author's note: read 55 first!!!

I've made a lot of questionable decisions in my life, some that I stand by, and some that I regret. I'm still trying to work out which category asking Rafe for some space falls into.

It wasn't an easy decision, and as I walk away from his boat I stop myself from turning back, knowing that for now, space will do us both some good. I don't think either of us are entirely healed. In fact it's best not to sugar coat it, we're both still broken, and I'm not sure if our broken pieces fit together.

I don't even know who to go to, I can't go back to my family right now, because their insistent questions will just drive me crazy. But if I go back to the pogues, waiting for one of them to say 'told you so' will be like waiting for a ticking time bomb to explode.

"Hey sprinter," A voice startles me as I quicken my pace on the ramp back up to the retail area of the marina, "Where are you speeding off to?"

I turn around to see Leo, a surfboard under his arm and his wet hair pushed back out of his face, wearing nothing but a pair of board shorts and boots.

"Sorry, I didn't see you," I sigh, glancing back in the direction of Rafe's boat, "I'm just in my own head at the moment."

"Are you alright?" He asks, resting his surfboard against the handrail, "You seem a bit on edge."

"That's one way of putting it," I sigh, anxiously cracking my knuckles.

"You want a beer?" He asks innocently, "I'm staying in the flat above the Nixon family's bar."

"As long as my parents won't be there to ask hundreds of questions," I reply with a smile.

"Your Mum only does my laundry on Tuesdays, so we're in the clear," He teases, leading me up the ramp back towards the shops and bars.

The Nixon family own the bar at the end of the marina, it's more of a pogue spot than a kook hang out, which puts my mind at rest, knowing I'm unlikely to run into any of Rafe's associates.

We walk along the marina, passing my family's bar. I notice my parents and my sister through the open doors, but think better than to stop and talk. I just need to get out of this heat, and vent to someone who knows nothing about my life.

After passing Heyward's we reach Nixon's, which is looking more run down than last time I saw it, so if they're renting their upstairs area as an apartment, they must be struggling. Leo leads me around the side of the bar to a set of stairs up to another door, which I presume is for the flat so that he can come and go as he pleases without going through the bar. 

"Home sweet home," Leo sighs as he unlocks the door, letting me into his home which is basically an attic converted into a flat. There's a small kitchen area on the left and a couch on the right in front of a wall mounted TV. There's a narrow corridor with a door on either side, which I assume are the bedroom and bathroom.

"We can sit out on the balcony if you're too warm in here," He tells me, opening the fridge and retrieving a crate of beers.

"You've got a balcony?" I reply, visibly puzzled.

"Not exactly," He laughs, "Through that window and out onto the porch roof, I call it the balcony."

"I see," I nod, heading for the open window and climbing out onto the flat porch roof, Leo following close behind.

"What do you think?" He asks as we sit down on the two rickety plastic chairs that have been left up here.

"I absolutely love what you've done with the place," I grin, taking a beer from his hand.

"So, tell me, why are you here with me, on my fake balcony instead of hanging out with your boyfriend, your friends or even your family?" He asks, taking a swig of his beer.

"Well, you've met my parents," I smirk knowingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I love your parents," He grins and I can tell that he knows what I'm alluding to.

"My friends will only say 'told you so' when I tell them what's happened, so I'm trying to delay the inevitable," I explain, tapping my fingernails against the beer can.

"And loverboy?" Leo asks, although I wouldn't be surprised if he's already reading between the lines of my dire situation.

"He's the reason for the 'told you so'," I explain, wincing internally.

"How come?" Leo asks, "The way you spoke about him on the ferry made it seem like you were his world, what's changed since then?"

"Has anyone explained the concept of pogues and kooks to you since you've been here?" I ask him as he lights himself a cigarette before offering me one which I decline.

"Not exactly," He tells me, leaning back in his chair, "But I can tell that there's a massive divide, which I suppose happens in every town, but you know it's bad when they have names."

"Well, my friends and I are pogues, we always have been, except my friend Kiara grew up as a kook, which is just the start of the lines blurring. The boys and I were all raised as pogues, until my parents decided to move to Figure Eight, but I still think of myself as a Pogue," I explain, watching as he exhales a large cloud of smoke, "And then Sarah, she's always been a kook until she met John B, then she became one of us, about the same time I started dating her brother."

"That sounds intense," Leo sighs as he attempts to comprehend the social history of the Outer Banks.

"That's just the tip of the iceberg," I exhale, taking a swig of beer, "When I started dating Rafe, it was a secret, because as a pogue I'm supposed to hate him, so some stuff happened which I'll spare you the details of, but it resulted in Rafe doing something really bad."

I know that I can't tell Leo that it was Rafe who shot the sheriff, because as far as everyone on the island is concerned, Ward killed her. I'm also in no position to betray Rafe again by risking putting my trust in a guy I barely know.

"How bad?" Leo asks, managing to skirt around the parts of the story that I've redacted.

"Prison kind of bad." I reply, deciding that it's the best alternative I've got.

"You're really selling this dude to me, Sidney," He laughs under his breath.

"He's not all bad," I insist, still filled with a need to defend Rafe, "Some stuff happened and it all got complicated, I found out what he did, we broke up, then my friends and I ended up on a containership which Rafe and his family were on, that's how we ended up on the deserted island."

"How did you get from a container ship to a deserted island?" Leo asks.

"We fled in a lifeboat, because the guys who owned the boat were coming after us because we were attempting to lift something that belonged to us, which Rafe's family had stolen," I explain, watching Leo trying to piece together my very disjointed story, "And that thing was coming back into Wilmington last night, so my friends and I tried to get it back, I told Rafe that I'd help him, which was a lie."

"And I'm assuming from the look on your face, he knows?" Leo quickly concludes.

"Yeah," I nod, finishing my can of beer before quickly opening a new one, "But the thing we tried to steal was a priceless heirloom linked to Pope's family, a seven foot gold cross."

"And your boyfriend had it?" Leo continues, piecing the story together.

"And now he's melted it down, telling me that it's for our future," I explain, "But that cross meant so much more than just money, its story runs way deeper than that, so I told him that I need time to think, because him and I have both betrayed each other."

"But you only went behind his back to help your friends, that counts for something, he went behind your back out of greed," Leo explains, and I can't help but feel even more conflicted about what to think about Rafe and I, "And your sister doesn't speak too highly of him."

"Maggie's never liked Rafe," I sigh, "His Dad was the reason she disappeared."

"Don't you think she's got a point?" Leo asks, "Does he actually make you happy?"

"Despite all of the stuff I've just told you, no one makes me feel happier than him," I explain, knowing that this whole 'taking time to think' situation probably won't last long, "He's the only person who knows what I'm thinking, everything that makes him tick is what makes me tick, and while we're different in so many ways, I couldn't imagine a life without loving him."

"So what are you going to do?" Leo asks, and I honestly have no clue, it doesn't feel right to go back to Rafe right now, because he needs time to think as much as I do.

"I'll sleep on it," I tell him, staring out at the open water as the sun begins to set, "Then tomorrow I'll go and see him, and we'll sort this out."

"You just make sure you put yourself first, alright?" Leo replies, "I don't know this Rafe guy, but he sounds complicated, and I don't know you well enough to tell you what I think you should do, but all I'll say is, don't get stuck in the cycle of letting history repeat itself, it's exactly what my Mum did."

"Your Mum?"

"I barely know my Dad, he left when I was two. But then when I was seven, Mum met my stepdad, he wasn't a nice guy, he'd hurt her and shit like that, and she never stopped him, she was trying to protect me," He explains, and I quickly realise why he cares so much, "Then once I was old enough I became the one who did the protecting."

"Is she okay now?" I ask.

"They've been divorced for four years, he's been in prison for five," He sighs, tossing his cigarette butt onto the ground.

"Is she happy?"

"She's happier."

"Would you mind if I stay tonight?" I ask, not really thinking about it, "My parents will only ask questions, and like I said, my friends won't get it right now."

"Of course you can," He smiles, "But you've got to do me a favour."

"Fire away."

"Come with me to a party tonight," He replies, and instantly it feels like a bad idea.

"Leo, I don't know if that's a good idea," I sigh, "I feel like I need to just curl up and watch The Notebook."

"It'll do you good not to go to bed feeling miserable," He insists, "And you can introduce me to all the locals."

"Do you know who's party it is?" I reply.

"Some rich dude on a boat invited me, said his name was Topper, he was with a pretty blonde girl, said it was down at Mase," He tells me, and I quickly conclude that the girl in question must be Sarah and based on events of the past, Sarah hanging out with Topper suggests that she's fallen out with John B. 

"Sounds like my kind of party," I exhale, finishing my beer in one gulp.

We headed down to Mase on a small boat which Leo has been using since he arrived in the OBX. He decided not to ask anymore questions about Rafe and I, opting for questions about my friends which I appreciated.

"Here we go," Leo declares, jumping off of the small boat and landing on the damp sand, holding out a hand for me to take, but as per usual, I decline.

"Are you ready for your first OBX party?" I ask, leading him along the beach towards where all the partygoers are congregated, the sun having almost fully set, leaving a faint golden hue falling over the beach.

"Not sure," Leo laughs, glancing at me.

"I'll introduce you to Sarah," I tell him as I set eyes on my friend in conversation with girls who I recognise from the first party that Sarah took me to.

"Sid!" Sarah exclaims, running towards me, "What brings you here?"

"It's a long story," I sigh, glancing at Leo.

"Oh, hi," Sarah awkwardly stumbles over her words, "I saw you when I was with Topper, right?"

"Yeah," Leo nods, "I'm Leo, I work for Sidney's parents."

"Right," Sarah smirks, glancing at me, noticing my hesitance, "You good, Sid?"

"Can we talk?" I ask, glancing at Leo and then at Topper who's further down the beach with Kelce and some other guys.

She definitely gets the hint, looking over her shoulder and beckoning Topper over, "Can you get Leo a drink? Sid and I need some girl talk time."

"Who are we to get in the way of girl talk, huh?" Topper smiles as Sarah takes my hand and drags me towards the tree line, the two of us sitting down on a fallen tree.

"Spill, who's he and where's Rafe?" She asks, but not like she's disappointed, like she's genuinely intrigued.

"Rafe and I are having some thinking space," I sigh, watching the expression on her face drop, "He knows everything."

"About the cross?" Sarah mutters.

"Mmhmm," I nod, glancing over at Leo who is already blending in with the other boys, "But he's got the cross, he's the one who stole it before we did, just as I thought."

"So we can get it back for Pope?" Sarah replies eagerly.

"It's not that simple, which is the main reason I told him that I need space," I explain, preparing to give her another reason to hate her brother, "He melted the cross, and he's selling it in pieces of gold."

"Of course he is," She sighs, resting her head in her hands, "Have you told the others?"

I shake my head, "I couldn't face it, but I also can't face being around Rafe right now."

"Fucking hell, Sid," Sarah whispers in shock, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, because the cycle continues, doesn't it?" I reply, my mind remaining consumed with thoughts of Rafe, "I let him hurt me, I end it, then I take him back."

"Sid, don't you think it's time you break that cycle?" Sarah soothes, taking a hold of my hand and squeezing it gently.

"It's never been that simple," I reply, staring out at the sea, "And I don't think it ever will be."

"He doesn't deserve you, Sid," Sarah assures me, not that I believe her.

"Anyway, what's going on with you?" I ask, "You're at a party with Topper?"

"I just can't be around John B right now," She tells me, which worries me, "He's hiding something to do with El Dorado, I just know it."

"He'll come round, Sarah," I attempt to reassure her.

"He also made some rough digs about my Dad, comparing him to Big John," Sarah continues, and my heart hurts on her behalf.

"You know that I'm never going to be Ward's biggest fan, for the way he treats you, Wheezie and Rafe, but John B shouldn't have aimed that at you," I tell her, "It's not an excuse, but there's definitely something going on there, and I'm sure that next time JJ sees him he'll get it out of him, he always does."

"I really hope so, Sid," She sighs, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Right, enough of this moping around over boys, let's go have some proper fun," I declare, standing up and holding my hand out to her, "We'll show these kook friends of yours how to party like a pogue."

We head back towards the party, approaching the boys, "Topper, you gonna offer Sid and I a drink?"

"What are you drinking, ladies?" He smiles, eager as ever to impress.

"Beer," I tell him, glancing up at Leo who seems to be enjoying himself.

"Where's Rafe today?" Topper asks, earning daggers from Sarah.

"Probably with his boyfriend, Barry," I roll my eyes as Topper hands me a can.

"This isn't exactly his scene, is it?" Topper continues.

"He's just busy with business stuff," I tell him, knowing that if it weren't for me suggesting space he'd be here beside me, because where I go, he goes, and I already miss it.

"You good?" Leo nudges me, "You zoned out a bit."

"Yeah," I smile, "I'm fine."

"We can leave whenever you want, alright?" Leo tells me, and honestly I just appreciate him being so attentive.

These last few months everything has been about running. Chasing treasure, fleeing the clutches of cops, running to and from Rafe. It's just nice to feel a bit of normality for the first time in an eternity.