"Money brings me a great feeling, but nothing like this," -C.T

"What does being in love feel like?"

I narrowed my eyes as I scrolled down on my phone, reading various articles. Now that I knew that my heart wasn't beating because I was breathing fast, but because it was too busy beating trying to get me to breathe in his presence.

I was such a fool. I mean, why him? He literally slammed straight into me, spilling fruit punch all over my precious Armani when we first met. He took to insulting me straight off the bat. "What is happening?" I mumbled to myself, reading through some of the signs that meant that you were past the point of having a crush. "Everything becomes so much easier when you're with them," I read to myself, hating that I agreed with it.

It was just unfortunate luck that he came to the bar that night to collect me. I didn't expect him to pull me into his arms, nor did I expect for me to just break down into tears. I was Cheyenne Alexander Thorn, a man who didn't show a single thread of emotion. If my own best friend, who I have known for 20 years, never got the chance to hear me vent or shed a singular tear, what made someone who wasn't even anywhere near my level any different?

I didn't love at all, I was too scared to let anyone close enough for me to do so. "You can be yourself when you're with that person. No need for walls or anything because they have already seen the real you," I looked at my hand, a sudden feeling dawning on me.

The facade, the mask that I kept on for the last eight years, perfecting it until there were no holes, no cracks, no chinks. It had become apart of me, something I knew I couldn't live without because I didn't want to be exposed. But as I remember the warm feeling of being in someone else's arms without a single care in the world, I knew that somewhere along the way, that poor boy destroyed that mask.

Why? When did that happen? Why did I let it happen? Most importantly, what was I gonna do about it? I couldn't let this consume me. I couldn't have this type of emotion with someone like Joaquin. We were just two different people from very different worlds. 

"First rule of trying to get a job," Joaquin spoke as he leaned on the doorway, folding his arms with an unamused smirk. I nearly jumped in fear as I sat up against the surface of his truck do. "No phones allowed. It's a distraction and you could potentially ruin the customer's meal," He teased, motioning for me to follow him inside the shabby restaurant.

He held the door open for me and I cringed at the way that it squeaked loudly, wondering if he worked at some hole in the wall, not getting enough money. 

"You're going to meet my boss," He sighed, grasping the small of my back to lead me forward. I unconsciously blushed with wide eyes, unsure of how to handle this. "Just let me handle it. It took a lot for me to convince him," I didn't think he was unaware of what he was doing to me and I hated that I automatically saw a halo around him whenever I looked at him.

I had to stop this.

We soon stopped in front of a tall man with big muscles and dark brown hair, his brown eyes immediately landing on me. He had various tattoos and scars plaguing his arms, some that looked like they were a result of gruesome activity.

"Boss, this is Cheyenne Thorn, the guy I was talking to you about," I was taken aback by the man's cold gaze scanning me up and down with a sneer as if I had done something to him. "Cheyenne, this is Wyatt Perry, the boss of this here establishment," I nodded to him, noting that he didn't make a move to hold out his hand. 

"Nice to meet you," I muttered quietly as Wyatt just stood there, folding his arms, staring at me and I frowned, wondering what his issue was. "Joaquin, you dare bring someone like him into my place?" He raised a brow and Joaquin sighed, not knowing what to say. I could see the vehement judgment in his eyes, rearing its ugly head with a snarl. 

"What does someone with as much money as you seem to have," I could tell that that he was referencing my Zanotti shoes and my Armani shirt, finished with a bracelet made by Piaget. "Want with a job from this old place here?" His voice was rigid as he didn't believe a word I was saying. I heard pots clanging in the back behind him and he clicked his teeth, giving me a hard stare. 

"Unfortunately for you, we're running short of waiters. Joaquin here can be your teacher and I expect nothing less of you to follow through what he says," Wyatt narrowed his eyes at me before shaking his head at Joaquin, walking towards the back with nothing else to say. "Well," The poor boy clasped my shoulder, leaning over to snatch a cheap apron off of the wall. He seemed to be too excited for my taste, practically gliding all over the floor.

"Let me show you how we do things around here," He chuckled, handing me the apron. I gulped, wondering why I even told him I had to leave my family home. 

About an hour and some change later, I was panting heavily, brain dead from all of the information that Joaquin was literally beating into my soul. The restaurant wasn't one that I would willingly go to or touch or look at, but being in it was bringing me to the brink of being mentally insane.

"Do you understand that now?" The 32-year-old man folded his arms as he stared down at me clutching my knees, holding on for dear life, an unimpressed faze greeting me. "There are 28 entrees, 14 appetizers, and all kinds 'a drinks," I muttered and he let out a pleased breath. My muscles were hurting from carrying so many plates on one tray. I thought training was a process, a long one too,

Maybe they didn't feel the need to. 

"I guess you're all ready. You just need to make sure that you're smiling when you first meet the customer. None of that attitude of yours. You need to act as if this job is life or death," His stare was intense, letting me know that this wasn't one of those mediocre games. "It's either this or going to work for Sterling," I stood up straight, giving him a fierce glare. "I'd rather do anything else than work for that bastard," I grunted out and he smirked, satisfied with himself.

"Quino!" I heard someone screech and I turned on my heel to see Tomas and Vivi making their way into the restaurant. "We stopped by to see you," Tomas pulled the big man into a hug, the sound of claps hitting their back as they grinned at each other. "Chez, what are you doing here, wearing an apron?" I could practically hear the frown in Vivi's voice as I faced her.

Joaquin put his hands on my shoulder to go maneuver me to a chair at a table. "Oh yeah? What are you doing here too?" Tomas asked, reiterating Vivi's question as they stared at both Joaquin and I. Vivi looked from me to Joaquin, probably confused as to why I didn't sit next to her. Why I let him touch me. She knew that we had exchanged numbers, but she didn't know everything else.  

"This is my day off," Joaquin began, stretching to put his arm on the back of my chair. I ignored the way Vivi and Tomas zeroed in on the action with their beady little eyes, pretending that I didn't notice anything. "I was just helping Cheyenne get settled into his job," It was almost embarrassing how Vivi choked on her sip of water while Tomas sputtered on his own words, eyes bulging out of his head incredulously.

"Excuse me?" Vivi remarked, wiping the water from her chin and I grimaced in disgust, knowing that the 15th rule of Cordelia Baudelaire's book on rules of etiquette was violated. "Yes, since rich boy here was booted out, this is going to be his way of making sure that he has income," Vivi furrowed his brow, going to tell him that I already money planned for that but he didn't care. 

"It doesn't matter if he has billions to live off of. Point is, he needs to learn some skills. He may be a rich boy, but he won't get by long-term if he keeps using it as a crutch," Tomas was the only one who seemed to be motivationally moved by his words, but I just looked away, internally screaming. If you hear that, that was probably me.

"And since he probably won't be seeing any of his people," Joaquin turned to me, flicking my ear. He had an obsession with my face, pinching my cheeks, touching my nose, hell even squeezing my cheeks. It was starting to do things with me, things I didn't like. "He needs to learn how things work before he goes pissing off the wrong person," Tomas nodded in agreement, offering me an apologetic glance.

It was fine, I had to admit. Anything was better than living in that household, pretending that I was happy. 

"Why are you guys here anyway?" Joaquin turned the attention away from me, sensing that I was uncomfortable. I didn't know it then, but I was inching closer to him for comfort. A subtle scoot of the chair directly into his side, no one would ever know if I was doing it purposely or unconsciously.

"Vivi had an idea she wanted to run by you," It seemed that Vivi and Tomas were still going on strong, a shared smile between the two as a flicker of jealousy wracked my body. Huh? The hell was I envious for? 

Maybe because deep down inside, I longed for someone to look at me that way. Not my family, not my friends. Someone who knew the rawest part of me. 

I turned to look at Joaquin, a fuzzy feeling coating me like a warm blanket as I watched him talk to Tomas animatedly, the muscles under his plain black tee moving and contorting with every motion of his arm. I could feel myself getting sucked in as my heart began to palpitate, a thump or two at a time.

"I'm planning a trip for the four of us to go to a cabin Colorado," Vivi spoke up, enticing me to turn my attention to her. I blinked, trying to comprehend where this came from. "What?" I butted out and she nodded, her blue eyes flashing over to me. "We haven't hung out for a while, so this would be a chance for us to see each other for a whole entire three days! Plus," She waved her hand like it was nothing and I was still trying to understand the purpose.

"You guys want to see how Chez and I live. This will be your chance," Vivi shrugged like it was nothing and Joaquin frowned. "I'm on a tight budget for this month," He replied and I was surprised, knowing that this man would rather pull out every single hair on his scalp then spend money if he didn't need to. 

"No need to worry, Quino. It's already taken care of. All you need to do is show up on the day of," Joaquin smiled and on the outside, it might have looked like he was grateful, but from where I sat, it was a smile that rendered his body tense as if it was killing him to have someone pay for him. He was probably thinking that it would be better to die than be indebted to someone. 

Especially when the last eight years of his life revolved around debt.

I found myself gazing at him once again, noticing those freckles. Normally, freckles weren't attractive to me, but on him, it was quite a sight. I couldn't see anything else but him and the smell of his mint body wash laved my senses, making it so that I couldn't focus on anything else. Was this how Vivi was whenever she was around Tomas? 

But why was I so calm about it? This was literally a terrible situation. Even if I wasn't in the same house as him, Sterling would kill him, rip him apart, limb from limb, and I wasn't gay, to begin with. For the longest, I was attracted to women, and nothing about him was feminine, so why him? Why not my own best friend, who would suit me far better than he ever would? Why not anyone else, even the women Davina had on speed dial?

The answer was simple.

Because he understood in a way that no one else would.

In the short time since Tomas introduced him to me, incident after incident, insult after insult, he made me feel holistically me. 

This was probably going to be the worst decision of my life, one that could destroy me. This was the first time I had ever felt this way, if I was being honest. I didn't even know why I was carrying when it was evident that something would never happen between us. I saw him grin at something Tomas said, the grin nothing like the belly laugh that he just had on the way here. He didn't show much of his teeth and his eyes didn't crinkle. He was still holding back, probably inattentively. 

So I decided. 

I was going to make it my mission to see a smile on that face of his.