I'm numb now, I think. I stand up and wipe away the lingering tears. I pick up the broken pieces and walk to my car. I slide into the driver's seat and sit there.

And then I drive home. I walk through the door and don't respond to my parents' calling. I set my phone and keys down on my bed and then I grab one of Devin's old t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants.

I walk to the bathroom and start the shower. I set my clothes on the floor and look at myself in the mirror. My hair's a mess and my makeup is streaked down my face. There's a deep, deep pained sadness to my face mainly my eyes. I dig under the sink and find makeup remover wipes.

I wipe away all of my makeup and then I brush my teeth and slip out of my dress. I step under the piping hot water and I wash my hair and then my body. I slide down against the wall and pull my knees to my chest.

It doesn't feel real. It feels like a bad dream that I'm going to wake up from any time now.

Except I'm not going to wake up. It's real, it's not a dream. My eyes well up with tears and they burn like acid as they slide down my throat. I can't cry anymore tonight. If I don't stop now, I'm never going to able to.

I drag myself out of the shower and slip into his clothes. I crawl into bed and set my alarm for 5:15. I have to be to the airport by 5:30 and my flight's at 8:00. I shut my eyes and try to think about happy things like puppies or slasher movies. But all I can think about is Devin.

I think about the good and the bad memories that I have buried deep inside. I think of when we were innocent kids and us playing cards. I think about his mom in the hospital and I think about him kissing me. I think about all the times he touched me, all the places he kissed me, all the times he kissed me. My breath catches in my throat.

I fall asleep a little while later.

Devin walks towards me. I smile a big, happy smile and he smiles back at me. "Hey you," he says.

"Hey," I say. I'm leaning against his car. He keeps walking towards me and then he's only a breath away. His hands touch my waist loosely. I can't help but smile. I'm so, so, incredibly happy.

He leans his forehead against mine and he smiles and says, "You know there's been something that I've been meaning to tell you."

"Oh, yeah what's that?" I ask him.

"I love you," he says.

"Oh, Devin, I love you too," I say.

"I've loved you forever and I always will," Devin says. His eyes are intense and earnest. I know he's telling me the truth.

I stretch up on my toes and brush my lips against his. I thread my hands through his hair and his hand cups my hip and the other hand moves to brush my cheek. I press myself closer to him and he deepens the kiss.

It feels so right to be with him. So natural. I can't help but smile. I feel so giddy. He loves me and I love him and it's perfect.

Devin backs me up until my back hits the hood of his car. I jump up and wrap my legs on either side of his hips.

"I really, really love you," I say, pulling back. He kisses my neck.

"I'm madly in love with you," he says. I smile.

"Can you say it again?" I ask.

"Yes, and I'll say it to you every day for the rest of our lives," Devin says. "I lo-"

My alarm clock blares. I sit up and clutch my head.

That was a dream. Devin doesn't love me.

I stand up and and change into a tanktop, one of Devin's zip up hoodies and a pair or tight jeans with a rip in the knee. I pull on my beat up Vans and brush my hair. I reach for the locket, but it's not there.

I threw it out the window. "Fuck," I say in a thick, wavering voice. I wipe my eyes and blink back the tears. Why am I crying so much? I'm really not a crier. I brush my teeth and walk back to my room. I pace for a couple of seconds.

I walk to my parent's room and say goodbye to both of them. I call a cab and drag my stuff downstairs and out the door. I wait for the cab. It comes two minutes later.

The cab ride goes by fast and then I'm dropping my bags off and walking through security. I sling my backpack over my shoulders I stick my earbuds in and don't even hear the music as I walk to my gate. I stop at a little shop and buy a ginger ale and a pack of mint gum.

The thought of anything else makes my stomach turn. I walk to my gate and sit there. Staring at the ground. I give up and scroll through the pictures on my phone, of me and him. My eyes well well up with tears. I turn my phone off hastily and then my hand reaches for it.

I look through pictures.

Devin's always smiling, and usually not at the camera. At me. It's a big smile, one that he only had for me. He's always looking at me. The more I look for it, the more it seems like he loves me in the pictures.

I press my hand to my mouth and put my phone away. I look off into the distance. They announce that we can board the plane. I give the chick my ticket. "Oh, look at that. You've been upgraded to first class," she says.

"Oh," I echo. She smiles and hands me my ticket. I walk through the little hallway and then board the plane. A flight attendant shows me where my seat is. I sit down. I stare out the window.

My music plays as background noise. "Why Devin?" I murmur quietly to myself.