I couldn't quite force myself to move for a moment. I pressed one palm against my chest, willing my heart to settle down, for my breaths to slow while I leaned the back of my head against the glass.

I vacillated somewhere between anger and confusion.

How could something so fleeting shake me so profoundly, alter me so completely? How could he, with just a touch, tilt my world out of its axis? And most importantly, how could he leave me here, like this, my mind still reeling, my body still shivering from the memory of the way he'd felt?

I really needed to splash some cold water onto my face –mostly to clear my mind of the afterglow haze that still clouded my thoughts. I willed my shaky legs to hold me upright as I pushed myself off the glass fence and walked towards the door unsteadily.

As soon as I was back in the darkness of the club, I felt the need to get away. All those people, grinding against one another, their bodies pressed to one another, when all I really wanted was him... The thought of anyone else as much as brushing against me made my skin crawl. As I descended the stairs, I made the decision to go to the bathroom to wash my face and to immediately get out and catch a cab to go home and curl up on the mattress next to Tina's bed, and probably spend the rest of the night replaying what had just happened over and over in my mind's eye.

I skimmed the wall of the club, trying my best to not look anyone in the eye –I felt as though what I'd just done was written all over my face, as though Gabe's touch had marked me in some way.

The narrow hallway leading to the bathrooms was dark and didn't really inspire trust.

I pushed open the door to the women's bathroom. There was line of girls waiting for their turn in one of the stalls while others leaned over the sinks, retouching their make-up. I walked up to the nearest available sink, opened the tap and unceremoniously splashed cold water into my face, not caring about the fact that I was probably going to mess up the blush and highlight I'd carefully applied earlier. At least my mascara was waterproof.

I stared at my refection in the mirror, assessing the coppery curls that spilled over my shoulders, my flushed cheeks and the nearly-fevered look in my eyes. I tried to see the girl that Gabe claimed drove him wild, tried to see which part of me could ever have that effect of him, but no matter how hard I stared, I just couldn't fathom it.

And so I turned my back to the mirror, and after taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I walked out, only to come face to face with Aidan as he leaned against the wall right opposite the women's bathroom.

When he saw me exit, he smiled a cruel grin and pushed himself off the wall –he'd obviously been waiting for me.

I immediately felt anger rising up in me, my cheeks heating, my fingers curling into fists at my sides. He came closer, still grinning, and I took a couple of steps back, until I was pressed up against the wall.

"I thought it was you," he said, looking all too delighted.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to see for myself. You know, I've been wondering. What is it that Alexei ever saw in you?"

He was uncomfortably close to me, and I could smell beer on his breath.

"What's it to you? It's over anyway." I bit out, something like fire raging inside me, my eyes flashing up at him.

He placed one hand on the wall right next to my face, ignoring my question.

"And then I saw those pics on Alexei's phone."

I felt all the blood leaving my face. Whatever I'd been about to say was stuck somewhere between my lungs and my throat and was currently obstructing my windpipe, making it almost impossible to breathe.

"And I get it. You know, with no clothes on, you actually look fuckable."

I felt tears brimming in my eyes. I couldn't believe Alexei would ever let anyone else see me like that –no matter how things ended between the two of us, it was no excuse to violate me like that. Suddenly, I felt as though I was naked right then and there, in this small dingy hallway, trapped between a wall and the man I hated most in the whole world.

"He told me you were a virgin before he hit that. I bet you'd feel nice and tight, too."

And those words, that he uttered with an obvious sadistic pleasure at my discomfort, were the last straw for me.

What followed was pure instinct.

My knee jerked up, hitting him square in the crotch, while my fist –with my thumb across my knuckles, not tucked in this time –found the side of his jaw, landing with a satisfying smack.

I felt a rage unlike any I'd ever felt –it started deep inside me, finally exploding after being held under mounting pressure with each passing day, with each moment I'd spent dreaming of finally taking my revenge on him. I relished the pain in my knuckles, savored the sting of it with a sick satisfaction.

Aidan stumbled back, grunting in pain, bent over, his hands between his legs.

There were surprised yelps around us, but I barely registered them, revelling in the pathetic sight of him.

"Don't you ever speak to me again," I spat out angrily, my voice laced with venom. "Don't you ever even look at me again, you fucking hear me?"

He straightened up –there was a vicious glint in his eyes. He pulled his fist back and I raised both arms to fend off his punch, but it never came.

Instead, I heard a sickening, loud crack and another grunt, even more pained this time. I lowered my arms, and there stood Gabe, towering over Aidan as he laid on the ground, his hands over his nose this time, blood spilling from between his fingers.

There was a look of black rage over Gabe's features, mingled with a wild excitement. He was like a predator smelling blood, his body all taut and ready to pounce, his eyes alight with bloodlust.

I simultaneously wanted to hit him but also to have him bend me over the sink in the adjacent bathroom.

He looked like an avenging angel, staring down at Aidan with righteous anger, who in turn looked like some grotesque, hellish ghoul, his face covered in blood, his body curled in on itself ungracefully.

He leaned closer to Aidan, who tried to scurry away from him like vermin, his legs skidding on the floor.

"If you ever try touching her again, I'll rip your fucking arms off and stick one down your throat and one up your ass until you can shake hands with yourself." Gabe's voice was eerily calm. "Am I clear?"

When Aidan gave no answer except for a hateful glare sent my way, Gabe grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"I asked you a question."

And then Dominic was there, pulling Gabe away from Aidan, looking more like Gabe's actual brother than ever, whispering to him in frantic tones, his eyes darting between Aidan and me.

I inched away, hoping to escape while everyone was distracted, but then Alexei was there as well, and the sight of him froze me to the spot.

He glanced my way fleetingly and then knelt next to Aidan on the floor. He must've seen the scene unfolding because he'd come equipped with paper towels that he handed to him.

Another lick of flames ignited inside me at the sight of him –I wanted to scream at him, wanted to slap some sense into his thick skull... and at the same time, Gabe's tactics had worked.

Seeing Alexei irrevocably brought my thoughts back to the rooftop, Gabe's warm breath against my skin, his maddening touch ... I flushed and took another step away.

Gabe turned to me, and my heart stopped for a split second. I averted my eyes, feeling the heat intensifying tenfold in my cheeks.

I heard him tell Dominic that he would take me home, and when I looked up, he was making his way to me. He didn't touch me, simply looked into my eyes, his gaze searching. I tried not to let any emotion slip through my stony façade, but I couldn't help but frown a bit.

"Let's go get a cab," he said softly as he reached for my hand. I clasped my hands together behind my back to avoid his touch.

He withdrew his hand, his face betraying no emotion at all. "Just come with me."

I followed him outside, my jaw clenched, my arms crossed over my chest.

The street was filled with people in various stages of drunken stupor, either piling in or climbing out of cabs and cars stalling in the street. It all felt so very chaotic –and in the middle of it all, Gabe, steady and graceful, weaving through the crowd like a guiding light.

He hailed a cab, opened the back door for me and slipped a twenty-dollar bill to the driver after I'd settled in the back seat. "I just need five to say goodbye to some friends. Thanks." He closed the door and I watched him as he joined Johnny and Maya, who at some point had gone outside and now stood on the sidewalk, twin worried looks on their faces.

Gabe clasped Johnny's hand in an elaborate handshake and clapped him on the back. Then he turned to Maya.

My breaths halted in my lungs when he enveloped her in a hug and whispered something into her hair. Her arms wrapped around him and her hands clenched into fists around the fabric of his shirt as she looked up at him –for a moment I could swear he would kiss her and something inside me cracked, finally giving way to all the pressure I'd tried to withstand in the last few days.

I was seconds away from just telling the cab driver to take me home, but Gabe broke away from her and made his way back to the cab. He rounded the car and sat on the opposite end of the backseat. The space between us felt infinite.

"Where to?" Gabe asked me. His casual tone drove a knife right through me –how could he feel nothing when I felt everything all at once? The anger raging inside me ebbed away slightly, giving way to something more muted, a grey veil of sadness that settled over my thoughts and made caused my throat to constrict painfully.

"I need to go to your place first to change out of this," I pinched the fabric of the dress, suddenly feeling disgusted by it. "Then I'll take a cab home."

Gabe leaned forward to recite the address to the cab driver and then slumped back into his seat, his face turned away from me as he looked through his window.

I turned away from him, my arms wrapped around myself as I looked outside, forehead pressed against the cold glass of the window.

We didn't exchange a word on the way to Gabe's loft.

He didn't even look at me until we were inside and I stood at the top of his staircase, clutching my clothes to my chest awkwardly, waiting for him to get out of the bathroom, where he'd locked himself as soon as we'd returned.

"You can take a shower if you'd like," he offered as he got out, drying his hair with a fluffy white towel, wearing nothing but a pair of fitted black boxers.

I averted my eyes and nodded, then proceeded to lock myself in the bathroom. As soon as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I couldn't help but mentally compare myself to Maya –my almost grotesque height in contrast to her petite frame; her big, sad doe eyes, staring soulfully up at Gabriel pitted against my own lackluster eyes, which I'd always thought were too small for my face... And then I started crying, for the third time in the last twelve hours.

I sank down to the plush carpet lying at the foot of the shower, and hugged my knees to my chest, wishing I could go back in time and erase everything that had happened since I'd left Honey earlier that afternoon.

I should've just gone home and curled up on my mattress –instead, I'd come here only to lose one of the only five people I trusted unconditionally.

There was no way we could ever go back to being friends after this. What had happened between us was so intimate –I could barely even look him in the eye, let alone have an actual conversation with him without immediately picturing that surreal moment on the rooftop.

Even now, I could feel the ghost of his touch on my skin, still shivered at the recollection.

Gathering my remaining strength, I stood up and unzipped the dress, letting it slide off me and pool at my feet on the floor.

I took a nearly scalding shower, washing away the night, and then stood under the hot stream of water for about five minutes, my forehead pressed against the sliding glass door and my eyes shut tightly.

I didn't bother detangling my hair. I just changed into my shorts and hoodie, pulled to hood over my wet curls and got out of the bathroom.

Gabe was sitting on the couch in his living room downstairs and for a moment I just looked at him from his bedroom overhead, trying to memorize the shape of him –I wasn't sure when I would see him next.

He sat with his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands, looking exactly the way I felt –filled with a crushing sort of regret.

I made my way down the stairs quickly and paused by him. He didn't look up.

"Bye, uh, I-I'll see you around, I guess," I uttered, shoving my hands into the pockets of my shorts, shifting my weight from one leg to the other awkwardly.

He only emitted a grunt in response and I wondered just how much he'd drank tonight. I swallowed my disappointment at his lack of an answer and turned to leave, wondering when –or even if –I'd ever have the courage to face him again.

I was about to put on my sandals when his voice halted me.

"Isis, wait."

I risked a glance at him over my shoulder. He hadn't moved from his spot on the couch, but he no longer held his head in his hands. Instead, he'd leaned against the backrest, head tilted back slightly, his dark eyes glinting in the dimness of his apartment –the only light in the room came from the moon and the streetlamps outside –neither of us had turned the lights on upon returning.

"I'm sorry."

My response came automatically –forgiveness was an instinct for me.

"It's okay."

He didn't say anything, and my anger ignited anew. "Actually, you know what? No, it's not okay."

I dropped the sandal I'd been holding and turned to face him fully, straightening up to stand tall, hoping I looked at least a bit intimidating.

"It's not okay for you to do this to me, right after you spend the night grinding with someone else, acting like I don't even exist. It's not okay for you to do this to me when you know that I can't go through this right now." My voice broke on the last words and Gabe winced.

"I can't stand that he still has that effect on you. That just seeing him can make you want to run and hide. I guess I just wanted to make you feel better."

"There are other ways to make someone feel better! Do you know what kind of effect you have on me, Gabe? Do you know what tonight did to me? You have no idea how... just how..." I trailed off, wishing I could make my voice steadier, mask my emotions better. "But I guess it doesn't matter, does it? At the end of the day, you have her. You have Maya, even though I'm not sure she'd agree with your choice of pastimes. And what am I left with?"

"You were one of my only friends. I trusted you with everything. I'd told you things I'd never said to anyone, not even my best friends. It was cruel, Gabe. It was cruel to give me this, knowing that you don't really want anything more, and knowing just how much more I want. Because you have to know; I mean, I make it pretty fucking obvious, don't I?" At some point, my tears had started again and I wiped them away angrily.

He stood up from the couch then and stalked closer to me. There was a determination to his strides that scared me a little. Once he was close enough to touch, he stopped, his fists clenched by his sides.

"I can't do this with you, Gabe. I don't have the energy for these sorts of games, especially not with you."

"You're not a game to me. And I don't have Maya. She's not... We're not together, Isis. I'd never do this if I was in a relationship with someone else, I'm not a fucking animal." I'd never heard him sound this frustrated. And I could see the internal battle he was waging on the inside reflected over his features –his constant need to guard all his emotions from everyone pitted against something untamed, something from deep within, a passion he'd never let me see before.

"I meant what I said tonight. You drive me fucking insane, Isis." His voice was rough, strained. It dropped to a whisper as he stepped even closer, his dark eyes looking deep into mine and my breath caught in my throat –he looked downright sinful with the tousled hair and the dark stubble covering the hollows of his cheeks. His hands framed my face ever so gently, his thumbs wiping my tears away with infinite tenderness. "I keep trying to forget you. That's all it is. Any other girl is a distraction. Can't you tell that all I want is to bend you over and fuck you basically every time I lay my eyes on you? It's all I've wanted for months. I want to know what you feel like. I want to know what you sound like when you come again and again." His thumb tugged at my lower lip gently. I felt each of his breaths in my open mouth. "Is that what you want?"

I couldn't think straight. All I could feel was an insatiable need for him, right at the center of my being, aching for him, longing for him.

"Yes," I whispered breathlessly.

He tilted my head back, looking at my parted lips, and I could see the hesitation mingled with his lust. I wanted to yell at him to just do it already –I'd waited for this too long for him to back away now.

And then he kissed me.

Just a touch of his lips against mine, his tongue gliding along my lower lip, until my mouth opened wider for him.

He kissed me slowly at first. Exploring my mouth while his hands explored the rest of me restlessly, never staying in one place for too long. He took his sweet time, his tongue caressing mine unhurriedly, as if he were savoring the taste of me.

And then he seemed to lose his patience.

He pushed me against the wall, wrapping my legs around his waist, his hand slipping under my shirt, under my bra, squeezing my breasts roughly. He pushed his hips against mine, letting me feel just how much he wanted me and I gasped for breath, my head tilted back as he kissed my neck, his tongue tracing my pulse.

He pulled away ever so slightly to let me take my hoodie off –my hands trembled uncontrollably as I pulled it over my head. My eyes met his as I threw it away –there was a savage glint to them and I shuddered. He tugged at my bra to expose my breasts and pressed his mouth to one nipple, pulling at it with his teeth and then circling it with his tongue, making goosebumps erupt all over my skin. A moan escaped my parted lips, resonating like a gunshot in the silence. It was overwhelming, this feeling of giving myself to him completely and without restraint. I let one of my hands slip into his hair, my fingernails raking his scalp gently while the other rested on his bicep, bracing myself against the onslaught of sensation. I tipped my head back, and my breaths paused when I felt him pulling away. He let me back down and I was left to stand on my own two feet, a task more difficult than it sounded considering that sometime in between two kisses, my legs had liquefied and turned to Jell-o.

He stepped back and tugged his shirt over his head, watching me take my bra the rest of the way off with something wild burning in his dark gaze.

It was my turn to devour him with my eyes. My gaze lingered on his tattooed chest and I admired the intricate beauty of the design, dreaming of tracing each line with my tongue.

It was the brand that marked him as a part of something he'd made clear he never wanted me to dig into, and while once it had made me itch with curiosity, I was now ready to accept that a part of him would forever remain shrouded in mystery. From what I'd seen, there were things about his other life that were better left alone.

"Pants off," he whispered, his voice low and rough. I shuddered, snapping out of my musings and obeyed, my trembling fingers fumbling with the button and the zipper of my jeans. I then proceeded to shimmy my way out of my shorts under his watchful gaze, feeling more and more foolish with every passing second. He smiled then, tender and sweet and my cheeks and ears warmed.

"You know," he began slowly, taking a step closer to me. "Somehow, when you were undressing in my dreams, you always did it slowly and seductively."

The heat in my cheeks tripled and I looked away from him, bending over to pull my the shorts all the way down. When I stood up, I blew away a stray curl that had fallen into my face and tried not to look so awkward, gangly and tall. The fact that he'd dreamed about this made my belly clench deliciously –knowing that I wasn't alone in my longing made my body sing with happiness. "And yet, this is so much better than all of my dreams, princess. I've never wanted to fuck you more than right now."

His grin was wider now and he closed the distance between us in one stride before he picked me up as though I weighed nothing and slung me over his shoulder, ignoring my squeal of protest. He playfully slapped one of my butt cheeks, eliciting another squeal, followed by a dignified "I'm not into all that BDSM crap!" which came out muffled and barely comprehensible due to my being upside down and all. He trudged up the stairs to his bedroom and I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation. I was still laughing when he let me down and when he kissed my cheeks and the bridge of my nose, each kiss tender and sweeter than honey. His fingers slipped into my hair and gathered it at the nape of my neck as his mouth traveled sideways and he whispered against the spot where my shoulder met my neck, his voice like velvet and silk "I've always wanted to kiss all of your freckles, one at a time." He let my hair spring free and his hands slid lower down my arched back, until they both cupped my behind and squeezed, hard.

"Mmmmh," I sighed, reveling in the moment, soaking in his touch, storing away the memory of his hands on my skin.

"In my head, I always imagined starting with the ones on your lips," he continued as he gently kissed my upper lip, before moving on to my lower lip with the same softness.

"I love how they're everywhere," he murmured between two kisses. As if to demonstrate, one of his hands slipped between my thighs, his palm pressing firmly against me over my panties, and the ache I'd felt there from the moment he'd kissed me flared a thousand times stronger, demanding to be relieved.

I moaned. The sound escaped me before I could rein it in and a brief burst of embarrassment halted my frantic heartbeats for a second. "This is embarrassing," I muttered, trying to bite back the whimper building at the back of my throat.

"You sound like paradise," Gabe countered. And then I moaned again, as his hand pressed harder into me, slowly going back and forth, the friction making my whole body tremble. His mouth went back up to mine and he swallowed my whimpers, catching each one into his mouth just as it slipped past my lips.

I hadn't noticed, but he'd been slowly but surely steering me towards his bed, until we bumped into it. He sat down and I stood between his legs, topless and shivering, covered in goosebumps from head to toe.

There was no time to feel shame. Not when his mouth sent liquid fire streaming through my veins his shuddering breaths fanned my skin, igniting a desire I'd kept buried for way too long. His hands traveled up the sides of my thighs until they reached my hips. He paused, giving me a scorching look through his long lashes, a hint of that devilish grin tugging at one corner of his lips, an unspoken question in his eyes. Instead of answering, I bit my lower lip and buried my hands in his hair - it was like satin against my skin. His fingers slipped under the waistband of my panties and he slowly pulled them down, his eyes never leaving mine even as he pressed his mouth against the skin of my stomach. I felt his tongue flick against my navel and it took me every ounce of self-control to not melt into a puddle at his feet as his mouth dove dangerously lower until he met the junction between my thighs. He pressed a kiss there, gentle and loving and my whole body felt alight –I was a crackling live-wire, my skin electrified.

Gabriel pulled away and my body ached with longing. His hands ran up my calves, then my thighs and settled on my hips, his eyes devouring me from head to toe. He pulled me down until I had both knees on either side of him, my stomach pressed against his chest. I felt his each of his heartbeats in my belly. It sent liquid heat straight between my thighs.

The tension in the air was palpable, heavy like humidity, making my skin sizzle with anticipation.

Gabe's eyes promised he would do unspeakable, ungodly things to me. He looked like the devil in that moment, all dark eyes and that goddamned grin. I sank lower in his lap and pressed my lips against his, kissing him as though the world would end any second now, as if kissing him was as essential as breathing.

With Alexei, everything had always felt like a practiced routine he'd tried with all of the girls that had graced his bed before me. Every kiss was a choreography that he'd practiced and rehearsed until he was perfect at it. He never failed to satisfy me, but every move and every caress had felt calculated, learned.

There was nothing honed about Gabe.

There was no slow progression towards a short lived burst of pleasure.

Every touch and every flick of his tongue against my bare skin was ecstasy in itself. There was no need for a slow build-up –every moment we'd spent together until this point had been feeding our need for each other.

And now that we had what we wanted, wholly and completely, we couldn't consume each other fast enough. There were so many kisses to catch up on, so much uncharted skin to discover, and so many things we had to say to each other not in words but in the touch of his skin against mine and in the rough language of my nails biting into his skin.

He palmed both of my breasts, kneading gently, and then bent his head to cover one of my nipples with his mouth, nibbling, kissing, looking at me through his long, dark lashes.

My fingers tangled with his silky hair as his mouth moved to my other breast and I cradled his head in my arms, tilting my head back as quiet moans tumbled from my parted lips.

His fingers sank into the flesh of my hips and he pulled me lower, into the second circle of hell, destined specifically for the people who let lust take them over and who didn't fight it. Why fight when surrender was so, so sweet?

He kissed me, slow and deep, and I felt his erection between my thighs. In a burst of bravado I let my hands wander lower, down the hard ridges of his chest, following the lines of his tattoos. I slipped one hand into his boxers and wrapped it around him, the heat of his skin almost searing. He groaned, a low and pained sound that I felt deep in my bones.

He braced one hand against the mattress and lifted his hips off the bed, allowing me to pull his boxers down in one quick tug and my breath caught in my throat when he was finally naked. This was real. This was happening.

I bit my lower lip as uncertainty flooded me –what if I wasn't good enough? What if he was too much for me to handle and we didn't fit the way I desperately needed us to?

He must've noticed the sudden change in the atmosphere because he looked up at me with a worried frown.

"Are you okay?"

The infinite tenderness I saw in his eyes combined with the reverence of his touch calmed me down a bit, but a tinge of fear remained. I tried to gulp down the thickness that had formed in my throat, but it wouldn't go away.

"Princess, we don't have to do this."

"You probably think I'm stupid. I was the one who rushed into this and I want you so much, but..." I blushed furiously as I trailed off. I had to take a deep breath before continuing. "What... what ifimnotgoodenough?"

"What if what?" He sounded incredulous. "What if you're not good enough?'"

I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling a bit too exposed. "Well... yeah."

"I've wanted you for months. Fuck, I haven't been this turned on in what feels like forever. I'm a guy, Isis. We always enjoy this and I'm with you, which means I'll enjoy it even more. But this doesn't have to happen between us right now. It doesn't have to happen between us ever, if you don't want it to. We can rewind this and I can act like this never happened. Just say the word and I'll stop."

He was so earnest, so genuine that my heart swelled with love and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

Gabe's voice dropped, sounding more husky and breathless now, and his eyes flickered to my chest for just a second before they found mine again. "But if you want to keep going, you have to know that I just want to make you feel good, baby. I want to make you feel so, so good. If you let me, I'll fuck you just the way you need."

Goosebumps spread over my skin and my heart stammered in my chest. My longing for him was a constant, aching pulse between my legs now and my thoughts were sluggish –it was hard for me to think of anything but him and how it would feel to have him in me.

"Okay," I whispered against his ear.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Do you trust me?" His eyes searched mine and I nodded, my eyes wide. He pressed a quick, fleeting kiss to my lips and I yelped when his arms snaked around my waist and he flipped me onto my back, settling on top of me, his hands holding my wrists on either side of my head in a vice-like grip. And then his lips found mine, his tongue tracing my lower lip, teasing. I opened my mouth and he ran his tongue along mine, rocking his hips in sync with the kiss, never quite pushing into me, his hands pulling my wrists up until he held them above my head. I was helpless and hopeless in the best ways, completely at his mercy.

My legs clenched around his waist, trying to slow him down –the sheer intensity of his kiss combined with the mounting pressure between my thighs was almost too much to handle.

And then he stopped.

I tried to catch my breath and to regain at least a semblance of composure, but he wasn't done with me –far from it.

He held my wrists pinned to the mattress with one hand while the other traveled down, his thumb brushing my lower lip as he went, running over one of my breasts and then tracing a path down my belly, throwing my heart into a frenzy, until he reached the place that ached for his touch the most.

He paused to give me a mischievous smile.

And then, his thumb started massaging small circles between my thighs, making my body shake with unreleased tension. I kept my jaws firmly shut and my eyes closed, my head turned and my profile obscured by my hair so that he couldn't see me coming undone under his touch.

As if sensing my stubbornness, he slowly pushed one finger into me and his mouth descended to my breast, his tongue swirling around my nipple lazily –and I lost it. My hips bucked and a loud moan escaped my lips, echoing in the thick silence, desperate and breathless. "You're so wet for me," he murmured as a second finger joined the first, and his words tickled my skin, making the fine hairs at the back of my neck rise. "And so, so soft, love. You're like silk."

"Please," I whispered. "Gabe, please."

He raised one eyebrow at me, his eyes smoldering and amused –as always, filled with that dry, darkly humorous amusement, as if everything that was happening was some huge cosmic joke that only he was in on. "Please what?" His hand moved at a tantalizingly slow pace, his fingers hitting the perfect spot with each stroke, and I struggled to speak.

I squirmed underneath him, arching my back, begging him with my eyes as I bit hard on my lower lip to quiet my whimpers. As if in answer, his fingers pushed deeper and my back arched off the bed. He pressed his forehead to mine and watched me with an unmatched intensity, grinning. "Please, please, please Gabe. I want you." I whispered against his smiling lips.

He paused and his smile turned wilder, almost feral. "I've waited for this for too long," he whispered as he sat up brusquely and put on a condom that he'd pulled from Lord knows where, his eyes never leaving mine as he slipped the fingers that had just been inside me into his mouth.

I couldn't look away from him, not as he pulled me up and into his lap, my thighs on either side of him, or as he slowly lowered me onto him, his eyes closed and his head tipped back, his fingers digging almost painfully into the skin of my hips as a low groan left his parted lips. "Oh, fuck..." He leaned back against the headboard as if he needed support.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and tentatively lowered my hips, my breath hitching in my throat at the sensation of him filling me up, inch by delicious inch. And still, I needed more of him.

I don't think I'd ever seen someone as beautiful as he was in that moment, with his hair in an artful damp mess and his cheeks flushed and hot. I wanted to kiss every single inch of his skin, to memorize the way he felt inside me. I'd been a fool to think that I could get him out of my system like this and even more of a fool to believe that it somehow would erase him from my thoughts. If anything, it was like branding him onto my brain permanently, anchoring what used to only be a daydream into reality.

I could never get enough.

Perhaps a bit too eagerly, I brought my hips even lower, until he was in me completely and his eyes fluttered open when he heard my strangled gasp, his head tipped back to look into my eyes. "You okay?" He smoothed my hair away from my face, his eyes worried and tender.

"Yeah," I whispered breathlessly and pressed my mouth to his. The kiss was new, different from the ones that came before. It was more intimate, the sensation of our mouths moving in sync overshadowed by the new feeling of him buried deep inside me.

I interrupted the kiss for a second to get accustomed to the raw feeling, adjusting to his size. His forehead was pressed to the hollow at the base of my throat and I felt every single one of his shuddering breaths trickling down my skin. I moved again once I felt like I was ready, my head tipped back, my eyes closed tight, one of my hands holding my hair up to keep it from sticking to my neck, and this time it was my turn to whimper as his hand found its way in between our two joined bodies, his fingers caressing the part of me that craved his touch the most.

I tentatively quickened my pace, grinding my hips against his faster and faster even as his grinning mouth found mine, kissing me like he would never kiss me again. He bit my lower lip –hard –and I let go of my hair to sink my nails into his skin, raking them down the sinuous muscles of his back, getting closer and closer to my tipping point. I felt myself climbing higher with each thrust and my moans grew louder, more breathless and desperate. I clung to him, my lips pressed against the junction between his shoulder and his neck, my breaths coming faster, my belly clenching at the prospect of imminent release, if he would just...

As if on cue, Gabe slowed me down, his hands framing my face to bring my mouth back to his before returning to my hips to guide me in a more languid, unhurried rhythm, letting all the tension gathered inside of me unwind.

The way he kissed me –slowly, his lips moving to the rhythm of our bodies, our rushed breaths mingling together –I didn't ever want to pull away. He elevated me to a place adrift between heaven and earth, where time meant nothing, where he was everything there was and ever would be; a universe where we were each other's beginning and end.

There was so much gentleness in the way he held me, a soft tenderness that told me everything he would never voice out loud –Gabe wasn't the romantic type, but his gestures spoke louder than words ever could. He held me as though I was fragile, as if he was afraid he would hurt me.

I interrupted our kiss only to press my mouth against his ear and whispered, "Please, Gabe. Harder."

He shuddered at my words, his eyebrows shooting up, and once his initial shock wore off he laughed soundlessly as his thumb brushed my lower lip. "I love your dirty mouth so damn much." He gently laid me down on my back and pushed my legs further apart, his hands caressing the inside of my thighs reverently as he settled between them. The devilish grin he gave me made me shiver as I stared deep into his dark eyes. "Your wish is my command."

The first thrust stole the breath from my lungs and his smile widened as he leaned in, turning almost smug as my body hiked up on the mattress. "Is this good enough, princess? Deep enough?" he whispered, his voice like raw silk, his lips pressed against the sensitive spot under my ear. Instead of answering, I buried my hands in his hair and closed my eyes.

Another deep thrust.

I gasped again, my fingers curling into fists in his hair.

"Did he ever fuck you right? Did he ever make you feel like I do?" My eyes fluttered open.

"Just you, it's always been you. I've never..." my whisper trailed off. I'd been about to tell him that I'd never loved anyone the way I loved him, but I couldn't bring myself to say it, to bare myself to him so completely just yet. Gabe's smile softened as he leaned in to brush a kiss against my lips.

He quickened the pace again, his lips still on mine, not kissing but simply sharing labored breaths, his hands framing my face and his eyes staring so deep into me that I felt as though he could see every single part of my soul, every single one of the secrets I've kept from everyone but him. Except for one, that I was truly hoping he couldn't see, because I was fairly certain that he would stop what he was doing if he knew just how much I'd fallen for him during the last few months.

I loved him.

Against any and all good sense, I loved him.

I let go of the headboard and intertwined my fingers with his, entranced by his features –the dark pits of his irises, the hollow planes of his cheeks, his perfect, full lips and his long, long lashes... In that moment, the universe was reduced to the two of us; to the hard, punishing rhythm of his thrusts, to our bodies, slick with a thin sheen of sweat, to his eyes filled with tenderness and a slight frustration, as if he wanted to restrain himself but couldn't, not anymore...

We were lost in each other, lost in the moment and I knew this was not the right way to forget my troubles –I should've learned my lesson with Alexei –but it felt so good, so much so that it blurred the line between good and right and momentarily made me forget everything, until I could barely recall my own name. I kissed him, because kissing him felt as essential as breathing, as vital as every single one of my heartbeats and all I could follow now was the primal call of instinct. He swallowed every single one of my moans and gasps, his tongue gently brushing against mine; the kiss was so very delicate and completely at odds with the way he moved inside me –hard, so hard and raw I could barely breathe. He pushed me to new limits of pleasure I never even imagined and I couldn't believe I'd waited for this for so long when I could've been doing this for months.

I could feel a pressure building up between my thighs and I clenched them hard around his waist, waiting for the moment when he'd push me over the edge with baited breath and with my eyes closed, head tipped back, so, so ready...

I didn't have to wait for long. He bit my lower lip when I came apart in his arms, back arching, moaning his name like a mantra, a frantic prayer, fingers curled into fists in his hair. I clung to him as starlight exploded behind my eyelids and wave after wave of toe-curling pleasure made me shiver. I felt light, ethereal, unanchored –as if the only things keeping me there were the weight of his body on mine and the pace of his hips as he thrust into me, faster and harder still, his whole body tensing as he drew closer and closer to his own climax, his groans growing deeper and more desperate with each passing second.

I felt the shudder that rippled through him when he found his release deep in my body. He muffled his groan by biting into my shoulder and I buried one of my hands in his hair, gently massaging his scalp as my other hand traveled down his arm, leaving goosebumps in the wake of my touch. His frantic breaths fanned my skin and I sighed, my legs still shaking slightly.

Once his breathing lost its frenzied edge and all tension left his body, he collapsed on top of me. I could feel the rapid beats of his heart echoing in my own chest and I tangled my legs with his, relishing the way his skin felt on mine. After a while of silence, filled only with the sound of our ragged breathing, Gabe sighed dreamily and kissed me deeply. Then he pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes gazing deep into me with something like reverence, his hands framing my face as we just grinned at each other, completely enraptured.

I felt the slightest bit of dread, but it was overwhelmed by the all-consuming elation running through my veins.

We'd sealed the deal –I could never turn back now. What had only been a vague dream was now reality and I revelled in the love and adoration my heart pumped into my system with each steady beat.

Only time could tell if it would be my best decision yet, or to the contrary, my biggest mistake.

A/N

i guess i write erotica now.

lmao.