YOU NEVER KNOW whether you've made the right or wrong decision until you deal with the fallout of it. Until you go down the path chosen and see if you come out at the other end thankful for your choice or regret from the wrong choice.

Kneeling down, I let my fingers graze the water as the tide rolls in up the beach, looking out to the ocean as the morning sun shines down on the water, making it glisten. Standing up again, I sigh before turning my head to look back at Atlas's apartment complex, where he remained asleep when I snuck out to the beach across.

I tense as I hear my phone ring, slowly taking it out of my pocket. My agent's name flashes on the screen. Reminding me my decision is needed. Answering it and placing the phone against my ear I wait for her to talk.

"We can't hold them off any longer, Thalia. The sponsors want to know today if you are coming back," Cassidy says, and I close my eyes for a moment.

"It used to be my only dream surfing, the tour, and now coming here has made me realize there is more than surfing. But I'm not ready to give up on surfing just yet, not until I know if I can surf again after my accident," I explain to her.

"Do you think you'll be able to surf? You've not done it since your accident and you've made a lot of progress. I don't want you to rush back in when you're not ready and make things worse," Cassidy says.

"I know, and maybe I am naïve to think as soon as I'm back I'll be able to pick up where I left off, but I won't know until I try," I tell her and she is silent for a moment.

"You leave in two days. That should be enough time to say your goodbyes," Cassidy says.

"I'll see you soon."

✺✺✺

The only thing scarier than telling Atlas I am leaving is telling his grandmother, who told me not to hurt him.

Leaning against the doorway of the senior home, looking out onto the garden area where the citizens are walking around with their families, doing some exercise or enjoying the outdoors, my gaze finds June as she sits over at the table enthralled in a game of chess with her friend.

No one but Gabi knew of my looming decision. But the time has come where a decision has to be made. The time between now and the mid-season cut off is drawing closer and there is not much time left for me to go back and get the points needed to re-qualify.

Willing myself to move and get this over with, I take a deep breath before walking forward, making my way over to the table where they sit.

Her friend notices me first. Her eyes flickering up to mine before she grabs June's attention. June turns her head, smiling widely as she sees me approach. I give her a weak smile back and hers falters slightly, as if she knows something is wrong.

June says something to her friend before her friend excuses herself. June stands up and holds her arm out, allowing me to thread mine through hers as we walk through the garden.

"Something tells me this is not your usual visit," June says, and I shake my head, trying to find the right words.

"How do you know what you really want? You're torn between two paths and you don't know which one is right," I ask her and she hums, as if thinking.

"I think the only way you will know is to explore one path. Maybe it will be a mistake, but you won't know until you go down that path," June explains.

I raise my eyebrow. "And if it's the wrong one?"

June gives me a look. "Then you try the other path."

"What if I ruin everything by taking the other path? And there is no way of coming back?" I question as we continue to walk and she smiles before patting my hand.

"There is always a way back. Even if you don't think there is. It won't be easy to come back and fix everything, but there's always a chance," she tells me as we sit down on the bench that overlooks the flowers.

"I don't think he'll forgive me," I say, referring to Atlas, and June looks over at me.

"Want to talk about it, dear?" she asks me, smiling sadly, and I sigh.

"A few weeks ago, my agent told me my sponsors are going to pull out if I didn't come back on the tour and the mid-season cut off is nearing, meaning I won't automatically re-qualify for next season. I'd have to take part in the challenger series and do well to qualify. After everything I've worked for my whole life, I can't let it go without trying," I explain.

"Does Atlas know?" she asks, and I shake my head. "He needs to know."

"He's going to hate me. I don't want to hurt him, but surfing is everything to me and I don't know if I'm ready to give it up without a fight. I know I'd be able to re-qualify potentially, but there is new talent all the time and being out for so long, I don't know if I'd be able to compete," I explain.

"Well, as someone who has brought a pro-surfer up, I can see that same fight in your eyes. You dedicate so much to a sport and the lifestyle," she tells me.

"He deserves someone who can stay," I tell her.

"And you don't think that's you?" she asks.

"How can I be the person who stays if I'm traveling all year for the tour?" I ask her and she nods. "I'm sorry. I told you I wouldn't hurt Atlas, and that's what I'm doing."

She pats my hand. "You need to do this for yourself, and I don't doubt that this won't hurt you as well."

"Take care of him for me."

✺✺✺

He opens the door a few seconds after my knock resonates through his apartment. A smile widens on his face as he sees me. He leans against his door in nothing but pajama pants and a pain hits my heart at the joy on his face, knowing it will not be there for much longer.

"I didn't know you were coming tonight. After you snuck out and left me a note, you were going to see June. I would have come with," Atlas tells me, running his hand through his hair.

I wave him off. "I wanted to see her on my own, ask her some things and talk to her."

"You know I can do girl talk, right?" He flips his hair and a small, pained laugh comes from my throat.

He opens the door wider for me to walk inside, and as I do, he takes my hand, stopping me before I look up at him. He places his finger under my chin as he leans down to kiss me softly. I revel in this feeling, knowing this may be the last time, and as we pull back, I rest my head against his, closing my eyes for a moment.

I feel him place a kiss on my forehead and I pull back before walking fully inside, allowing him to close the door. He turns around as I stand there and his smile falters for a moment, seeing the look on my face.

"We need to talk."

His eyebrows furrow for a moment as he stands there, his hands in his pockets. "What's wrong?"

I walk around to the couch and sit down. He slowly follows, a little hesitant, before sitting beside me and talking a hold of my hand as he strokes it comfortingly with his thumb.

"A few weeks ago, my agent called me. She told me that my sponsors were ready to pull out and find different surfers to endorse if I wouldn't come back to the circuit. Then she said the mid-season cut off is coming soon and if I want to surf next season, I would have to come back and try to get the points needed or re-qualify," I explain to him.

"So it's true," he says, his hand leaving mine, and I immediately miss the comfort.

I furrow my eyebrows. "You knew? Did Gabi tell you?"

Shock crosses over his face. "Gabi knew?"

I slowly nod. "I told her not to tell you. I wanted to be the one to tell you when I made my decision. I've been going back and forth for weeks now. How did you know?"

"Easton called me the other night. He told me there were rumors about all of this. He wanted to warn me in case you left, and you are," he says as he hangs his head and runs his hand through his hair.

He stands up and walks in front of me, pacing, with a distant look on his face.

"My agent called me today for my decision. I leave in a few days. It's not that I don't love it here, Atlas. I do. I love this town, and being here with you and Gabi. It made me realize there is much more to life than surfing and someday I want that," I say.

"Just not now," he adds as he turns to look out of the window.

"I just need to do this for myself. I need to know whether or not I can do this. After spending my whole life working for this, I can't just throw it away without trying, and I know I could take a few years off and go back but with how competitive the tour is and the new surfers coming in every season it will be much harder. I was in my prime before my accident," I say.

"Thalia, you haven't even surfed. You've made so much progress, but how do you know you won't get there and bail?" he asks, turning around. The pained look in his eyes leaves me speechless for a moment.

"I don't know that, but I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life if I don't try."

He nods before looking directly into my eyes. "And this between us? It doesn't have to end just because you're going back."

The look in my eyes must tell him everything he needs to know as he scoffs. "Relationships on the tour don't work, Atlas. We're traveling all the time, and the ones that do work are because they travel together."

"Then I'll come with," he says and I shake my head.

"And you'll resent me for it in the future. This is your home, this is where you want to settle down, you have the surf shack. You need someone who will stay," I tell him.

"All I want is you, Thalia, and if you can't see that by now," he says, before turning away from me.

"I want to be that girl for you, Atlas. But I just need to do this for myself. I need to know," I say, and we remain silent for a few moments. "It has nothing to do with what we have. You don't think I've loved being here with you? But this whole time it's been like a dream and I don't want to wake up, but I have to."

He turns back to me with a heartbroken expression. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have talked about it together."

"Because I know if I had, I would have stayed for you," I admit.

"I want you to be happy. If you want to go back on tour and try, I support that, but don't make this the end of us," he pleads. "I don't need another person in my life leaving me."

"I'm sorry, but I need to do this and while I know this is going to be painful, it will be more painful if we were together and couldn't see each other or knowing I had taken you away from the place you love," I tell him.

"It would mean we'd be together though," he admits and I feel wetness on my cheek.

Walking over to him, I lean up to kiss him one last time softly.

"I care about you so much. I'm sorry, Atlas. I have to do this," I tell him, before walking away. I feel his hand reach out to brush against mine, but I keep walking.

Closing the door behind me, I let the tears fall and I flinch when I hear the crash of something behind the door. Walking down the hallway, I lean against the wall and rest my head back against it as I cry—

—and leave behind everything good in my life.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

A U T H O R N O T E

Okay where do I start with this chapter—

first of all for those of you who have read my work before or just know, I hate conflict. I struggle writing conflict part of books so much! It does not come naturally to me at all, and I am still learning so much and trying to improve. I wrote the first and last half of this chapter TODAY, I only kept the middle part from the original version I was writing through the week.

second of all I WAS CRYING writing this chapter! If there are any spelling mistakes you know why, it's because my eyes were too blurry for me to see what I was typing. This was painful for me to write.

What did you guys think? Obviously Thalia and Atlas are not screaming match type of people so I went down the more emotional route for this one. It will be interesting to show you guys Thalia's thought process with her internal conflict, obviously that ties into her PTSD there will be a lot of growth and I want to 100% talk about this near the end of the book for sure.

I really would love to get this book to 100k before it's completed.

Also start throwing some ideas out for bonus chapters you would love to see, of course since there is another book in this series the chapters will maybe have to be in this same timeline / not too far into the future so that there are no spoilers for the next book and so there isn't big timeline gaps between this book and the next one if you read a bonus chapter of them with kids to them then going back to this age.