Constance: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!
Ocean: That doesn't exist.
Constance: Not with that attitude.

~~~~~

Ocean: Regular soda is too sweet!
Noel: Diet soda has a weird after taste!
Ocean: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY!
Noel: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda!
Ocean: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink!
Noel: I'm going to physically attack you.
Ocean: Which is better, Ricky?
Ricky: Oh, I usually drink water!
Noel: Wha- NO!
Ocean: DISGUSTING!

(Fun fact: for whatever reason, my body can't handle Coke Zero)
(Idk why, but every time I've had Coke Zero, I spent the next several hours feeling like I'm gonna vomit bc there's so much gas build up in my stomach)
(Yet I can handle DrPepper Zero)
(I actually really like the taste of DP Zero)
(I know it's not exactly the same, but whatever)

~~~~~

Ricky: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down.

(This only makes sense if you know how common the Trans!Ricky headcanon is)
(I've seen both the transmasc in a fic and heard the transfem in a video)
(And I've seen someone say somewhere that one of his actors was transmasc, so that's probably one of the several reasons why this hc is common for him)
(That and the Savannah name)

~~~~~

Constance: Mischa, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand.
Mischa: Why? I'm fine on the stand!
*flashback to Testimony #1*
Mischa: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.
Mischa, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME.
*flashback to Testimony #2*
Mischa: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying?
*flashback to Testimony #3*
Mischa: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.
Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?

~~~~~

Noel, trying to flirt: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Mischa, not paying attention: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Noel: Yes.
Mischa: I'd sleep.

~~~~~

Ocean: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego.
Ocean: My facebook photo is a landscape.

~~~~~

Mischa: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.
Noel, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.
Jane: Wow, Mischa was late too! What a coincidence!

~~~~~

Mischa: What's your favorite color?
Karnak: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.
Mischa: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?
Karnak: My favorite color is pink.

(If I see any fics/posts/videos/whatever where Mischa is stupid, I will literally drop kick someone into the sun)
(Literally in the 2016 bootleg he mentions to Noel that he speaks Ukrainian, Russian, English (and I assume he's fluent in those), and some Dutch)
(I'm sorry, but can an idiot speak 4 languages?)
(Yeah, Ocean mentions that he's bad at math, but in his defense your honor, he is gay and math is hard)
(I rest my case)

~~~~~

Mischa: Are you an 'arr' pirate or a 'yo ho ho' pirate?
Noel: I'm a 'I'm not paying $600 for photoshop' pirate.

~~~~~

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-
Jane: No returns.
Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

~~~~~

Ricky: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.
Ricky: Fruits that do live up to their names?
Ricky: Orange.

~~~~~

Mischa: Nice rock.
Ocean: Thanks, Noel gave it to me.
Noel: I threw it at you!
Ocean: isn't he the sweetest?

~~~~~

Ocean: You need to stop swearing so much.
Mischa: Shut the fuck up.
Ocean: Yeah, that's not how you do it.
Mischa: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.
Ocean: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.
Mischa: Shit the beep up.
Ocean:
Mischa: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

~~~~~

Ricky: The first time Jane opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

~~~~~

Mischa: I owe you one.
Noel: That's ok. You can just date me and we'll call it even.

~~~~~

Mischa: Ocean, what do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?
Ocean: ...People?

~~~~~

Noel: This food is too hot... I cant eat it.
Mischa: You're very hot, and I still eat you.
Everyone at the table: *silence*
Ricky: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!
Ocean: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

~~~~~

Ocean: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as... people I met.

~~~~~

Noel: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.
Mischa: Being a fish.
Noel: Well, shit.

~~~~~

Karnak, during RTC: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

~~~~~

Noel, after having a nosebleed: Welp. Time to wash the blood off my hands.

~~~~~

Noel: Don't weep for the stupid. You'll be crying all day.

~~~~~

Ocean: Constance is playing hard to get.
Ocean: Little does she know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

~~~~~

Ricky: Remember what I told you.
Noel: Don't be a cunt.

(I read a fic on ao3 where this is basically what Ricky told Noel bc he was pretending to be Talia)

~~~~~

Ocean: Punch me in the face.
Noel: ...Punch you?
Ocean: Yes, punch me, didn't you hear me?
Noel: I always hear 'punch me in the face' while you're speaking but it's usually just subtext.

~~~~~

Mischa: I'm proud to identify as morosexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.
Noel: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?
Mischa, already taking off his clothes: God, Noel, you're so fucking stupid