“Oh you’re back,” Sam says when I tap her shoulder. I find her dancing with Dana, totally fine, as if she hasn’t minded our absence at all.

Zeke is behind me and I notice Sam watches us both. At Zeke then at me then back at Zeke. She has this cheeky smile on her lips and for some reason that makes me feel uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” I reply. “I think it’s time for me to go home. Don’t parents have superpowers to detect when you’re not home?” I question and Sam thinks about it.

“I think they do. You’re right, it’s better to go now than to risk your life. Let’s go,” then she turns to face Dana. “I’ll see you in college, Dana.”

“Bye!” I wave at the girl and she smiles at us all.

“Be careful,” is the last thing Dana says before Zeke, Sam and I leave the party.

It is so crowded that no one minds us leaving so soon, although some do notice Zeke leaving. Out of the three, he’s the only one that catches people’s attention. Sam and I, on the other hand, go unnoticed no matter what we dressed up as. Although Zeke only gets that reaction because of his reputation, even if now the kids now he has friends and hangs out with us, it’s a fact that he’s a lone wolf. Sam and I don’t receive attention even if we are his only friends. I think the kids regard us only as shadows. Not that Sam and I mind, though.

We make it to the car and as Zeke drives back Sam helps me to remove the tattoos. She’s brought nail polish remover and with some cotton with work on getting rid of my Tris’ inking. The birds and logos are gone, now my skin is very red but that should be gone by tomorrow morning. Good thing it’s chilly and I don’t need to expose that part of my body.

By the time Zeke stops in front of my house I’m Allie again—not that I ever acted or was Tris, but I was dressed up like her—and it’s time to say goodbye. As Sam drive with me in the backseat, she gets out first and now I’m alone with Zeke inside again. He turns to look at me with a smile on his lips.

“Did you regret going?” he asks me and I shake my head.

“I had fun, even if it just briefly. I just wanted to see. Thank you for helping me, Zeke,” I tell him and he nods in acknowledgement “So, I’ll see you in college then,” I add and I’m not sure why, but I don’t really want to say goodbye or go inside home. I want to stay here, even if that seems like the most awkward option.

Why do I feel so awkward with Zeke around? Is it because of what happened when we were dancing? I wonder if this is normal. I’ve read about it in some books in which the main characters feels butterflies and all those things, but I don’t think life works like that. Those are metaphors and hyperboles the authors use to magnify and enhance the effect on the reader. I can’t use the descriptions give by the characters to measure and understand my own reactions; that would be too silly. Even if books are realistic, they are fiction and will always be magnified.

“Yes. Have sweet dreams, Allie,” he confirms and I know I have to get out.

How should I say goodbye? I am too aware of him and the fact we need to part ways and I’m not sure if I should just wave or smile, but that seems cold and not enough. I feel something inside telling me that it should be something else. A hug? But it’s kind of awkward due to the fact he’s on the driver’s seat and I’m in the backseat. What else then?

I sigh and decide I should just get out, but then I remember he kissed me on the forehead. Maybe I should do the same, but that would look kind of weird, wouldn’t it? Then the cheek it is.

I look at him and feel so uneasy and nervous, like I can’t move but then I take a deep breath and lean forward. His eyes widen at my actions but he doesn’t move, so I can kiss his cheek easily and quickly. “Goodnight, Zeke,” I say and sprint out of the car. I feel my cheeks burning and like my throat closes up.

Sam looks at me confused when she sees me exiting the car like that and I see her opening her mouth to ask me what’s wrong, but then she looks inside and a light of understanding crosses her eyes because these sparkle with amusement.

“I’ll come tomorrow afternoon to ‘study’ and we’ll talk, okay?” she says and I nod because I can’t speak now. My heart is beating really fast. “Have sweet dreams, Allie.” Then she hugs me real quick before she goes back inside the car, this time on the passenger’s seat. I wave at them before turning on my heels and going home.

This is something I didn’t think of: going back inside my room. I could jump down, but how do I get to my window without breaking a bone? I might have dressed like Tris, but I can’t jump to my window like she would have.

Damn.

I sigh heavily and then go back to the entrance. We always keep a key hidden there just in case someone gets mugged and loses their set of keys. It has never happened but you never know. Better safe than sorry. So I’ll have to use that and pray—not that I believe in any god, though—that my parents won’t wake up.

I remove the key from under the map and open the door as quietly as I can, with my eyes closed waiting for the most horrendous sound. I open the door and close it without waking my parents, so I start to relax but I totally forget those bad steps in the stairs.

Why is that when you need to be quiet the whole house plots against you to alert you’re up? It’s not only the step that cracks louder than ever, it’s also me getting startled and hitting the wall next to me and almost dropping one of my parents’ diplomas.

I froze, ready to see my parents getting out of their room and catching me in flagrante delicto.  But nothing happens and I wait for at least two minutes before I can breathe again. I really saw my life flashing before my eyes and I’m so glad I’ve starting doing things because it was so brief. All I see are the things I’ve been doing for the past month.

I keep climbing the stairs and make it to my room, my heart still beating fast and strong against my ribcage. I’m not tired from the party or escaping, I’m tired from getting back inside without waking my parents. But I did it, I’m back in my bed without alerting them and getting grounded for life. Although I’m not sure if that’s what they would do, they really don’t have experience punishing their child. Maybe I would even have to help them to give me a penalty.

Once in my bed and when I’m sure I’m safe, I think once again of Zeke and the things that happened between us today. Dancing, embracing, those innocent kisses. I know I’m the closes friend to him, but even I think this is different, however, I don’t feel confident enough to provide an accurate and certain judgment of what this really is. 

I’m relieved Sam is coming tomorrow because she’ll have to help me to sort this out.

•••

When the bell rings I rush to the door. It’s not the first time Sam comes to my house, but today is different. I could barely sleep last night, thinking and thinking about all the things I felt and happened during the party, but I couldn’t come up with a conclusion on my own. I’m a novice when it comes to social interaction and feelings and whatnot, so between the two of us, Sam is the expert and she has to help me.

“Come in, come in!” I hurry her grabbing her hand and dragging her inside, then right up to my room.

“Hello Mr and Mrs Brown!” Sam calls out loud as I drag her upstairs.

I don’t know if my parents said something or if they’ll even come here. They really don’t have experience regarding guests. Sam’s been the only person who’s come to really see us and not to discuss some issue or project. Mum will probably come with some refreshments later.

“Woah, you’re in a rush, aren’t you?” Sam says, sitting on my bed. I sit in front of her, on the floor, with my legs crossed.

“I need help,” I say straightforwardly. I’m not the kind to beat around the bushes. I wasn’t raised to be like that.

“Yeah, I assumed that much. I had this feeling I had to come when I saw you last night,” she explains and I’m grateful she’s not as dense as me. There’s no way I would’ve picked that up if the roles had been switched. Sam is really good at observing and understanding people based on that.

“I’m a bit confused,” I tell her and she nods, listening. “Regarding Zeke. Weird things are happening to me around him, especially last night.”

“You’ve never felt like that before?” she questions and I think about it.

“Not at that level. I mean, I’ve always been aware of him and he makes me nervous. The first times my heart was always beating fast, but I assumed it was because of fear, you know? I wasn’t scared last night and my heart was beating so, so fast! I felt like it was gonna burst out of my chest, Sam,” I explain. “I was aware of every part of my body that was touching him and when he was hugging me I felt so… well, so comfortable and happy there.”

“He hugged you, too? Man, he’ knows his game,” Sam laughs and that confuses me more. “Sorry. Carry on,” she urges me so I take a deep breath.

“I feel all weird inside when he looks at me, Sam. Like there’s something there, stirring and even if it’s uncomfortable in a way, I don’t want to part ways. When we were in the car about to say goodbye I didn’t really want to leave even if I felt uneasy. Isn’t that weird? It’s like going against my surviving instincts!” I exclaim at the same time someone knocks at my door. I’m so exalted that I jump and a little scream escapes my lips. Sam only laughs. “Come in,” I say with my hand on my chest.

“I brought you some refreshments,” Mother says and I nod in gratitude. She leaves the tray on my desk before she watches us. “Are you going to study?”

“Yes, Mum. We are organising us before we study,” I reply and Mother nods.

“Use your time wisely, girls. If you need help, don’t hesitate asking. I’ll leave you both now,” says Mother before she exits my room.

I turn to look at Sam again, waiting for some verdict from her.

“First let me ask, what do you think of Zeke?”

“Uh,” I frown, confused about why she would ask this. “He’s great. I mean, he’s a really good person even if he doesn’t seem like it. He’s complex and that’s fascinating, because it’s more than what meets the eye. He’s caring and an amazing boy.”

“And physically?” Sam questions further and I feel my cheeks burning.

“Well, he’s… he’s very… very handsome,” I say looking down, suddenly feeling suffocated.

Sam laughs and that gets my attention, so I look up trying to see if I can understand why she’s laughing.

“Allie, I’m not expert myself when it comes to these things, but I’m pretty sure you fancy Zeke,” she finally concludes.

-:-:-

Claps for Sam for finally saying it out loud hehehehe do you imagine how much she teased Zeke on the way back? Ohohohoho

Vote and comment a lot! Maybe I'll feel inspired and write a new chapter before Sunday now that I'm done with uni.

Bel, xx