The bus was dark and almost everyone had gone to bed. Tim was so tired; he didn't want to move but before he even realized what he was doing he had peeled off his shirt and climbed into bed with Adam. He laid his head on the blonde's right shoulder and quickly fell asleep.

Adam tried to roll over but found something was in his way. He cautiously opened his eyes and saw Tim asleep on his chest. He swore his heart skipped a beat and his breathing stopped for a moment. Is this really happening? he thought. Adam closed his eyes and opened them again. Tim was still there. This was really happening. His heart started to race and his breathing became erratic.

Why? was the only thing going through Adam's brain. After a few minutes he decided it didn't matter and that he was just going to enjoy having Tim close while he had the chance. Adam slowly turned his head so his nose was in Tim's hair. He inhaled his boyfriends scent before gently kissing the top of his head. He started to move his left hand across his body so he could touch the brunettes hand but two things stopped him: fear of Tim's reaction and pain.

 Adam put his hand back down where it had been comfortable before. He took a few deep breaths to calm his emotions and tried to relax enough to get back to sleep.

At some point in the night they had managed to move into their favorite sleeping position and Tim woke up to a face full of blond hair. He was laying on his left side with his right arm thrown over Adam's side. The blonde's back was pressed firmly into his chest. 

Tim wanted to wake Adam up but didn't want to startle him with any sudden movements. Since Adam went to bed by himself he wouldn't be expecting to wake up to anyone with him. Tim lifted his head slightly and started to place light kisses to the back of Adam's neck and across his shoulder. It didn't take long for Adam to start stirring.

Adam's body reacted the way it had been conditioned to over the months they had been together. He instinctively pushed his butt back into Tim's groin as his breathing and heart rate accelerated. As the blonde's brain woke up he realized what he was doing and immediately pulled his hips forward and panicked about Tim's reaction.

Tim felt Adam's whole body tense and knew he was awake. He stilled his movements and finally spoke. "Hey," he whispered.

Adam turned his head so he could look at Tim. "Hey" he said quietly then added "Sorry, for pushing into you" before turning back to face the wall.

Tim sighed and moved back away from his boyfriend. "Adam, it's okay. Can you turn over and face me please?" 

Adam did as he was asked but made sure that they weren't touching anymore than they had to be in this confined space. He looked at Tim briefly before diverting his gaze and staring down at the space between them. 

"Can you look at me, please?" Tim asked quietly.

Adam slowly brought his gaze back up to meet Tim's. Their eyes met briefly before Adam looked down again but that was all the time the bass needed to see that this upcoming conversation was going to be harder than he originally thought.

Tim gently grasped Adam's chin and forced his head up so their eyes would meet again. A few seconds of eye contact and the blond had to close his eyes since Tim hadn't let go of his face.

"Adam, why can't you look at me?" Tim asked with concern. In the few moments he had been able to make eye contact he saw several emotions flow through his lover: confusion, fear, pain, need, hurt, and what he could swear was lust. 

"I... I'm..." Adam opened his eyes briefly but just couldn't maintain eye contact. "I can't. I'm so scared... I..." he let his sentence trail off. 

Tim took a deep breath and made sure his voice was soft and quiet before speaking, "What are you afraid of?"

"Losing you" Adam said quickly. He tried to make eye contact but just couldn't. "And screwing up again" his voice cracked as he tried to contain his emotions. "I miss you. I miss us. I need to touch you, hold you, kiss you, but..." Adam swallowed hard before continuing. "I don't know where we stand. I don't know if you want me to do any of those things. I don't know... I'm afraid of... your reaction." Adam finally let his tears flow freely. "Looking at you... being this close to you... I'm afraid I won't be able to control my need to touch you... and... being rejected again... would... it would kill me". Adam pulled his face out of Tim's grasp and buried it in his pillow as he cried.

Tim's heart broke hearing Adam's words. He had never seen this man so insecure before. Tim wanted to pull Adam into his arms and comfort him; touch him, hold him, and kiss him until he had no doubts about where they stood but he couldn't. They needed to talk and Tim knew that if they touched too much it would lead to sex. 

Adam mentally kicked himself for blurting all that out. Yes, they needed to share their feelings but he felt like a cry baby, like Tim would see him as weak, and needy. Adam was just thinking that he had fucked up again when he felt Tim's arms close around him and pull him close. He felt the brunette kiss the top of his head and then quickly let him go. Adam sighed as his thoughts took another sad turn: That was a pity hug; he still doesn't really want to touch me.

"We need to really talk and I don't think this is the place to do it." Tim said just loud enough for Adam to hear. "I'm going to get up and get everyone off the bus so we are alone. Take whatever time you need. I'll be waiting whenever you're ready." Tim rolled over and slid out of the bunk.

Adam could hear Tim talking but couldn't make out what he was saying. The bus had finally gone quiet; he lay there for a few minutes trying to pull himself together and collect his thoughts. Once he thought he was ready he rolled out of his bunk and went looking for Tim.

To be continued...

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