i cant believe we had to wait two weeks for this damn episode

on the plus side, i've had time to gather and categorize my gif choices

in the categories we have
- passive aggressive
- anger
- happy

happy's got like 8 gifs while passive aggressive has 42 and counting

ok, to the show:

oh hey look it's Clarke from way back then

i actually quite enjoyed this little opening scene with the group

but i don't like how they're using Cleo's Muse thing

it's a lazy version of a deus ex machina

they're literally having her presence just be a way to fix their problems

sound familiar?

the most disappointing factor in the Landon coming back from the prison world is we never got to see him fight to survive, i mean he went dark when he beat up Ted, remember that?

like he kept going even when the dude was outcold, his hands were covered in blood, where the hell is that Landon and why is this one just so happy? pls tell me im right and it's Simulandon

and here we have MG and Ethan
which, while i love their pairing,

i'm going to throw up every time they have a superhero reference

like Ethan just said "Superheroes are supposed to save people not kidnap them."
i see we've moved on from heroes to superheroes, huh Plague?

i dont even have the energy to keep my anger at it, is this how Alex Meyers feels whenever he catches up on Riverdale?

oh! so Ethan is staying with a family and this is their barn huh? finally, they answered that

ugh, MG, 'superhero team up' 'secret identity'
ya'll dont have secret identities

all i want is for vampire Damon Salvatore to show up, cause mayhem, kill some people, and overall show MG what real monsters look like, and MG will be powerless to stop it, and just accepts the realistic dark world he lives in

on the other hand Finch might make this interesting with the wolf thing-

oh no

oh no

oh no

please dont make her part of your weird superhero cult

ugh, 'superhero names'
im going to kill something

'dress up with a muggle'
ok Lizzie, i'll accept it why not, at least it's fantasy

oh hey Josie

hey Wade, how you doing?

ok, so while Lizzie is being protective of her sister, you don't even know this girl, like what makes you think she's a cold blooded killer? way to jump to conclusions

i mean she knows Hope and Jed and she knew Raf, she should be aware that when it comes to wolves, especially the young teenage ones, it was usually an accident, i mean remember all it takes is for the responsibility to be on their hands, whether they were driving a car and someone died in a crash or they pushed someone in self defense and they hit their head

but i am concerned with her insistence that she didnt kill anyone, pls dont make her some random wolf creature people, just keep her as a normal wolf ok

Landon's impression of Ted is the best thing i've seen all week, i'm glad we share the same thoughts of him

ok, wait, Ted can't be dead

when has this fandom ever been that lucky?

if Ted is actually dead i'll update each and every one of my books (except for the discontinued one)

Landon, just call him Ted, pls, i'll give you five dollars to call him Ted

is that a wendigo?
poor taste in food, buddy

Josie, does that even work without your powers?

ugh, Dark!Josie's back

ive never like those storylines

i'm not sure how i feel about these mixed vibes in the A, B, C, and D plots

Alaric, Kaleb, and Cleo have this whole Indiana Jones thing going

MG, Lizzie and Finch are unfortunetly in this superhero crap

Handon are on a romantic getaway to apocalypse world

and Josie's battling her inner demons and is prob going to be joined by Wade soon

(on the upside, Josie's storyline mixed with Handon's and now it's a big monster fight slash save your friend mission)

ok so now we get a name for the vampire thing they do where they get inside people's head?

'head dive'

i mean it sounds about right but it feels weird when you envision hearing that come out of a Mikaelson's mouth or a Salvatore's, so i'm just gonna keep calling it 'getting inside peoples head'

not to mention that the lack of naming it and that vague name or action always made it more interesting, y'know? like oh yeah they can do that and sometimes we forget, so it's pretty fun when they do it again

um, Josie, you did stab her with an axe but she did also say you cant get rid of her

like she's part of you regardless, a part that you should've been taught to control but Alaric sucks at his job

um, Lizzie, seriously, why do you want this chick to be evil and a killer? what's with you? this is cuz of Josie, right?

ok so she turned into a wolf as a kid? why? pls tell me she's descended from some specific wolf family or smth and isn't a new species

all we wanted was a damn werewolf

Ethan, just do your homework, we don't have time for your vigilante antics

so Finch's grandpa made her help him die so she would trigger the curse

oh thats the saddest thing

oh Finch honey

Finch legit calling Lizzie a monster when that's exactly what Lizzie's been calling all day, boom!

sorry Liz, but i mean, come on

also i hope we can eventually have some Hope and Finch bonding moments

oh shit, Hope's infected

that's so cool

Hope, take this opportunity and burn the place down

you can move back home and invite Cleo to go with you

Kaleb and Jed too

the twins can visit

Landon's "Is it weird that I still find her attractive?" no honey, it's completely valid

ah, Hope's after Landon, fun times

um, Lizzie, no, like i get why you want to help with the memory blocks but i dont think you're seeing this clearly

there is a teenage wolf who -while she knows what she is- is not educated about her history or the fact that there are others like her
(i dont think her friends were her pack like tumblr thought or she would've known about the kill-one-person-and-you're-on-four-legs-once-a-month rule)

so, what you should be doing is telling her about the Salvatore School

oh so what if your dad asks about how you found her? you dont have to mention MG or his boyfriend, you just have to say the bit about following her bc Josie asked you too which is the truth and you found out she's a werewolf and you're doing the responsible thing which is helping this young wolf meet other wolves and educate her about the supernatural, including possible threats to her life!!!

Hope surviving a knife to the heart makes no sense

she should've accessed her vampire side but it'd be hella stupid to use that mid-season rather than the season finale

whatever, we're gonna chock it up to it only hurting the infection and not her

oh, are we finally getting a backstory as to how Kaleb became a vampire? finally!

can i also ask how MG became one? i mean?
pls?

aw, D&D game time

yeah, Lizzie playing superhero is a terrible idea pls tell him more often

thank you, MG, who knew behind all that superhero crap you actually have good advice

Alaric, should you really keep drinking? (though on the plus side we only got like four Alaric scenes this episode that barely lasted 20-30 seconds each, that's what I call progress)

ah Pandora's box, huh?

oh shit, Ethan, baby this is what happens

can we get MG to feed him blood and finally have a new vamp around and quit the hero shit?

please?

the entire episode with Wade and Landon have been fun little moments with mentions of D&D and it's adorable, and then Wade just wants to talk to Hope about him and i am BOASTING YES

YES WADE YOU KNOW SOMETHING'S OFF WITH YOUR BUDDY YES TELL HER TELL HER

'he's been pretty perfect actually'

CLUES CLUES CLUES

WADE BEING THE ONE TO FIGURE OUT WAS AWESOME

though now i see how i dont think it could be Simulandon, as that's just Landon with no filter, he still wouldn't hurt her ever

or

it could be Simulandon under a spell

meanwhile, no Glenn tonight

and the next ep's promo includes him benching a lot of weight, so yeah i'm gonna rule out Simulandon now

*sigh*

please don't let it be Clarke

wait-

wait-

the box Hope had was basically a wish box right, so what if it just created a perfect version of Landon? a happy one, a good boyfriend, who eventually develops strength to protect himself

idk i'm probably way off base since Wade said the monster only eats dead flesh, which Ted happens to have and now i'm grossing myself out at the thought of Ted!Landon and Hope or Clarke!Landon and Hope

and i still think Glenn might turn out to be either

the real Landon

Seylah, Landon's mom

both of whom has Hope interacted and fought before

HOLY SHIT I GOT IT

I GOT IT

OKAY

my new theory:

New Landon is just the product of the wish she made with the stupid Pandora Box, she made the perfect boyfriend, sure, but she also made one from her perspective not Landon's, I mean she went through the process of saving him to it's like victory! yay! and happiness! yay! but the thing is the real Landon is out there somewhere (hopefully it's Glenn bc that would be so cool)

i mean think about it, when she rescued this Landon he had no pack or bag for survival at all, he had no injuries AND he wasn't wearing the Mikaelson necklace

if they actually do this and we find the real Landon is Glenn or is some version of a badass survival dude i will be pleasantly surprised and he might just jump MG to being a new favorite guy, but below Kaleb, Kaleb's #1 always, then it goes MG, Dorian, Raf, Jed, Wade, Landon, Ethan

Alaric isn't on my list because he's transformed from man to piece of shit

alright, i'll catch you guys later, i leave you with another quote that accurately captures my feelings about this show