TITLE: Friends-With-Benefits
LOVE INTEREST: Archie Andrews (might change)
AUTHOR: ifell_inahole

GRAMMAR: 4
CHARACTER: 4
OVERALL BOOK: 3

COMMENTS:
Okay, overall, the whole idea of the book is really good. I really like the whole idea of friends with benefits involving the character of Archie because let's face it, he's a fuckboy, and it would make sense for him and Brooke to start a relationship like this. I also really like the character of Amelia Andrews and the idea of her actually being in love with the girl her brother is having a sexual relationship with really gives an opportunity for many things to happen further into the story.

There are a few things I didn't really like though such as the dialogue being in italic. It's really confusing for me as a reader to read and I think it will be better if the dialogue is not in italic. Also, I would suggest writing more description to make it more imaginable. There are also a few mistakes so I would suggest reading the chapter over again to correct some mistakes. And also, I noticed that often the same words are being repeated; 'she smiled', 'she laughed.' You can spice it up a little by maybe writing it like this; 'her lips pulled up into a smile', 'his lips curled up into a smirk', 'a laugh escaped from her lips.' Perhaps something like that.

Also, I don't know if you're only planning to do this after a few chapters but why not add some mystery into Brooke's character? Instead of letting her follow the storyline of other characters such as Veronica or Betty, you could write some additional scenes for Brooke because this story is mainly focusing on Brooke Shields. In addition to that, besides focusing on the relationship Brooke has with Archie, you can play around with the relationship between the Andrews siblings. Amelia definitely feels strained about her brother and Brooke and maybe you can show some sibling fight happening and show some of their relationship. And Colby is a great form of humour and it would be amazing to see more of him in the story!

I really like your book and you're an amazing writer but I think that improvements could be made to make your book even better. If there's anything you want to further ask me about, you can always pm me and we can talk about it! I'm definitely looking forward to see where your story is headed.

REVIEW BY: luciangemini