TITLE: Unappreciated
LOVE INTEREST: Reggie Mantle
AUTHOR: 1-800-Jaeger 

GRAMMAR: 4
CHARACTER: 2.5
OVERALL BOOK: 3

COMMENTS:
Okay so before you just judge by the book score I gave, let me explain my reasoning behind it all. I think the idea you have going is really good, it's something different than what I see from most fanfictions. I get the idea is to see how Reggie is put in his place and how he changes after seeing what Lana is going through, bur there's some faults. Rather than having Reggie get his ass chewed out by Lana automatically in the first chapter, I think it should take some time. Instead, I'd love to see a few chapters of Lana taking crap from her mother and Reggie, that way you could show her development and the way her mind works. How each little word chips off a piece of her on the inside and how she goes from quiet to angry after she's done taking it.

If Lana is the quiet nerd, show those qualities. Sure she walks awkwardly down the hall but that's not enough. People who are quiet around others won't automatically ask what's wrong with someone when they seem angry or stressed, like Lana did to Jughead. Lana should watch from her area of silence to ponder the possibilities over and over before she asks what's wrong. Not just take a glance and ask aloud. If you're trying to have Lana make some friends, show how timid she is, the way her mind works and the way her mother's words have an influence on her self esteem. I wanna see how Lana struggles with her thoughts about trying to say a simple hello to her locker neighbor. Also, she can't really be nerdy, quiet AND sassy. Nerdy and quiet works very well together but sassy doesn't quite fit into the equation. I think that over time, you can show her development and how she can be sassy at times. Character development is great because you can show the way she changes from the timid geek to a slightly sassy geek.

Also, Lana's mother. Wow, that woman is so mean. I understand that she's taking her anger out on Lana but I think it's too much too fast y'know. I think that perhaps she should kinda be passive aggressive about everything whenever they're on the phone. In person it could be a bit more extreme but there should be times where she picks on Lana the way a school bully would, not outright but heavily implied.

You should have a set time as to when this story is taking place, is it before or after Jason's murder? Is it set during season 1 or 2, is it an AU? Setting a time helps a lot especially to the reader since they'll be able to keep in mind what's happening around Lara.

Your grammar isn't terrible, there's a few things that need to be fixed such as punctuation and a few grammatical errors. I recommend copying and pasting your chapters into google docs, then changing the font and size a couple times in order for you to see the difference when it comes to errors. After a while, seeing the same old font over and over causes you to become a bit ignorant to mistakes made.

Oof, I really hope this doesn't sound like I'm bitching at you or something. I truly think that this book can be so amazing, it just needs a few fixer uppers. I really do love the idea you've got going on, as well as the faceclaim you've chosen. Chloe does work very well since her role in Carrie, I think she fits the role of Lana.

REVIEW BY: enchanteIIa