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this chapter will be FULL of FEELS]

"can't change the way we are, one kiss away from killing."

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Journal Entry #531

my grandmother once told me, "Relationships are work, honey, and they aren't 50/50. Some days when I get up I only feel like giving 10%, then your granddaddy has to give 90% that day. But there is always 100% love." 

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Do you know that feeling when you feel like your drowning but you're not even in water?

When you see everything crash and burn to the ground but you can't do anything about it?

"I'm just glad you're okay." That's all it took for me to fall.

To fall too hard.

"You okay, Kota? You haven't talked much." Andrew furrowed his eyebrows at me, looking at me as if I were a piece of paper with a foreign language written all over it.

I shrugged, continuing to stare into space. "Just thinking, is all."

He was still curious and Andrew is the type that's never satisfied until they get the answers they need. "What are you thinking about then?"

I glanced up at his face for the first time in ten minutes and arched my eyebrow. "Have you always been this nosy?"

He chuckled and got up to pour himself another cup of tea, still keeping his gaze on me as I sat at the kitchen table, a coffee mug in my hands. "Well, usually I'd let you keep your thoughts to yourself, but you just seem really out of it today. It's like what you're thinking is bothering you."

I bit my lip, mentally cursing him because he's right. He's always right. I let out a soft laugh. "It's none of your concern, Andrew. I'm perfectly fine with my own thoughts."

He raised his eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

I sighed and laid my head down on the table. "Andrew, promise me something."

"Hmm?"

"You'll stay with me?"

He smiled. "Until the very end."

I nodded and took a deep breath, sitting back up. "Well, I... I think I like Sodapop."

His eyes went wide. "Like?"

"Love? Ugh, I don't know!" I tugged my hair in frustration, making him laugh and sit back down in front of me at the kitchen table.

"I knew it would happen."

I cocked my head to the side. "Oh, really? How?"

He shot me a small grin. "You know what they say, whoever you make fun of is the person you secretly love."

I started giggling. "Who told you that? Your first grade teacher?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but what I do know is, you should tell him."

I scoffed. "Yeah, and you say it like it's so easy. He's dating Sandy, you idiot."

He raised his arms out. "So? You still need to let him know, Kota. You can't just keep your feelings bottled up like always. Love is something you don't want to mess around with."

I chuckled. "I've messed with a ton of things, I can mess with love. I'm a big girl."

He glanced down and back up at me. "You're going to destroy yourself."

I laughed. "Andrew, you're too late. Don't you think I would have stopped a long time ago if only I knew how?"

No answer. He simply just put his hand on top of mine, patting it gently. "Well, you know I'm always here. Always."

I smiled. "I know you are."

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"KoKo-Puffs, it's good to see you finally being able to walk without that cast on your leg!" Soda shouted while laughing as I walked up to the DX.

I rolled my eyes. "Put a sock in it, Cheerios."

He pouted. "Someone's not in a good mood today."

I couldn't help but smile. "There's that smile!" He grinned widely as he pinched my cheeks, making me slap his hand away.

"Soda, baby, c'mon let's go." Sandy begged as she walked up beside Soda, tugging on his arm while shooting me a dirty look.

He gave me a small grin. "I'll see you later, KoKo, okay?"

I nodded and watched as he left with Sandy, a sigh escaping my lips. "Oh man. Oh no." Steve whispered, making me turn around to face him.

"Oh man, oh no what?" I asked.

"You like Soda."

I laughed. "No, I don't."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Prove it."

I shrugged. "I hate Sodapop Curtis and his name is disgusting because who'd be named after a carbonated beverage?"

Steve started laughing and shook his head. "You love him." He started wiggling his eyebrows, making me slap him in the shoulder.

"No. No. No. Shut up."

"DAKOTA BLUE LOVES SODAPOP CURTIS!"

"STEVE, SHUT THE HELL UP!"

"WHAT?!"

We both spun our heads around towards Two-Bit who had a big smirk on his face. "How the hell did you pop up?" I snapped.

He shrugged. "I always come to the DX around this time, but that's not the point. You have a little crush on Sodie?"

I giggled at the nickname, but went back to a straight face. "No, I do not! Steve-"

"Steve was telling the truth." Steve butted in, making me turn back around again and slap him. "No, you weren't."

"Yes, I was."

"No, you weren't."

"Guys, I'm back! I forgot my- Dakota, you're still here?" Soda asked, making all three of our eyes go wide.

"Um, yeah." I muttered, making Steve and Two-Bit giggle.

"KoKo, do you want to go bowling with me and Steve tomorrow night?" Soda asked as he grabbed the keys that I'm guessing he forgot. 

"She'd love to!" Steve answered for me, making me grunt. 

"Wow, Steve is actually excited for someone to come bowling with us. That's a first." Soda chuckled as he walked back towards the car. "See you tomorrow, Kota." 

Steve and Two-Bit started laughing even harder. "I'm going to kill you two." I growled, already coming up with a million ways to kill them to make it look like an accident.

"I hope you're good at bowling." Steve whispered in my ear before walking off. 

Bastard. 

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extremely short, filler chapter, but hey I updated two times in one day!