"Kyu Barrister babu?"  Her tongue burns when she whispers that term of address for him.

He became her pati babu when he filled her hairline in front of all villagers to protect her. He became her Rakshak babu when he saved her from those widows from dragging her into a colourless mundane life. He became her Rakshas babu, she chuckled at the name, when he yelled at her but that too for her own good. He became her Birristra babu when he filled her empty canvas with the bright blue of ink and gave her stars of wisdom in the night sky of illiteracy. He became her aaina babu when she saw herself in his eyes, as if he had his eyes only for her (only that he didn't ), when his field of vision had nothing but the determination to earn for her studies.

He became her sansaar ,her world, her heaven when he brought her back from the hell like Heeramandi. What a person is supposed to do when they lose their world, their sansaar?

But he became Barrister Babu to her in real sense , not when she had started pronouncing it correctly and he was amazed at her tiny achievement but when, he showed her what a real Barrister is.

Someone who knows how to make someone kneel down in front of him. Who knows how to defeat someone. Who knows how to win. How to win the battle of words and arguments.  How to.... how to break someone's heart.... her heart and shatter it in pieces and not blink an eyelid.

That's when he became her Barrister Babu.

"Kyu Barrister babu? Kyu aaye aap yaha? Kya chahiye ab apko?" She lamented as she put wet cotton strips on his burning forehead.

" Bon-Bondita!... Please...." He murmured in his semi-consciousness and her heart clenched.

" Hosh aa gya kya apko? Barrister babu? Barrister babu? " She patted his cheeks and ran outside to inform Madam Pomfrey to check his condition.

"Don't worry my child. It's just exhaustion of journey and change of weather.  Just the correct medicines and plenty of rest and hydration and he'd be as healthy as a horse within a few days."  Madam Pomfrey tried to cheer her up.

" Thank you madam Pomfrey. " Bondita, true to her heartfelt nature hugged her.

When Anirudhh opened his eyes groggily, he was welcomed with a pounding headache as if a lumberjack is hitting in his skill , and his body as heavy as a log of wood. His eyes looked for the only person his heart yearned to see, but were met with empty infirmary.

" Yaha ni thi kya wo? Mai Mila tha na usse? Dekha tha na maine?" He mumbled as if confused.

Two days down the lane and not a sign of her. He had recovered pretty well. He had to, when he had no other option to escape this infernal infirmary where he was held hostage, health be damned. Madam Pomfrey was a sweet matron , she reminded him of Mother Teresa but no amount of puppy eyes could move her. When he, very unlike his nature and to his own shame , tried to bribe her to let him go, all hell break lose and Sister Virgin had to calm her down, along with a stern warning to Anirudhh to not allow him in the premises after that if he continued his insolent behaviour. It was for his benefit only, they said.

He felt as if he had been admitted in his boarding again. So many restrictions.

When he asked Sister Virgin about Bondita's whereabouts, she was tight lipped. It was his last night in the infirmary, he'd be discharged tomorrow. 

It was midnight , he was staring at the ceiling fan and cursing at the change of events. What perfect plan he had to talk to her and he sabotaged it. What in the actual hell!

There's no way he could cajole her to meet him now. He had lost his chance. He heard footsteps at a distance and closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He didn't want another lecture from his bedside nurse. He was done being a schoolboy.

He wondered how a mischievous soul like Bondita lived under these restricted environments. Would she have gulped these bitter medicines when she fall ill without throwing any tantrum? Did she make face just like she used to when he made her drink kaadha for her bedwetting problem? Did these nuns and sisters hold her hand when she couldn't sleep on a stormy night or sang her lullabies when she was scared or homesick?

Homesick! What she would have done when she was homesick? He could count on his fingers the number of telegrams and letters she wrote to him and his family in the last five years. The length of letters became shorter and shorter and one day the letters stopped arriving, much to his dismay.

A tear rolled into his hairline from his closed eyelid and his breathe hitched when he felt a small finger wiping it from the side of his eye and he opened his eyes to find out an equally horrified Bondita. She turned back and was ready to sprint when he spoke making her stop.

"Bondita please! Ek bar . Ek bar meri baat toh sunlo. Please."He knew it was wrong of him to stop her at this late hour in the night but it was a do or die situation for him. "Bohot ho gaya ye chuhe billi ka khel, Bondita. Ek bar baat toh karo mujhse. Esi bhi kya narazgi?"

" Narazgi? " Bondita turned to him and for the first time he saw his old Bondita, one with the fire in her eyes but then it totally  disappeared like the flick of an exhausted candle. " Narazgi kis baat ki Barrister Babu?"

Again! Again ! That damned term of address! Barrister babu! How! How am I your Barrister babu? Wasn't I your Birristra babu? Because you only once said that the endearment holds a sense of belonging in it. Then why Bondita? Even in every letter, you called me such. It hurts me. Can't you see that? He seethed in his mind. 

What a hypocrite Anirudh Roy Chowdhury! Slow claps! He could hear his conscience mocking.

"Narazgi nahi toh aur kya hai ye?  Mujhe milne se kyu mna kiya tumne?"

" Graduation ki itni tayyariyaan karni thi time hi nahi mila." She said very softly looking down.

" Jhut toh tumhe aaj bhi bolna ni aata. Awaz mai hichkichaahat mehsoos kar sakta hu mai." He said as a sad chuckle came out of her mouth.

"Aisi koi baat nahi hai. Aap aaram kijiye." She turned to go but he held her hand making her gasp in surprise and turned her towards him, slightly falling towards the bed but she held the bed before she could touch him and make the situation more worse than it actually was.

"Bondita please....." Bondita didn't miss the desperation in his voice.It sounded tempting, too tempting to give in and talk to him and his touch on her skin was meddling her senses. The warmth of his finger tips made her realise how cold she had become, and not just figuratively. But this was , not what she had expected him to behave like.

She had cried herself to sleep for thousands of nights, and in the wee hours after her nightmares. Nightmares in which his words rang louder and louder until she could feel his hateful words bleeding her ears.

The shame of the actions she took in those days to appease him, the embarasing rejection that followed , that feeling of being unwanted, undesirable, being treated like as if she were a pest , gave her enough lesson for the whole lifetime that we should not go to places and people where we are not wanted.

She learnt this the hard way that you cannot make homes out of people. The feelings, the vibe , the energy , everything goes away when they change. When the dynamics between them changes. And there is no going back. No amount of begging, cajoling, blackmailing can bring back all the happy moments back.

It's all gone. Like the momentous drops of dew in the dawn.

She collected her thoughts as well as her demeanor and straightened herself.

Anirudh felt a pang in his heart when she withdrew her hand urgently from his grasp as if his touch burned her. He realised how cold she had turned , as if the dread of a ghost has passed her.

But one thing that surprised ,but also borderline disturbed him was that her hands had grown up, just like her. Now that he realised, he took a good look at her. How she grew up! Like a blooming flower.

The fidgeting fingers, dilemma on her round face, eyes searching around the dimly litted room for something she could focus on apart from him.
The innocence of her face mixed with the agony of situation felt like a punch in his gut and his heart dropped in further depths of guilt.

"Barrister babu, apko ab sona chahiye. Kal graduation ceremony hai. Aap thik ni honge, toh sabko sammanit kon karega. Ye sabhi students ke liye bhut hi garv ki baat hai ki aap hume felicitate krenge." She said as she looked at her hands while speaking. "Mai chalti hu." She shifted a good few steps backward before he could stop her this time.

But the next words that came out of his mouth buckled her knees as she reached the door steps of the room.

"Shaabash Bondita! Mujhe pata hai tumne sabse jada number laake , nya record kaayam Kiya hai is saal. I'm so--"

" Goodnight Barrister Babu!" She interrupted before he could say anything else.

She ran and ran as fast as her week legs could carry her and when she reached her room, she fastened the latch and slid on the floor with her back grazing the door.

And finally, finally the tears came.

She was surprised she can still cry for him after all these years. It felt like her tear ducts would never exhaust for him.

Millions of moments have passed between this day and that day. It felt like an enormous valley to cross, she wanted to cross since a long time. And now when she  has done it, when she has crossed that space, when her ears have heard those two words
"Shabash Bondita" from his lips , her heart feels a strange ache and emptiness that is beyond explanation.

She remembered her own words she had declared to Batuk in the middle of market years back, to keep his mouth shut from telling Anirudhh about her top tier performance in the school.

Jab mai achanak manch par jaungi swaagat karne Viceroy General Babu ka, toh pati babu ko garv hoga na mujhpar , bas apne liye wahi garv dekhana chahti hu unki ankhon me.

"Aaj, aapke muh se mere liye wo shabd sunke, aapki aankho mai mere liye garv dekh kar bhi adhura kyu mehsoos kar rahi hu , Barrister Babu? Isse adhik bhi kuch chaha tha kya maine kabhi aapse. Aapka sath, aapka garv, aapki aankho m wo chamak, is sabse jada kuch jaroori tha kya mere liye. Par Aaj wo Khushi kyu mehsoos ni kar paa rahi hu." She choked on her own voice, hugged her knees to her chest and laid down like a ball,  softly sobbing and rocking her body to and fro until darkness took over her exhausted frame.

Meanwhile in the infirmary, Anirudh laid down on the bed , one hand flexed under his head, a content smile lingering on his lips. His eyes still longing for her. He mentally cursed the dim lights and tried to jog his faint memory to make out the features of her face in his mind.

Kitni badi ho gayi ho Bondita. Par aaj bhi wahi baccho ki tarah naraaz hona nahi chhoda. Aaj bhale hi phele ki tarah muh na fulaya jo , par tumhari narazgi padhli maine. Is barr tumhe koi shikayat ka moka ni dunga. Tumhara Ghar, tumhara parivaar tumhare aane ki aas mai palke bichhaaye betha hai. Har bar ki tarah is baar bhi maana lunga tumhe. Par pata ni kyu, tumhare chhehre par ek ajeeb si .....
He couldn't point out the exact word....
detachment kahu yaa indifference mehsoos hua mujhe. Ummed karta hu ye mera vehem ho. Tumhare Birristra babu wapas aa gaye hain Bondita, tumhe apne sath leke Jane. Ab sab thik ho jayega.

There is something very ironical with male gender. Men have created an unbreakable bubble around them which doesn't allow them see past it. They think and they feel that everything is under control, in their fist. They picture the upcoming situations in their own minds , believe them to be true until one large force knocks them down , breaking their bubble, and making them realise the cruel truth outside it. But then, there is nothing left but to repent and grovel.

The next morning will tell what the future holds for these two souls who are connected by an invisible string. Their bina taar wlaa judaav. Mannn ka rishta!
Anirudh has started pulling the thread from his side to bring her close to him like before, while Bondita has decided to cut this thread forever......

Will they be able to do what they intend to.