Laura refuses to face the doorway even as she hears Greyson enter. "Laura? Darius said that you wanted to talk to me?" She could hear the confusion in his voice and hides her response to it. Perhaps she is more vampire than she had been before, she liked his confusion.

"Not really, but Darius insists that I do before he'll do what I want him to." Laura replies still refusing to look at Greyson. Something she's not done for some time. But if he is going to pull away from her like he has then there is no  reason for her to keep treating him like she had.

"I don't understand? Why would you need to talk to me before Darius does something for you? Darius goes out of his way to spoil you, all you have to do is tell him that there is something you need or want and it's yours. Hell, most people would be giving him lists of things they want. I've heard that he's frustrated because you hardly tell him you want anything."

"I asked him to turn me." Laura lets her words drop into the room like a bomb.

"Then I really don't understand why he would like for you to talk to me first. He's wanted to turn you since he first found you." She can hear the confusion. "Laura, would you look at me, please?"

Laura finally looks at him and has a hard time holding back her emotions so that he can't read her. She is just thankful that enough time has passed that the ravages of her crying spree have left her face and that she has enough use of her arms and hands to clean up what had been visible earlier.

"Darius says that I need to talk to you about the reason for me wanting to turn before he turns me."

Greyson finds a seat and gingerly sets himself down. He has a feeling that he's not going to like the conversation he's about to have. "Okay then, just why are you wanting to turn now when you weren't interested in doing so before?"

Laura gives a little huff of disbelief, "Mostly because I'm tired of being the reason you are miserable." Laura thought that was far better than any other way of saying she's a burden to him.

She hadn't expected the look of confusion on his face. "I'm not miserable, Laura. Why would you think that?"

Laura can't help the bitter laugh that comes out from his words. "Oh please. For weeks now you've been doing your best to distance yourself from me. I know you barely take the time to feed and don't take the time to be with any one sexually." Laura ignores the slight jump he makes at those words. "You avoid being around me whenever possible, whenever your duties allow you to do so. If I am turned then you will only have to be my body guard and I can remain in my room most of the time so you won't have to deal or even see me." Laura is thankful that she is able to keep full control of her voice and it doesn't break with her words.

Greyson sits there stunned. He hadn't realized that she had felt that way about him changing his behavior. She is willing to turn just so that he doesn't have to be around her. She is willing to stay in her room after the change so that he won't have to deal with her. Shit, he's messed up and bad.

"Don't." That's the only word he manages to get out before he has to stop talking and put stronger controls on his emotions. "Don't have Darius turn you just because of me. I'm sorry you feel that I don't want to help you. I do."

At this Laura snorts her disbelief.

Greyson closes his eyes and sighs out. "I don't blame you for not believing me now. I never meant to make you feel that you are a burden or that I don't want to take care of you. Honestly, you aren't all that bad to take care of and I don't mind in the least.

"As for the food and sex, that's my problem to deal with, not yours. Soon you will be feeding yourself and won't need me here while you eat and I'll be able to eat my meals at the same time. As for the other, well, I've gone longer times than this without and I figure that I can go for even more time without feeling any problems. 

"Yes, vampires are a sexual race, but it doesn't control us. I have had a very long time to learn restraint and control over my desires. I'm not hurting, Laura.

"I've pulled away from you a bit in an effort of selfishness on my part. You are an incredible person and it would be easy for me to want more than would be permissible between us."

"All the more reason for me to turn. That way you won't have to be near me so much and you would be able to keep your distance. Once you teach me sufficiently you won't even have to guard me."

Her words should sooth Greyson, but for some reason they don't. In fact they make him angrier than ever.

Greyson jumps up and starts pacing around the room. Laura ignores him and goes back to looking out of her window to the back garden. It's springtime now and most of the flower beds are still waiting for the summer flowers to bloom.

"The lilacs are in bloom. So are the tulips and daffodils although they are just about done for the season I think. I believe there are some pansies and what are they called again? Crocus, that's right. There are others but those are the only ones I know names of."

Laura ignores him. She loves lilacs. She loves spring as well, but not this spring, this time she's going to miss it. If the lilacs are blooming then spring is mostly over.

"There are some wildflowers in the other garden. Would you like to go outside?" Greyson knows how much she loves flowers and hopes that this enticement would be enough for her to forget about turning.

"I'm fine. Go ahead and do whatever you want." That's all Laura will tell him.

Greyson feels something he hasn't felt in over a century, overwhelming frustration.  

"Please send Darius to me when he's available." That's all Laura tells him before dismissing him and returning to her contemplation of the outdoors.

"Don't, please don't turn just so I won't have to be around you. Turn if you want, but do it for the right reasons." With that Greyson leaves the room and wipes the tear he feels off his face. He stops in shock looking at the tear on his finger. He doesn't even remember the last time he cried. Oh, wait, yeah he does. It was when he found his sister's dead and mutilated body in front of her grandchildren. She had died trying to protect them. He hadn't been there to protect her or the children.

He feels just as useless now.

"Well?" Darius stops him.

"She wants to speak to you when you have time."

"Is she going to turn?"

"Against my advice, it's very likely that she will."

Darius looks at his bonded, "You want her to turn just as much or nearly as much as I want her to, now you are saying that you don't?"

"If she was doing the turning for the right reasons I would be thrilled at her decision. But the fact is, she isn't. She's doing it because she doesn't want to cause me any problems. I applaud her willingness to help another, but in this case it's misplaced."

"Why does she think she needs to do this?"

"Because I don't want her to become emotionally involved with me when I won't be able to give  back to her what she wants. I don't know how to love someone, Darius and she deserves to be loved."

"So you are hurting her so that she doesn't become even more hurt later on?"

"I've done my best to avoid hurting her, Darius, you have to believe that. I have absolutely no desire to hurt her. I think she deserves the best and that sure the hell means any one not in the seethe."

With those words Darius snorts his agreement. "But there are plenty of people outside of the seethe that would harm her even more than my vampires would."

"I know."

"You live because you are trying to keep her from being hurt even though your efforts are causing her pain.

"She doesn't feel safe with the maid giving her a shower. Until such a time as she no longer needs your services as nurse or help with showers, you will help her. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir. How did you know?" Not even Greyson had remembered that.

"I do have some mind reading ability. Now go and eat. Take some extra time and find someone to give you some sexual relief as well."

"As you wish, Darius, but it really isn't necessary."

"Isn't it? I will be staying with Laura until dinner. Go." Darius waves Greyson off with his hand even as he moves forward toward Laura's door. He doesn't know if he should go ahead and turn her like she wants or hold off like Micah wants. If he chooses the wrong thing it could cause him a great deal of trouble later on.