11 NOVEMBER 2O22

it's 11:11.

[introductory poem]

I'm stranded in the middle of the street,
lost on an island feeling nowhere sweet

feels like i've not moved in a millennium years
just been drowning my whole life, unable to ever resurface
and my head's underwater, my arms are failing me
let me sink to the bottom, let my death welcome me

for i belong nowhere on this earth
with my very being, a dying corpse to bear
i've never moved an inch in forever
simply stranded in this vicious cycle

yeah, stranded for the whole of my life
yet all i know is that i need to
take a ride on a train this instance
to wake me up and get on my way

—

DUSK/SUNSET: 

when dusk falls, it is the deep darkness that resides within me, etched in my veins, filling the whole of me. time and again, it hits me with the feeling of not knowing when I'll ever see the light again. once more, yet another day - an unfamiliar day of trials with endless pain and fear. 

(how far do I have to go to see the light? how much longer do I have to go before it ends? my endless steps stop on this road and ask. when will I be able to do it? can I dream of a normal life? it's just a vain wish that I pray to the sky)

I've lived my days in fear and death, fighting (but failing miserably) to be alive on this earth and how often I lay trapped within me without a way out of this irreversible cycle - stagnant, alone and never free. 

(when I open my eyes, nothing has changed. when I close my eyes, tears flow; living every day like hell. I realized that no one was by my side)

my feelings and thoughts fluctuate throughout the day. at times, I've seemed to have found hope and the strong urge in me to walk through the battlefields but every time, things get in the way again and people drag me down. every time, there's also always my own self to blame. I'm once again thrown into this dead darkness, leaving me feeling that there hasn't and will never be a single happy moment in forever.

(even the smallest happiness. why wouldn't I be allowed to? even the faint light disappears far away)

it's the same feeling everyday - thousands of regrets plague me and heavy dread fills me. fatigue burns my tired soul and the pain numbs me. all the countless times, I relentlessly played with fire till the whole of my being was scarred and scorched beyond measure. now all I'm left to do is to pick up the broken, broken pieces of my life. try as I might to piece them together, I can never do so. inside of me lies a million shattered pieces. how can I save myself?

(even if I go through my days in darkness every day. why is it so unfamiliar?)

when dusk falls, it leaves me with a sinking, bitter feeling (aligning with that of the setting sun); darkness floods the whole of my heart and my demons continue to haunt me because all along, I remained the same person I was before. the one who never changed. all the countless words I've said to myself for so long simply fell on deaf ears and became crumbled pieces of papers (lethally crushed by my own hands) to be thrown out of the window because it's that useless, it's that worthless. I never change and I'm all. alone. in. this. 

(there's no one left by my side. it hurts like it's going to rip. what should I do? I cried and cried like a fool for a long time. enduring an unfamiliar day once again)

//

at the very end of it all, nearing the end when my light is so close to waning out, I say to myself for the final time, meaning it with all of me and with everything I've got to work to make it true:

                                                                                                                                                ,

                                                                                                                                way

                                                                                                               new

                                                                                                 a

                                                                             again

                                                             begin

                                                   me

                                      let

                11:11,

dear

to: mljw309

this is my RISE TO DAWN

m y  n e w   b e g i n n i n g 

/ from DUSK TO DAWN /

—

A/N: hello folks! welcome to RISE TO DAWN !! (surprise, surprise~~) I finally published a new book here on wattpad after so long :') just wanted to say I really hope you enjoy this 13-day journey that I will be updating daily from today. this book is specially posted before I leave for my (indefinite) hiatus. this book is also (quite) deeply embedded in lyrics from a few specific songs that are chosen and written in bracket and italicized form to direct and substantiate my thoughts and writing for each chapter. so if you're interested to understand what I've written deeper, feel free to click the link at the top to access to the lyrics for the song of each chapter. do also note that this is also a book that aligns with the literal and figurative meanings of the chapter titles in order for me to express various things. as always, I write really simply so do bear with me. I love you all & thank you so much for taking time to read this personal book of mine that I've shared with you guys. I hope y'all always take good care of yourselves. see everyone in the next chapter ;) <3

p.s. it's 11:11 today, so make a wish (hehe)✨🪟✨

© Meganljw 2022 | All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form. All the works belong to me. Picture credits to respective owners, I do not own any of the images.