The constant police presence around the house has been intimidating to say the least. Knowing there are several officers just outside my front door is daunting.

We have to check in with the officer on duty every time we wish to enter or leave the house. It makes it significantly more difficult to live out everyday lives.

But, no matter how inconvenient it may be, it is completely necessary.

Since my father escaped from prison, we are all at risk. None of us are safe anywhere we go.

For all I know, he could be well on his way to Mexico by now and we may ever see him again. But there is always the chance that he will make an appearance when he is ready to strike.

I'd be lying if I said I've slept at all this past week since I received the news. Of course, Tyler seems to think otherwise. I'm fine if it stays that way. I don't need him worrying about me any more than he already is.

I've had panic attacks in the privacy of my room because of this mess. Worse than I've ever had before. I know it can't be healthy for the baby, I know it isn't. I just can't seem to relax knowing that he is out there still.

Tyler doesn't know about that either. Him and I haven't really been talking about anything important lately. I feel like we are growing distant from each other.

Three months ago, I would have told him everything. Now, something is different between us. I can't say what it is or how I know but something is wrong.

We don't feel like us anymore. And because of that, I feel like I can't tell him anything important anymore.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one pushing him away because I'm scared to keep him close.

Everyone in my life seems to die or be thrown into dangerous situations. I don't want that for him and maybe that's why I am distancing myself from him? I don't know.

But I do know that I am scared. I'm scared every second of the day. My dad tried to kill me once. There's nothing stopping him from trying again. I don't want to die. Especially not now with so much to live for. With a baby, a fiancé, and a great family, what more could I have?

I love my life. I love everyone and everything in it. The only problem with it is my father.

I'm worried about the future. Both mine and everyone else's. It's not going to be easy for any of us.

How will I be able to raise a baby when I can barely handle my daily panic attacks? How can I continue to love Tyler when I can barely love myself anymore?

How will the kids go to school in the fall? Will they each have police escorts following them everywhere they go? Will the officers sit in the back of their classrooms and keep a close eye on their assigned child?

Even if all that were to happen, I still wouldn't feel like it would be enough to keep them safe from him.

I love them too much to let any of them out of my sight. Even Brandon, Peter's boyfriend. I care about him because Peter does. I wouldn't want anything to happen to him because of my father and who he is. It wouldn't be fair to the poor kid.

Leigh is not my favorite person in this world but admittedly her and I have grown closer throughout this entire situation with my father. I wouldn't want to see anything happen to her either.

None of this seems fair. At one point, I was happy. I just can't seem to remember that time anymore.

Author's note: do you think it's fair for Avery to be keeping her anxiety attacks from Tyler? Or do you think she is totally justified?