TW: BRUCE IS DEAD and Dick is straight up not having a good time

Bruce was gone. Dead yet again but this time it was permanent. Dick felt it was weird to once again bury a coffin with nobody inside of it. The first instance was with Wally. There was nothing to put inside thanks to his body being stuck in the speed force somewhere. They had to work around it as though there was a body in there. Dick could never see it and never get that closure. The finality of death had been something important to him but he'd only had that with his parents. Thinking of that made having two zombie brothers attending the funeral even odder. Yet he couldn't find it in him to laugh at that fact. He stared at the burial plot as the crowd slowly dissipated. Another father figure in the ground. That didn't feel right. He'd lost so many people in his life but he always suspected the Waynes would be the exception. The cockroaches who wouldn't die no matter how hard the universe tried to snatch them away. He'd been proven wrong. 

Bruce disappeared on a mission at the beginning of the year and by fall they had to give up the fruitless search for him. They assumed one of the villains finally took down Batman and hanging onto the hope of life would only prove to kill them in the long run as they lost themselves in the search instead of moving on. He glanced around him, finding his family standing there. He drank in the bitter sight and refused to cringe as the depressed atmosphere continued to weigh down upon them. Dick knew what he had to do now. He needed to piece together the ruins and patch everyone back together. It was daunting to have to look after so many people, each of them being unique in their grieving processes but he would have to get used to it. Of course, Alfred was there too but he couldn't ask him to take care of everyone. No, this would be his responsibility and his alone. He put his hand on Damian's shoulder to offer him some comfort and partly as an invitation to hug him because God did he need one but the boy shrugged him off. Oh. He didn't make a big deal of it but it made him think just how many of his family members actually liked hugs. He could only think of Cass and Steph but he never really got those. They seemed to like hugs from each other more than anything. It dawned on him that his sources of comfort weren't compatible with theirs. Maybe he could get it from Barbara but she'd be pretty busy. Besides, he shouldn't be thinking of himself. He was head of the family now. He'd have to deal with that. 

So over the months, he worked his ass off to help as much as he could. Alfred was in no shape to do half the things he usually did through no fault of his own. Grief did a number on him which was completely understandable. Bruce was like a son after all. To allow him time to get through the process, Dick took over a lot of chores but the permanent ban on the kitchen stopped him from cooking. Luckily, cooking and baking seemed to be a good coping mechanism for the butler. 

Barbara helped out with Batman work whilst Tim found himself as a little businessman taking over Wayne Industries. Both seemed to take comfort in the work. He put it down to them being able to do something they were good at so it gave them a rush of dopamine. Something everyone needed in times like these. 

Dick took over the school run for Damian, helped him with the homework and sometimes did it for him if it was one of those days. He listened when people need to shout, he was a verbal punching bag if they needed to just yell and he overall tried to be as accommodating as possible. It probably wasn't the best to be a pushover about the second part but he'd said a lot of things in anger when he was younger and he knew there was no real intention to cut him deep. Even if the comments got to him. Jason and Damian were the ones who could really get under his skin. Sometimes he'd get an apology. Other times he wouldn't. He liked the first outcome more than the other. He made sure to keep training when they needed to spar and he watched over them as they went back out into vigilante work. 

In the simplest of ways, he was whatever his family needed and it seemed only Duke could see how toxic it was for him.

After seeing the acrobat once again be insulted by Jason, Duke waited for the latter to leave before asking Dick if he was okay. 

"Yeah, he's just mad about it all still. It's understandable," Dick assured him. He'd been taking notice of Dick's appearance throughout his time of staying with the family and he'd seen change. Bad change. The bags under his eyes became heavier with each day, his shoulders slumped further after every argument and he yawned a lot more than anyone with a slightly healthy sleeping schedule would. 

"I didn't ask if he was okay though. I asked you," Duke specified. The older seemed to tense at the question though his expression seemed to portray surprise. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't asked if Dick was okay in a while. He didn't think many people had. 

"Oh. Did you need anything? Don't let that fight with Jay put you off, I'm alright to talk if you need." That wasn't the reply he wanted but it still answered his question. Dick wasn't okay. His efforts to try and keep things normal hadn't gone unnoticed by Duke and Alfred but perhaps it had with the others since it seemed the pair were the only ones giving him praise. Everyone else seemed to expect this from him or were too wrapped up in their own grief to think about it. Being as new to the family as he was, Duke supposed that's why he could see it. That didn't feel fair though even if Dick was the eldest. He deserved some recognition at the very least. He didn't deserve to be yelled at whenever someone was mad that they had to say goodbye to an empty coffin and pass an empty suitcase every day. Dick lost his dad too. 

"No, uhm, I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. I know I'm still new here and this isn't the best time to be assimilated but I appreciate it," he answered, deciding it would be what the older needed to hear. Again, Dick seemed surprised by him and he didn't like that one bit because being praised for his work shouldn't be a surprise. "If you ever need any help-"

"I don't need help, who said I need help? Was it Babs? I bet it was Babs. I'm totally fine. Honestly, I send her one text saying I want to put my head through a wall and she goes on telling people about it. She didn't say anything when I first told her why is she doing it now?"

"Dick, nobody said you needed help. I haven't spoken with Barbara. I just really think you need a break or at least some help." 

"I can't take a break from looking after people. That's bailing and I don't do that... anymore. So nope no fine great lovin' life no break or help required." Rambling for Dick meant that he was far from okay. 

"Okay but usually people who are alright and don't need a break don't react as you've done." He'd gotten him on that one because it took Dick a good moment to think up a response that wouldn't dig him deeper into the hole of concern. Unfortunately, he absolutely did not climb his way out of that hole.

"Duke it's fine. I'm fine. Actually, I need to go pick up Damian so no more interacting we're all good everything is fine. Got that? Got that. Good," Dick told him as he backed out of the room, finger-gunning the younger. So Dick wasn't okay and it was painfully obvious. They needed to have a family meeting minus the older because this was a one-way ticket to a hell of a burnout.

Unfortunately, that burnout came faster than he could set up a meeting. It seemed like overnight Dick's lack of self-care caught up with him evidenced by the dark circles that suddenly appeared darker than ever before and a slumped posture he knew wasn't good for him. He plopped himself down at the table for breakfast and numbly sat there whilst conversations roared. Every so often he'd wince back and Duke deduced it happened whenever there was a sudden rise in volume. He studied the eldest, finding his sense of dress also odd. He was wearing a well-worn hoodie to match well-worn gym shorts that looked older than Damian. They had the emblem of Gotham Academy on them so he guessed they were from Dick's school days. It was an odd ensemble for someone who lived to look good - that wasn't to say that all his fashion choices looked good, it was usually a coincidence of other people thought he looked great - and it gave Duke a heads-up to what was to come. He nudged Cass to get her attention and she turned to him with a questioning look. He tilted his head towards the eldest and she followed his method of looking over him. She came to the same conclusion that there was something wrong and looked back at Duke. 

"That's bad," she stated. 

"He's been bad for ages," he told her. She took a moment before nodding in agreement. Clearly, she'd been in some sort of denial and he couldn't blame her too much. It must've been so nice to be looked after and have that father figure still but Dick wasn't her dad. He wasn't a dad even if he acted like it. He was their brother and he needed as much support as they did. 

"Dick!" Jason shouted, making said acrobat jump so hard he nearly fell out of his seat. Everyone's eyes snapped towards him because there was no way that someone as trained and ready for action as Dick could be jumpy. "I asked for the salt like fifty fucking times. Did you stand too close to an explosion last night or something?"

"Sorry, no. Half asleep. My fault," he apologised. He quickly handed over the salt and none of them could overlook the shaking of his hands. Jason took it from him and narrowed his eyes. "I said sorry."

"Not what I'm caring about here," Jason replied. "You look like shit."

"Wow, thanks. A guy doesn't wear concealer for one day and you act as if I dragged myself out of a swamp," he argued back, an attempt at that joking tone clear but not quite right. It was different. Devoid of something they couldn't name. 

"You wear concealer?" Steph asked. He quirked an eyebrow at her. 

"Yeah? I've been wearing it for ages," he answered as though it was obvious. "I ran out this morning. I'll pick up some more when I have the time." That would explain why he suddenly looked so exhausted but that didn't explain the other behaviour. "If you're done with the impromptu interrogation about my appearance, I need to go defrost the car."

"In gym shorts?" Duke commented.

"Hey, I went around Gotham in tiny shorts before pants were mandatory. I can handle the cold," he argued back. 

"I will never forgive you for that first suit," Jason grumbled. The older let out a chuckle that didn't sound right and got up, leaving his half-eaten Frootloops to soak the rest of the milk up. He never left food. He'd grown up with the mentality that it was rude to leave food but there had been a few occasions where they'd seen him leave food. All of them were aware when he wasn't doing well because of that. The table went quiet for a moment but they were all smart enough to keep up chatter until they heard the front door open and then close. 

"What was that about?" Tim questioned.

"You do realize how much Dick's been doing lately? Like for all of us?" Duke asked. Everyone seemed surprised by his firm tone but truth be told he was a little pissed off with the family for happily letting one of their own crash and burn. 

"What do you mean?" Steph asked. He was offended by the question because why the hell wasn't it obvious? Did this family normalise running yourself into the ground in the name of your siblings or were they just allowing it for the time being?

"He's doing all the chores aside from the kitchen-related ones thanks to his permaban." The group shuddered at the mention of his kitchen ban, remembering the atrocities that went on in there. "That and he's taking Damian to school, Tim to work, grocery shopping, listening to all our problems, training us, looking after us, being Batman even though he never wanted to be and letting you abuse him whenever you feel the need to yell," he explained. As he got further into the list, he got even more pissed about it. This is stupid. Was it too much for any of them to see the hard work the guy put in or had they just grown to expect it? Maybe that's why he was seeing it so obvious but they weren't. He was new to the family and still thankful for everything being done for him. "Like yesterday when you called him a circus freak, he didn't yell back. When I asked if he was okay, he talked about how you'll be okay."

"You called him a circus freak?" Damian asked with a scandalised tone.

"Oh, don't act high and mighty. You said he wasn't even a Wayne," the older snapped back.

"All of you are as bad as each other! Only Alfred and I have thanked him. He near but fainted when I gave him the tiniest bit of praise," Duke said in an exasperated tone. "When was the last time you genuinely thanked him and said hey you're doing a great job of looking after us even though you're grieving your dad?" Nobody answered him. "Exactly. God, it's like you're allergic to the phrase."

"We get it, we're shitty people," Tim grumbled. "We're all going through shit. We lost our dad too."

"Oh for fu- You've been allowed to grieve! Don't you get that?" Duke couldn't take much more and excused himself from the table. "You really need to start appreciating that guy. He's gonna crash soon enough so maybe that'll kick you into gear." 

Dick goes about his routine unaware of what happened at the breakfast table. It's Friday, by far his busiest day. Today he has to take Tim to work for an important meeting and check that he has everything in his briefcase. He asks him to go through the checklist whilst he straightens Damian's tie and checks his pockets for weapons. There hasn't been any for months but he still needed to check for peace of mind. He puts Damian's completed homework in his bag and asks him to go through his own checklist whilst Tim rattles off what he needs. Usually, Tim forgets his lunch or water bottle so Dick fetches that and finds Damian's sitting there too. He brings both and goes through the specifics of the contents for each bag so they couldn't complain. He hands the right lunches to the right kid then goes out to the car where he makes both sit in the back. 

It takes five seconds before there's an argument he has to break up but luckily Damian's school wasn't too far. He drops Damian off, double-checks that he has everything and wishes for him to have a good day at school. He waves the boy off then quickly drives to Wayne Industries where he drops off Tim and goes through the same process. 

Once that's done, he comes back home and starts cleaning. He only gets the bottom floor done before he has to train with Cass and Steph. He oversees their training, praising as much as he can then making small comments on how they could improve. Then he has to fix Jason's helmet because he ate dirt and scraped the front of it. 

With that done, he goes through his catch-up meeting with Oracle, making notes on recent cases and asking her how she's holding up. Turns out she wasn't doing well so he spends an hour listening to everything and reassuring her. She admits she's overworked and although he really doesn't need more work, he still takes half her cases off her so she can take a break. It gives him a passing thank you which is enough to kick his dopamine levels up for five minutes before he realizes what he's done. He grabs a coffee and periodically takes a sip as he cleans the second floor although it's cold by the time he gets everyone's laundry together. 

Collecting abandoned coffee mugs, plates, utensils and a spatula for some reason he won't ask for, from each room, he does the dishes and then cleans the kitchen ready for Alfred to make lunch for those still in the house. He holds a brief conversation with Duke to check in with him then has to race off to pick up prescriptions for the family from Leslie who once again reminds him that he needs to rest. He asked her why she thinks that and she gestures to his outfit of a hoodie and gym shorts. He said it was a new style hitting Gotham. Somehow she didn't believe him. 

When he gets home, there's only enough time to eat half of his sandwich before he's pulled into an argument Jason is having with Steph about something he doesn't know but all he knows is that it ends with the pair of them not wanting to kill one another so that's something. His appetite is destroyed by then so he finishes cleaning and before he knows it, he has to pick up Damian and Tim. 

Damian rants about his school day without asking how his day went which was expected so he just listens and validates the boy's emotions. Tim gets in and he does the same thing, getting the same response from the older.

After driving them home, he helps Damian with his homework but just ends up doing most of it when the younger storms off. It wouldn't hurt he supposes. He finished up that homework and then gets to his own work before he was at the dinner table trying his best to keep himself awake and engaged. Everyone waits up for dessert but he can't stomach it nowadays. He doesn't eat much anymore. His siblings eat whilst he finishes the last of the work and checks through all their equipment. 

When they're done, he hands out their tasks for the night and sends them on their way to suit up. For a brief minute, he did a self-check and he knows everything is out of whack but he pushes that thought out because he can't be off his game. It's not his job to do that. He has to plaster a smile and be there. It's what they needed. 

When everyone is done, he's back to smiling and he sends everyone out. Patrol lasts until four in the morning since it's not a school night and Damian needed the extra time out. Dick forces himself through it and checks everyone over before sending them to bed. He stayed up until seven in the morning finishing work then goes to bed for a lovely two hours of sleep. Just your average Friday.

Unbeknownst to him, this Friday, his siblings had actually paid attention to him. More specifically, how hard he was pushing himself. When they'd been sent to bed, the group looked at each other and Duke thanked the universe that they were seeing what he'd been seeing. 

"It's bad," Tim stated once they were on the ground floor. They couldn't say anything in front of Dick since he'd no doubt try to ignore that there was a single thing wrong. 

"No shit. He's been doing that for months too huh? Every day?" Jason stated. Duke nodded. "Fuckin golden child behaviour. We're gonna have a hell of a time trying to fix this."

"You can say that again."

pt 2?