It seems my parents have accepted how things have changed with her daughter and decided to act like ordinary parents. It’s a bit awkward because it’s obvious they are forcing themselves to behave in a way it’s not natural for them, but it makes me happy. I know they love me, even if I questioned it at some point, but they don’t show it. Maybe they don’t know how to show it. Their love is very quiet but it’s there, in they way they trust each other and trust me. The way they don’t need to say a word to make the other understand. Or the way they care so much about my future, because they want the best for me and the thing they trust the most in life is knowledge.

I don’t know if they ask for advice on how to deal with a teenage daughter with her first boyfriend who also happens to be one of her best friends, a daughter that never exhibited any sign of interest in anything but her own studies. Maybe they have sought an expert’s advice or maybe it’s a natural instinct, but they try to engage more in my life now or at least in my relationship with Zeke.

That is why they drive me to his home on their way to their Christmas party instead of letting him pick me up. They want to know where I’ll spend the night and where I go some days, and they also want to meet Zeke’s sister. It does make me nervous but also all excited because it’s a clear sign they care about me, and the things that are important for me. The people that are dear to me.

So when I knock at Zeke’s house door I have my parents at my flanks, waiting for someone to greet us and the person to do so is Beth, with a big smile that is designed to make people feel at ease. I assume it’s her nurse smile.

“Allie! Merry Christmas Eve!” she cheers. “These must be your parents, nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Brown. Please, come in for a little while.”

My both parents nod and we walk inside where they properly greet Beth and where we find Zeke setting the table. There’s a nice smell in the house and I assume it’s Beth’s cooking.

“Mr and Mrs Brown, thank you for letting Allie come,” Zeke tells them with a polite smile and I walk right up to him to stand by his side, our arms brushing each other.

“Thank you for inviting her,” Mother replies with the same politeness and it feels a bit awkward, so Beth intervenes.

“Allie tells me you have a party tonight in the university. Is it a department thing or a the whole university together?” Beth asks and I take that opportunity to lean closer to Zeke and kiss his lips shortly in a greeting. He smiles heart-warmingly at me and I feel so happy to be here.

“Merry Christmas Eve,” I tell him and his smile widens before he looks at my parents explaining to Beth how it’s a party the science department throws every year and how every other department makes something similar for all the employees.

“Merry Christmas Eve,” Zeke replies wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer and giving me a longer and sweeter kiss.

After that night when we had dinner with my parents we haven’t talked about feelings again. I don’t have the need to hear him saying he loves me all the time, I even think it’s not comfortable until I can say it back, which is not yet the case. He probably knows it’s not needed for him to repeat it all the time because I know his feelings already and I need calm and space to figure out mine. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all, so I need time. I don’t make hasty decisions. Hence, he hasn’t asked me about it nor has he insisted for me to give him a reply. He’s patient and I think that’s one of his traits I appreciate the most.

I have talked about it with Sam and she says that if I am indeed in love, then it’ll be hard to tell because I don’t have any experience whatsoever, thus I don’t have parameters to compare to help me reach a conclusion.

“One day it’ll hit you, so just relax. Zeke is chill so he doesn’t need you to say it back. He’s okay if he’s the only one who’s said it. It’s probably fed his ego,” Sam told me laughing at the situation. So my two friends have helped me to stay at ease regarding this issue.

I’m not forcing myself, I’m following Sam’s advice and letting myself feel, letting myself get familiarised with my own feelings for Zeke until I feel that I love him and I’m saying it because I feel it and not because I’m forced to echo his words.

We pull apart and together look at his sister and my parents, hoping they didn’t see us snogging two metres away. They are still engaged in conversation and Zeke grabs my hand to take me where they are.

“May I offer you something to drink?” Zeke asks and my parents look at each other.

“We are just in time so we must decline for now,” Father replies for the both of them.

“Another day you could come to dine with us so you get to know us better and feel at ease,” Beth proposes surprising us all. “I can promise you know that my brother adores Allie and will always look after her and I care about her a lot, too. She’ll always be welcome here. So if you ever need to go on a convention and worry where Allie can stay, she can stay with us without a second thought.”

I look at Zeke surprised and he just squeezes my hand a bit tighter, what tells me he’s talked about this with Beth before, so it’s not a surprise for him.

“Thank you very much. We’ll discuss it when the time comes and about the dinner you propose, we’d like that very much,” Mum replies this time and my smile widens because I notice her tone is not sharp or condescending, she really means it and I think she likes Beth. Dad also smiles at her more than just politely, which is a great sign.

“Have a great evening,” we wish my parents as we walk them to the door. They’ll come pick me later tonight when they come from the party. “I haven’t finished dinner yet so you two have fun together and I’ll call you when it’s ready,” Beth tells Zeke and I. “Not too much fun, okay?”

I chuckle but Zeke blushes and without saying a word, he drags me away towards the living room where we sit on the sofa.

“Your parents seem to be warming up to me,” he comments playing with my fingers. We’re facing each other with one leg under the other, almost like mirror images.

“They know you are important to me and they trust my decisions. I think they are trying to understand me and see what my world looks like before judging,” I speak with a proud smile on my lips.

“I think my parents would’ve liked yours. I’m not sure if yours would’ve have liked mine,” he laughs and I arch my eyebrows in confusion. “I have this feeling your parents don’t appreciate physical contact and my parents, especially my mum, loved hugs. She always greeted with a hug, no matter who was introduced to her. She was very affectionate and would’ve made your parents feel uncomfortable.”

Zeke has showed me pictures of his parents, so I image his mother hugging a little Zeke, struggling to be released so he could continue playing. I can’t fight the smile that shows up due to that mental image.

“I would’ve adored your mum. I’m so sorry I couldn’t meet her,” I tell him squeezing his hands tighter. “I was never shown affection like that and despite that, I quite enjoy it. I would’ve loved your mum’s hugs. Maybe I would’ve come here just to get a hug,” I say with a light tone so he doesn’t get that sad when talking about his parents.

“Just for her hugs?” he retorts and I chuckle, cuddling up to him. He receives me in his arms, wrapping them around me as we move until we find a comfortable position: his legs around me, my back pressed to his chest, his arms around me and the hands resting on my belly, his chin on my shoulder and our cheeks touching each other. “She would’ve loved you to pieces, too. Wherever she is now, I bet she’s happy I met you and that you pushed through my walls.”

“You mean I passed your test?” I question and he leaves a kiss on my temple.

“Exactly.”

“Do you miss her even more during these holidays?” I question because I know Christmas is more like a religious ritual than a family one and now it’s just Beth and Zeke. They must feel lonely.

“I do,” he accepts. “That’s why I’m happy you’re here. Beth and I usually do well, but it’s still sad just the two of us knowing our parents should be with us. Now with you here she’s even merrier than usual, which is a very agreeable sight.”

“Then, if my presence helps, I’ll spend every Christmas with you two,” I offer, joking because I would never impose myself to Zeke.

“I’d love that, Allie,” he replies and by the way he hugs me tighter I know he means it and isn’t joking along. “Do spend every Christmas with us, please.”

I turn my head to meet his eyes, our noses brushing and he puts our foreheads together. I can see in his eyes that he really means his request and that it’s important for him when he closes them and sighs deeply. I also close mine as my left hand reaches up to cup his cheek.

Before I can say something I get this feeling of déjà vu, like we’ve been like this before, like I’ve heard this same request before and even the warmth of his skin on my hand feels familiar. “I’ll spend all my Christmas with you,” I promise but my words feel like an echo of a previous statement, the same sentence.

I’ve heard of déjà vus before and how these are very common but I’ve never regarded them as important because I never felt one. It’s weird, it’s almost as if I weren’t really in my body and but watching from afar, but at the same time I’m here. I feel very dissociated and it’s a very weird feeling that throws me off a bit.

“And New Years?” Zeke repeats but he hasn’t repeated it, it just feels like he has.

“And every New Year,” I answer, shaking my head a bit to get rid of this feeling.

When Zeke hugs me tighter it doesn’t feel like a memory but something new again and I relax in his arms. I instinctively look for his lips and let his kiss cleanse me from the weird feeling giving me goose bumps. After a few seconds I can’t think of anything else, I can just feel the warmth of his lips, the familiar sweetness of his tongue, always gentle, teaching me. His hands run my back up and down, even as I move to leave the twisted position and acquire a more comfortable one right before we hear Beth calling us.

“Dinner is ready!”

We break the kiss, realising I’m practically on his lap and that we had forgotten Beth was in the kitchen. I giggle, feeling my cheeks heating before he kisses the top of my nose.

“You’re so cute, Allie,” he whispers, making me blush even more and then helping me back on my feet.

We join Beth in the kitchen and help her take the food to the table and everything looks delicious and smells amazing. We have a wonderful time and they even surprise me with party crackers so I end up wearing a pink paper crown, Zeke a green one and Beth a red one. We laugh and enjoy the food and then help Beth to wash the dishes. We also play some games until almost one AM, only then Beth says she has to go to sleep but I think it’s just an excuse to leave Zeke and I alone, she even takes Loki with her although the dog has been sleeping the whole time next to me.

At some point I go to use the loo and when I come back Zeke has something in his hands, a present. “I thought it’d be okay to give you your present now,” he says at my surprised reaction.

Before I join him I go for my purse and take the present I brought, thinking the same We haven’t made plans for Christmas morning, but I wanted to be the first to give him a present and see him opening it.

“We thought the same,” I express with his present in my hands and finally joining him. “Merry Christmas,” I add and he chuckles.

So we exchange presents and I let him open his first. It’s a digital pad for digital drawing because he’d been complaining lately how his wasn’t working properly anymore and he was looking for a new one, so I made sure to look at his and look for the same, then ask for a better one.

“Wow, Allie. You didn’t have to,” he says, his astonished expression evident on his face. “This one is so amazing!”

“It’s also from my parents. You need that to keep working on your portfolio to present so you’ll bee accepted in MMU,” I explain and he smiles brightly at me.

“Thank you. Please also tell your parents I said that,” he asks me and I nod. “Now I feel bad about what I got you.”

“Oh, don’t be silly!” I say and don’t even give him time to keep complaining, because I open the present to find a memory album. I gasp because I’ve never had one and this one isn’t just any memory album. He’s edited it, creating a whole new cover with many colour clouds, like chemicals mixing and changing. It looks really cool. And then I open it and see the little dedication.

So you can keep a record of the memories you’re creating.

With all my love, Zeke.

And then I find the first three pages with pictures, some with Sam and Zeke, the three of us at the Tempest, some just Zeke and I in London or the orphanage, others just Sam and I with little descriptions below. I feel my eyes watering, a sensation that is really foreign for me because the few times in which I’ve cried it’s been only because due to pain like when I fell down the stairs at eight and broke my arm.

“This is beautiful, Zeke,” I tell him, jumping to his arms to give him a big and tight hug. “I love it, thank you so much!”

Then I kiss him deeply, thinking of all the other pictures I’ll add. A real record of the life I’m living.

Then I pull back, I take my phone and snap a picture of us two. “Do you realise I’ll be taking pictures the whole time now, don’t you?” I question out loud and he chuckles, pecking my lips one more time.

“I do. I want you to fill that one and then I’ll give you another, and another so you can collect them,” he tells me and I feel butterflies due to the excitement bubbling inside me.

I just hug him, cuddling in his arms because I can’t wait to fill these pages with pictures and different tokens of all the things I’m doing. This is the perfect present for the life I’m leading now and of course Zeke thought of it.

-:-:-

Quickly updating! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Until next Sunday!

Bel, xx