore the outsides. Every time he'd evade security guards and others who came out for air. It was amazing. Now he was stood there, knees shaking and face drenched with tears because he heard one too many critics from his older "brother." He wasn't his brother. Dick wasn't family to him but Damian was family to Dick. He'd tried everything to make it mutual, he really had. First, he tried to be close then he tried to be distant but neither got him to a mutual point. "I-I can't d-do this!" he cried, his breath hitching. He wasn't getting enough air. Nothing felt right. He felt weak. He couldn't feel the pain from the hair being ripped from his scalp anymore. Everything felt numb. Unreal.

Then something happened. He hadn't expected it but he was glad it happened. 

Dick suddenly felt something tight around each of his wrists but it wasn't painfully tight. Tight enough to feel real. The tightness slowly uncurled his fingers and made him let go of his hair. It brought his hands away and wrapped them in something warm. It felt nice. Dick pried his eyes open but everything was blurry either from tears or something more sinister. He whined, hoping there would be some help if he did. The warmness around his hands was taken away and now it was around him. The tightness was back but it was now wrapped around him. Like arms would. Like arms when he got a hug. "-fabric-" A word! Something he could hear other than the blood pumping in his ears. Fabric. He thought back to it being a hug. The fabric would be in front of him, right? He concentrated on his hands and reached out. He made contact instantly with something firm. He gripped onto the thing and furrowed his eyebrows. Fabric. Stiff. Like his waistcoat. Right, that was a start. What was his waistcoat made out of? Tweed? Something like that. This felt softer though. It was a well-made tweed. 

"T-Tweed." There's movement, and a rumble that sounds like someone is talking to him lowly but he can't make out the words. He just held onto whatever this thing was. It was comforting. He needed it. The tightness shifted and he felt something begin to pet his hair. It felt nice. He leaned into the touch. He hadn't hugged someone since the funeral. Damian had kept him from the League but for good reason. They were too busy nowadays. He'd just be lost in the sauce. Heh. Lost in the sauce. 

"-eep breath-" Eep? Part of that was missing. The voice sounded commanding so it had been an order. Eep breath. Hm. Oh! Deep. It said deep. Dick sucked in a breath of air. It felt good to feel his lungs fill finally. He did it again. Faster. No. He had to go slower otherwise it didn't feel good. He kept doing it and with each breath, more of his senses came back. "Well done Grayson." Dick choked on his breath. Only Damian called him that. Praise? From Damian? Was all of this thing Damian? No, it couldn't be. "Can you look at me?" The younger gulped and opened his eyes, blinking away a few tears. He forced himself to look up and meet the older's gaze. There was such softness on his face that it almost didn't look like Damian. Yet he knew it was. 

"Dami?"

"Damian is preferred," he replied. Was that humour? Dick giggled to himself at the attempt. It was the closest thing he'd heard to a joke from the guy. "You're much too easy to amuse," the older said with a hint of a smile.

"You're just funny," the acrobat slurred. "Tired."

"You will be."

There's a long silence between them. It wasn't awkward but it felt uncomfortable. Something about it. "You'll never be happy with me, will you?" Dick asked quietly. 

"What makes you say that?" Damian inquired. "I'm hugging you aren't I?"

"Hugging isn't being happy. You hugged me when we realised B wasn't coming back." His voice cracked near the end. He didn't want to think about it but he had to say it. The older sighed and looked around, checking nobody had come out upon hearing the shouting and crying. No one was around. Typical Gothamites. They didn't care about anyone else. He glanced at his watch. The gala would be over soon and he didn't want to be interrupted. He'd have to break this conversation into two. One would be the short answer, the other the long answer. 

"Grayson, I'm ill-informed in what shows you that I care. Father and I had a system, and it worked but I've come to realise that's not how you communicate. That's not your fault. Simply, we need to work on it together. We'll talk about it when we get home in detail. Is that okay?" 

"You promise we'll talk?" he asked. 

"You have my word. I'll call Pennyworth to pick us up now."

"I don't know if I'll stay awake long enough," Dick said through a laugh. It wasn't a happy laugh though. It was a pitying one. A sad one that Damian had come to despise. 

"Then don't try to." The acrobat was about to ask why but was interrupted. "Father used to carry you during these things. He said you found it comforting and you often fell asleep. I can do that."

"You can?" He nodded. "And you won't drop me?" he asked with a laugh. The older tutted and picked him up, a smug look on his face when he didn't drop the younger. "Point taken."

"I'm capable of anything Grayson, I don't appreciate being underestimated," Damian replied with a hint of a smile. He giggled and nuzzled into the other, hiding his face from the bright lights of the party. He held onto the fabric of Damain's suit, remembering that Bruce had worn something similar to one of the galas he went to. Dick didn't remember that gala since he'd fallen asleep halfway through. He woke up in the limo if he remembered right but was told to go back to sleep. That'd been one of the last galas he'd gone to with the others.  

"Dami?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Yes?"

"Y'know Tim n Jay? D-did I do somethin to make 'em not like me?" he asked. 

"No, Grayson, their choices weren't influenced by you. Unfortunately, I believe that my relationship with them and the already turbulent circumstances there were before you were brought in. It's best to ignore them," Damian answered.

"I don't wanna. Ain't they sad too 'bout B?" The older sighed as he pulled his phone out to call Alfred. He wished Alfred was here now though. He didn't really know how to deal with this situation. He'd been pissed at his brothers for just leaving him alone with this kid, knowing he didn't know how to deal with a child outside of having just saved them from some sort of danger. Even then he swiftly gave the child to the nearest authority to deal with. Yet Damian couldn't just push Dick off onto someone else. He had been Bruce's pride and joy for the short time they were together. Not that many would notice that. He wondered if even Dick knew. Before the older could really answer, the boy had dropped off. He sighed to himself. What a fucked mess Bruce had left behind.

There was a knock on the door which was immediately wrong. Nobody knocked on their door. Artemis looked to Bizarro who then looked to Tim. Considering they were all confused, that wasn't good. "I kill?" Bizarro asked. 

"Let's see who it is first. Might be something good," Tim replied. He got up and picked up his gun from the counter just in case. He felt the pair's eyes on him as he cautiously looked through the peephole. He raised an eyebrow when he didn't immediately see someone there and he doubted that anyone would have the balls to do a knock-a-door run at their safehouse. Especially when there were basically two gods living in there with a super-smart hacker who will definitely ruin your life. He glanced his gaze further down only to see Dick standing there in his school uniform with his backpack on. He was messing with his phone. "Cool it guys, it's just Dick." The pair eased up a little but remained cautious. They hadn't seen the kid in a while and their last encounter had been rather brief. Still, they held no ill will to him. Rather, they were more concerned with what brought him here. Well, Artemis was. Bizarro had immediately lost interest. Tim opened the door and leaned against the doorframe. "Hey Half-Pint, what're you doing here?" he asked. Dick scrambled to put his phone away and busied his hands with the straps of his backpack. 

"Uhm Dami-"

"Ugh listen, kid, I don't want to work with that brat on anything so if that what you're here for then you can leave," he interrupted. 

"I wasn't done thank you very much," Dick replied sharply. "Damian dropped me off and said you lived here. Said if I wanted to see you again I have to make the first move." He looked over Tim's expression nervously, like he was already anticipating rejection. The older rubbed the back of his neck in thought. As much as he loved his friends, he probably shouldn't let Dick near them for now without briefing them on what kids are. Unfortunately, his silence was taken as a no and Dick sighed. "Right yea. Stupid really to turn up unexpected. I'll just go back to the car n head over to Jay's."

"Yeah, that's probably for the best. I'll catch up with you later though," Tim replied before closing the door. The boy frowned at the wood. 

"You said that last time," he mumbled as he walked back to the stairwell. 

Jason was throwing M&Ms into his mouth when he heard a light knock. He smiled to himself and got up. His pizza was never this early. He still wasn't going to tip though. He wasn't made of money. He opened the door expectantly only to be greeted with the newest Robin and no delivery. "Replacement? What do you want?" His tone had been a little off, making Dick frown at him.

"Wanted to hang out but lemme guess you're gonna say no," he replied.

"Well, yea I would. Bit short notice isn't it?" Jason pointed out.

"You used to drop in all the time when we were on patrol. Said you wanted to make sure I wasn't ruining your rep but y'know you mustn't have cared that much right? Because as soon as the shit hit the fan you forgot or simply couldn't be bothered," the boy snarled. He'd had enough of the disappointment and he hadn't been sleeping all that great so he was extra short-tempered. "I've tried calling, texting, everything! But how stupid was I to think that this was somehow a communication issue when it was a me issue?" His grip tightened as he wore a sour smile. He had to laugh or he'd cry. Of course, they just put up with him. They were sussing him out not caring about him. Observing him and comparing him to everyone else whilst he thought they were trying to get to know him. 

"Uh if you're gonna have a mental breakdown maybe don't do it in the hall," the older stated. Dick laughed bitterly at that.

"Yeah you're right," he snapped. He turned to walk away but Jason grabbed the back of his bag and dragged him inside. He shoved him in the direction of the couch then closed the door behind him, locking it.

"I meant to take it inside dipshit. I'm not just gonna send you back whilst we clearly have shit to work through. Sit your ass on that couch and stay there for a sec will you?" The younger huffed and did as he was told, taking a seat but clearly unhappy about it. "Anyone know you're here?"

"Dami and Alfie are outside."

"Text them and say you're staying here for the meantime. I'll drive you back," he ordered. 

He sat beside the younger and texted someone Dick couldn't see the name of before he set the phone back down on the table. He looked to Dick once he was done telling Damian he was staying to do the same. Reluctantly, the acrobat surrendered his phone and put it on the table. He picked at his nails to deal with how awkward this was, having to actually deal with his problems instead of leaving them for later. He felt rather silly for having a tantrum on the older's front doorstep. "Awfully quiet now aren't you? Cat got your tongue?" Jason taunted. The younger tensed up and diverted his gaze to the window. "C'mon, tell me what's got you so angry." 

"Isn't it obvious?" Dick responded.

"Nope. Gotta spell it out for me." 

"You and Tim left me." It was a quiet reply but that didn't stop it from stinging. They had left him, hadn't they? "The last time I saw either of you was at the funeral." He winced upon saying the word. He'd been to two funerals. Three dead people in his life. He wasn't even a teenager yet but he'd learned far too quickly and far too harshly that things don't last forever. Yet no one who died chose to leave him so lonely. Tim and Jason left of their own free will and that hurt more than anything. 

"That long hey?"

"Mhm." He laughed darkly. "You two can shit on Damian as much as you like but at least he stuck around."

"You didn't really think we'd stick around with that guy hanging over our shoulder?" That wasn't the right thing to say, he knew it immediately, but alas the words had already left his lips. He physically recoiled at himself.

"Yea I did. I thought you guys were family. It took two weeks max for that to happen at the circus but I'm not there anymore. That much is obvious." His hands tightened into fists as he gritted his teeth. "But Damian tries. He tries so hard and we make do with this fucked situation work. No thanks to either of you."

"What do you want from us, Dick? We can't just stop hating Demon Spawn."

"Forget it. If some stupid feud I wasn't even involved in is stopping you then just forget it."

Jason went to argue but was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. He got up, giving the boy a glare to stay where he was, and then went to open the door. Tim stood there awkwardly and once Dick caught sight of him he decided to get the hell out of dodge. They were muttering about something but he didn't care to hear whatever the fuck they said. He'd been Jason's place a few times and remembered where the bathroom was. He also remembered there was a window in there that he could slip out of. They didn't deserve him trying and he was stupid in the first place to care about them. To even give them a second thought. If they gave a shit about him then they would've been there. Damian was there. Damian was the one he could trust. Damian and Alfred would be enough family for him. He rushed to the bathroom, his naturally light footsteps going unheard. He closed the door and locked it on the off chance they heard him leave and on the even more unlikely chance they wanted to go after him. The window was small, yes but he could wiggle his way through. He climbed onto the toilet to reach it and opened it with a hard push. It swung open and he pulled off his backpack. He shoved it through the gap before pulling himself up and going headfirst out onto the fire escape. He landed on his hands and did a cartwheel to get back onto his feet. Once he was upright, he took off his blazer and shoved it into his bag. He wanted to run a bit to make sure they wouldn't find him if they bothered to follow him. That and if he got dirt on it or ripped, Alfred would kill him. He pulled on his bag and began his descent to the alley. It was as soon as his feet touched the ground that he realised he forgot his phone. Great. Now he had to walk all the way back. Then again, he could do with the walk. He needed to get his mind off things. He jumped down onto the alley and was going to happily go about running when he heard a yell. He whipped around and saw Jason with his head out the window. "Richard get the fuck back here you emotionally repressing idiot!"

"Fuck off you deadbeat dickhead!" Dick screamed back before running away. 

"Huh gotta get one for alliteration."

Dick was running at full speed, not risking underestimating how fast either of the pair would go. In a way, he found it rather comforting. At least they were trying this time. Yet he was still going to gun it to the Manor because it shouldn't have taken him climbing out of a bathroom window to get their attention. He dashed down streets and weaved his way through crowds with no real idea of where he was going. Behind him, despite his headstart, were two men who were yelling for him to come back. It made it kind of fun in a way like it was a game of tag. It felt pretty good to make them work to see him. Maybe he should do this with Damian when he got on his nerves. He enjoyed the mental stimulation of thinking two steps ahead, knowing that if he didn't get the higher ground then he'd be forced to face the pair. He didn't want to talk to them anymore and he'd quickly given up that anything would ever change but maybe he should give them one last chance. He'd see about that. He swerved into an alley and noticed that there was a brick wall at the end of it all too late. He only had a few seconds to work out his exit route. On the other side of the wall, he heard a car whizz by. So that was probably a road. Wouldn't be his best bet to hurl himself over the wall. Plus if there were busy cars bustling by that gave Jason and Tim the ability to snatch him up. Nah he wasn't going to give them the win that easily. His gaze turned to the building. Fire escape. Perfect. He box jumped onto the bins beneath the lowest ring of the ladder and started climbing up. The metal was rusty and rubbed off on his hands but he still pressed on. He reached the top as Jason and Tim ran in so he scrambled on top of the roof and didn't move. Straining his ears, he heard whispers before a groan of metal. They'd seen him climb up but that wouldn't stop him. Connecting two far apart buildings was a washing line and he was very sure that neither of the pair behind him had the balance he had. Benefits of the circus. He looked down at his shoes and frowned. Not the best for tightrope walking. He swiftly kicked them off and tested the wire to see if it could take his weight. Evidently, it could. Judging by how big the slope was he'd have to be careful and be ready to catch himself at any moment. Damian would kill him for attempting this. Obviously, that meant this was a good idea.

With a bold step, both of Dick's feet were on the thin wire. He outstretched his arms to keep his balance and began walking along with each of his shoes in either hand to keep his weight properly distributed. He didn't look down but the height didn't scare him nor did falling. He just had to be confident in every mood he made. Each step he took was sure and steady. The wind attempted to knock him off balance but he wasn't having it. He took long deep breaths and kept in control. He got about halfway across when he heard voices but he blocked out what they were saying. They wouldn't cross the wire whilst he was on it. They were smart enough to do that. Their eyes were fixed on him, he could feel it, and the thrill of performance ran through him. He got past the midway and his goal was in sight. As he got closer to the balcony the washing line finished above, he decided to give them a small show of his skills. He wanted to rub it in. Say how well Damian did training him without their help. They hadn't contributed to this and he wanted them to know that. He wanted them to wonder what they could've added only to see they weren't even needed. He did a few front flips before his feet hit the balcony. Dick hopped up onto the wire fencing and watched the pair with a spiteful smirk. They stared back at him as he put his shoes on. He flipped them the bird and worked on climbing down to the streets but a call stopped him. "Please Dick, we know you're mad but you're just wasting all our time. Talk to us," Jason told him. The acrobat thought for a second before shaking his head. He wasn't letting them off the hook that easy.

"No, you two were wasting my time! If you want to try now then you're gonna have to work for it." He dropped down from balcony to balcony until his feet were on the pavement. He glanced up to them, waiting to see what they'd do. They just watched him. He shook his head at them and balled his fists up. They weren't following him now, he knew it. It wasn't fun anymore. He wrapped his arms around himself and walked off.

On his walk, he heard Damian call for him. Typical traffic had delayed them and he'd happened to run into them. He climbed into the limo and told him about everything that happened. Damian didn't say much, he never did really, he just nodded like he knew everything would go down exactly like this. "I'm sorry Grayson. It appears events that precede you are more important to them," Damian told. Dick welled up but rubbed his eyes harshly when the tears threatened to fall. They weren't worth it.

"Yeah well, they suck," he sniffled. "As much as you're a pain in my ass, you're the best I got Dami." He shuffled closer to the older and put his head on his shoulder. Damian wore a ghost of a smile and put his arm around him comfortingly. 

"The feeling is mutual."