Book name : Pinjara Khubsurti Ka
Author : Pearbhi_lover_priyu
Mature? : A little
Chapters read : 2
Fandom : BeHir
Genre : Fan fiction

R E V I E W

➵ First impression : Something new.

➵ Cover : Your graphic designer is just superb! In love with the cover!

➵ Title : Apt for the book. It's catchy and interesting.

➵ Blurb : The starting was very interesting like Bela's dialogues were filled with emotions. But the dialogues with the other boys (Mahir & Yuvraj) made me frown. That became a synopsis. And the last para, yes you showed Bela's life in it but you can add something more to that, like with Mahir & Yuvraj in it. There are punctuation errors, I'll explain it in "Grammar".

➵ Flow & pace : Seeing there are just 2 chapters, actually 4, I felt the flow & pace was very smooth. Good job there.

➵ Plot of the book : The end was little sloppy, I was expecting a proper end with what happened to Yashkant, Yuvraj & Andy and a proper closure to Poonam, Vish & Sumi's life. Other than that, I felt good to read a book which don't glorify those 'obsessed-with-a-woman' man.

➵ Grammar : Instead of writing it in 'middle' alignment, the left alignment would look more professional.

Leaving space after every punctuation isn't looking much good.

You write : Nafrat hai mujhe es khubsurti se , ye chehra nafrat hai mujhe es chehre se .

Instead go for this :

Nafrat hai mujhe es khubsurti se, ye chehra, nafrat hai mujhe es chehre se.

Not a big thing, but when you write professionally, this small thing can also play a big role.

The dialogues should be in quotation marks, will explain in "suggestions".

➵ Character development : Bela's character development was perfect! But for Mahir, I wished you showed more of his life. And for every character, you have succeeded in showing their emotional turmoil, except Mahir's. I wanted to know a few things about Mahir too. Also, I feel Vish's & Bela's sudden trust in Mahir was vague, as they don't even know him. Other than these things, it was all good. And the emotions in the dialogues were just perfect, I felt like crying reading Bela and Poonam's dialogues.

➵ Overall impression : The plot, I have first time read something like this, is unique. And you could have shown 4 chapters separately, it was no need to show it as a two shots.

➵ Suggestions :

- Work on the blurb.

- A little closure about everyone's life other than showing only BeHir could have been more good.

- Your writing style is like this :

Vish : yes , but today I have a surprise for you .

But I would suggest, go for this one :

"Yes, but today I have a surprise for you," said Vish.

- Some more details about Mahir would have been good, also Vish taking some more time to know Mahir and then giving Bela's number to him would be more better. As it would give a realistic touch.

〰️ Thank you for opting my shop for the review. 〰️

Published : 26/10/2020

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