This chapter is dedicated to NatalieNas - I admire your strength to master the challenges of motherhood. Thanks for all your support :)

19 – New Nightmares

Rena's POV

I woke up in a strange bed in a room that smelled a little musty and was in total disarray. Muffled music drifted up from downstairs, making the floorboards vibrate. I raised my head, just to fall back down on the pillow with a low hiss when pain shot through my head. It felt like it was about to be split in half, though the worst was the burning thirst in my throat.

Closing my eyes, I tried to remember the events that had brought me up here. Drinking the beer with Conor was the last thing I could recall, after that, I had a total mental blackout. Had to have been the alcohol – I sure couldn't hold my liquor. Glancing around, my eyes tried to find a clock to see what time it was.

The display on the small radio made me shoot up like a rocket. "Crap." It was almost 2:00 am. My sudden movement proved to be a big mistake when nausea overcame me. I was just able to pull the waste basket under my mouth before my stomach heaved. I hurled until I only choked up dry air, my whole body shaking when I sank back into the pillow. Every muscle ached and it took great effort to calm my ragged breath.

The next shock followed when my eyes fell on my jeans and shirt that were mixed up on the floor with some other dirty guy clothes. By the time I realized that I was naked, I also noticed the sticky feeling between my legs which was all too familiar. My stomach cramped again – this time from disgust. There was no way I willingly had had sex with that guy.

I finally forced myself out of bed and fished my phone from my jeans. With a frown, I watched the display – seven missed calls, four of those from my dad, the others from unknown numbers and three voice messages.

With a sigh, I dialed my voice mail. My heart stopped beating when a snarling voice filled my ears.

"Miss Cooper, this is Marcus Forrester. I'm sorry to bother you during your outing, but it's almost midnight and my daughter called me in tears since she can't calm your son and you aren't answering your phone." Noah's screams in the background drove tears to my eyes. 'I'd appreciate a call back as soon as you get this."

The next message was from him again, this time, his sarcastic tone had changed to pure anger. "I'll call your dad since I have to take Alyssa home and will also notify your probation officer. I hope this night was worth going to jail for, Miss Cooper."

My mouth dried up, I was in deep shit.

The final message was from my father. "Rena, I need you to come home NOW." There was nothing else, but his voice was such that he had been ready to explode.

I tried to call him back, but his phone was switched off. With trembling hands, I slid into my jeans and pulled the shirt over my head, ignoring both the nausea in my throat and the urge to pee. I had to find Patrice and get home pronto. My feet screamed when I forced them back into the stilettos and I decided I would be better off in my bare feet.

Bouncing down the steps, I disregarded the throbbing ache in my groin, fighting a tsunami of emotions. If I went home, I would be in so much trouble, if I didn't, my father would freak out. At least Noah was save with him. The fact that I might had unwillingly sex with a man had not fully registered – I was in a trance and only wanted the night to end. With the rest, I could deal later.

The party had died down a lot and most guests remaining were either jerking on the dance floor with glassy eyes or had found a mate to make out with. I could not find Patrice anywhere. My purse was still in the back of her car – I didn't even have enough money for a cab.

Trying not to panic, I called her. The chirpy voice of her voicemail made my headache worse and I chewed on my lip to prevent myself from screaming.

"Hey, baby." Some guy I had never seen before flung his arm around my shoulders. "Wanna have some fun?"

He was totally wasted and made me sick. I slid away from under his arm and gave him a little push for good measures, the result was that he toppled over. Bastard. In that moment, I hated the entire male species.

Desperate to get fresh air, I stormed outside. It was freezing, a few snow flurries blowing around. My arms wrapped around my chest as goose bumps spread under my thin shirt. I should go back in and get my coat, but I was terrified to run into the guy again – or worse – Conor. I would probably lose it if I had to see his smirking face.

Thoughts were racing in my mind, but ultimately, I only had one other option to ask for help – Kade. He would be furious and disappointed – probably going to lecture me until the end of times – but desperate moments called for desperate measures.

He picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, Kade, it's Rena."

"Oh hi, mom," his voice echoed back.

I frowned. "Kade? Can you hear me?"

"It's my mom," he remarked to someone who had to be with him. "If you'd excuse me, Mr. Rose."

I froze at the sound of the name of my probation officer. What the hell was going on? I heard footsteps and a sliding door closing which reminded me of our kitchen door. After a second, another door closed – if Kade was at my apartment, he had to be in my dad's bedroom.

"Rena, where the hell are you?" Any friendliness had vanished from his voice, he was fuming.

"Kade, I know I screwed up, but please can we talk about this later." A lump built in my throat and I wiped my eyes on my shirt. "I can't find Patrice and need you to come and get me."

"Okay, what's the address?" The tension seeped through the line and more tears rolled down my cheeks.

I wiped my eyes again and squinted at the street signs which were luckily lit by a dim street light. "I'm close to the Northwestern Campus. I don't know the exact address but it's almost at the corner of Simpson and Sherman Avenue."

"Okay, don't move. I'll be there as soon as I can."

The next half hour was excruciating. My eyes stayed fixed on the display of my phone to count down the minutes. The wind had picked up and hopping up and down was my only option to stay halfway warm, but the dull ache in my lower torso hit too close to home that I rather shivered. Nausea clawed at me again. My fist punched the hood of a car hard, a low growl escaping me. I was furious at myself. The car didn't seem to mind, but my wrist hurt afterwards.

Kade's Lexus finally pulled up and I slid into the passenger seat.

"Where's your coat?" he asked with a frown.

"Can we just go, please?" I countered in response.

Our eyes interlocked and the burning anger was replaced by worry.

"Are you alright, Rena?"

With a clenched jaw, I nod my head. "Please, just drive," I whispered and turned my head towards the side window when tears spilled from the corner of my eyes like a waterfall.

Without a further word, he took off with screeching tires. For a long time, we rode in silence while I wept quietly in my seat. I was an expert at that. Brent had hated when I had cried in front of him, always calling me a drama queen. When he had been in a bad mood, he would sometimes hit me in the mouth and growl 'Now you have a reason to cry', so I had always tried for him not to notice.

We passed through downtown, but he didn't drive in the direction of my house.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"My mom's. The cops are at your apartment with Mr. Rose, waiting for you to come home to do a urine test. From the alcohol on your breath, I suspect you won't pass, so it's best not to go there. My mom is your lawyer and it's the safest bet."

The fear all of a sudden wrapped around me like a tight rope. If I got caught, I would go to jail and lose Noah for sure. How stupid of me to just leave him with Alyssa.

Pam and her husband lived in a large townhouse at the end of a dead end street. I had been there once before when she had invited my dad and me for dinner and it had been fun to see Kade's childhood home. Yet today, my heart was pounding so hard that I was afraid it would break through my chest. Despite the late hour, light shined behind a few windows.

As soon as Kade unlocked the door, I met Pam's gaze. She halted in her pacing of the foyer, her eyes searching. I shrunk under her inspecting stare and couldn't hold back the tears. My legs became useless when my knees buckled. I sank onto the soft carpet, my body battled with whaling sobs.

Kade squatted next to me. "Rena, what's wrong?"

"She was raped, Kade." Pam's words were like a crack of thunder rattling the foyer.

He tried to wrap his arms around me but I couldn't stand his touch. "Don't," I cried as I slapped his hand away. The full impact of what had happened tonight rolled over me like a huge tsunami wave, robbing me of my breath. I was drowning, gasping for air as sobs continued to shake me and the muscles in my stomach were clenched to a tight, aching knot. I felt dirty and despicable – but most of all, violated and hurt to the core.

"Can I please take a shower?" I begged.

Kade shook his head. "I need to take you to the hospital for a rape kit. You can't even use the bathroom."

Pam sighed. "There won't be a rape kit, Kade, or anything else. Rena violated her probation tonight in more than one way, and if she files a police report, she'll go to prison for her full sentence. Marcus is just itching for something like this to give him an excuse to lock her up and throw away the key."

"But you can't just let a guy get away with something like that." Kade ran his fingers through his hair, his face twisted from anger and anguish.

"I'm afraid in this instance, we don't have much of a choice." She kneeled next to me and squeezed my shoulder. "You understand, don't you, Rena?"

I wanted to scream that she was out of her mind – that I wanted to make Conor pay for what he did – but deep down I knew she was right. He would lie and claim that we had consensual sex. Who would believe the word of a convicted murderer over that of a clean cut college guy, especially with alcohol involved? Prison would kill me. I wouldn't be able to fend for myself and doubt that I could survive for more than a month.

"Come on." She stroked my back. "Let's get you cleaned up and then you should try to get some sleep. Everything will look better in the morning."

I blinked at her through my tears. "Aren't you mad?"

She grimaced. "I think you've been punished enough. I'll call Doctor Sullivan tomorrow. I think you should talk to him."

Doc would be so disappointed by my screw up.

"Why do these things keep happening to me?"

Her gaze dropped. "Because you make very bad choices, Rena. You should start to think of the consequences before you act."

It dawned on me that I brought this one on myself. I violated every possible rule in the book – leaving my son alone with a child, drinking alcohol even though I had known it would violate my probation, and most of all, accepting a drink from a total stranger. Being raped was my just punishment.

Hurt beyond belief, I forced myself on my feet. There was no doubt that things would never be the same after tonight and the little bit of yards I had gained on my road to recovery were shot to pieces.

Even after I took a shower for almost an hour and scrubbed myself clean over and over again, the dirty feeling stuck to me like glue. Pam brought me tea that I choked back up as soon as she switched off the light. The tears kept rolling and I wanted Brent to hold me. He would have killed that guy for hurting me. The loneliness was almost as painful as the fact that I was raped and could do nothing about it.

At some point I fell asleep, just to be haunted by a vision of Conor thrusting into me with a cruel chuckle. My own scream woke me up and I cried myself to sleep again, just to repeat the cycle. It was a new nightmare from which I just couldn't awake.

I know this was a tough chapter, and you might even be angry at Pam for covering up Conor's crime, but as a criminal defense attorney, she has to act in the best interest of her client, even if this is hard or unjust.

For those who wonder how she knew - it was just motherly intuition, coupled with years of working with victims of abuse in the system. There is a certain despair that hangs around r*ape victims when it first happens and if you know the signs, it's not that difficult to pick up.  

As you can imagine, this is not the end - the next blow is already looming at the sidelines. There are only two chapters left after this before the past story line merges with the present one at the jail. 

Please leave feedback and don't forget to vote if this chapter deserved it. Thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your weekend :)