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Laner's Lament


Laner kicked off the conversation.

'Yes, yes, it is all coming back to me now.'

'Just listen to me, using words that sound uncannily like a line from a song!'

'I remember it so well; God I can't stop myself, I'm at it again!'

'It was that time of year, the time almost every school kid hated.'

'Yes, hated!'

Recalling that unwelcome period of exam preparation, causes an unpleasant memory to stir in my stomach. Yes, it's true I'm actually feeling those same old butterflies in the pit of my stomach.

'You know guys it was around the time of those tedious trial exams, the ones they called the Mocks.

'To be honest, it would have been bad enough for me under normal conditions, but after spending virtually all my time at the Golf Course, I was completely and utterly unprepared to sit any form of examination.'

'You know me and my ego, as usual, I'd pretended it didn't matter, but believe me it did.'

'There's little doubt about the price I paid, in those first few years that followed school.'

'Anyway, that's enough of that, if we stay on that subject for long we'll fall into melancholy, so let's talk about something a bit more interesting.'

'Do you remember the only highlight of those Mocks, no of the whole Fifth Year, for I do?'

'It was the Geography syllabus, and you must agree, that just had to be a first!'

'I think it can be said with confidence, that prior to this, most of us didn't give a shit about Geography and considered it only marginally more interesting than Religious Education.'

'Now that's some pedigree if you see what I mean?'

Mac

'No, that's not true Laner, I loved RE!'

The others met this revelation by clasping their heads and rolling their eyes.

Laner

'Only you Mac, only you!'

Mac

'Well!'

Mac's exasperation was met by even more contempt.

Laner

'Well, I don't know what you guys thought?'

'But, it came as a relief to me when they told us this was going to be a trial year, and they were going to use the Geography syllabus as a pilot for a new exam technique!'

Gio

'What do you mean Laner?'

Laner

'As I said, I'd spent the whole year at the Golf Course, so any disruption suited me just fine, and any legitimate excuse for a poor result was exactly what my ego required!'

Owl

'To be honest I don't think it was fair of them to use us as Guinea Pigs.'

Gio

'Still protesting, Owl!'

Owl

'Oh, come on Gio, even you must be able to see it by now.'

'It was the story of our young lives, unlike the young of today, we were treated like animals, constantly trained and harshly disciplined!'

'Do you remember being asked if they could screw up your education?'

'They changed the rules without asking us!'

'We had to demonstrate a practical application of geographical principals with marks being awarded for how well we applied them.'

'And then, we still had to sit an exam!'

'And after that, only a percentage of our marks were merged with the results of the written exam.'

Laner

'Oh, come on Owl.'

'It was lucky for me and you, without the practical marks we'd have been completely screwed!'

Owl

'Speak for yourself Laner, you and your buddies were always bunking off and dodging lessons, what else did you expect?'

'You can be sure my expectations were just a little higher than yours!'

Laner

'OK, I'll give you that, there's no point in fighting a lost cause, you're probably right.'

'But, surely you have to admit it was the practical element that attracted the five of us to follow the syllabus with a degree of enthusiasm.'

Owl

'You're right too Laner and it's also good to see you've learned a bit of humility.'

Laner

'Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment.'

'But, I wasn't the only one who lacked a bit of maturity, and you guys know we weren't completely clueless as to its purpose.'

'However, boys will be boys and just as you would expect, we never awarded it much significance.'

'You remember it was just another chance for some fun.'

Owl

'OK, we may not have been clueless, but we certainly had no real grasp on the importance of our role'.

He began to laugh recalling the funnier side to the story.

'We did ham it up a bit and revelled a little too much in its perceived glory.'

'I can remember you holding court in the playground, you seemed such a pompous ass as you stood there lecturing those not involved on how important we were, I can hear you now, one hand on your chest and the other waving in the air like some Fop.'

'After all my boys, we would be helping set the scene for the future of modern education blah, blah, blah .........'

'And we all know where that led!'

'It's a pity your speech wasn't so good during the oral English exam.'

Seeing the irony, we all laugh loudly.

Gio

'On a serious note, do you really think a more improbable bunch of pupils than us could have been selected?'

'Our physical, emotional, mental and social makeup was so completely different.'

'I'm doubtful the school had planned it.'

Tank

'I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this, and maybe, just maybe, looking back the school did select us for a reason.'

'Maybe it's the very fact we were so different!'

'Nevertheless, it remains true we were never asked to do it or told why we were chosen.'

'So, I like to believe we were The Chosen Five.''

Owl

'I like that Tank.'

'We five lads were the only pupils from the entire 'Fifth Form' to take part in the trial.'

I think that made us special, but you might question whether that was a sacrifice or favour?'

Geo

'You just can't resist jumping on that box, can you Owl?'

Tank

'Oh, come on lads, I'm really serious!'

'And Owl's right, the rest of the 'Fifth Form' followed the normal syllabuses.'

'Ask yourself, would anyone in authority have chosen us five lads for this task, completely at random?'

'No of course not!'

'God, what an unlikely coincidence it would have been, with all of us coming from such different backgrounds!'

Mac

'Now I can see where you're coming from Owl.'

'Everyone knew our school was located on the border of a suburban council estate, and everyone assumed all its pupils came from post-war exiled inner-city families with deprived backgrounds.'

And no one knew of the spiritual aperture that ran through the heart of our community, blending body and soul no matter what the fortune of your birth.'

Laner

'I didn't appreciate that mumbo jumbo back then Mac, but now I understand.'

Owl

'Jesus, Laner you can't be serious you really have gone soft in the head!'

Tank

'Come on guys help me out here I'm trying to make a point!'

'As you all know, in reality, our backgrounds were far from similar.'

Mac

'You're right Tank, and furthermore, I believe it was divine intervention that set our destinies.'

'It's no coincidence, that five student teachers, and five pupils from the fifth form became inextricably linked during the course, of that curriculum.'

'There was more to our role than we understood, and I don't mean the part we were to play in the development of future education.'

'It was fated that each of us would be assigned an individual mentor for the duration of the curriculum.'

'It was meant to be.'

Owl

'For heaven's sake Mac, fate or divine interventions got nothing to do with it!'

'It's plain and simple, we were doing something new and they had to be sure it would work.'

'To do this they allocated each of us a postgraduate teacher to act as a companion and mentor.'

'They had to shadow us ensuring we benefited from our geographical experience.'

'However, as with all plans they are made to be broken, beset with unplanned change as things don't always work to plan.'

'This exercise was no exception to the rule!'

Furthermore, this was before the time of finely tuned project planning, risk assessment and health & safety legislation.'

'We simply set off on a wing and a prayer, flying into the future by the seat of our pants.'

Mac

'That's my point Owl, there's no way that it should have worked.'

'We were constantly in need of divine intervention, to see us through the enforced changes, and the continual reassignment of both pupil and postgraduate.'

Owl

'Mac, don't talk rubbish!'

'They were just unpredictable changes and the positive upshot was that we nearly always found a way around the problem.'

'It increased the interaction of our group, allowing us to share our experiences, knowledge and philosophy.'

'And, what I consider most important is that it helped develop our sense of humour and created the camaraderie, that's brought us back here today.'

Laner

'Come on guys I think there's merit in both your points of view, so let's just agree to disagree.'

'Anyway, I don't think I'll ever forget the post grad's.'

'Well, I might forget their names, but not their quirky personalities.'

'Hey, can you guys remember the nicknames we had for them?'

Geo

'There was Gerry, who we knew as Drac.'

Laner

'That's not the name I'd expect to be the first off your lips Gio, but you're right about his nickname and one look at Mac's photo tells you why.'

Tank

'Hey, what about Will, who we called Polo?'

Mac

'I remember Gray.'

Laner

'No surprise there, with a nickname like Torchy, I guess you'd thought you'd seen the light.

'Sorry Mac, just kidding.'

Owl

'Of course, there was David, who we knew as Joner.'

Tank, already laughing shouted.

'Hey, Laner, what about Dapper?'

Laner

'Yeh, Yeh, and you can stop your laughing right now, we all know he was my personal Nemesis.'

'His real name was Reece, who I'd affectionately dubbed as Dapper (spoken with a hint of sarcasm).'

'I sometimes wonder if he still hates the name or if he has a good laugh if he ever thinks about it.'

'Let's hope it's the later'.

'Anyway I now like the way Mac looks at things, and all those fives.'

'Our little group sounds quite supernatural, the 'High Fives.'

'Alright, I can see from your faces that you lot think I'm off my trolley, still floating in cloud coo-coo land, spun away on Speed or something.'

'Come on, guys I've moved on a bit since then, give me a break!'

'Doesn't it seem just a tiny bit strange to any of you?'

Five pupils from the Fifth Form, mentored by five under Grads!'

Mac turned to me and began to smile.

'Oh, and there's no need for you to say anything Mac, I just knew you'd agree, it's these dinosaurs that bother me.'

'Anyway, forgetting all that psychic stuff, I prefer to refer to our group as.'

'The High Fives.'

'For me, it captures the true spirit of the amazing adventure, and good fortune or misfortune we shared.'

'Oh, and guys I bet there's something you won't have realised.'

'Today is the fifth day of the fifth month'.

Owl

'OK smart ass, I'll bet you planned it.

We know you love a drama, anyway where's the coincidence?'

'By my count that's only four fives, if you include the Five Pupils and Five Students.'

Laner

'It's a very long time since you last called me that, Birdman, but I'm glad you asked'.

With great pleasure and a huge grin on his face, Laner replied.

'Maths was never my best subject or yours by the sound of it.'

'The answer's simple, the room cost me five quid more than I'd planned, and knowing you wouldn't object I've added it to your tab.'

'But, seriously have you forgotten we were in the 5th Form?'

This revelation brought a loud cheer and more laughter than it probably deserved.

Sounding just a little smug Gio said.

'Hey, Laner I bet you remember that first day's training?'

Laner replied quickly and gave Gio that crafty old smile which wrinkled his lip when he knew he was on to a winner.

'Oh yes you can bet I do, but not half as well as 'Jacob's Ladder!'

This kindled a common memory, bringing a pleasant smile to Gio's face. However, the same could not be said of the others, who shared a less endearing experience on the training ground, and consequently, it didn't evoke the same nostalgic influence.

To understand why we must return to the training.

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