"Learning how to understand other people is crucial to my own feelings," -C.T

"Are you okay, Master Cheyenne?" I rolled my eyes at the voice of Tara as she stared at me from the passenger seat of my truck. "You've been silent this entire car ride," She pointed out and I gritted my teeth, wondering when I asked for the obvious. "Does it look like I'm okay?" I spat without thinking, knowing that I probably hurt her feelings.

It was at this point where I just couldn't care about anyone or anything. I let out a sigh as I turned on the radio, frowning as Bonnie Raitt's I Can't Make You Love Me started to fill up the car. As much as I wanted to turn it off because it was making me think of things that I was trying not to think of, I couldn't. In this way, if I confronted and faced my feelings, I'd get over them and who knew? After this, I just might give one of my mother's young friends a chance.

Who was I kidding?

I couldn't make anyone love me as much as I wanted to. I couldn't do anything. Part of me knew my mother was right about him confronting his own feelings and realizing what he wanted, but I had never fallen in love before. This was terrifying because I usually had control over everything. Not having control was dangerous for someone like me because people could easily see through me, break down the walls that I had years of crafting, snatch away the shell that has healed you. 

And when that happens, you are utterly crushed beneath their feet and you just decide to beg for death because there was nothing else to live on for. 

"Hey," Tara muttered and I spared her a glance. "What?" I saw her pointing at something behind one of the many abandoned buildings in San Jose. "Haven't we seen that man before?" I pulled over slowly to see that in the alleyway between the warehouses, there was a man that I had seen before: one of Sterling's henchmen, Bryan.

I rolled down my window to hear yelling and screaming. "Get off of me!" I heard the sound of a woman and then the sound of a slap that bounced off of the walls. "Shut your fucking mouth, whore!"

I put my car in park before impulsively getting out, going to put a stop to whatever this was. Sterling had no god damn right, and he was not going to get anyone else involved in his bullshit. I charged towards the darkest part of the alleyway, rage consuming me once my eyes landed on the burly man trying to pull a woman by the red miniskirt she wore.

"The hell do you think you're doing?!" I exploded with clenched hands, catching their attention. The woman looked at me, her eyes begging me to save her as Bryan sneered in my direction, rolling his eyes. "Of course, it's you," All of a sudden, Bryan balled up his fist and slammed it into the chest of the woman, her body flying back into the wall with a loud crash. "Boss said if we saw you," He grinned evilly, turning to me with a lick of his lips and a crack of his knuckles.

"To just kill you."

He stormed towards me, hands balled up and within the blink of an eye, his hands crashed into my cheek. A sharp pain erupted on the right side of my face as I staggered backward, a throb pulsating from the top of my head to my chin. I lost all sense of my balance as I shakily held my hand to my swollen cheek, wincing at the pain.

"There's more where that came from, boy," Bryan snickered as he advanced towards me and I stood up, cracking my neck. "Wow, you didn't give me a chance to get prepared," I cracked my jaw, the ringing in my head the only thing keeping me sane as I stood stance, beckoning for him to come forth. 

As he ran, I ducked as he threw a punch out, surging my own fist into his chest just like he did to that woman. He let out a loud choking howl, falling into the dumpster with an audible clatter. The inertia from his run and the angle of my punch hit an organ that would render him unconscious for a bit. Scumbags like him did not deserve the life they lived, to be out here snatching women left and right for a man who held no respect for them. 

Bryan was knocked out as he would be for a long time. I cracked my neck, shedding my Balenciaga jacket off as I walked over to the woman, who was looking at me in fear. "Y-you're Cheyenne Thorn?" She murmured with a stutter and I nodded. "No need to shit your pants. I'll kill you if you dare to assume I'm anything like that bastard," I jutted out my jacket with a growl and she looked at me hesitantly. 

"Take it. You're cold, aren't you?" She slowly nodded, reaching for the jacket. "Here's a knife if he wakes up before the police get here," I handed her my pocketknife before turning around. "I'd go to the hospital if I were you. At least there, Sterling can't get to you," I threw over my shoulder, not sparing her anymore glances as I headed back to my truck.

"T-thank you!"

"No need."

I could feel the blood pulsating under my cheek and I shook my head. "What happened!?" Tara screeched, frantically scanning over my appearance as I slipped into my seat. "Call the police and tell them that there's a man who needs to be taken into custody and a woman who needs to be hospitalized. Tell them that Cheyenne Thorn sent them." I instructed Tara as I rubbed my cheek, knowing that it was going to be a bitch to deal with in the morning. I tuned out the sound of Tara giving the directions of the place to the officer on the phone as I looked at the scenery of the area around my house. It was so serene, so calm, so peaceful, but as we knew it, things of that nature didn't last forever.

As I pulled through the gate of my home, I saw a BMW sitting in the driveway and I could recognize the tag as Vivi's. I clenched my jaw, driving in further to see that she was standing outside of the garage with Tomas and he-who-shall-not-be-named standing next to her. 

What the hell were they doing here?

"Got to be fucking kidding me..." I said to myself as I pulled into the garage, turning the truck off. "I'm going to my room. Make sure you put some medicine on that, Master Cheyenne," Tara nodded at me as she made her move to go to her room in the basement while she awaited for Pierre to bring Holly home. 

"Are you okay!?" Vivi ran up to me as soon as I got out of the truck, poking and prodding at me. I could feel an intense gaze leering on me, but I refused to acknowledge it, knowing that if I did, I'd cry like the pathetic being that I was. "Just peachy," I replied in a curt tone and she got the notion that something was not right. She had to know what had happened because she was dating Tomas. She had to know because she knew me well enough to put two and two together.

Unless, Tomas was respecting my privacy and my feelings and decided to let me tell her on my own.

I didn't give a fuck anymore.

"Why are you here?" I folded my arms, looking her deep in the eyes. I was sure my voice was dull and rude, but I couldn't bring myself to fix it. "We just wanted to see you," She whispered, her eyes twinkling in sadness as I moved away from her touch. "We? Fucking priceless." I sneered before turning around to walk into my house. 

I heard the cavalry pause before following after me as if I had given the say-so to come into my home. I didn't say anything as I walked into my kitchen, preparing to make myself a snack. I needed this activity to take my mind off of everything else, just to focus on me. Vivi and the two dogs sat down in my living room and it took all that I had not to snap.

"How are you today, Chez?" I gritted my teeth at the name that Tomas addressed me with, trying to remember when I gave him permission to call me anything that wasn't my name. "Fine," I scowled with a low tone, not looking at anyone as I moved around the kitchen. I was sure the atmosphere was awkward because they didn't know what to say or what to do.

I mean, why were they here? To rub salt in my aching wound? What?

 I didn't even have to look at him to know that my heart was crying out for him. Just the fact that I knew he was looking at me was enough for my hands to start trembling. "What happened to your face, Chez?" Vivi asked softly and I sighed deeply, trying to rein in my annoyance and everything and everyone.

"One of Sterling's men." She gasped at my reply, probably wanting to ask more but I shook my head, not in the mood to answer questions. I was on edge, feeling like pin needles were poking me in every pore. It hurt so much and yet, I could do absolutely nothing about it. I couldn't bring myself to tell them to leave as much as I wanted to. 

With a sigh, Tomas leaped himself off of the couch. "Quino, can I talk to you for a second?" I ignored as Joaquin followed him to one of the empty rooms down the hall. Vivi made eye contact with me before motioning for me to go after them. I glared at her as she narrowed her eyes, pointing down the hall. "You need to know what is that's going on, Chez. This just might help you understand," She whispered and I groaned audibly, my feet dragging against the wood as I slowly tiptoed down the hall. 

"You fucked up, Quino." 

I stopped at the very last door, hearing Tomas' sharp voice. "Huh? What are you talking about, Tomas?" Even I could hear the truth in his voice that he knew exactly where this conversation was going. "Chez was starting to become nice and you just pushed that boy to the side!" He screeched before sighing deeply. 

"Look, I'm your best friend and I understand your pain. But because I am your best friend, I'm going to make you understand what you did wrong. I know you miss Alyssa, she was your first love, but I have to say this," He took a pause as if he was going to say something so incredibly insensitive. "She is gone, Quino, and you're here," Joaquin was silent after that admission and I knew hearing that had to hurt. "I know for a fact that she would sacrifice everything she could just so you were happy."

Tomas continued on. "Cheyenne did not deserve the way you treated him. If you like him as much as you act like you do, then you need to make things clear with him. You need to tell him that you're scared because you don't want to lose anyone ever again. You also need to realize that you only live once. Let that pain go so you can be happy once again." So what Davina and Holly said was true. 

He was scared.

"Vivi and I can see just how much Chez cares for you," Tomas chuckled, saying something under his breath that I couldn't catch. "I know he isn't Alyssa and he never will be, but you cannot deny that he makes you feel alive again. This is your second chance so for the love of God, get your fucking head out of your ass!" If Joaquin was this silent, then he was thinking hard about something, probably biting that lip of his. 

"We're all rooting for you, so don't be a dumbass and let him go! He's a pain in the ass, conceited and idiotic all in one, but even you know that there is no one like him. Even Holly is enamored by him, and you know Holly doesn't take to people that quickly, so if that isn't a sign for you, I don't know what is." He sighed before his loud voice came to a standstill, resignation evident in his tone. 

"But I know one thing," Tomas chuckled. " You are head over heels for that fool, so if you don't get in there and make love to that rich boy, Joaquin Adrian van Zante, I swear to god I will castrate you."

I heard a deep chuckle, letting me know that it was Joaquin. "You really are something, you know that?" He didn't sound so down anymore, so I crept away, making my way up the stairs with a blush on my face. I was still so unsure, even if Tomas spelled it out for him. Until I heard it from his own lips, I didn't believe anything else. 

I just needed to have a way out in case he left me behind for good. 

Just like Christine did.

I gritted my teeth as I took a deep breath to stop myself from crying like an idiot. "You are better than this. You are Cheyenne Thorn," I mumbled to myself as I slunk into my room, shutting the door behind me. I fell face-first on my bed, just wanting the pillows to suffocate me. The pain from the punch was nothing compared to how I felt on the inside. 

All of a sudden, a knock on the door penetrated the silence. Thinking it was Vivi, I yelled for her to come in. I sat up on my bed, hearing the door lock, trying to fix my appearance. "What's up—" My eyes narrowed into slits, seeing Joaquin standing a mere ten feet away from me.

I went tight-lipped, not saying anything as I folded my arms, looking away from him. "Cheyenne, babe, don't be like that," I kept my head turned away from him with a sneer as he sat down next to me, so close that I could smell that heavenly cheap mint body wash. If he inched any closer, I feared that I would crumble into his touch.

I heard him let out a sigh and I internally smirked. "I'm sorry for pushing you away that day. I promise you, with all my heart, that the way I feel about you hasn't changed." I bit my lip, wondering what that was exactly. He still hadn't given any sign as to what he felt for me, so I could only know this much.

"It's been a while since I've ever had someone that I could call mine. The last time I did, she was taken from me, and I just don't want you to be taken away or worse, leave me," I understood what he was saying, but at the same time, I didn't. "Stop using your past as a crutch for you to be happy," I snapped, refusing to make eye contact. "News flash, if I wanted to leave you, do you think I would be sitting next to you right now?"

And sixty years later, I'd still feel the same way.

Because as Davina told me growing up, a love like this is hard to find.

"Look at me." Joaquin's raspy voice crawled into my ears, soothing me like the softest melody, but I refused to comply. "Cheyenne, please look at me," That pleading tone that he took made me cave in as I growled lowly, cutting my eyes at him.

"What the fuck do you—"

The moment I turned to face him, his hand snagged its way into my hair to pull me close to him as he slammed those awaiting lips of his onto mine. The moment they came together, we both let out a unison groan as he pushed me down on the bed, falling on top of me. His kiss was hot and full of fervor and need as if he craved me as much I craved him.  "I needed that," He whispered quietly, his pants coating my lips as he surged in.

I put a hand on his chest to stop him from advancing any more, in fear that if he did, I'd fall without a second thought. "You need to let me know now what is that you want from me because I don't think I can take anymore," I gritted my teeth as a tear coursed down my cheek. I never used to cry so easily, but when my control was slowly being taken away from me by him, everything became easier. "I'm not going to let anyone break me anymore, even you." 

Joaquin stared at me as I gave him the moment to back out. Suddenly, he reached forward to wipe my cheek free of the tear, bringing my face closer to his. There was a small smile on his face as he gazed at me with fondness. "No need to start building walls again, Cheyenne," His voice was soft and mellow as he ran a hand through my hair, comforting me. 

"You got me."