Falling Apart

This is a one shot of 'Rewind' by 'CJ_Adler'. I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this story. All rights are reserved to her. 

'There was never a decision to be made in the first place. There never had been and there never will be. It's always been her. And I would do it the same way, no matter how many times I'm given that choice. I'd choose her.'

In which Jay is leaving for good. And he's not sure if he's making the right decision. But he knows what he wants. And he'll live his life the way he wants it to be like. He'll do whatever it takes to stay.

He's Jay Taylor after all.

 ***

This one shot takes place during Chapter: 48 of 'Rewind' - Slip Away.

P.S. Btw, It's in Jay's P.O.V ;)

Have fun reading!

JAY'S P.O.V :

I walk out of the washroom after getting ready and putting on a clean shirt. Putting the last of my stuff inside the suitcase, I look at the sleeping figure lying on the bed next to me.

A smile rests on my lips as I look at her beautiful features, committing everything to memory one last time.

Her hair sprawled messily across the pillows and her lips parted slightly. She's so gorgeous and she doesn't even know it.

Stop acting like a creep.

I wince at my subconsciousness as I look away, deep in thought. I look back at Aquella as I slowly make my way to her before leaning down and brushing away the strands of hair from her forehead. I kiss her temple softly, making sure I don't wake her up. I gently caress her cheek with the back of my knuckles before letting go and walking back to make sure I've got everything packed.

She wakes up a few minutes later, rubbing her eyes tiredly, and sits up. She frowns a bit looking at the empty spot beside her on the bed before turning her eyes to me.

"When are you supposed to leave?" She asks.

There is a heaviness in my heart that I can't bring myself to think about so I busy myself by dragging our bags down the stairs and placing Aquella's bags to the room across Xavier and Emma's.

I smile when I see the look of irritation on her face on having to wake up in the morning. She's never been a morning person.

"You couldn't have stayed next to me a little longer?"

Trust me, I wanted to.

The feeling of dread and sadness never leaves me as dark thoughts fill up my mind. But I can't let them get to me. I can't let her see. She shouldn't have to worry about me and I'm never going to give her a reason to.

I tease her, joking around, trying to disperse the tension in the room. But she doesn't pay attention to them, disregarding my teasing.

My grin eventually falters when I see how serious she is about this. I know this affects her as much as me. I want to erase that tension clouding her mind. I want that smile she gives to her friends and family. To me. To never fade away. But I don't know how to do that when I'm the reason she's slowly falling apart.

I don't know how to do any of this when I'm falling apart too.

We drive to the airport together. I let her drive my Gallardo, which she was so surprised about. I swallowed my laughter, trying to suppress my smile at her astonishment. I think about those days when she didn't even know how to drive, closing my eyes, resting my head back against the seat as I take a short trip down the memory lane.

I open one eye to look at her with mischievousness sparkling in my eyes.

"Now, drive really slow like I know you can."

She doesn't want me to go. She's making up excuses just to get me to stay. She doesn't know how difficult it is right now for me to not just drop everything, take her in my arms and never let go. Every last bit of my restraint left is being used to walk away from her when that's the last thing I want to do. All I want to do is kiss her into oblivion till everything melts away and all she sees is me.

But I can't.

It is so hard. So difficult. And she is not making it any easier by clutching me tightly and refusing to let go.

"This is it, then?" She asks yet again.

I laugh trying to ease her mind, "For the millionth time, yes 'Quella, this is it."

I step back swiftly when I get the chance but she manages to tackle me in another hug again.

I don't want to let her go. I can't.

Why am I doing this?

I remain quite as she continues to cling to me and doesn't let go, squeezing the life out of me, along with the will to walk away.

"I gotta go." The words feel like acid in my throat, burning away my insides. I barely manage to let the next words out, "My plane's waiting."

I can't hug her back. It takes too much out of me. My insides are withering away as my heart starts feeling like stone in my chest. It's the same feeling I got five years ago, when she didn't come back. All I can do is look at Aquella's face as she takes me in for the last time, just like I do.

I need to tell her. I need to let her know. We aren't doing it this way again. I didn't let her know how I felt five years ago before she went away but I can't go now without telling her, knowing that I may never see her again. But for some reason, the words don't get out. I falter and stop mid-sentence. I feel like kicking myself for not being able to say it out loud at this moment but I looks like she already knows. She gestures me towards the plane and tells me to go.

I take my bags and walk out through the doors, the emptiness coursing through my veins, not going away.

I look back at her one last time and even though she's right there, I already miss her like anything. I salute her and smile warmly, meaning the word I say to her next. "Same place same time tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." She replies.

I grin at her and she stares back at me.

Time seems to stop for a moment before I know I have to go. But even as I walk away from her, my heart heavy and aching, I can't seem to stop questioning myself.

Why am I doing this?

What is the point to any of this?

There is nothing out there for me which can bring me happiness if not with Aquella.

Why wasn't I able to say it back to her?

Why couldn't I just tell her?

I still love you Jay. I never stopped.

I stopped in my tracks, not caring about the voice blaring over the speakers about the boarding gate to my flight closing in a few minutes.

Why couldn't I just tell Aquella that I love her?

And I realise that it wasn't because I believed in those words to be any less true. Because I did love her. I always have. No. Maybe it was because I didn't want to say those words to her knowing that right after I'll be saying those words I'll be boarding a flight which would take me thousands of miles away from her for the next decade.

I don't even care when the lady on the speaker announces that the boarding gates are finally closed. I don't even care when she says my flight has departed.

Because I've already made up my mind. I rummage through my bag before my fingers come across the silver ring I've had for years now. I rotate it gently as a smile tugs at my lips stretching into a full blown grin.

I choose her.

I choose Aquella.

Greg, Leban and Kyle come to pick me up from the airport. Turns out Greg had a hunch that I won't be getting on that plane and came to pick me up. He pulls me into a tight hug, clasping me on my back, "I knew you'd do the right thing, Taylor."

We rush to Xavier and Emma's house where everyone was crying and looked devastated. When they saw that I was apparently alive, they nearly died of shock itself. Troy made a scene, frustrating me as it took me nearly an hour to calm him down. I kept looking for the pair of hazel eyes that I wanted to see but I couldn't get away fast enough to go and look for her.

My heart started thumping loudly in my chest as I grew worried about Aquella.

Shît. I raked my fingers through my hair, instantly worried about her. I already have an idea as to where she might be but the problem was how long it would take me to get to her. She must be thinking all this while that I'm dead. I tried calling her but her phone was switched off so I rushed by at the ice-cream parlour, getting her favourite bubblegum ice cream, all the while telling Landon about my plan. Bells heard about what I was talking about and forced me to let everyone in on what's going to happen.

We reach the cliff on time and I signal the rest of the guys to stay there as I made my way towards the place I hoped she would be at.

My heart beat faster as I saw her hunching over and crying. My chest pained at seeing her hurt and I wanted to do nothing more than to comfort her.

When she looked back up at me, realising my presence there, and I saw that thousand watt smile light up her face as she stared at me in awe, I realised something myself.

When she leaped at me and when I wrapped my arms around her body...When she kissed me fervently...When I finally told her exactly how I felt, the way I wanted to for years now, I felt it again.

When I slipped the ring on her finger, something I wanted to do since I was eighteen because I always knew that she was the one. And when she pushed me over the edge of the cliff, I knew.

There was never a decision to be made in the first place. There never had been and there never will be. It's always been Aquella. And I would do it the same way, no matter how many times I'm given that choice.

I'd always choose her.

***

There you go. Hope you like it!! Thanks for reading :)