We have to pick up groceries before we go to the campsite. I think I made Devin a bit nervous because of my breakdown. And sadly that wasn't the worst one I've had. I did lose it a little bit. But him asking if he did something to me...it just broke me. He broke my heart, shattered it, and then doesn't even know that he did anything.

Was he even listening when I rambled on about how much I loved him? How much he meant to me? How could he not know?

Devin went to get something and I'm pushing the cart through the food aisles. I grab fruit and protein bars. I also grab hotdogs and buns, ham, salami, cheese and bread. Devin puts other food in for dinner. I've been camping but I've never cooked anything besides s'mores and hotdogs. I grab stuff for s'mores and wander off to find Devin.

Someone taps my shoulder. I spin around to find Devin holding bug spray. "I grabbed this for you. You always get eaten alive by mosquitoes and then you swell up," he says and tosses it in the cart. I forgot to bring it. I forgot about bugs.

He throws in fire starters and says that we'll get wood outside. I nod and avoid eye contact. I really freaked out. Devin pays for our stuff and I help him put it away in his car. It's pretty packed. He grabs firewood and puts it in the car.

We drive to campsite. It's one of the ones that has designated spots and has a place for communal showers and toilets. There's also out houses. We're in spot thirteen. The ones surrounding us are empty. There's an out house not too far from our campsite. Trees and bushes outline our campsite. There's a bench and a fire pit.

I sit on the bench with my backpack, duffel bag and sleeping bag. My knee bounces nervously. Devin sets up the tent and I can see the muscles in his arms. I can't stop staring at him. Once he's done with the tent he unpacks stuff from his car. There's a box with mugs and glasses and plates. There's another box with silverware and there's a little gas stove. He goes back to his car and grabs two folded up chairs. He unfolds them and set them around the firepit.

He grabs a blow up mattress and a pump. He does that in the tent. I take a closer look at the tent, it's really small. "Hey, is this a one person tent?" I ask him, poking my head in.

"Yeah. I grabbed this one on accident instead of the eight person one," he tells me.

"Is that a twin mattress?" I ask.

"Yep," he says. He probably only brought one mattress, assuming that I'd have brought my own.

"So um, this looks like there's only really room for one person, so I can just sleep in the car," I say.

"It's fine. I don't mind sharing. Besides, it get's really cold at night," Devin says. I open my mouth but shut it. It's obvious that I'm not going to win. I walk back to the bench and put my head in my hands.

Fuck. I have to sleep right next to him in a tiny tent on a tiny mattress. I don't think it could get much worse. Wind blows and I shiver. I dig in my duffel bag, looking for a sweatshirt.

I let TJ pack my bag.

All I have are lacy bras and underwear, socks, silky lingerie nightgowns, booty shorts, tank tops, t-shirts and a pair of jeans. I dig through my bag again and there's no sweatshirt. But there's a box of condoms with a note that says Have fun with your boy! And use these! -TJ

Oh, my God.

What's wrong with TJ? Devin walks out. "What's wrong?" he asks me.

"I forgot to pack a um, sweatshirt," I tell him, he walks over to his bag and digs one out.

"No worries," he says as he tosses me it. I slip it on gratefully. "I set up my sleeping bag in the tent, you should too," Devin tells me. He starts to build the fire. I grab my sleeping bag and drag it into the tent. The tent is so small that the mattress takes up all the space. I sigh and unroll my sleeping bag. I lay it next to his. I grab the case and walk back outside. Devin's sitting by the fire in a chair. I set the case by my stuff and sit in the other chair.

"Should we leave our stuff in the car since there's no space in the tent?" I ask him.

"Just our duffel bags and backpacks," he says. I nod and put my stuff in the car. I sit down and stare at the ground. I spray myself with bug spray and toss it to Devin.

It's dark out now that the sun has set. We have sandwiches for dinner. And we don't talk. It's kind of really awkward. I wish I could text TJ but there's terrible service out here. It's really secluded.

It's also really fucking cold. I'm shivering and as close to the fire as I can get. Devin's roasting marshmallows and they're all coming out perfect. "Do you want one?" he asks me. I shake my head. I haven't been hungry since I tried to jump the fence. I could barely choke down the sandwich.

Devin has on a fleece jacket, sweatpants and a gray hat that brings out his eyes. The flames are dancing in his beautiful dark grey eyes. I on the other hand look like a deranged person. I have the hood to his sweatshirt pulled up all the way and I'm shivering and my lips are probably blue. Devin seems completely at home.

"Y-you s-said that y-you used to c-come here as a k-kid," I stutter through chattering teeth. This is just pathetic.

"Yeah, my dad, Nick, Mom and I used to go camping here a lot. Dad was always decent on the trips. Happy," Devin says.

"Have you heard from him at all?" I ask.

"No, he left for good. It's really for the better because if he came back here, well..." Devin trails off. I know Devin well enough to know that if his dad came back he would probably kill him.

"How's your mom doing?" I ask.

"Good."

"How are Nick and Theo?" I ask him.

"Good. I didn't spend much time with them. I spent most of my time with Kimberly," Devin says. He realizes that he's slipped up. "Kimberly's my uh-"

"Girlfriend," I interject. It's not a question. She's probably the girl I saw him kissing at the movies.

"Yeah," he says. He coughs. "So what about you? Did you uh, date anyone?'

"Yeah. In California there was this guy, Landon. I think he was, twenty one. I dunno, but he was in college. We spent a lot of nights together. Anyways we dated for the summer," I say.

Oh, Jesus. Am I trying to get a reaction out of Devin? I basically just implied that I was sleeping with Landon, even though I wasn't.

If I'm looking for a reaction, I don't get one. Devin just nods, his face blank. What's wrong with me? I've already lost everything: my dignity, pride, composure, ego, confidence, and sanity. I don't know what I have left to lose.

But I know he's going to take it from me.

An hour later I walk to his car and grab a nightgown. I brush my hair quickly and leave the brush in the car. I walk into the tent. I wriggle out of my jeans and shirt. I take off my bra and slip on the nightgown. There's a lantern hanging from the ceiling so I can see how sheer the nightgown is. It's sheer and white. You can see my panties and my boobs are practically hanging out. It's also very lacy.

That fucker! TJ packed this in. I don't own this. I sleep in oversized shirts and sweatpants. I'm about to make a dart for the car or slip my bra back on when Devin pops his head into the tent.

"Hey, I thought," he starts, but stops when he sees me. Or rather what I'm wearing. His eyes look up and down my body, I blush and look at him. Now he probably thinks that I'm some slut trying to seduce him in a tiny fucking nightgown.

"You thought what?" I ask him. He swallows and looks back at my face.

"I thought you might want this." He tosses me his sweatshirt and then quickly ducks out of the tent. Oh, God. That really just happened.

"Thanks a lot TJ," I mutter to myself. I shove my clothes into the corner of the tent and slip on his sweatshirt. I pull up the hood and slip under my sleeping bag.

It's so fucking cold. I have been huddled under my sleeping bag and I'm still cold. And by huddled I mean curled into a ball in the middle of my sleeping bag. It's two in the morning and Devin hasn't come into the tent. I think I scared him off.

The tent unzips and I feel Devin come in. he has to step over me to get to his side of the mattress. There's a rustle of fabric and I know he's taking off his shirt. And then he unzips his pants and takes them off. He slips into his sleeping bag in just his boxer briefs.

I hate this stupid fucking tent so much. I'm pressed as far into the side of the tent as I can be, as far away from him as I can be. He turns onto his side so he's facing my back. We're touching, but not pressed together. I feel his chest rise and fall evenly.

I fall asleep to him breathing.

A sound I've missed.