guys!! obriens80s made me an amazing trailer for this book and I can't even post it on here ughh! go check out their account and books, they're amazing!

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU READ BELOW!!

also, I'm so sorry for not posting in a while. I went to a concert Tuesday and it was a Sabrina Carpenter concert I was so close and had SO MUCH FUN!

and then I had to go to the dentist and get a lot of stuff done on my mouth and I've been in so much pain, so I'm very sorry, I hope you understand.

but, I hope this chapter makes up for it! :)

WARNING: VERY EMOTIONAL

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"like a river, like a river, shut your mouth and run me like a river."

Journal Entry #540

the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

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I don't even know why, but I was up at six in the morning, finding my hands making coffee for my dry throat. I took a sip of the warm concoction as it traveled down my throat, warming up my insides.

I sighed and leaned my elbows on Andrew's kitchen counter, playing all the details out that happened last week. It's been a week since Soda told me he was supposedly back with Sandy, and Andrew's been acting weird ever since then.

I bit my lip and went through what happened one more time. Soda looking highly upset, me running to Andrew and him not comforting me as he usually does. It's like he... knew it.

I slammed my mug on the counter and busted through his bedroom door, making it crash against the wall. He jumped out of bed, furrowing his eyebrows. "Dakota, what the hell?"

I started laughing constantly. "You better tell me what's going on between you and Soda right now, or I will kill you!"

The same guilty expression washed over his face and he sighed, patting the spot beside him for me to sit. "I don't want to tell you without him, so I'll go call him and tell him to meet us by the river."

I didn't even say anything to him. I just stood up and watched as he buried his face in his hands, regretting what he's going to tell me.

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I wrapped my jacket around me as the chilly November air stung at my cheeks. Andrew hasn't spoken a word to me ever since I left the room. We continued walking towards the river and I saw Soda's figure standing there, watching us with an uneasy look on his face.

We stopped right in front of him and I took a deep breath. "Go ahead. Tell me now what you couldn't tell me then."

Soda and Andrew shot each other a quick glance, as if to say good luck to each other. Soda inhaled deeply and started to tell me the whole story, me listening the whole time with my mouth dropped.

Once he finished, I clenched my fists in a ball and if this life I'm living was a cartoon, you could see the steam blowing out of my ears. "YOU WHAT?!"

Andrew sighed. "Dakota-"

I put my hand up to silence Andrew and turned towards Soda. "No, you know what? This wasn't some idea to protect my feelings, it was to protect yours! You wanted to show me for once that you were the good guy!"

He just stood there, helplessly, not being able to reply because he knew it was the truth. I turned towards Andrew. "And you! You went all along with this? You knew I was going to come home crying and you couldn't even feel bad for me because the only thing that was going through your mind was that the whole thing was fake!"

I kept looking at the both of them and shook my head, narrowing my eyes at the both of them. "I hate you! I hate both of you!" Venom was pouring out of every word I screamed as I kept inching back from the two people that betrayed me.

Before I turned back and ran, I pointed my finger at them. "Don't even try to come talk to me! Ever!"

And as I ran away, as far as I could, they didn't even try to stop me.

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"Why did you come to talk to me? Something wrong?" Randy asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

We were sitting on the bleachers, the football field in front of us like last time. I scoffed. "Randy, do you know how it feels to be betrayed by someone you're really close to?"

Randy shot me a half-smile. "I think we all have. The thing about it is, it's never your enemies who betray you. It's always someone you love."

I stared off into the field, flashbacks of Bob getting thrown to the ground flooding my mind once again. "It'd be better off if I was with Bob again."

Realization hit Randy's face and his eyes went wide. "No! Don't you dare even think about something like that, Kota. You're on this earth for a reason, to live your life. You make tons of people happy. Everyone would miss you if you left!"

I laughed. "Oh, really? Who would miss me? Andrew? The one that faked his sympathy for me? Soda? The one who hurt me when he had a choice not to? Yeah, I'm sure they're going to miss me."

Randy pulled me into a side hug and I leaned on his chest. "Randy, I'm leaving."

He knitted his eyebrows in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I've been wanting to leave this hell called a town ever since I lost Lucas! And now, I've had it! I'm leaving! I don't know where, but I have the money stashed in my closet. I've been preparing for this." I stood up from the bleachers and started running towards my car, Randy right on my heels.

He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me towards him. "Before you leave, just know that you can always call me, okay?"

I nodded, tears stinging my face. I pulled him into a hug. "You know, Randy, you've been more of a friend to me than Cherry and Marcia have ever been."

He chuckled as he let me go. "Besides Bob, you've been one hell of a person I could count on. I'm going to miss talking to you on the football field, Kota-Bug."

I smiled as I put the car in reverse. "I'm sure I'll come back soon. I just need a break."

He yelled as I drove off. "We all do!"

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Sodapop

There was a knock at my door and Darry rushed over to it, thinking it was Dakota. I've been upset all weekend and he knew it.

Darry furrowed his eyebrows. "It's Randy. He wants to talk to you."

I walked over to where Randy was and stepped outside on the porch with him. Andrew was here also, making a bad feeling rise in my throat. "What's wrong?"

Randy chuckled as he scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I don't really know how to say this and I certainly don't want to be the one to break the news to the both of you, but Dakota left."

Andrew and I's eyes widened. "She what?!"

Randy told us the talk they had before she left and tears stung my face. I buried my face in my hands as I continued to cry. "She left all because of me! This is my fault and now she's gone!"

Andrew put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't say that, Soda. We're going to find her."

Randy laughed. "Good luck on that. She didn't even know where she was going. She could be anywhere in the world right now. All she wanted was to get away from this town."

I scoffed and felt like I needed to punch something. "No, she left because of me."

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i'm so sorry for this super upsetting chapter! I was planning this from the start though, and I even dropped hints.

anyways, i'm glad to be back! and even if this chapter was sad, I hope you guys liked it!