They didn't come to listen to your lie

The one that peers out from under your eyes

So shut your yap, it's just a trap

Smile as the days go by

Single file

Long ago I was lost

Stuck deep within the permafrost

Hacking coughs, stacking costs

Gaining a grandiose fistful of loss

One day I'll be gone

Left only this song

And wouldn't that be just a happy thing?

--the song Sing, lyrics by Orion Bauwens

It's day two of not seeing or hearing from Orion. He's holed up in his house since what happened in Hollywood. I had texted him to see how he was feeling but didn't get a reply back. I go about my business as usual, but there's a gnawing worry in the back of my mind.

I try to ignore it. He's a grown ass man. If he wanted to talk, he would. But this was now the second time he puked from what I could only guess was from nerves, the first being our when we went back to Michigan on tour. There was starting to be a huge difference between the kid that waved at fans out the window after our first interview and the one I had seen two days ago.

And I gotta say, I'm not really a fan of the guy I saw two days ago.

I'm singing along to some Pink Floyd when there's a knock on my door. It was a good thing I was walking through at that point, otherwise I wouldn't have heard it.

"Alexa," I say, the music quieting. "Pause the music."

As the music stops, I open the door.

"Oh, hey Ben! S'up, buddy?"

"Hey," he responds, not very enthusiastically. "Could I come in?"

"Of course, I'm just doing some cleaning."

Before we even get the chance to sit, Ben speaks. "I'm worried about Orion."

I frown as we sit. "Yeah...me too, man."

"I mean, he's always been, well--off."

I nod.

"But that meltdown...wow."

All I can do is nod some more in agreement.

"Do you think he's doing drugs?"

I think a moment but then shake my head. "No. I honestly don't think so. I think he's just fucked in the head."

"Do you think there's like, something wrong with him?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm not a therapist, so I'm not gonna sit here and gossip about my best friend."

"It's not gossip," Ben snaps at me, sounding offended. "I'm worried."

"If you're worried, then you should ask him."

"I tried," he huffs, leaning back. He crosses his arms and turns his head, glaring to the side. "He didn't return my texts."

"Yeah, mine either."

A silence blankets us. Finally Ben looks back at me. "What should we do?"

"What can we do?"

"Fuck, Jake, I'm not just gonna sit here!"

I sigh and rub my face. "You know Ori. If we try to pry he's just going to say nothing is wrong, or get mad at us."

Ben suddenly laughs. "Or both..."

I chuckle. "Yeah, probably both."

He snorts. "Why do we put up with his dumb ass?"

"No clue..."

More silence. I don't like how Ben is looking at me, so I look away. My clock that's in the kitchen clicks away loudly.

"Jake?"

I look at him.

"Can I--can I ask you something?"

Fuck. "Yeah, of course."

"What's going on between you and Orion?"

I look away. "Um. We're sleeping together."

"I figured as much by how you made out with him on New Years. Why?"

"It's none of your damn business!" I snap at him, and honestly I'm not even sure why.

Ben gives me an unimpressed look, raising his eyebrow at me. I scowl.

"You're not gonna drop it, are you?"

"Nope."

I sigh.

"I don't want it messing with the band," he tells me, "but more importantly, I don't want you to get hurt."

"Why would I get hurt?"

He crosses his arms again. "Jake."

"What?"

"Jake!"

I moan. "I'm not going to get hurt, okay! We're just fuck buddies. He admitted to me when we were on tour that at first he was afraid to sleep with anyone, and then New Years happened and we both slept with different people, so it's totally a non-issue."

Ben doesn't look like he believes me. I purse my lips and narrow my eyes.

"It's fine."

He doesn't answer.

"It's fine."

Finally he holds up his hands. "Okay, it's fine. I won't bring it up again."

"Thank you."

He sighs. "So. What're we going to do about our mess of a lead singer?"

I look at my lap sadly. "I d'no."

~

"Nobody cares

The black swan's reprise in the rain

Through the veins of the ghost

That lies just beneath

I sent a letter

To the reflection in the mirror

For the lark of the rosary

That was tucked in the bosom

As steady as a heart beat

As uncomfortable as a dry summer heat

This silence marches on

In this town that drips with shit

When night wraps around

The tendrils smothering the screams

I just want to punch the mirror

And use the shards to cut you with"

It took Orion three days total before he finally resurfaced. When he did, he acted like nothing was wrong. He didn't talk about the meltdown in Hollywood. He didn't talk about disappearing for three days. Worse, when Gloria asked him, he simply told her he wasn't feeling well. That was it.

I felt bad, I felt like I was tattling, but I told Gloria exactly what had happened when he wasn't around. She didn't really say much, just thanked me for keeping her in the loop, and that was it. I wonder what she was thinking. Unfortunately whatever it was, she kept it to herself.

So here we were at a recording studio. We weren't recording anything yet, just practicing for our new album. And with a new album came a tour. I suddenly wasn't looking forward to it, which sucked.

Orion was in the middle of the room, playing his black electric guitar, singing us his latest song. Ben and I sat and listened, occasionally glancing at each other. It was called Black Swan, and by the second verse I was feeling pretty damn depressed. I pinched the bridge of my nose, wishing the song were over already.

But there's two more versus. By the end of it, Orion is grinning at us.

"Well? Whatdoya think?"

I look at Ben and then sigh. "Well, it sounds like it'll be a hit."

Orion slowly frowns. "That's not what I asked. I asked if you liked it."

"What's wrong with you, Orion?" Ben asks.

I shut my eyes. Ben has a lot of good qualities. Tact is one that eludes him.

Orion looks genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

"The meltdown, going MIA for two days."

Orion shrugs and looks down. "Nothin'."

"Bullshit."

I look at my other best friend, surprised. Orion's head shoots up.

"Dude, lay off. I said nothing's wrong."

"Denial isn't just a river..." I quip quietly.

"Original, Jacob."

"Orion," Ben snaps, sounding angry now, "you just sang us a song about a black swan that dies at the end, and about cutting yourself with shards of mirror."

Orion rolls his eyes. "Shards to cut you with."

"I just want to punch the mirror!"

"Jesus, it's a song, Ben."

Ben looks in pain. "I'm worried about you, is all."

"So!" Orion says, breaking into a grin. "I've been thinking about getting an acoustic. A nice one. When we finish up with this session, do you guys want to come with?"

I look at Ben and he frowns at me. I sigh and shake my head.

"Sure Orion, whatever you want."

~

As soon as we walk into the guitar shop, we're recognized immediately. Orion is wearing sunglasses, Ben and I dressed normally. I mean...not that Orion isn't dressed normal for him, but he kinda sticks out, decked out all in black like a wisp of smoke. Yeah, a wisp is fitting since I've noticed he's started to get skinnier.

"You guys are Saturn Mutants, right?" the guy behind the counter says loudly.

Orion sighs quietly besides me as everyone in the store looks over. There's not that many, but it's still around ten or so. We follow Orion over to the counter and he takes off his sunglasses, putting them in his jacket. He then leans against the counter and smiles.

"Yup, that's us."

"I'm a huge fan."

"Thanks," we all say together.

"So, what can I help you gentleman with?"

In an attempt to get him to relax a little, I rifle Orion's hair and grin. "Orion is looking for an acoustic guitar."

Orion glares. Well, that backfired.

"Do you have a brand in mind?"

"Not really. Honestly I was hoping to just browse around."

"Sure, feel free! Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks."

We spend the next twenty minutes wandering around the store. At several points we're stopped and asked for autographs, which we oblige after borrowing a pen from the guy at the counter. After the sixth time we're stopped, and we happily sign, Orion's facade drops the second the female fan is out of site.

"Fucking hell," he grumbles, looking more akin to a bad storm cloud than a wisp of smoke, "I just want to buy a fucking guitar..."

He grabs a black Martin D from the wall. As soon as he starts plucking it, his eyes go slightly wider. He tunes it, and begins to play. After a while he finds a chair, head down, still playing, and sits.

Without even meaning to, Orion spends the next half an hour giving an impromptu concert for the store. He doesn't even notice the people standing around, too wrapped up in what he's playing. It's like he's warped into his own little universe where it's just him and the guitar.

Occasionally he hums, but there's no outright singing. When he finally stops and lifts his head, people start clapping. He blushes and looks like he doesn't know what to do. A couple people had their phones out and were recording him. For a second he looks pissed, and I take a step forward, ready to try and stop an outburst. But instead he sighs a little and smiles.

"That'll be fifty dollars per person," he jokes, and people laugh.

After that we sign a couple more autographs. Orion in grinning. He checks the price tag and looks at us. "Okay, I'm getting this one."

I know my guitars. "Orion--that's a nine hundred dollar guitar."

"So?" He grins. "It'll be my first splurge as a wealthy rock star."

That ends up not being his only purchase. He buys the exact same electric guitar he plays, too.

"Uh," Ben says after he grabs it and heads to the counter, "you already have that..."

"Yeah, and if anything happened to my very first guitar I'd die," he replies with a shrug of his shoulders. "I don't want to bring it on stage anymore. I'll tour with this now."

"I get it," I say. If anything happened to my bass I'd cry. Probably literally.

Ben chuckles and shakes his head. "You guitarists and your need for eight million different guitars..."