Alexis
I wake to another warm morning, but everything about it seems utterly cold. I leave the house before either of my parents are out of bed. Apparently, Dad doesn't work today. Unless he lost his ******* job too.
As I walk to school, I pull out my phone to start some music. But instead of going to my library, my finger taps YouTube. And before I know it, I've searched Colton's name.
What is freaking wrong with me?
Whatever. I don't care. If my subconscious wants to listen to his music, I'll let it.
I choose a YouTube playlist and start it. I'm not really listening to the words anyway. Of course, he isn't the only artist on the list. I don't really care until I recognize Joel and Luke's ******** "Priceless" starting. I promptly skip it.
Finally, as I near the school, I yank out my earbuds and put my phone away. Here goes another day in absolute paradise.
I keep my head down as I walk through the halls, my arms crossed over my stomach in my usual posture. Just keep walking.
"Just 'cause you cover it up doesn't mean it's not there, Alexis."
I glance up momentarily, just long enough to see the face of Diana Carol, her gaze locked on where I'm covering myself with my arms, before my eyes snap to the ground again.
"You talking about her ******** arms, or how ******* fat she is?" her boyfriend, Marcus, asks with a smirk.
"Both, Babe," she replies easily.
"Well, they're both her own fault," he taunts. "She's just too much of a ******* loser to do anything about it."
I just cannot take this today.
"Would you just freaking **** off?" I snap.
Anger flashes over Marcus's face. "What makes you think you can talk to me like that, you little punk?" he half-yells, and steps forward before I can duck away, taking firm hold of my arm and raising it above my head as he yanks back the sleeve with his free hand. "Look at the loser." He is yelling now.
I try kicking him in the shin, but he doesn't even seem to feel it.
"******* let me go!" I gasp desperately.
He ignores me. "Yeah, this is how not to live you life!" He shakes my arm in a terrified freshman's face. "This little girl can't handle life!" He smiles at me maliciously. "Because you've got family issues, don't you, Baby? Your daddy's a jailbird and your mommy's a drunk. Poor Baby."
"**** off!" I scream back, feeling more and more eyes pass over my hideous arm.
"Oh, poor little baby," Marcus sneers, though he finally lets me go, slamming me into a locker for good measure. "How about you go and kill yourself, punk?"
And he and Diana walk away, laughing. I bite back tears, yanking down my sleeve, and continue to class.
Because I guess I deserved that.

I don't even bother saying goodbye to Lacey as we part ways after school.
Why should I? I mean, if I died tonight, she wouldn't even give a **** about it.
Seriously, "Would It Matter". My life.
Except it would matter. Because there would be so many people celebrating my death.
My phone chimes, and I look down at it wearily. Colton. Fantastic.
hey, so i have some friends, in a band called OBB, and they're coming to denver this weekend. when I told nich that we'd made a friend there, he said he wanted to meet you. You up for another concert?
I swear silently. This cannot be happening.
how much did you ******* tell him?
He responds quickly.
chillax, girl. When he said they were headed for colorado, I just told him we'd made a friend while we were staying there, and he said he'd love to meet her and that I should tell you to come to the concert and then head through their signing line afterwards. They're even willing to give you a ticket for free.
I sigh.
i don't need their charity, and im not really sure why id even want to go.
come on, for me? Please? Even just cause ur bored?
The sad thing is, he has a point. More importantly, though I hate to admit it, the fewer nights I have to spend at home with my father, the better.
how much are the ******* tickets?
free.
I would like to punch him right now.
colton...
I can just see him laughing at me.
ok, ok. they're like twenty bucks.
I still have ninety that I don't know what to do with. This is just sad.
okay whatever I'll get a ticket
thank you! :)
I just shake my head and swear out loud.
don't think im happy about it.

I honestly have no idea why I agreed to this.
I have been standing in line for like two hours to see a band that I don't even know and don't exactly want to, just because Colton is a silver-tongued maniac and I didn't want to stay at home with my parents for too long. Ugh.
And the nice weather couldn't even have held. It's already freaking freezing, and I think it might start sleeting. Just my luck. When do the freaking doors open anyway? I thought the concert was gonna start at seven, so I showed up a little after five, just because I wanted to get away from my dad, thinking the doors would open at six. It is now almost seven. Apparently, the concert starts at eight and the doors open at seven. At least, they better.
And it smells like weed. It's not like I'm not used to it, but I still hate the smell. Isn't this supposed to be a ******** Christian concert?
I'm seriously freezing. The only relief from the cold is the heated air coming from the vents of the tour bus parked along the sidewalk where I'm standing. If I actually liked - or even ******** knew - these people, that would be cool. The others in line have been entertaining themselves by watching through the window that's just see-through enough to show a TV on which whoever is inside is playing video games. Fans.
Seriously, this is just sad. I'm almost certainly the only person in this line that doesn't actually want to be here, and yet I'm seriously close to the front of the line.
But the OBB... I think that's their name, anyway... boys are nice, I'll give them that. They bought thirty huge boxes of pizza to give to all the people waiting to see them. Not that I ate any of it. I've barely eaten all week. I'm still trying to make up for all the ******* food Colton and the others made me eat last weekend.
I did make sure to eat a little fruit before I came here, though. I'm almost positive that's not why I was passing out, but, just in case, it is not happening again.
Finally, five minutes after seven, they start letting people in. Freaking thank goodness. And I'm close enough that I get in pretty soon.
A lady at the door marks my hands with black "X's" since I'm under twenty-one, and I glance at my ticket. There's no assigned seating, so I just follow the people in front of me to the main hall where I guess the dudes will be singing and up to the stage. And, I'm seriously close. Fantastic.
And, now I've got another hour to kill. I pass it scrolling through social media. Literally everyone from Winter Jam looked me up... which isn't creepy at all... and followed me, so I followed them back for some stupid reason. Since I literally have no friends in real life and very few on the Internet, it does make my feed a lot more interesting.
Finally, after a few minutes of the ******* crowd chanting the band's stupid name, the concert starts. Thank goodness. The sooner this is over, the better.
Put your hands up high
If you're here to have a good time,
Here to have a good time.
And everyone does, at the example of the guys on stage. So I do too, just to blend in. Ugh.
Lift your voices loud,
Let me hear you shout,
Let me hear you shout tonight.
Even more screaming that there already was.
Nobody sit down!
Get up on your feet now!
Come on, let's go all out, all out.
Do you have to?
Who cares if we dance all night,
Til the sun comes up?
If we lose ourselves
In your crazy love?
I care.
This ain't religion.
Oh my gosh, I hate it when people say that! Yes, it ******* is!
We've been forgiven,
With no conditions.
Sure you have.
So who cares if we're dancing?
I seriously think I'm the only one in here who's not.
Who cares if we're dancing?
And they go on to sing the rest of the song. It's catchy, I have to admit. But still.
That one goes into something about a sweater... whatever, I guess... and then something about needing God. It's just sad that they really think they rely that much on a mythical Man in the sky.
And I honestly zone out, even when they're talking. Especially when they're talking. But, as they start another song after one about being personal and up close... or something... for some stupid reason, my brain clicks back in. And I can't make it check out again.
The world told her that little dress
Would leave all the guys impressed,
But she doesn't know I'm not like that.
You're stupid.
She was told it's about the looks,
That's because it is. That's why I'm never gonna get a guy. Okay, that and a whole lot of other reasons all boil down to the fact that I'm a ******** loser.
But I don't think she understood that
I'm searching for more than that.
Cause all that make-up's make believe.
The truth is that I wanna see her
Put someone before me.
And, I know where this is going. Great.
I'm looking for a girl who's in-love with Jesus.
I'm not afraid to say
I'm looking for a girl who's already given her heart away.
And, called it.
I'm looking for a girl who's a true believer,
Sold out to Faith.
I'm looking for a girl who's already given her heart away,
Given her heart away.
Whatever. This is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard. I stop listening best I can. Which isn't very well, but it's better than nothing.
When it's finally over, one of them... because I have absolutely no idea who is who or honestly what their names are period... looks out over us with a grin.
"Are we having a good time tonight, Denver?"
Everyone screams in reply.
"Hey, that's exactly what we like to hear," he says. "But we know that might be pretty rare for some of you out there. And a big part of that could be shame... you know, wondering if God has really forgiven you... or maybe you haven't even asked for it, because you're so sure He never could... that he could never love you. If you're that person out there tonight, we just want you to know that the moment you ask Jesus to make it that way, your past, your mistakes, your sin... it's all gone."
Everyone screams as they start another song. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sin is not a weight you should carry around.
Your past is not a chain that should hold you down.
Yeah, 'cause you can just magically forget your past and pretend like it never happened. These people live in a fantasy world.
Your regret, you can forget,
And leave it all behind.
Yeah. Totally.
If you've met forgiveness,
Ran to redemption,
Walked through salvation's door,
Your sin is gone.
Grace has won.
This is so freaking stupid.
It's a new day,
Your mistakes
In the grave.
Not until I am in the grave, people.
You were bought
By the cross.
No one would ever buy me.
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Oh my gosh, this is so freaking stupid. At least, that's what I'm gonna keep telling myself.
Mercy is a fire that you can't put out.
Love is like a storm that is pouring down.
No, love is just a ******* word.
It's an ocean,
Heaven in motion,
Lose yourself in the tide. Yeah!
Breath in forgiveness,
Live in redemption.
Salvation's arrived, and
Your sin is gone.
Grace has won.
It's a new day.
Your mistakes
In the grave, yeah!
You were bought
By the cross.
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Gone like a memory that you forgot.
That doesn't even make any sense.
Gone like a stain that the rain has washed.
Gone like a summer breeze,
Faded like autumn leaves.
Yeah, you just gotta believe.
In myths? I think I'll pass.
Your sin is gone.
Grace has won.
It's a new day.
Your mistakes
In the grave, yeah!
You were bought
By the cross. Yeah!
It's a new day.
Your mistakes
In the grave, yeah!
You were bought
By the cross.
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Gone, gone, gone,
Your sin is gone, gone, gone.
Well thank goodness that's over. I just wanna know how much more of this I have to sit through.

When the stupid thing is finally over, there is nothing I want more than to just leave. But I don't. I head to the bathroom first, make a cut to relieve my stress, and finally go back out again to get in line with about a trillion of my closest friends.
Seriously, why am I here?
And, since I was hurting myself in the bathroom, I'm the last person in line. ******** fantastic.
This is the second time today that I've waited in line to do something that I don't want to do.
When it's finally down to me, they meet me with ready smiles.
"What's up?" one greets me. "What's your name?"
I exhale lightly. "Alexis." I hesitate before adding, "and I'm honestly only here because Colton made me come."
Understanding dawns on his face. "Oh, Alexis, Colton's friend," he says with a smile. "Sweet girl..." He laughs. "I was beginning to think you bailed on us."
"I almost did," I reply simply.
But these people just seem to be impossible to offend.
"I'm Nich," the dude tells me, "and this is Zach and Jacob."
I nod to their greetings.
"So," Zach says with a grin. "I know you didn't exactly want to come, but did you like the concert anyway?"
I shrug. "Yeah, it was fine."
"Girl, I'm loving your enthusiasm," Nich laughs. "But, hey, seriously, thanks for coming."
I nod slowly. "Whatever." Can I go now?
"So anyway..." Jacob waves in the direction of backstage. "Colton said you'd have walked here, and we're not exactly fond of the idea of you walking home by yourself this late, so we were hoping you'd let us drive you."
What the **** is it with these people and this?
"I'm okay, thanks, though," I respond coldly.
Nich grins. "Colton said you'd say that. He said if you did, we could threaten something about Joel's speech every time you were supposed to be eating..."
I swear. You have got to be ******* kidding me.
"Okay, whatever."
They all laugh.
"Sweet, girl," Zach says. "Hopefully everything will be packed up by now, so we can just go. We're heading out tonight anyway."
I just wordlessly follow them. I hate Joel and Luke. I seriously hate them.
 
A/N: So, I disappeared again. Yay me? Whatever, right? But I do legit have a very good excuse. I was at an NF concert. Which was freaking awesome. So, yeah. Also, thanks to you who gave me the idea to put in OBB. Announce yourself in the comments, please, if you want to, because I have no idea how to link in writers, and I am sick and brain dead tonight, so I can't spell your user name. My life is sad. Anyway, thank you! I'm hoping I did okay. :)