Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks

Hugo swallowed the rock in his throat and ignored the sinking feeling in his gut. If he couldn't deal with the convention, there was no way he was going to be able to deal with pride. Renee was there with him; it would be fine. If he needed fresh air, no one was going to judge him.

His lecturer had put him down for a couple of editing specific panels, with plenty of time in between to wander around. It was extremely nice of her to do. Hugo had no idea how conventions worked. He probably would have messed it up and gone to something he didn't even want to go to.

Renee had the map in hand, guiding them around the busy exhibition centre and yelling at anyone who dared to shove them around. The more people touched him, the more anxious Hugo got, and while she wasn't the best at helping him, Renee could at least understand that he was very uncomfortable.

She grabbed his hand with her usual gentle smile. He thought back to when they first met, when he thought her smile was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. It still was, he'd just gotten used to seeing it like he'd gotten used to seeing Stefan.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked.

He took a moment to think about it, eyes drifting to the busy entrance of the exhibition centre. "I think so. I just need to get used to it, I guess," he answered. He wasn't sure if it was the truth, but there was only one way to find out. He'd told his lecturer that he would be there and even if it was only for a few minutes, he had to uphold his promise.

Renee frowned at him but didn't say what she was thinking, even though Hugo wanted her to. "Well, looking at the program, we've got about forty-five minutes before the first panel starts. We could have a look around?" she suggested instead. He nodded at her, not trusting his hands not to tell her that they should just leave.

He'd wanted to come. It had been his choice. He could have easily declined when his lecturer asked, but he'd said yes. There's been a part of him that thought that maybe he was ready. He knew he was getting better, slowly. He was able to get into a relationship and have friends and go out to places that were usually filled with more people than he could handle.

But maybe he was jumping into the deep end with this. There were hundreds upon hundreds of people walking around the centre with him. It wasn't as bad as some of the conventions he'd seen on tv, but there were enough people there that personal space was almost non-existent. With every step he took, someone was close by, knocking into him or just standing a little too close for comfort. If he couldn't handle a convention, he was stupid for thinking that he could handle the pride parade.

He had to do it. If he got too scared and had to leave, then there was no hope for him to go to the pride parade. There would be more people at the parade, staring at him constantly, pushing him around. He would be in the march, there would be people everywhere. How was he supposed to handle something like that?

He let out a groan as someone shoved him to the side. Renee placed her hands on his back to steady him when he stumbled into her. Jolting away from the touch, it took him a moment to realise who it was. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, but the air felt so suffocating.

Renee grabbed his hand again and dragged him away from the busy entrance foyer. Their lecturer stood against a wall, typing on her phone and Hugo pointed her out as soon as he saw her. She looked up when she saw them coming and smiled at them.

"Good to see you both!" she said, although she probably still didn't know that Renee was one of her students. Or maybe she did, Hugo hadn't been paying too much attention to the classes outside of the content. "Super busy today, isn't it?"

Hugo nodded, staring at the crowd out of the corner of his eye. "You can say that again," Renee replied, letting out a light huff of amusement.

Their lecturer put her phone back into her pocket and let out a little sigh. "I have a panel in about ten minutes, so I'll let you guys go. Have fun today," she said and moved to walk by them, but stopped at Hugo's arm. "Let me know if you find anything helpful. I'm glad you decided to come." And then she was gone, swallowed by the ever-growing crowd.

"How are you doing?" Renee asked as they walked towards the stalls set up in one of the other rooms.

He shrugged, biting down on his lip. "Could be better," he replied. He wanted to take the words back a second later when someone bumped into him again and bile rose in his throat.

Renee stared at him then her eyes drifted across the room. "There's a mostly empty stall, let's go talk to them," she said, dragging him over before he could get a word in.

"What are they for?" he asked, trying to find the one she was talking about.

"No idea. Let's find out. We just need to get you away from all the crowds."

A woman sat at the stall, talking to someone who'd come to see what they were about. They drifted off and she looked up to smile at Hugo and Renee as they approached. "Hi!" she called to them in a cheery voice when they stopped in front of her.

"Hello," Hugo replied, smiling back. He was nervous, talking to a stranger, but somehow it was easier than dealing with the crowds. He stared at the small piles of books on the stall table. "I was wondering what your book was about."

The smile dropped from the woman's face as she watched him, and she faltered when he finished. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're saying. I don't-"

"No, no, it's alright. I can translate for him," Renee replied and the woman let out a sigh of relief. "He wanted to know what your book was about."

The woman explained her fantasy novel with practised confidence, frowning whenever Hugo asked a question about it. He noticed the quiet sigh, the tapping of her manicured nails against the table and his signings slowed, but Renee never stopped translating. He doubted she even noticed how fed up the woman was.

The instant someone new appeared she turned away, cutting Renee off in the middle of a sentence. Hugo hissed in a breath and grabbed her hand before she could say anything. "Bitch!" Renee called as Hugo pulled her away, ignoring the noise he made in the back of his throat. "God, how rude can you get?"

He shook his head and took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter. It happens a lot. I'm used to it," he told her, thinking back to the times his father forced him to go to the shops for groceries and people tried to talk to him. "Let's just go to the panel."

He walked off on her and tried to ignore Renee muttering behind him. "You shouldn't be used to it though," he heard her say. He didn't bother replying. What could he say? No, he shouldn't be used to it, but he was anyway. There was no way of stopping it.

He didn't bother talking to Renee during the panel, just sat and listened to what those on the stage had to say about the editing process. It was interesting to listen to and it only made him want to accomplish he dreams even more. He would get there. It would be so much easier with Tomas's book being released.

He took as many notes as possible, doodling away in his little notebook. There'd been a chance for questions at the end, but after what happened at the stall, Hugo didn't see the point, despite the many questions he wanted to ask. Someone else would ask them, he was sure of it. He just couldn't do it. Renee didn't bother asking him about it, even though he could see that she knew he wanted to go up there.

He tried to be the first out of the door, but there were so many people in between his seat and the gigantic doors. Renee was next to him, staring at the crowd with a frown, but he wouldn't let it phase him. If he got through that, he could go home no problem. He just had to get through the crowd. He could do it, he had to. Renee was there with him.

One step forward and then another and another and another. He turned back to look at Renee, to see the proud smile on her face. It hadn't been that long ago that he had to wait in the lecture hall for everyone else to be gone. But she wasn't there. In her place were unfamiliar faces all trying to push their way out of the hall.

As quickly as it had come, his happiness was gone, replaced with dread and worry. He spun around, eyes drifting over every face, trying to find her. He couldn't call out for her, couldn't hear her and the crowd was pushing against him, pushing him towards the exit. But he couldn't leave until he found Renee. He had to find her.

But as hard as he tried to push against the crowd, there were too many of them and he was swept along with them. Caught in the bottleneck of the doorway, he tried to suck in a deep breath, but the air got lodged in his throat and he choked, wheezing with the effort. His chest ached with every breath. He needed to find Renee.

He pushed out of the stream of people as soon as he could, rushing to a wall and stopping to catch his breath. His breathing evened out quickly, but that didn't stop his worry. He waited until the last person left the room and the doors shut behind them, but there was no sign of Renee. He dug his nails into his palms, sweat forming on every inch of exposed skin. She couldn't have just disappeared.

A man walked by him then and Hugo let out a relieved gasp. A security guard. He'd be able to help him. Hugo ran after him and tapped him politely on the shoulder, his anxiety about new people unimportant.

"Yes, what is it?" the guard asked impatiently and Hugo bit down hard on his lip.

"I'm looking for a friend," he signed in a rush, praying to anyone that would listen that the man understood him. "We got separated and I have no idea where she is. Could you please help me?"

All his hope was dashed away the second he looked at the guard's face. The blank stare that met him only made his worry and fear worse. "Look, kid, I have no idea what you're trying to say, but I'm in a bit of a rush right now, alright? So, move along." And without another word, the guard was gone, drifting between the people that Hugo was too scared to go near.

Unsure of what to do and with his breathing becoming faint again, he moved back to the wall and dropped so that he sat against. There were tears in his eyes and a voice in the back of his head that whispered that he was weak for crying. A voice that sounded similar to his father's. He tried to ignore, tried to keep his eyes on the crowd so that he could find Renee.

But the tears blinded him, and his vision quickly grew too foggy for him to see clearly. He dropped his head onto his knees. He could text her, but would she hear it go off in the loud room? He could text Stefan to help him calm down, but he was at work, he wouldn't get it for hours.

"Hugo! Hugo!" a voice called. His head shot up and he caught a glimpse of a familiar dark-skinned woman. "Oh, thank God!" She rushed towards him, dropping to her knees and pulling her towards him. "Hi, I'm here, it's alright. I thought you were next to me, but you just disappeared."

He hugged her back, his tears spilling onto her bright shirt. "I tried to get help, but no one wanted to listen to me," he replied with trembling hands. "I want to go home."

Renee hissed in a breath and pulled him to his feet. "Come on," she said, giving him a small smile. "I'll take you home."