43.
Rae
The minuscule image of the Gladiolus petal illustrated a series of intricate lines and colour that emanated from the tip of its form to the middle in a web-like consistency. Minute rows of ridges added to its salient allure just as its cool violet hue danced in a kaleidoscopic manner. It was indeed a mesmerizing sight. One that stood for strength and integrity just as its name depicted.
Looking away from the optical microscope, I scribbled a few words onto a wire-bound, cotton-covered journal in a mindful, deliberate manner. As I let the words flow from within and onto the awaiting arms of the fine, linen paper:
Just as the Gladiolus unfurls her petals every morn
So, do I shed myself of yesterday's hurt and strive to be reborn.
Her strength I crave, her vibrancy a tale
Of what was before the heartbreak and stale.
However, just as the sun favours her shine
So will the Lords help in my rise
From the-
"Nara," I groaned, disrupted by the soft musical notes of the windchimes.
"I swear, it wasn't intentional," she whispered with an embarrassed smile and placed her hands on the gemstone tubes to stop their movement. "They were just too enchanting to resist," she added, caressing the resplendent artistic creations.
Each wind chime tube had been emblazoned with gemstones, aligned in a systematic, spiral progression, with ruby at the top, emerald and sapphire in the middle and aquamarine below. In their center, rotating through the aid of the wind current, was a moonstone who's pearly iridescent allure created a gravitating force that bound the chimes together.
On any other day, the sweet, harmonious melody emanating from their structures would have been more than welcome. However, today I needed absolute silence and a certain individual was hindering the manifestation of that request.
"Aren't your daily rounds to check if Rae hasn't gone bonkers yet over?" I deadpanned with an unamused expression as I cleared the petals away from the Corinth circular coffee table.
Clasped, gently, in my palms, I arose from my cross-legged position and placed them into a distillation apparatus which would assist in the extraction of their essential oil through the use of pressurized steam.
"Ha, Ha, Ha, pretty funny wise guy," she held her belly in mock laughter before she rolled her eyes. Then she moved closer to where I stood, interested in what I was doing. "Did you craft this as well?" she enquired, watching as I filled the boiler, halfway, with water before igniting the collection of coals within the brick furnace with a matchstick.
"Yes, I did," I answered, knowing that she wouldn't let it go if I didn't.
The flame of the fire floated as a ball of energy at first, pulsating with static energy. Nara looked at me in confusion and raised an eyebrow. However, I was unfazed by the sight because for some unknown reason ever since I was old enough to form full sentences, fire had just always acted that way around me. I clicked my fingers, inconspicuously, and the coals were immediately set ablaze with the flames of its essence.
It was something I usually did just for the fun of it. I mean like hell I could control fire. What a joke!
"Now back to my question, who sent you here this time?" I quizzed, watching the transparent tubes, connected to the top of the boiler, fog up. Soon the steam would power up the vaporization of the flowers' essential oil. Furthermore, with the addition of the timely flow of both cold and warm water, it would make its final destination to the pot-still where the hydrolat would be harnessed to be released via a small tap.
"Alpha Tyon?" I guessed and she huffed in annoyance. "Queen Lira? Measer Fern?" I continued, walking away from the apparatus and towards the coffee table. "A concerned pack member, maybe?" I sat down on a plush cushion and went about wetting the potted plants. "I happen to be very famous these days, you know. The depressed, sad recluse who lives in the forest. Give it a few more months and I'll have a bunch of horror tales centred around me," I chuckled, humourlessly.
"I don't find that funny at all," she interrupted my reverie and turned from the apparatus. "No one sent me here, okay. Not the Alpha nor the faerie queen or Measer Fern," she ground-out with a sigh. "I came here on my own just like I do every day. Only difference is that this time, I found you here. Most days you purposely stay away because you know I'll be coming,"
"I don't want your pity," I replied, coolly in response to the reason behind my avoidant behaviour.
"I'm not even here to give it, Rae. I just want to know how you're faring, that's all," she admitted, softly and moved to rest by the windowsill.
The window frame had been wrapped on adjacent sides with rose bushes that added to the aesthetically pleasing allure of the botanical conservatory. Once it got dark, their stems would erupt in energetic, fluctuating glows that would light up the whole place.
"Well, I'm doing great," I chirped, looking up from the potted plants to put on a false bright smile. "Now if that'll be all," I added, sweetly and titled my head towards the exit.
"That's not fooling anyone, much less me," she exhaled, placing both hands behind her, on the windowsill, so that her upper body was now supported by her flattened palms. "I want you to be completely honest with me. Are you sleeping better? Are you eating on time? Do you still feel those chest pains?" she smiled, encouragingly in an attempt to get me to open up. "Are your memories back?" she added, hesitantly.
"And by memories, you mean the part about the Jerlion?" I propped my chin on my hands and tapped the side of my face, repeatedly with the pad of my fingers in feigned thoughtfulness.
"Okay, maybe I shouldn't have added that to the list of questions," she backtracked with an uneasy laugh. "But it'd be good to know regardless," she mused, staring out of the window.
"Isn't it funny how I can't remember a single thing about this mysterious being you all keep talking about? If I fainted from exhaustion after days of not feeding appropriately then you can tell me. I promise my ego won't be bruised that much," I joked, placing the potted plants back to their positions. "I mean these days I don't even seem to know what that is anymore. Everyone's seen me at my lowest anyway," I mumbled.
"Rae," she sighed, sitting opposite me on another plush cushion as she reached for my hand.
"No show of pity, remember?" I whispered, retracting my hand before she could hold it in hers.
Her eyes moved to regard my face before she let her hands fall unto the coffee table, soundlessly. I avoided her gaze and looked out the window instead as I prepared to give answers to her questions. "I sleep a little longer these days when all is quiet and still. I don't have timely meals like I'm supposed to, but my eating habits are much better than before," I settled comfortably into the silent ministrations of the warm breeze which caressed my tresses and inhaled deeply.
"The chest pains are becoming much more excruciating, but I plan on visiting Measer Fern for a diagnosis," I added just as a sharp pain seared the left part of my chest. I groaned internally at the pain and rubbed, soothingly on the affected area. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, though," I waved off with a tired smile once I sighted her concerned expression. "I probably pulled a muscle during practice or something," I lied, knowing pretty well that the pain stemmed from a hurt far deeper than what my uttered words conveyed.
"I happen to have eyes Rae and you and I both know that the pain isn't as a result of a muscle strain," she disputed, unconvinced by my obvious lie. I attempted to make another statement, supporting my lie when she scooted closer to where I sat and placed a soft palm on my chest.
"Your heart is literally broken Rae. Yil's absence has not only left both you and your wolf in pain and sadness but it has also strained the intertwined bond that your souls share by virtue of your love for each other," she explained in time to the dull thrum of my heart beneath her fingers. "How do I know this, except for the fact that I am an ortion with throl powers?" she quirked her eyebrows, comically, in response to my surprised look.
It was no secret that all living vessels emanated from the earth. Throls, sometimes referred to as naturites because of their command over everything earthly, had the ability to direct the workings of any living body. Thus, it was quite foolish of me to try to mislead her as to the reason behind my chest aches for she could find out with just a touch of her hand.
"I know a love-stricken individual when I see one and you my friend were head over heels in love with Yil. I mean you still are," she noted. "So much so that you couldn't even tell that I wanted to get with you despite my oh-so obvious signs," she chuckled, letting her hand wander up to my cheek. "You've bore deep affections for her ever since you set eyes on her in element school, more than a decade ago," she recollected, scrunching up her nose in concentration before she gave into a slow smile. "The only romantic love interest you've ever had was her so it's understandable that you are shattered by her absence. I would be as well if I loved someone for as long as you have and your emotional state at the moment cannot be deterred by your strength, ego, or pride. It's okay to be venerable and it's totally okay to mourn her loss so please stop being too hard on yourself. Alienation won't get you anywhere..." she trailed off as her voice cracked under the strain of her restrained tears.
She traced the features of my face, gently, before she moved to hold both my hands in a show of comfort.
"At one point or another, I still need to move on. I can't nurse a broken heart forever, Nara. Especially, when the object of my affections is mated to another," I broke the momentary silence with a hoarse voice as I tried to keep it from wavering under the strain of my barely contained tears. "She'll never be mine ever again and deep down I've always known it would come to this. So the faster I accept that, the faster I'll heal," I ground out through a clenched jaw before I disengaged my hands from her hold. "My ways of getting over her might seem harsh and unwarranted but it's only for a while. At least until I can live in the pack without remembering her every millisecond," I rose from the cushion and moved towards the rustic-themed rack where I kept my horticultural tools.
"Right here is my only sanctuary..." I whispered with my back to her as I traced the curved tip of a resplendent fantastically-designed sickle. ".... I'm alone with my thoughts here and as hard as it might be to believe, I'm making some progress albeit slowly. However, I'd still choose staying here, deep within the forest, over miserably mopping over her every single day like I've done for the past month," I breathed, picking up some tools and placing them into a leather satchel.
Once I was sure that I'd taken all the necessary tools required for harvesting the herbs that I needed, I turned and faced her. Surprisingly, she was just a few paces from where I stood and seeing my change in direction, she covered the remaining space between us and enveloped me in a warm hug.
"Promise me you'll be okay," she whispered.
"Of course," I rumbled, returning the hug. It felt so good to receive the comfort of another and as much as I tried to deny it, opening up to her had beign a breath of fresh air. It was soothing to share the burden and hurt with another and I was internally grateful for her visit. "Thanks so much for coming despite my crankiness. I really appreciate it," I muttered against her hair.
She pulled back, surprised and looked up at me. "What?"
I shrugged, trying to wave off my slight embarrassment as being insignificant. "No one is an island and I might have felt a bit lonely and in need of someone to talk to these past few days," I rushed out, walking past her and towards the distillation apparatus to collect the essential oil that had gathered into a small bottle beneath the tap.
"Soooo does this mean I get free passes to this territory?" She asked, a cheeky smile lining her face. "You know to give you your daily dose of human interaction," she added, innocently.
"Don't push it," I warned with a suppressed smile.
"Five days in a week then?" She negotiated, following me out of the conservatory. I shook my head with a chuckle in response and she pouted at me with big doe eyes. "Four days maybe? Three?" She continued till we climbed down the winding tree house steps. "You do know I'm asking just out of courtesy, I could show up every hour if I wanted to," she sassed, crossing her arms.
"I guessed as much," I smiled, thwacking her, softly, in the forehead. She blew raspberries at me in response and I laughed. My demeanour relaxed, tremendously, and I relished in the bliss that such a simple action had generated. I hadn't felt so light-hearted in months.
"How are my parents by the way?" I asked out of the blue, knowing that their compliance with my request to let me be was not an easy decision and only honored out of love.
"Their hearts are quite thorn at the pain you're going through alone. In fact they might have come here one too many times but just like me they never got to see you," she answered, taking the last step to the floor of the forest. "They'd really love to be here for you, only if you'd let them," she added, softly.
"I don't want them to see me like this," I mumbled. "I can't let them see me like this, they'd be shattered," I resolved. "Can you at least tell them that I'm much better? You know just so their hearts are at peace. Especially my mother," I sighed, knowing she was probably sick with worry.
"That's where I can't help you," she looked me in the eye and smiled. "You have to tell them that yourself. Trust me they don't want a messenger telling them how their only son is fairing. They yearn to see you and have missed you, terribly. So you'll have to make the decision to visit them one day. I just hope it's sooner rather than later," she advised, giving me another brief hug before she walked towards the pack.
"Training is starting in a few minutes and unlike you who's got a promotion, I happen to still be an underdog so practice is compulsory for me," she sulked, turning back to wave. "Love you Ray of sunshine..." she squealed, blowing air kisses which I pretended to catch. "...and get better and stronger for all of us, okay?"
"Of course," I replied as she sprinted down the forest path in haste.
Her figure soon disappeared from my line of sight only to be replaced by the characteristic greenery and natural elements that beautified the Wonderan Forest. The silence enveloped me in a europhic embrace and I closed my eyes against the gentle air current that whistled past, slowly.
While some individuals were unnerved by silence, I thrived in its solitary, peaceful nature. Its essence provided a conducive environment for the fostering of my creativity and its stillness pulled me into the untapped depths of self-realisation and self-reflection. It had been one of the traits that I shared with my father.
He was a man of few words who exalted honesty, hard-work and discipline above everything else. He was the epitome of what any respectable white-wolf stood for, in my eyes, and as a result, I yearned to follow in his footsteps.
His strength, I desired. His resilience, I craved and most importantly his ability to seemingly scale through any difficulty with ease impressed me everytime.
However, had he ever been faced with a heartbreak so excruciating, it forced the breath out of your lungs and lit up a flame within you that burned with vengeful intensity? Would he crack like I had? Or would he move on like it was nothing?
It wasn't even a question of could he? Or would he? He was one of the lucky ones just like most white-wolves. They were mated, I wasn't.
Opening my eyes, I fastened the satchel, tightly, to my shoulder and took slow steps to the veil of dividence, situated at the far end of the pack. It was here that the kaleidoscopic wall of magical energy between our world and the outside world stood. The structure occupied a horizontal area that went along the territory of the pack to hide our existence from the outside world.
Just a stone-throw away, lay a patch of jade vines by the banks of a hot-spring. The mist emanating from the waters wafted, freely, in the atmosphere before it was systemically sucked into the power vortex within the veil of dividence. Yil and I loved to practice our air bending here because the vortex presented a challenging opponent that was sure to test your fighting skills. As you battled against it's compelling force and the distractions it usually produced.
It was a rather gruelling feat especially when you tried your hardest not to be sucked into its never-ending void. I was certain neither the Alpha nor Measer Fern would approve but we did it anyway. She was a little rebel and with time I became one as well.
Levitating myself over the vortex's area of focus, I crouched down next to the patch of Jade vines and drawing out my sickle, I busied myself with gathering a few of them. Once, I was satisfied with my harvest, I stood up and readied myself to continue my journey towards the dormant volcano by Mystic Hallows when the hot-spring serene waters caught my attention.
I tried my hardest not to entertain the blissful but painful thoughts that flittered, forceful into my mind. However, just as always, I was powerless against their will and I could do nothing but watch the memories unfurl before me.
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