TJ helps me pick out an outfit to wear. "Landon said formal, TJ, not slutty hooker," I say. TJ puts back the little black dress.

"Okay, what about this one?" he asks, holding a flowy blue dress.

"I'll try it," I tell him. I walk to the bathroom and slip it on. It could probably work. I walk back to the room and TJ starts clapping.

"That's the one," he tells me. I look on the mirror. The dress is a pretty shade of dark blue. It goes well with my hair. It's slightly lower cut, so you see a bit of cleavage, but not too much. TJ hands me a pair of gold heels. I slip them on.

"So what should I do for makeup?" I ask him.

"Mascara, gold eyeshadow-the really sparkly one-and a light pink lipgloss," he says. I do what he says.

"What should I do with my hair?" I ask him. He's got good opinions, surprisingly.

"Pull a little bit back with this," TJ tells me. He grabs a gold hair clip. I pull it back and then look in the mirror.

"You know, you'd make a great GBF," I tell him.

"I'm not gay!" TJ yells. I smirk at him.

"Just saying, but really, thank you," I say. He nods. "I'm going to wait outside. Find your cousin," I tell him. He nods. I grab my phone, a twenty, and then my lipgloss and walk downstairs. Landon walks down a couple seconds after me.

"You ready?" Landon asks me. I nod and start to walk to the communal car. "Oh, we're walking to the place. I hope you wore comfortable shoes," he tells me. I roll my eyes, but follow him.

We walk for a couple of blocks before landing at a small restaurant. We sit down at a table outside. I get an iced tea and Landon gets a water. We order food and then wait.

"I have a question," Landon says slowly. I swallow and take a drink.

"Okay," I say.

"That Devin guy, did you guys ever date?" he asks me. I guess I owe him this much.

"No, no. It was never anything like that. He-we, we were best friends," I say.

"But you liked him as something more?" Landon asks me.

"Yeah. You see, I've known Devin since the first day of kindergarten. He was always there. I'm, well-there wasn't really anyone that I trusted more. I mean, he was my best friend. I didn't have any friends besides him. And Devin knew how to make people feel special. He had a new girl every couple of days," I say.

"Did you love him?" he asks me.

"Yes. I loved him very much. I loved him even more than I knew I could," I say, before he can ask me anything else our food comes. "So, how about you? Have you ever loved any girls?" I ask him.

"One," he says. I nod. We finding eating. He pays the check and we walk around. "Do you want to stop for ice cream?" he asks me. I nod. He doesn't ask me any more questions about Devin.

"TJ's different," I say. Landon smirks.

"That's a good way to to put it," he says. "But you knew him before?"

"Yeah, he went to my high school. He was one of Devin's friends," I tell Landon. It hurts to bring up Devin. I eat my double fudge ice cream and try not to drip. Landon got strawberry. "Landon?" I ask him.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea. I'm-I, I'm getting over Devin. But it takes time. What I'm trying to say is, I'm ready to date. But I can't-I don't, shit, I don't need anything serious or complicated. Okay?" I say.

"Me neither, I don't need anything complicated either," he says. He adds, "You don't cry as much anymore. At least, when you do you try to hide it. But I still hear you. And you don't scream his name in your sleep anymore, it more of a soft mumbling."

I blush and say, "Sorry." He grins at me.

"Nah, no worries. I'm just glad you're not a bed wetter, it's so fucking nasty when pee hits you in the middle of the night," Landon says. I grin at him and we sit down on the curb. "I had bunk beds with my little brother when I was twelve and he was nine and he peed himself every single night. It went in my mouth a couple of times."

I start laughing. "Thanks," I say. He nods. He has some ice cream in the corner of his mouth. I wipe it away without thinking. And then I kiss him. I press my lips to his softly. He kisses me back. It's soft and sweet and he tastes like strawberries. It's perfect.

It's not a rushed makeout session with urgent kisses and wandering hands. It's a sweet, gentle kiss. I shift myself a bit closer to him. Something cold touches my chest. I look down out of the corner of my eye.

"Shit!" I murmur against his lips. I pull away and frown at the scoop of ice cream, now on chest. I stand up and try to brush it off. Landon helps me and ends up spilling his ice cream on his shirt.

"Shit!" he says. And then we both start laughing. We throw away our cones and grab napkins. I dab at my dress but it's really a lost cause. I start laughing hysterically.

"Fuck! I can't believe we did that. I really wanted my ice cream," I say. Landon looks up.

"Do you want another one?" he asks me.

I shake my head, "No, I'd end up spilling it on some random stranger, or you." He smirks and throws away his napkins. He grabs my hand and we start walking back to the house. "Do you wanna change and then sit on the patio?" I ask him once we're back to the house. He nods. We split off to change.

I change into a shirt and jeans. I walk down and sit outside. Landon sits down in the chair next to me. He hands me a soda. "Thanks," I say. He nods.

He laces his fingers with mine. "Is this okay?" he asks me. I nod.

"It's great," I say.

"I just have one last question," Landon tells me. I nod. "How...how long did you love him exactly?"

"I think I've always loved him. Hell, I probably always will. But I realized it a couple months ago. I was so blind to my own feelings. I told myself that Devin was a brother subconsciously enough to the point that I believed it. But then something happened and the truth hit me like a bus. I was so angry at myself at first because I felt like a traitor in my own body, you know? How selfish was I? He was my best friend and I had to go and fall in love with him. And I tried to stay away from him, but that ended up being worse, so I just hid it. And then all the suppressed things came tumbling out. So it's hard to explain," I explain. "Shit, I'm sorry I'm spilling my guts to you."

"It's okay," he tells me. "I'm not trying to get pity or anything from you, but if it helps, my ex-girlfriend, the one I was in love with, was sleeping with both of my best friends."

"That sucks," I say.

"We both need better taste," Landon says. I nod and sip my soda. "I'm glad I met you," he tells me.

"Me too," I say. TJ prances out onto the patio. He's stumbling and obviously drunk.

"Sup my people?" he asks. Landon and I look at each other.

"So," TJ says turning to me, "he gonna get in your pants?"

"Okay! Let's get you to bed buddy!" Landon says. He drags TJ upstairs and I laugh. I watch the stars and the moon.

I'm moving on.

Slowly.

And like TJ said, it's okay if Devin haunts me. It's okay if it still hurts. I shouldn't be okay. I shouldn't be fine. But I also shouldn't-can't-be broken. Devin, he broke me.

Devin broke me into little pieces.

But, I have to be the one to put them back together. I have to tape my heart back together and pick myself up. I have to fix what he broke. It's time.

And I've cried. I've mourned him. I've thought about our friendship and everything it was and everything it wasn't and everything I wanted it to be.

But I think I don't regret it.

Kissing him.

Touching him.

Telling him.

I was so happy when we kissed. I felt so alive. I was free. And when I told him I loved him it felt amazing. Even for those few seconds that he might have loved me back.

As TJ says: It's better to have found the love that you found, and be haunted than to have gone your whole life without ever loving anyone.

And I think he's right. Sure it hurts and sometimes I can't breathe because Devin never loved me and I loved him, but at least I put myself out there. At least I was honest.

I don't think I regret what I did.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about TJ," Landon says. He sits next to me on the couch.

"Don't worry about it," I say. I turn and smile at him.

"Do you mind if I kiss you?" Landon asks me. I shake my head. I like that he asked me.

And so he kisses me. It's sweet and perfect. My hands cup his face and his hands cup my neck and tangle in my hair. He deepens the kiss and I open my mouth wider. Yet, it's not a hungry corrupting kiss. It's perfect.

I smile and pull back, resting my forehead against his.