"People like to think that they understand things but in reality, they know nothing," -C.T

"Are you okay?" I nodded to the sound of my mother's voice as she drifted in the doorway, concern in her blue eyes. It had been years before I heard the sound of her voice being so kind to me, but I didn't have it in me to be an asshole right this moment, especially when she had her own to think about. "Okay," She whispered, teetering on her feet and I could sense that she had something else to say, so I just motioned for her to come in.

"There's some weird poor-looking man here to see you, Cheyenne," Davina stepped into my room, her eyes softening upon the sight of me. Even if she did not want to act like it, we both knew that she wouldn't hesitate to defend me. 

Just like she did yesterday when Christine showed up in all her glory.

"Who?" I replied, wondering who she was talking about. "He looks like a builder, so maybe you hired him without telling us. He's very tall, looks kind of plain, wearing white with those Timbs that Cordelia keeps talking about," She described and I narrowed my eyes, having a vague recollection of this individual. I made a face and scrunched my nose in confusion, wondering why this person sounded familiar. "When he spoke to you, did he sound like he smoked for a living with an unusually deep voice?" I questioned and she nodded in reply, narrowing her eyes.

Ah, what the hell was he doing on my turf?

I grumbled in annoyance as she waited for me to say something, wondering what choice I was going to make. "...send him up," I rolled my eyes and she pinned me with a curious stare before going to do as asked. I sat up on the edge of my bed, smoothing down my silk nightshirt. It was common knowledge that I didn't sleep with pants on, and I definitely didn't after yesterday because I just knew a nightmare was going to destroy my brain.

So I just stayed with the cover over my lap as I waited for this man to walk up the stairs to my room. I didn't have half of the energy to play nice or even more, so whatever he wanted, he better have made it quick.

Suddenly, there was a rapt knock at the door. "Come in," I muttered lowly with a heaved sigh. "Hey!" In walked in a six-foot and four inches tall male with his brown hair disheveled over his plain face. He was smiling, but I didn't really care to pay attention to it. 

"If it isn't the poor boy," I drawled with sarcasm as the man of honor stepped into my room, eyes widened in glory as he took in the interior design. "Wow, you rich people go all out," I hadn't heard that raspy smoker's voice in a while and I had to admit that it was not a bad touch. "The hell do you want, Joaquin?" I wasn't trying to be mean for the first time in my life, but my emotions were so out of control and my mouth was not filtered, not that it ever was, and I didn't want to make things worse.

"Wow, the first time you've ever called me by my name." 

I contemplated killing myself as he shut the door, giving me all of his undivided attention. It was a little awkward, considering the last time we saw each other, I said shit about his wife and his worth, and he told me I was basically Sterling 2.0.

So, yeah, it wasn't the best feeling right now. "Not gonna say I'm tarnishing your very expensive carpet, or polluting the air with my presence?" He said with an amused snicker and I raised a brow, not falling for it. I was still irritated with everything and since he was here, he was going to get the brunt of it. Sure, I was going to have to air my room out so that my precious oxygen could be replenished, but it wasn't going to happen right this minute.

"Wow, Vivi was right when she said you were not yourself," I had no idea what he was talking about as he stepped closer to me. I hadn't spoken to Vivi since we hashed everything out, so I had no clue how he knew I wasn't myself. "The fuck are you talking about? You don't know me well enough to say that I'm not always like this," Joaquin shook his head, removing his shades. "I don't," He smirked with confidence, his maybe-white teeth gleaming.

"But I know that you would've said at least ten mean things about my hair or about my outfit since I've been standing here," I narrowed my eyes, counting one to ten. "You have about ten seconds to tell me why you're here," I muttered harshly, feeling my heart contort at the thought of Christine.

How fucking dare she come here, after all this time, and think I'll welcome her with open arms? Fuck no! See, I rarely cursed and I rarely sounded like an unintelligent individual, but she brought out the worst in me. 

"I was just coming to see if you were okay," He looked so awkward standing before me and I sucked in a breath. "That's rich, considering I'm the entitled and pretentious brat," I folded my arms and he didn't even have the nerve to look sorry. Whatever. "I said what I said. I'm just here to make sure you didn't drown in piles of money," He took a good look around the room, slivers of awe and envy pouring out of his eyes.

"I'd say thanks, but I don't need your concern." I snapped, looking away from him. I could feel the restraint that I put over my emotions crumbling to ashes and I clenched my blanket in my hand, grinding my teeth.

I took a shuddering breath, willing my eyes to not shed anything. Why should I? She was the one who left me behind. She didn't care about me because if she did, I wouldn't have been here right now. It was just funny how the one person, whom I trusted with everything in me, became the reason why I would never trust another soul.

Trust was for pansies, anyway. 

I'd be an utter fool if I let her back into my life again. Fool me once, shame on me. But fool me twice? We wouldn't even go there. "Cheyenne, I'm just saying, you look a little—" I was so sick and tired of everything and it all just erupted from within me as I turned my venomous gaze onto Joaquin.

"Does it look like I need your fucking help?" I snarled, pointing to the door with a glare. He jolted a little in his tread, blinking in surprise. "Please make yourself useful and leave!" 

Joaquin narrowed his eyes, running them across my face as if he was studying me. He clenched his fists as his nostrils flared and I just wanted him to leave. He had no fucking right to come into my home, my room, breaching this safe haven with some bullshit called concern. He didn't care about me, that much was evident.

And he had no reason to.

I breathed heavily as he nodded, tapping his hands together. "...alright, if you say so," He didn't sound the least bit upset but he gave me one last look before he left my room. I forgot to tell him that he should leave through my window to avoid the interrogation of Davina, but I didn't a fuck about his feelings. He was the one who stepped in uncharted territory, trying to fool me into thinking that I was someone of importance.

I closed my eyes, getting back into bed to lean against the headboard. "It's not fair..." I whispered to myself, memories upon memories flashing through my eyelids as if they were reminding of what a horrible life I lived and suffered through. 

I didn't know how long I sat there with my head in my knees, but I knew it had been over an hour. God, things like this rendered me helpless. I couldn't do anything about it either and that pissed me off the most. 

In the midst of my aching thoughts, a knock on the door cracked the quiet. "What?" I called out as the door opened eerily. "Hey," I recognized that voice and my jaw tightened, feelings of uncertainty and irritation coating my being.

"What do you want?" 

My voice fell flat once I recalled the heiress to the Baudelaire throne standing in the doorway of my room. Why did everyone feel the intense need to plague me with their feelings of concerns and angst? Didn't they know who I was?

"I heard Joaquin came by," I could hear the hopefulness in her tone as she teetered forward, but I said nothing. "He said you were more upset than usual," Even through the carpet, I could hear the click of her Louboutins as she came to sit next to me. I didn't move towards like she probably expected nor did I move back. I just sat there, emotionless and the silence between us was inevitable. 

What could she say to me that would patch up the hole in my chest that she put there by saying that she didn't want to be my friend?

Suddenly, she looked at me with a bite to her lip as her eyes started watering. "Chez, I don't want to stop being your friend! I'm so sorry that I said that. I was just angry." She wailed out and I shook my head, closing my eyes. 

"Yeah, well, it's going to take time. I already told you that I had a tough time trusting in other people, for reasons that I haven't told you," She narrowed her eyes at my passive behavior, sensing that something was wrong with me. "The fact that you threw it into my face so easily and now you want to retract it, I don't like that." By being born into the Thorn family, I craved stability. I needed it. 

She pouted and her lips started to tremble. "Even if I know you didn't mean it, that's not what I'm focused on right now. I have a lot more going on and I'd just really like it if I could handle that." One thing at a time to conquer. I knew that I would still be friends Vivi once I figured out how to control everything because just like she said it in the heat of the moment, I say things too.

"Christine's back, isn't she?" She tilted her head, her voice falling to a cold thought. "You only ever get like this whenever someone mentions your sister." I didn't say anything and that warranted her to put her hand next to mine. "You're scared, aren't you?" She whispered as we both stared at the floor. She had no clue why I was acting like this as she only knew that Christine left and didn't take me with her. She didn't know the dark horrors of the Thorn family, but maybe someday, I'd tell her.

"Who knows?"

I still wasn't going to exploit all of my feelings to anyone because I wasn't that type of person. There was nothing to gain from me telling others how I felt. One thing Sterling taught me well was to keep the feelings in and keep on pushing. 

I just had no clue how I was going to keep on going now that I had no anchor, no control. Before, I was just some fly on the wall who could slip in and out with ease but now, I felt like I was some mouse in a cage and everyone was just staring at me from the outside, trying to see when I would break. 

"Well, don't hold in your feelings. Regardless of whatever, I am always here for you if you need me, Chez," Vivi gripped my hand and that was when I finally looked up, looking into her eyes. "Please don't push me away," She breathed and I reluctantly nodded, watching her stand with a clutch to her purse. 

"I'll call you later to check on you, okay?" She knew I needed my space but she didn't want to overstep boundaries, which I both greatly appreciated and resented. "I'll answer," I grunted out as she smiled at me, bidding me farewell with a wave. She took the back entrance so she could avoid the people in the main hallway, which I didn't fault her for.

I just had to think about everything and process it. Compartmentalize. Swallow and ignore. It wasn't working this time and it was giving me so much grief and anxiety, disgusting emotions I never felt in this way.

"God damn it," I hissed to myself, hating the way that the weight on the elephant in the room increased. I had no clue where Christine went after I stormed out nor did I care. I couldn't talk to her because seeing her triggered everything in me.

"Master Cheyenne, I brought your lunch!" Tara waltzed in all bubbly, a nice mode of encouragement for me. I wouldn't admit it, but she was refreshing to talk to. "Thanks, Tara," I murmured as she placed the tray down on my bedside table. "Are you okay, like are you really okay?" Her green eyes scanned my body and I shrugged. "I don't know," I couldn't even force a smile because I hadn't smiled in forever. I couldn't even mask the pain in my voice because it was becoming to be entirely too much.

"Is Christine a bad person?" Tara asked me and I sighed, knowing the answer to that. "...no," I shook my head. I already knew the honest truth, but I felt one pain these entire eight years, which Christine would never know because she left. No amount of good reason could placate the way I felt. I nearly lost my will to live.

"But to me, she is."