I nervously fiddled with my bracelet as Isla and I stood on the sun-soaked deck of the yacht transformed into a luxurious party venue. When I received an invitation to Ava’s surprise birthday party Jim organized, my anxiety skyrocketed. Although I wasn’t showing yet, that didn’t mean I was ready to see Jay.

Now that I'd seen him and we exchanged a polite greeting, I tried my hardest not to look his way. 

“He doesn’t look mad,” Isla whispered, tugging at the hem of my dress. “Maybe you two should talk?”

I groaned. “Isla. He wouldn’t spoil Ava’s birthday by being mad at her friend. He just hides it well.” What guy wouldn’t resent a girl for blocking him? 

“Okay.” Isla sighed. “Let’s sit. Looks like lunch is here.”

We were one of the first to take our seats at the table. Everything looked delicious, and I hadn’t had any issues with food so far. I hoped it’d stay that way—Mom told me she suffered from morning sickness when she was pregnant with me, and just the smell of fish made her throw up.

I forked a shrimp and brought it to my mouth. While I was busy chewing, the band guys sat beside us.

Crap. Jay was too close to me now. He grabbed a bottle of wine, and I made a huge  mistake—I looked at him as if I wanted some.

"Like the League. I know you love wine. Here you are," he said, pouring a generous amount in my glass.

"Thank you," I said, my cheeks warming. Damn it. What was I supposed to do now? Jay turned toward Nick. In a desperate attempt to save myself, I quickly swapped glasses with Isla.

“Hey!” she whisper-yelled when I brought her empty goblet to my lips. I sent her a pleading look she luckily understood.

 Jay arched his brow when he saw empty glass. He reached for the bottle to refill it, but Ava stopped him. "We want some, too.”

Another friend to the rescue.

I let out a relieved exhale and grabbed another shrimp. Focusing on tasty food was more pleasant than worrying about accidentally giving myself away. Jay was relentless, though. He refilled my glass two more times, and Isla’s eyes widened in warning each time I nudged my goblet toward her, silently asking her to lend me a hand. 

I wouldn’t have needed to do that if I weren’t a coward, but I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. 

The yacht started moving. Waves rocked it, and while everyone marveled at the view, I gripped the table with both hands. Nausea appeared out of nowhere, catching me by surprise. I tried to breathe in and out, but it only made it worse.

“More wine, Like the League?" Jay yelled.

I swallowed several times in a row. “Sure. But I need to use the bathroom first." 

Both Isla and Ava stared at me, wide-eyed. 

"I'm going to show Ivy where the bathroom is," Ava said to Jim. "Be right back."

“Me too,” Isla squeaked.

Ava led the way to the bathroom. As soon as we were out of everyone's sight, I clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Oh no," Isla said. "Over here, fast."

As Ava opened a door, I bolted inside, heading straight for the toilet. Emptying my stomach brought me some relief, and I groaned, rubbing my forehead. "Damn it. I must've overeaten."

"I think it's the B-word," Isla whispered. "You have to woman up, Like the League. So what if Jay knows? I've already had three glasses of wine, thanks to you, and I'm a lightweight. I'm going to end up dancing on the table if you don't stop giving me your drinks."

I straightened but had to kneel by the toilet again, although my stomach was empty. It must've been the B-word for sure. Baby. The one I was hiding from the hot, tattooed guy who inadvertently tried to get me drunk.

"I'm going to bring you some water," Ava said.

When she left, a male voice rose outside the bathroom. I couldn't make out the words, but if I was right and Ava talked to Jay, I hoped she’d come up with a convincing lie.

A few minutes later, she entered the tiny room, holding a bottle of water.

"Thank you, baby," I said, accepting the drink. "Was that Jay you talked to out there?"

She sighed. "Yeah. He came looking for you. Asked me what happened."

I paused mid-sip. "What did you tell him?"

"The obvious. That you got seasick." Ava shrugged.

This was bad. Not bad, catastrophic. I squeezed my eyes shut and banged my head against the wall. "Fuck."

"Why?" Isla said. "I'd probably say the same. Food poisoning is lame because the food is excellent and fresh."

"I know." I studied my nails. "It's just that… I told him I could sail. And he also knows my parents and I spend lots of time on our small yacht every summer."

“Damn.” Ava looked at me with pity. “I'm sorry. But if you ask me, he looked genuinely concerned. Maybe you two should talk.”

I gulped the rest of the water and tossed the empty bottle in the trash. “I don't know what to tell him. He probably won't want anything to do with me after today.”

***

I was proven wrong barely an hour later when the girls, the band guys, and I went to a club. When it was time to order drinks, I asked for a virgin margarita. Luckily, the nausea subsided, and I felt better.

As I sat sipping my drink, Jay kept glancing at me. When I finished my cocktail, he cleared his throat. “Ivy, can we talk?” 

Everyone's eyes were on us. If I refused, it'd look bad, and Jay deserved an explanation. Nothing of what happened was his fault.

I stood and walked out of the VIP room. Jay followed me, and we pushed through the dancing crowd to exit the club. 

The night was warm. Summer was in full swing, but it wasn't a careless, responsibilities-free season anymore. I hadn’t had the time to wrap my head around the changes in my life, and although hurting Jay was the last thing I wanted, I needed to make him see we wouldn’t work.

“Listen.” Jay ran a palm over his face. “I know you blocked me. I just want to know why.”

My heartbeat stuttered.  I was prepared for his anger, but not honesty. Taking a calming breath, I wrapped my arms around my middle. “I had fun when we went out. I just…I don’t see you in that way, Jay. I’m sorry. I didn't want to lead you on.”

Uncomfortable silence stretched between us. After what felt like minutes but probably was just a few seconds, Jay nodded. “Okay. I had fun that night, too, Ivy like the league. Let’s go back in there.”

“Go.” I forced a smile. “I need to make a call.”

I just needed a moment to myself because pressure built behind my eyelids, and I would hate to cry in front of the guy I turned down.

Jay backtracked. “Sure.”

After he disappeared inside the club, I waited for a good five minutes before going back.

I joined Isla and Nick on the dance floor. Jay was dancing with a pretty blond girl, and when Isla saw me looking, she tugged at my hand. “Let’s go get some fresh air.”

“If you want to take a breather, the rooftop terrace is nice. Text me when you’re ready, and we’ll join you there," Jim said to Ava, who stood by my side.

We took an elevator to the roof. During the silent ascent, I got ready for the girls’ questions. I didn’t think they’d understand, but I needed to try to explain myself so they’d abandon the idea of Jay and me together.

A gust of warm wind fanned over my face. Towering skyscrapers surrounded us, and other than a few customers at the rooftop bar, nobody was around to overhear us.

We strolled toward the edge of the roof. I braced my hands on the parapet, staring at the city lights.

“Jay did nothing wrong,” I said. “I pushed him away on purpose.”

“Why?” Isla groaned.

I hugged myself. “Would you coax a guy you barely know into raising a kid with you? Who even does that? He’s got his career, his goals, his plans. Having a baby changes your life. It’s not a temporary situation, and he’s not the dad. It’s not his responsibility, but it is mine. All we had was one evening together. We haven’t even kissed. Getting to know each other takes time, and I don't want to give him false hopes. I won't have time for dating when my baby is born."

Deep down, I knew Jay was a decent guy. He probably wouldn’t care that I was pregnant, but I was sure he wasn’t ready to become a father. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to date judging by what he told me about his parents’ separation.

“Maybe he wouldn’t mind being there for you,” Ava spoke as if she’d read my mind. “Lots of single parents find love.”

“When they have a child, maybe, but not when they’re just getting ready to have one.” 

“Do what you think is best for you.” She rubbed my back. “We’ll support you.”

"I wish him well," I muttered. He was talented and driven, and his future was brilliant. Mine could be, too, but at this point in my life, I didn't see myself starting a relationship. 

Taking a deep breath, I swept my eyes over my two best friends. "Maybe something great would've come out of it if the timing was better.”

But the timing was far from great, and I refused to torture myself with what-ifs and scenarios that wouldn't come true.