Horizon is my favorite word - the very one whose existence is a myth, I am aware, yes. But it still is my favorite word, because for years I have held onto it's beauty as hope.

Some place where earth does meet the sky.

Some place, some day - my heart will be full of love. I will wake up knowing I am loved and I will go to sleep aware that I live in a love bubble. No conditions attached, no questions asked.

That has always been my fantasy and if you did get it right, then you will understand why I equated that with Horizon - I believed both existed only in theory for a long time.

But today, as I walked around the palace, inhaling the familiar aroma of coffee from the mug I was holding, sighing in delight and aware of the small smile framing my face - I also felt the tiny bubbles of relief filling my heart.

Gentle breeze continued to hit me as I walked around, taking in the lush green grass on either sides of the palace.

Udaipur was a beautiful city, more than I thought it would be if I was being honest. This particular palace was stunning though- I couldn't help but admire the beauty as I took a walk around the premises. Architectural heritage of our country and the surrounding green lawns - a definite sight to behold. This was probably the most expensive hotel/palace in whole of Udaipur but I didn't expect any less from my in laws and my parents - money and status had always mattered too much to them, but by now, I liked to think that I had made my peace with that as well.

My gaze flickered to my smart watch - it was still 6:30 am in the morning and I had covered almost 3000 steps already. If my mother saw me right now, she would scold me for not behaving enough. I know I should probably be catching up on my beauty sleep or something, but I couldn't. I wanted to blame it on the change of place, but I knew it was more about the chaos in my mind that had robbed me of sleep for quite some months now.

Another sigh and my shoulders dropped as I circled around, spotting a board - I could easily read it even through the distance.

Welcoming you all with grace and pleasure to attend the wedding of the year - Prerna Weds Ansh

Those tiny bubbles I was talking about earlier? They jumped inside my chest and I was hyper aware of them in that moment.

My fantasy, my horizon was too near.

I was getting married.

I was actually freaking getting married.

The foreign feelings made me giddy and before I knew I was grinning ear to ear. I knew this was selfish of me, inhumane maybe - Oh, how I wish my best friend was here to hold me through these unasked breakdowns - but the truth was my only peace among whatever was happening, however it was happening was the knowledge that I was getting married to the man I loved and the man who loved me back just as much.

I would really be loved for the rest of my life - at least I hoped I would- and I wouldn't wake up feeling that empty dread that had been my constant companion for years ever again.

His presence always calmed me, it made me feel safe and secure, even before we were officially together. There always had been something about the way Ansh looked at me - he saw right through me but never used my weakness against me, never made me feel less for them.

If you ever asked someone to describe me - Advocate Prerna Mishra - in three words, I am pretty sure practical/logical/factual would make it to top five of the most used adjectives. And I don't and I can't deny that. I am very practical - sometimes to a fault, but I am a lawyer, my profession demands me to know how to keep my emotions aside and look at a situation with a head strong but calm approach, which I always do.

But some part of me would answer that question differently too - usually I kept that part hidden, guarded under my no nonsense exterior. Admitting it, even to myself, before Ansh, used to feel like a major weakness. How could I confess how much I had always dreamt about getting married and having my own family? How could I accept I craved to be loved and needed and cared for when that has been my duty for all these years? I was the responsible one - the mature child who understood that her parents were over working themselves to afford a good lifestyle for me. I was the responsible teenager who worked every assignment on time and every homework to the T and aced her grades so that nobody had to bother more about me. I was the responsible adult who took care of everything and everyone.

I was and I still am all these things, but now I was also the girl who has a home to go to when everything was too much and that home was just this man - a part of my heart and my soulmate who would hold me together and not make it look like I failed something because I craved love.

“Get in, You will catch cold. I would rather have you enjoy the first function of our wedding crazily than have my bride to be sick and missing on her quota of joy".

My phone pinged and I grinned, raising my eyes up immediately.

There he was, standing by the window of his suite, smiling at me. I raised my coffee to him and he showed me the cup of tea he was sipping, but mostly it was the look in his eyes that made my heart beat faster.

Adoration.

That's how I felt when he looked at me - like I was adored. My face was turning pink, I could tell from the hot flashes and from they way my heart was picking up speed.

He held my gaze and eventually grinned before he mouthed - "I love you”.

I giggled - Yes ladies and gentlemen, I giggled to myself, standing in the lawn of a lavish palace but hey, I am in love - So I mouthed back immediately, “I love you more”.

He gave me another of his heart melting smile before he gestured me that I should go back inside and not catch a cold - I did catch colds often, especially early morning breeze weren't my best friend. I nodded at him and began walking towards the entrance of the hotel/ Palace but before I could reach - my steps froze a few feet away.

Angad walked out - dressed in a white button down and black trousers, scrolling his phone and a holding a huge binder - his to do lists for the wedding if I wasn't wrong. He stopped when he noticed me - a moment of silence passed between us, but then he smiled.

And for the nth time, I felt the pain inside me chest multiplying ten times at that sight. I hated the sight like anything, I hated that smile too much.

Simply because I knew it wasn't his real smile.

And I knew I was a major reason behind this stupid facade he was trying to pull off since a month now but failing because he had forgotten that I could read him like nobody else.

Even if I wasn't his girlfriend anymore - I had been his best friend for two decades - he could never fool me, although he never stopped trying. Not when we were together, and not in the years post our breakup.

“You should be asleep Ms. Bride to be, why are you loitering here?", he asked as he came closer, now standing a few steps away, “And you will catch a cold Prerna. You don't handle the early mornings well".

Yeah, he knew me just as well too - no denial there.

"You shouldn't be up this early either Angad, I know you slept late as well. You will get a headache", I reminded him, lack of sleep triggered his migraine often, but I knew he wasn't going to pay any heed. Angad had taken up the responsibility to make sure the wedding went through as smoothly as possible and as much both me and Ansh were against it, Mr. Arora, their father's words was final. The worst part - Angad himself was willing to do what his father was expecting of him too.

“I have a lot of things to do before the cocktail party, but don't worry about me, I am good", he smiled again and I didn't - I held his gaze with a straight face, trying to look past him - like I always had for so many years until - now.

“Prerna", he sighed, the smile fading for a second, "Stop worrying, it's your wedding. You can't spend the best days of your life being tensed about nothing”, he tried to calm me down as if I was tensed over nothing.

That made me feel worse and before I knew my eyes were filling up and I was shaking my haad at him.

Angad immediately paled, he had never been able to see me cry. He kind of hated seeing anyone cry, but more so for people he cared about. Me. His brother. His mother. Dua. He took a step forward, wanting to hold me or wipe my tears - I would never know what because he paused mid way and took a step back.

I knew why. The very reason he had been trying to keep his interactions with me minimal.

Our relationship was pure chaos.

I was about to be his sister in law, but I was also his ex girlfriend.

And his best friend of two decades but I didn't know how to label it any more.

I put the end to the recent mess by wiping my tears away, and then looked up at him, holding his gaze. I wish he would listen to me when I tell him to not pretend, to not make this gigantic effort to show how everything was okay between us, and between him and Ansh, and mostly about how he was doing good even though our worlds - more his than mine - had turned upside down.

We both knew it was a sham.

He could tell his parents and his brother and me and the whole world that it was okay for me to fall in love with his brother, because we - him and me - were never really in love, and maybe every one else could buy it too, but we both knew it wasn't true.

I might not have been ever in love with him but he was.

I knew it. He knew it.

And this denial wasn't going to change that.

“I am sorry”, I uttered the only thing I could, as if I hadn't told that to him a couple hundred times before, and like always, he clicked his tongue and shook his head at me.

“You gotta stop it Pri and you know I have never held anything against you or Bhai. Just let it go. It's not in our control who well fall in love with", he repeated what he had been saying since I confessed about my feelings to him.

I looked up, “I still know you better than anyone else, you know that right?"

He smiled again, much more convincing this time, “I do, which is why you should know that I am happy about this marriage Pri. It makes you happy. It makes my brother happy. And both of you need to stop worrying about me and enjoy these few days. They will not come back. Please".

I sighed, having no more energy to fight with him because I might be the lawyer inside a court room, but winning any debate against Angad Arora wasn't my cup of tea.

We parted ways again - I went inside the hotel, and he drove away. Life had a funny way of showing the ironies.

------

I gave the fakest and widest smile I could manage and shut the door after pushing everyone out. You would think the bride would get some privacy and time to relax but no, every cousin and every relative needed to see how fancy the bridal suite was.

I was almost sure that at this rate I wouldn't be a bride but a murderer by the time my cocktail night started - I was already annoyed and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Another knock on the door and I groaned. What was so hard about leaving me alone for a few hours? Taking a deep breath, I opened the door, ready with another smile and excuse but -

Oh my God!!!!!

I couldn't breathe.

Everything had stilled as my eyes met a familiar pair of hazel eyes.

And I wasn't being dramatic but I actually felt like someone had put life back inside me - I was that relieved.

Tears poured down my cheeks before I could speak and my long lost best friend - my soul sister and the other part of my heart - Dua Awasthi grinned at me before she came forward and wrapped her arms around me.

I managed to break the hug to pull her and her luggage in but as soon as I shut the door again, I was hugging her and she was hugging me back and all you could hear were muffled words and apologies and sobs and cries.

“I can't believe you are here - I almost thought you won't come”, I sobbed harder and she cupped my cheeks shaking her head.

I was hardly aware of what she was saying or what I was saying - it was a euphoric moment for me. I finally felt like some thing was right, that maybe the situation wasn't the worst thing to ever happen.

Almost fifteen minutes later, we had both stopped crying and I had dragged her to bed and we were sitting, holding on to each other in silence.

Dua spoke first, “So I have an immediate question to ask because I am too confused".

I looked at her, kind of aware of what she was going to ask. I had a faint memory of Angad standing near by her when we had first started crying. It probably meant he brought her up to my room which also meant they had met.

“I am getting married to Ansh", I answered before she could speak and her frown depended.

“But why? Tell me who I have to kill for forcing you?”, she immediately proposed, confusion still lacing her eyes.

“No one", I shook my head, “I am getting married to him because we fel in love - with each other”.

Dua froze, staring at me like she had seen a ghost and then after a creepy minute of silence, she spoke exactly what I had anticipated from her.

“What the fucking hell Mishra?”