When I wake up, Devin's gone. And it's warm out. Sometime in the night I discarded the sweatshirt. I'm just in my nightgown. I slip on my bra. I yawn and look at my watch. It's eleven. I slept in. In my sleepy state it seems like a good idea to go outside in my nightgown. I unzip the tent. Devin's sitting in a chair, reading a book with a mug of something in his hand.

"Hey," he says looking up. His eyes briefly skim my figure before going back up to my face. I walk to his car and grab clothes. "We're going hiking, and then swimming," he says. I grab a swimsuit. I walk back into the tent and change into bikini bottoms, booty shorts, a tanktop and a dark blue tiny bikini top. Also bought and shoved into my bag by TJ. I grab my clothes from last night and my nightgown and walk out. I put my stuff away and sit down in the chair across from him.

I stand up and grab a bottle of water, my toothbrush and toothpaste and brush my teeth. I sit down. Devin hands me a mug filled with coffee. "Are you hungry?" he asks me. I'm about to say no but my stomach growls. "I'll make you some breakfast then," he says and then gets up. I look at the book he's reading. It's a Stephen King one that I've already read.

Devin fries sausages and makes scrambled eggs on the gas stove. He makes two plates and hands me one. "Thanks," I say. He nods. It's awkward.

I wish it wasn't, but I'm not sure what I expected: I told him that I was deeply in love with him. He doesn't love me and only wanted to get in my pants. Now I'm dressing like a slut in tiny sheer nightgowns trying to get him to jump me thanks to TJ. And I've had some breakdowns. Including running out of a car and trying to jump a fence into the woods to get eaten by bears.

So it's awkward and it's my fault.

"It gets cold at night, doesn't it?" Devin asks me.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. It does," I say, pushing some scrambled eggs around on my plate. I take a couple bites. "Is your book good?" I ask him.

"Yeah. It's yours actually, I took it from your bag," he tells me.

"Okay," I say. I'm not really listening to what he's saying. Alarm bells go off in my head. He went through my backpack, did he go through my duffel bag? The one with condoms on it? If he did I'm fucked.

But I already fucked myself over so, how much worse can it get?

Devin cleans up after we're done. He's wearing dark blue swim trunks and a light grey sculpted t-shirt. "You ready to go?" he asks me. I nod. We get in his car and he drives somewhere. He puts on his sunglasses and I put on mine. I try to think of something to say but I can't find anything.

So I give up trying to make small talk. Devin pulls into a deserted parking lot. "Is this it?" I ask him. He nods. He parks and we get out. Devin leads the way, he's carrying a string backpack. "How long is the hike?" I ask him.

"Three miles to the lake and three back," Devin says. I nod. Perfect. We just for the first two miles in silence. He decides to talk apparently. "So, how was California?" he asks me.

"Fun," I say.

"What'd you uh, do there?" he asks me. He turns around and looks at me.

"Hung out at the beach and went swimming," I say.

"You stayed with your cousin right?" Devin asks me. I nod. "Was TJ there or something?" he asks.

"Yeah. I bumped into him and it turns out he was coming to stay with his cousins, Landon and Shonda, who were living with my cousin," I explain. He nods.

"And how does Landon fit into all of this?" Devin asks me.

"Shonda goes to college with Colin, who's my cousin. Colin lives with a couple of girls and they all go to the same college. Landon was visiting his sister," I say.

"And you guys dated for how long?" I wonder why Devin's so curious about Landon.

"Three or four weeks," I say.

"Did you guys break up?" he asks me.

"Yeah," I say.

"Was it hard?" Devin asks. I hate that I can't see his eyes.

"Why?" I ask him.

"It just seems like he hurt you. I mean, you're kinda off. You jumped out of my car yesterday probably because of him. It's okay. Breakups take time," he says.

How fucking stupid is he? I want to burst out into tears and I want to punch him and I want to just stop existing all at the same time. He doesn't even know that he hurt me. He thinks Landon hurt me and that's why I'm off.

He doesn't know that he hurt me or that I love him no matter how hard I try not to. He doesn't know all of the pain and the agony he's caused me. He doesn't know all the tears I've shed or how many days I've slept away dreaming of him. He doesn't know any of it.

"Yeah," I say in a tone with no emotion. "I guess he hurt me."

"That's too bad," he says. "Oh, we're there," Devin says. We're at a lake. There's a big rock in the middle of it and there's sand. The lake is pretty big, but also secluded. There's no one else here. Devin sets his stuff down on the sand and lays out his towel.

He also takes off his shirt and I can't stop staring. I forgot how built he was. He looks up at me and catches me staring. I don't look away. He goes back to setting up his towel. He tosses me mine and I walk towards him and lay my towel out two feet away from his. I slip off my shoes and unbutton my shorts. I unzip them and then slide them off I take off my tank top and try not to frown at my tiny bikini top.

Devin looks at me shamelessly even when I raise my eyebrows. I put lotion on my shins and then my thighs. I rub some on my stomach. I rub it on my chest and then on my arms. "Will you rub some on my back?" I ask him. He nods and stands up. I hand him the lotion but it slips out of my hands. He bends down and picks it up. His face is right by my legs and ass as he rises slowly up. I shiver. He squirts some in his hands and they touch my shoulders.

I flinch without meaning to. He rubs the lotion on my shoulders and on my collar bone. His hands move lower down back and my waist. And then down to my hips. They touch that one sensitive spot and I sigh softly. And then his hands move to my stomach and my back is pressed to his chest.

He steps away and says, "Will you do mine?" I nod. I rub sunscreen on his back and shoulders. He feels so good under my hands. I do it quickly and then step away from him. I squirt some into my hands and then hand it to him. I rub it on my face and then walk towards the water. My boobs almost pop out five times. I'm not particularly happy with TJ.

I dive in and then come up for air. The water's cold but it snaps me out of the Devin trance. I tread water. He isn't on beach anymore and I can't see him in the water. Something crashes against my legs and I jump. Devin pops up. "Oops," he says.

I shake my head and go back underwater I swim towards the rock. I pull myself onto it. It's small. My butt fits and that's about all. Devin swims towards the rock and hangs off the edge of it. Now that he has his sunglasses off I can see his eyes. I can see the mischievous twinkle in them from when he used to take my animal crackers.

And that means he's going to do something childish.

He grabs my thighs and pulls me into the water. I sigh and come up for air. He's trying to fit on the rock but it's not working. I swim back over to the rock. "I used to fit on this," Devin says. He thinks about it, "I used to fit on this when I was nine. That was the last time we came here," he says. That seems about right.

I swim back to shore and lay down on my towel. Even though I slept last night I'm still tired. I fall asleep. Devin nudges me awake. "Do you want lunch?" he asks. I nod. I sit up and rub my eyes. I fumble around for my sunglasses and put them on. Devin also has his sunglasses on. He hands me a sandwich and a bottle of water.

"Thanks," I say. He nods. "See any good movies lately?" I ask him.

"Not really," he says. I nod. That was honestly the best thing I could think of to ask him, it was either that or So, has your favorite color changed at all? Is it still bright green, the color of my eyes?

I finish eating my sandwich and go back into the water. I swim for a while and Devin joins me eventually. We don't talk, just swim and shove each other off the rock. It's kind of fun. We also wash our hair and use soap since the showers back at the campsite are pretty bad. "We should go, unless you want be hiking in the dark," he tells me. I nod. We swim to shore and towel off. I slip into my clothes and he does the same. We pack up and then we start hiking back to his car. The hike is fast and he looks so good half wet. I let myself look at him for some reason, It's almost easier.

We make it to his car in one piece. We're back to the campsite a little while later. He lets me change first. I change into the jeans I was wearing yesterday, a tanktop, and his sweatshirt, I brush my hair and put more deoderant on. Devin changes and I build a fire. I like fire. I smile as I light a match and let it burn.

Devin walks out of the tent in dark jeans, the fleece he was wearing yesterday and a hat. His stubble looks good with the hat and his sparkling eyes, I wish I didn't notice these things. "So, what do you want for dinner tonight?" he asks me.

"Hotdogs," I say.

"Do you want it now or later?" Devin asks.

"Later," I say. He nods, and gets up. He goes to his car and comes back with a blanket. He hands it to me.

"Thanks," I say. That was sweet of him. We watch the fire for a bit. The sun sets and coldness takes it's place. I shiver under the blanket. I hate TJ so much more than he'll ever know. Devin hands me his hat. "I'm okay," I say.

"You sure? You look cold? It's only twenty degrees out," he tells me.

"I'm good. The fire's warm," I say. "We should eat now," I say. He nods. He cooks the hot dogs. He cooks a lot during camping, I've come to realize. I scoot closer to the fire and pull the blanket tighter around me. He hands me a plate and a water. "Thanks," I say.

"No problem," he says, smiling. Oh, God. He has such a truly beautiful smile.

"Swimming was fun," I say, chewing a bite. "What are we doing tomorrow?"

"Going into town. And then on Monday we should try to leave early," he says.

"Okay," I say. I take another couple of bites. It tastes good and I'm hungry. "What are we going to do in town?" I ask him.

"Get groceries and fudge. Walk around and stuff," Devin says. I nod. I wish I would stop nodding or saying thank you. But it's about the only thing I can do. I throw my plate into the fire and stand up.

"I'm going to grab my sleeping bag and worm it," I tell him. He smiles. I turn around and walk to the tent. I grab my sleep bag and something falls. I pick it up.

No.