“Allie,” Zeke says, pulling back to break the embrace, however, his hands stay on my shoulders, keeping me in place as his eyes bore into my very soul. “Do you want me to help you make memories?” I tilt my head and he chuckles lightly at my confusion. “I mean, would you like me to take you places where you’d never go on your own? After all this is our last year and from here on you’ll go to some amazing Uni—”

“Cambridge,” I provide the information and he laughs.

“Yes, you’ll go there, I’m sure of it. And I’ll stay here in Manchester. We won’t see each other often because whether you come here to hang out with Sam and I or we’ll go to embarrass you there in front of all the other geniuses.” Now I laugh at that and he smiles so kindly at me. His right hand rises to cup my face ever so lightly. “The point is that we won’t have the opportunity to hang out much after we finish college so now it’s our chance. Let’s go somewhere, have fun so you won’t regret never doing these things when you were in college. When you’re in Uni, preparing to be the most kickass scientist ever, you’ll be really busy but you’ll be able to look back and feel content. What do you say?”

“You won’t take me hiding bodies, will you?” I ask and he laughs out loud, he even looks down and a bit of his hair falls over his eyes, hiding them from me.

I’ve noticed he’s stopped doing his hair in that quiff, now he wears it more loose and natural, it looks shaggy and like he hasn’t touched it, sometimes it even hides his eyes but I quite like it. More than the quiff. The whole disarranged look suits him better.

“Okay, I’ll cross that out the list. Something else you wouldn’t like?” he questions and I think about it.

“Only that. I’m up for anything else,” I reply and his smile is dashing, making my heart race even more, and his thumb caressing my cheek is highly distracting.

“Then it’s settled. I’ll take you places and we’ll do all those normal things everyone does. It’ll be like a first for me, too,” he realises and I nod. I highly doubt he’s hang out with friends to go to the cinema, for instance. “So, do you have a place you’d like to go first?” he questions and I shrug.

“I don’t mind where we go; maybe the cinema. Can you believe I’ve never gone to one?” his eyes widen in surprise so I nod solemnly, my hand on my chest in my most serious expression. “I told you, until this dream I was just textbooks.”

“Then we’re going to the cinema. I’ll pick the film and you tell Sam, okay?” I nod in agreement and he lets go of my face.

Zeke stands up but I don’t move because I don’t know, I just don’t move, so we end up really, really close. I hold my breath as I look up to meet his eyes and it feels like my whole body is tingling due to the proximity. I can almost feel him but we’re not really touching. This is crazy! And the smile he was wearing before slowly fades away as his expression grows serious, his eyes intense and my heart is beating too fast, this is not normal. I need to breathe in but I can’t make myself inhale some air.

“Allie,” Zeke starts to say and I gulp. My throat feels suddenly so dry.

“W-what?” I inquire because he doesn’t say anything else, but then he closes his eyes and shakes his head softly.

“Never mind. Let’s go, classes are about to start,” he reminds me and I don’t know why but I feel a bit disappointed. I think he had something to tell me, that’s why he called my name, but he changed his mind and now I’m curious.

“Okay,” I agree and I notice my voice sounds a bit deflated but he doesn’t say anything about it.

I take a step back and turn on my heels to walk away with Zeke closely behind. I’m dying to insist until he tells me what he wanted to say, but I don’t want to push him. I’m learning that people don’t always like sharing information and not because I ask them they are obliged to answer. They have the right to remain silent, after all. So I grant Zeke that. If he doesn’t want to tell me whatever he has to say, I’ll leave him be until he decides it’s time to share whatever he was about to say.

•••

“Are you sure you can’t go? Maybe if you let me talk to your mum,” I tell Sam for the nth time since I asked her to come with Zeke and I to the cinema and she refused.

“I’m sorry, Allie. I really have to run these errands for my mum. I promised her. But you and Zeke have fun, okay? And if the film is good we can go again, deal?” she treads and I sigh. “Plus, you can use this opportunity to get closer and figure out your own feelings,” she winks at me and I freeze.

“Sam,” I call, realising how suspicious this looks. “Do you really have errands to run or are you just making up excuses to leave Zeke and I alone?” I question and she starts giggling. “Sam! That’s not necessary,” I scold her right when someone joins us.

“What’s not necessary?” Zeke asks and both Sam and I jump startled.

“Zeke! Uh… well, that—”

“That I give her some books she borrowed but I insist,” Sam cuts me off, giving an excuse and I look at her surprised. “Anyhow, I’m sorry, Zeke, but I can’t go with you two today. I have some errands to run for my mum so it’ll be just the two of you,” she continues and as I’m watching her I notice how she winks at him. I gasp and look at Zeke, but he’s with his gaze locked on the floor, his fringe falling over his eyes and his cheeks slightly rosy. “Have fun! I’ll see you two tomorrow,” she adds before giving us each a hug and disappearing.

It’s just Zeke and I now and after what Sam has said and implied, it’s awkward between us. Zeke doesn’t look up and I don’t dare to meet his eyes, either. But I don’t like this awkward silence and I feel the urge to fill it.

“So, did you pick a film?” I question.

“Not yet but let’s go there and see what screening is the most suitable and from there I’ll pick. You can try to persuade me if you don’t like my choice. Who knows, I might make you watch some horror film and scare you for eternity,” he says sounding more cheerful now, the awkwardness fading away.

“Let’s go then!” I agree and off we go.

On our ride to the cinema we keep a normal conversation, or I guess it can be described as mostly normal. We make a list of all those silly normal things everyone does but we—mostly I, though—haven’t and we’ll like to try. Living doesn’t exactly mean doing crazy things like skydiving—although bungee jump is in our list—but sometimes just normal things you forget are specials. Like running under the rain until you’re soaked wet, dancing and even singing just to get home to have a hot bath and then go to bed, feeling liberated. Those are little things that look so mundane to everyone but make a difference when you look back.

So our list is quite simple yet it sounds so interesting from my point of view. I know no one else would think of most of these activities as exciting, but when you’ve never even tried them, they are thrilling for you. Zeke and I promise to go together ice-skating, to go to the cinema once a week, to go eat fish and chips, try skating, bungee jump, singing in the rain, go to a musical, keep volunteering at the orphanage, join a manifestation—of any kind that we support—, cross-dressing, among others. We keep listing activities and getting excited about them. Well, it’s mostly me getting excited but Zeke is always smiling, suggesting more options.

We don’t even realise when we’re at the cinema already and queuing for the tickets. Zeke wants to watch Horns but there’s another film that catches my attention: Love, Rosie. It looks so cute and lovely, plus it’s from the same writer as PS: I Love You and I loved that film. So I beg Zeke to watch that.

Yes, I beg.

“Please, please, please! We watch whatever film you watch later. Please, please! It’s Sam Claflin, Zeke. He’s Finnick, too! Please, please, please, please!” I beg pulling his arms and he’s laughing, probably because I look like a five-year-old girl blowing a tantrum. “Please?” I try again. I’ve never done the puppy eyes but I might as well try. I’m not even sure how to do it, but I give it a shot.

“Really? Puppy eyes?” Zeke groans and I cheer internally because I managed to make the puppy eyes. “Fine, Allie. You win. We’ll watch your romantic comedy but if you tell someone we watched this I’ll stop being your friend,” he says and I hug him tightly.

“Thank you! And don’t worry, I’ll help keeping your bad boy image. I’ll say we watched Ouija and I cried but you just yawned. How does that sound?” I propose still hugging his waist and looking up to meet his eyes. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and ruffles my hair.

“I appreciate that,” he replies and I smile widely.

So we watch Love, Rosie and I enjoy it very much. Sometimes I take glimpses at Zeke to see his reaction and I see him smiling and laughing at the comical parts. He won’t be able to say he didn’t like the film or that it bored him to death. And I’m glad that he’s not hating the film because I don’t want him to have a bad time because of me. I like that we both enjoy doing things.

By the time the credits are scrolling down the screen I turn to examine Zeke. “So,” I begin. “Did you like it?”

He chuckles, amused at my eagerness to know his opinion. “It wasn’t that bad but I wouldn’t watch it again. Not even for you,” replies he and I stick my tongue out at him.

“I loved it. And it’s fine, I’ll watch it alone on my own whenever I want,” is my comeback, as childish as it could be. “I think their friendship was great.”

“I agree on that,” he supports and I smile. “Do you wanna grab something to eat now?” he questions next.

“It’d have to be something on the road because it’s quite late already and my parents will get home soon and I need to be there,” I reply feeling disappointed because I don’t want to part ways yet.

I enjoyed the film, very much, but we didn’t have much time to chat, or anything, as we were busy watching the screen. Even if we’ve been next to each other all this time, it doesn’t feel like we’ve actually had.

“We can do that. I’ll walk you home,” offers Zeke and I smile, happy with the idea that we’ll spend a bit more of time together.

We leave and buy coffees to keep us warm because it’s really, really cold. The wind blows my hair in every direction and I wish I had brought an elastic band with me to put it on a ponytail. I groan in frustration after the tenth time I end up eating hair instead of sipping my coffee.

Zeke stops me and looks for something in his backpack as I keep struggling to keep my hair out of my face. He takes a black beanie from inside and before I can ask him what he’s planning to do, he hands me his coffee and puts the beanie on me, making sure my hair trapped inside and away from my face.

“There, now you can stop fighting with your hair,” he says holding my face in his hands as she smiles at me. “By the way, it really suits you.”

“Th-thank you,” I reply with my throat suddenly feeling dry, so I take a sip of my coffee and hand him his back.

We resume our pace until we reach my home and during the whole time it feels like there’s a party in my stomach and I know it doesn’t have anything to do with the warm coffee I’m drinking but with Zeke’s action and proximity.

-:-:-

I'm just gonna have a diabetic coma writing this book. Just saying xD

Bel, xx