Alexis
I wake up still on the couch, with the TV still going. I straighten slowly, running a hand through my tangled hair. And everything that happened last night comes back to me in a flash. I allow my head to drop to my hands and groan. What did I freaking do?
Maybe it was a dream.
What’s not already dead of that hope is killed when I glance down at my wrist, exposed with my jacket off. It reveals both the cuts I made last night and the Respect and Honor bracelet that Joey or whatever his name is gave me. Joel? Whatever. The Aussie with regular hair.
I sigh and pick up my phone to check the time. Eleven-thirty. Who cares? I’ve slept in til three before.
I might as well take a shower. I’m not sure why, since I’m not really planning on going anywhere today, but whatever. I have a throbbing headache that it might take away.
It doesn’t even help. What is ****** wrong with me?
I grab my phone from where I left it and mindlessly check for texts. There’s not gonna be any, but I might as well look.
Except there is. From Colton.
Oh, how ****** fantastic.
Hey alexis. We’re chilling here for a few days cause our next show got moved and we were wanting to get out and enjoy the sunshine. Do u know any good hiking trails u could direct us to?
Unfortunately, I do. Trail running is one-hundred percent more entertaining than street running.
I sigh and reply. Sad thing is, I really don’t have anything better to do than to give them directions.
if u dont mind a bit of a drive, go to fort collins. There’s a ton there that are really easy to find.
His response is quick.
Heh, an hour is like five minutes after uv been on tour for a while, so i dont think itll matter. u doing anything today?
Why is that any of his ****** business?
But I answer honestly anyway. And I don’t even know why.
i have one friend that hates me and I was so bored last night that I went to a religious concert. What do u think?
I can just see him smiling like I wasn’t just totally rude. His answer confirms it.
Haha, well u should come with us. We’d b happy to swing by and take u along.
You have got to be kidding me.
I think im good.
And, once again, I can just see him grinning and refusing to take no for an answer.
Aw, come on. We’d love to have u! It’d totally make our day.
I don’t care about making you stupid…
Okay fine
I stare at the response I just sent for a long moment. Why did I just do that? There is not even a tiny part of me that wants to go with them. And yet, I said yes. I would like to cut my fingers off right now.
Awesome! We’ll be by in like half an hour.
Well, isn’t that just ****** amazing?
Okay whatever
I bite my tongue to keep from screaming. Why am I such a freaking idiot? Why is he so freaking friendly?
And now I get to go hiking with him, Annie, and who knows how many other of their stupid friends. This is just fabulous.
And now I have to cover up my ******* arms. This day is off to a fantastic start, for sure.
I walk to my room and grab a jacket, pulling back my hair (A/N: Okay, guys, I realized I’m an idiot who forgot to describe my main character. How do you guys picture her?) while I’m at it.
And I return to the living room to mess around on my phone until Colton gets here. I don’t know how long I spend dumbly flipping through Facebook and cursing my parents every time I see a picture of their stupid honeymoon, but eventually there’s nothing new to look at and I exit.
I mean to go to Instagram, but for some stupid reason, my finger slides to photos instead. And I’m staring at the last picture I took of Danny, the week before he went to the hospital for the last time.
We were out walking together… just around his neighborhood. We used to go on hikes, but at that point he was way too weak for that. And he looks it. But he also looks happy. He looks like he’s enjoying being around me, like there’s no where on earth that he’d rather be.
And, all of a sudden, I can’t hold back the tears anymore, and all of them that have been begging to be let out ever since that night when I was sitting in his room as he took his breath flow out.
I hate myself when I cry. But there’s nothing I can do about it. Not even cutting will help this pain. And I don’t know why. I don’t know why it won’t get better, no matter what I do, but it won’t. So instead, I’m left to put my head in my hands and cry, alone, just like I always will be with Danny gone.
A knock on the front door is never a good thing in this neighborhood. But today, right now, it’s terrifying.
I stare at the door for a long moment, trying desperately to choke back my tears. I don’t have to answer it. There’s nothing they can do to make me. But, against my own will, I get up and walk over anyway. Before I can stop myself, I turn the knob and open the door.
Colton’s ready smile falters as soon as he sees my face. Because I‘ve managed to stop crying, but it’s not like that’s the end of it. It’s not like you can hide it.
“What’s wrong, Alexis?” Colton asks quietly, reaching out to take my hand.
I pull away and stare at the floor. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” he replies gently. “Can you please tell me what’s the matter?”
I don’t answer, and he looks at my other hand, which is still holding my phone. Before I can stop him, he reaches out and takes it from me. He stares at the picture for a long moment before looking up at me once more.
“Who’s this?”
I bite my lip. And an answer comes out before I can consider whether I want it to or not. “The only person who ever really cared about me.”
He winces at my words. “Cared?”
“He died last week.”
And the tears fight their way out again.
Colton breathes in sharply, but I’m too ashamed of my tears to look at his face. But, before I know what’s happening, I feel to strong arms wrap around me, and I’m sobbing into his shirt.