The silence that settled in the car on our ride back didn't sit well with me. I had a hard time keeping my tears of anger and disappointment in check, and the heavy nothingness hanging in the air didn't help matters in the slightest –if anything, it only exacerbated the already poignant feeling of defeat that nested in my chest.

It reminded me of the first time I'd met Gabe. When he'd scared and intimidated me with barely veiled threats and his cold smile. It wasn't exactly a pleasant memory, but I didn't know which Gabe scared me more. The one who'd intimidated me back then or the silent one sitting next to me now, who scared adult men merely with his presence.

I shot him a wary glance from the corner of my eye. His face was impassible, completely shutting off any and all emotion. His eyes were trained on the road and if he felt my gaze on him, he didn't let it show in any way. His mouth was set in a grim line and for the first time tonight I wondered if maybe he felt the hopelessness of the situation as well. It hadn't occurred to me that his usual cheeky banter could be hiding the same disappointment I felt.

"Can I ask you something?" My voice was barely audible. I was almost sure he didn't hear my question, but then his face relaxed into his usual amused grin.

"Of course you can ask. Doesn't mean that I'll answer."

"Did you ever kill anyone?" I regretted asking it almost as soon as the question was out of my mouth. Gabriel's smile widened, and he shot me a playful look.

"You shouldn't ask questions you don't really want answered."

"So you did?" His reluctance to give me a straight answer hinted at a 'yes', but everything about his light, relaxed attitude pointed at the contrary.

"Why do you want to know? Would it change the way you feel about me if the answer was 'yes'?"

I hesitated before responding, biting my lower lip as I raked my brain for an answer. "I-I don't know."

Gabe didn't say anything for a moment, and his grin changed. It almost looked wistful. No amusement shone in his dark eyes as he stared at the road, and his grip on the steering wheel was tight enough to turn his knuckles white.

"Well, the answer is no." I jumped in my seat when his words interrupted the tense silence. He didn't give me any time to mull over his answer. "My turn to ask you something."

I braced myself for something intrusive, but the question he asked surprised me nonetheless –probably because it was less outrageous than I'd expected. "How did you first start? You know, robbing people?"

I hesitated before answering. He must've noticed my reticence, because he added: "You don't have to answer. I was just curious, that's all."

"It's okay, it's not like I have to hide it from you... You already know most of my darkest secrets." I tried to sound light but my voice shook. "It's just that I've never said it like this before. I've never had to tell the whole thing to anyone." It was true. I've only ever told bits and pieces to Tina and Tyler –they were always in on pretty much every detail of my not so eventful life, except perhaps for the last few months, so it's always been about filling in the blanks with them. I'd never had to tell the whole story to anyone and I didn't quite know how to do it.

I took a deep breath and fixed my gaze on the window, watching as buildings flew by, blurring together into a mass of grey concrete and bricks.

And I told him everything. About the party on that fateful night, about the glass statue filled with money, about the irrational rage I'd felt blossoming in my gut, about the fear and panic I'd felt afterwards, once I'd cooled down... It came easier than I expected, probably because it turned out that when he wanted to, Gabriel was an excellent listener. He didn't interrupt me once, only listened to me with an expression of focused interest.

"I didn't do it again for two years after that. I was way too scared. Every time someone rang our doorbell, I was certain that cops had finally come to put me in jail. And it wasn't as if I'd had any more opportunities. I steered clear of parties from that moment on, just to avoid temptation. I was paranoid about getting caught when I realized how much I'd jeopardized that night. But after that, I always felt as if something was missing. You know, it was as if someone gave me a taste of the best food I've ever eaten in my life..." Gabe's lips twitched upward at my analogy, "... And then told me that I could never taste it again. I mean, volunteering at all those organisations is obviously good, but I knew I could be doing more than just that."

I paused and licked my lips before continuing.

"I took a year off after I graduated from high-school. I hadn't applied to any colleges and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life so I decided to take some time to think everything through. I got a job at a cleaning company to save up some money for tuition, books and whatnot. We were hired mostly by rich people, to clean their houses up before and after events, parties, and so on and so forth. I think you see where this is going..."

Gabe nodded. "That's when you picked up where you left off."

"Yeah. At first, I tried to get the idea out of my head. But it was as if some higher power wanted me to do it. The idea was already rooted deeply in my brain. I couldn't stop thinking about it. One day, I found a gold Rolex watch between the cushions of a sofa. I slipped it into my bra. Everyone was required to wear a tee with the logo of the cleaning company and they all came in one size –an XL –so no one noticed the lump on my right boob." Gabe snorted and it was only then that I realized that I've been staring at him for some time now, watching his reactions instead of the buildings flying by outside. I'd been so focused on my story and on him that I didn't even notice that the car hadn't moved in a while and that we were parked next to my apartment block.

"I did that for a few months. Stealing things that no one would even notice were missing, stuffing them in my bra or in a garbage bag and smuggling them out of the house... I was really anxious at first, but when months flew by and nobody ever seemed to notice anything, I got confident. I stole more, bigger stuff, sometimes going as far as going through jewellery boxes and picking up wads of bills from underwear drawers... You'd be surprised at how unoriginal their hiding places were."

"And then, a girl who worked with me –Monica –got caught stealing some jewellery from one client. Another person from the cleaning crew saw her emptying the jewellery box into a trash bag. The police came, they handcuffed her and all that time, all I saw was myself. Being handcuffed, being taken away. I know it was selfish of me, but I couldn't help it. That really could've been me. And I couldn't afford to do that to my father at that time, not so soon after losing mom." I bit my lip, afraid of the question that I was almost certain would follow, but it never came. Gabe simply nodded. I waited for another moment, but when he didn't prod or push me for more details I relaxed back into my seat. "That's when I stopped. I thought I was done with all of it for good, but then at that party Alexei invited me to... I couldn't help myself. Once you know firsthand what good that money can do... How can you not take the opportunity? Everything I ever took from those people –it was nothing to them, not even a drop in the ocean. But to others, to the ones who truly need it, it could mean half a year worth of groceries. Textbooks for school. New shoes to replace the ones that are falling apart."

When I looked at him again, Gabe was wearing his big brother smile; full of warmth and even the faintest hint of tenderness.

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks –I would probably never get used to seeing him wearing this particular expression. It still knocked the breath out of me, even though I've seen it a couple of times now.

"Well, thanks for... everything," I managed to say, and even to my ears the words sounded awkwardly stiff. I took his silence for a dismissal and started to get out, cheeks aflame.

Just as I was about to close the door behind me with a squeaked "bye", Gabe leaned over and grabbed my hand. "We'll figure this out. I promise."

I didn't know what to make of the intensity shining in his eyes or of the gentle squeeze he gave my palm, but when he let me go, I realized that I felt reassured.

I could still feel the faint echo of his touch on my hand when I bounded up the stairs to my apartment, when I unlocked the door, and when I sat at the small kitchen table. I still heard his soothing voice in my head and saw the sincere expression he wore when he made his promise when I closed my eyes.

And while it might've been naïve of me to trust his words... I did.

Completely.

~♠~

The next Sunday morning, I could feel the heavy plastic bag cutting off the circulation in my fingers as I stood at the door of T&T's apartment, my foot tapping an impatient rhythm on their "Welcome" mat.

Just when I was about to ring the doorbell for the third time, the door opened and my hand froze midway to the button.

I couldn't help but stare at my father with slack-jawed surprise.

He had called me after work to let me know that he wouldn't get home until later in the evening, but this was the last place where I'd expected to find him. For a moment, I was too stunned to speak. In the end, all I managed was a weak "Dad?"

He smiled at me, and even though I could tell that he was glad to see me –his whole face lit up when he saw me –tiredness permeated everything about him. There were shadows under his eyes, and there even seemed to be more and more greying hair at his temples, distinguishable even though he kept his hair in a military-short style.

For a moment, I was filled a worry so intense and all-encompassing that I couldn't quite think. I wasn't used to my father being anything less than a rock in the storm of the past two years and the last time I've seen him looking this ragged was right after my mother passed away.

I've always known that he never really moved on and I also knew that a huge part of him would forever grieve her loss, but to see my father brought back to the state my mother's death left him in unleashed a fear I haven't felt in a long time.

I could feel each beat of my heart in my throat as he stepped aside to let me enter. Even as I closed the door behind me, Tina erupted from her room –there was no other word to describe her appearance other than "eruption", there truly was something volcanic about the way she burst into the corridor, followed by the music that poured out of her room. "I'll leave you kids to your shenanigans," he said as he disappeared from view.

She shot me a knowing look and then pointedly stared at my father's back as he retreated into their kitchen, before grabbing my arm and pulling me into her room. She shut the door behind her with a kick and flopped down onto her bed, beckoning at me to join her.

Tina's room had been very distinctively hers for as long as I could remember. Its color, the posters on her wall –they had always reflected her latest obsessions, and whatever fad she was into. Compared to my room, which was bland beyond measure, with its pale pastel-blue walls and the lack of anything personal except for a family picture that sat on the only corner of my desk that wasn't filled with sketchbooks, textbooks and notebooks, Tina's was a testimony to every facet of her personality. There was an ever growing pile of clothes on her chair and the color of the walls –a deep purple –could barely be seen from under the different fashion magazines cut-outs, that she'd arranged into a somehow artful mess of a collage. Beyond that, every surface was filled with books on too many topics to keep track of. A pile of 90's VHS' stood in one corner and towering next to it was an impressive collection of CD's which comprised everything from Mariah Carey to J. Cole.

I loved Tina's room almost as much as I loved her.

I dropped the bag that contained all the ingredients for my mom's famous chocolate chip cookies onto the plush white carpet and flopped onto Tina's bed, and even though just being in her room soothed my nerves a bit, I couldn't dislodge the worry that had taken root in me at the sight of my dad. I barely noticed when Tina turned off her music

"I think they're having an affair," Tina announced without preamble. It took me a moment to register the words and when I finally did, her conclusion startled me more than it should. When I didn't answer, she continued "Your dad and my mom, I mean."

"Th-that can't be right," I stuttered, my eyes wide. "They've known each other for years. They've always been friends. Just friends."

"Circumstances change. Feelings change." Tina's voice was soft. Tentative. As if she thought that the idea that my father could find happiness with someone else would hurt me.

But I didn't harbor any of the muffled angst of a thousand movie characters and book heroes with a dead mother, convinced that their father was trying to replace her with another woman. If anything, I would be glad to know that my dad had found happiness with someone else... but T&T's mom? There was something that felt inexplicably absurd about the idea. My parents and Amanda Carter had been friends since college and nothing up until today ever suggested that my father had any romantic interest in her. My friendship with the twins was a sort of natural extension of the friendship between our parents. The idea of my dad and T&T's mom together together was a bit like thinking of Tyler and me as a couple –an equation that logically couldn't work.

"He's been spending a lot of time around recently. They go out together sometimes. It definitely smells like the beginning of a relationship to me," Tina said, noticing my skeptical expression.

"I'm worried about him." I stared at the closed door as if I could somehow see my father through it. "He –he looks the way he did when mom died."

Tina sat in silence for a moment and then she let her head rest on my shoulder. "Maybe he feels guilty. You know, for getting with someone else. Maybe he feels like it... like it disrespects your mother's memory. I don't know."

I let my temple rest against the top of her head as my eyes filled with tears. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps I was getting worked up for no reason at all.

The thought of my father finding his way to true happiness again erased almost all of the worry that had at first clouded my brain. But a shadow -weak, but persistent- remained as we listened to our parent's muffled voices through the closed door.

And even when Tyler joined us, and Tina became her usual loud self again, complaining about how he smelled like sweat and athlete's foot, I couldn't shake the uneasiness that still cowered in a dark corner of my mind.

Maybe it was because of all the disastrous things that had happened to me over the last couple of months, but I was now permanently convinced that everything that seemed too good to be true hid something darker.

And even though I tried to convince myself that I was simply being paranoid, I couldn't shake the impression that something bad was going to happen.

Soon.

~♠~

I'd felt foolish as I glimpsed my reflection in a car window on my way to the Harvard library.

That morning, I'd spent more time than usual digging through my closet to find a white blouse that looked at least halfway flattering on me, and I'd even bothered to put on some red lipstick and leave my hair unbound, letting the wild curls surround my face in a fiery halo.

So far, the efforts were wasted. I spent the whole day hidden between bookshelves, with Alexei nowhere in sight.

I tried to mute the disappointment I felt when I didn't find him sitting at one of the tables in the library, and even more when he didn't answer my text, which informed him of my whereabouts in a not-so-subtle attempt to get him to show up.

I'd wiped off my lipstick during my break and tied my hair back into a loose ponytail, frowning at my reflection in the mirror. My freckled face stared back at me, brows pulled together in frustration at my own naiveté.

I probably shouldn't have expected for Alexei's interest in me to last any longer than it already had, but I did. Because deep down, in a part of me I didn't even know existed, I'd believed in whatever had been budding between us.

It's for the best. You are too different to work together anyway.

The day passed slowly, and Alexei's absence and his lack of a reply shone like a beacon through it all. The feeling of disappointment grew into a crushing weight on my shoulders, and by the time I exited the Widener library and headed towards Tina's car, I felt both tired and resigned. At some point during the day, I'd come to terms with the fact that as much as I'd started to fall for Alexei, I'd probably been deluding myself whenever I felt like he might be reciprocating the feeling.

Tina's car was parked on the avenue that ran behind the library and just as I was about to slip into the walkway that rounded the huge building, a voice rang out behind me. At this hour, the campus was almost empty, except for the occasional lone soul wandering about with no discernable purpose.

"You shouldn't be wandering around alone at this hour." The voice was teasing and it made my heart jump, stop, and then resume it's pace at twice the rate it had been beating before.

I turned around and came face to face with Alexei. The sight of him, even under the unflattering neon streetlights, still managed to make my breath catch in my lungs.

The lopsided grin he wore matched with his disheveled hair and the all black clothes had the effect of a sledgehammer on my thoughts. For a moment, all I could do was stare at him in dimwitted wonder; it took me a while before the initial effect wore off. And once it did, I didn't know how I felt.

I wanted to be happy, but the way he'd left me hanging all day long muted my happiness into a faraway echo. I bit my lip as I waited for him to catch up. Once at my level, he stopped and his eyes remained fixed on mine. There was intensity in them that I couldn't interpret and when he reached out to tuck a curl that had escaped from my makeshift ponytail, I waited for his touch with baited breath. At the last moment, he hesitated and shoved his hand into his pocket, his lopsided grin replaced with a furrowed brow. Instead of waiting for another mixed signal, I forced myself to turn around and keep going, forcing him to catch up with me.

"I'm not used to being left hanging," he said.

"What do you mean?" I shot him a sideways glance and noticed that he'd stuck a pen behind his ear –a seemingly insignificant detail that made my heart swell with tenderness.

Yep. Definitely falling for him.

"After the way we left things last time we saw each other... I was expecting you to contact me sooner, to be perfectly honest." His mouth quirked into a small, devious grin. "Not to boast, but usually girls tend to come back for more within a day. Sometimes less."

I bristled, and my pace quickened. He caught up with me easily. "I missed you. It's been less than a week, and I've missed you every single day." Those words, spoken in a soft, almost tentative voice, stopped me dead in my tracks.

I turned to face him. I'd forgotten how easily he could trap me inside his catlike gaze. He looked glorious against the backdrop of stars. Looking at him filled me with the same wonder stargazing did. In a way, he was like the universe –beautiful, infinite, and a complete mystery to me. One look into his eyes and I was a goner, my mouth forming words without consulting my brain. "I missed you too," I whispered.

He didn't hold back this time. His hands cupped my face ever so gently, and when I closed my eyes he kissed my eyelids, my nose, and finally –I felt as though my heart might burst right through the confines of my ribcage –my lips.

My arms reflexively slipped around his neck just as his snaked around my waist, pulling me closer. The chemistry between us was undeniable. It filled my body with a heavy thrum of desire. His hands left the small of my back and while one wandered south, the other one slipped into my hair, tugging at the hairband until my curls cascaded down my shoulders.

He pulled away and just stared at me for a moment, his eyes shining with a thousand emotions I was sure my own eyes reflected back at him.

"Last time, I said that we could be anything you wanted us to be."

I nodded, unable to look away from him. His cheeks were flushed slightly, and his blonde curls disheveled, creating a pale halo around his face.

"Can I tell you what I want us to be?" he continued, and with each word, his mouth inched closer to mine.

"I want you to be mine." His lips were lightly pressed against mine when he whispered the last word. "And I want to be yours." And even though I'd always found the concept of claiming ownership over another human being ridiculous, looking at Alexei now, I couldn't help but feel a bit of that Neanderthal possessiveness creeping in.

He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath before he pulled away slightly, and looked at me expectantly.

"I'd like that too." I felt dizzy, lightheaded and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I answered. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure that this wasn't a dream.

The smile that welcomed my answer shone brighter than the sun. His arms tightened around me and he lifted me from the ground as I squealed and laughed. He pressed quick, tickling kisses to my throat and chin before finally kissing my mouth again, harder than before.

He set me back down and my legs threatened to give out under me as his tongue lazily caressed mine. He kissed me slowly, as if we had all the time in the world and as if we were completely alone.

He pulled away after what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. My lips felt swollen and I knew my cheeks were flushed –I could feel the heat pooling in two warm spots on my face.

"Come home with me," Alexei implored, his voice rough and low, a sneak peek at the things to come if I accepted.

I almost said yes, my mind conjuring up scenarios in which we kissed for hours on end, tangled up with his sheets. But then, I thought of the lies I'd have to come up with to excuse my nightly absence, and my stomach twisted almost painfully.

"Not tonight, I can't."

Alexei recovered quickly. He pulled the pen stuck behind his ear and uncapped it with his teeth, grabbing my hand with his. As per usual, his was covered in scribbles, and I smiled slightly when he wrote something on the back of my hand.

"That's my address. You can come by at any time you want. I'll have a spare key made for you." The nonchalance with which he spoke surprised me. I definitely hadn't expected this but the curiosity at the thought of seeing where he lived overshadowed my initial shock at his announcement.

We walked the rest of the way to Tina's car hand in hand, and I marvelled at how natural it felt to just be with him.

He kissed me deeply one last time before he let me go and watched me as I got into the car and started the engine.

Before departing, I opened my cellphone to check for new messages or missed calls and my stomach dropped into my heels.

A one-word text mocked me, sent only five minutes ago.

This time, he didn't even bother to sign it with the usual "A".

'Adorable.'

~♠~

Alexei is back y'all! some of you were starting to wonder where he was, lolololol. did this chapter sway some of y'all, who were more on gabe's side? 

Anyway, thank you for reading, and i hope you enjoyed this chapter!  I'm sorry for any and all mistakes, i didn't edit this chapter in the slightest :/

dedication goes to @clarity , your comments never fail to make me smile, thank you so much for your support! 

(reminder that each chapter will be dedicated to a commenter from the previous one).