Zeke and I keep going to places and it's always so much fun. Sam goes with us but somehow she always disappears, leaving the two of us alone. I really don't know how she does it, one minute I'm laughing with her, the next I tell Zeke something and when I focus again on Sam she's not around. Later she sends me a text with some lame excuse. By now she doesn't even bother coming up with excuses.

I don't like being the third wheel. Hehee —Sam

I don't think leaving Zeke and I alone will help me to realise my real feelings for Zeke because even when she's not around we act the same way. We are friends with or without Sam around. And I react the same way even when she's not around. My heart races every time Zeke gets closer or touches me and I find myself thinking about him even when he's not around—especially when he's not around—, my eyes always go back to him, I'm constantly aware of his presence and how close he is.

Even if Sam didn't leave us alone I would've come to the same conclusion: I fancy Zeke.

I mean, it's the most logical explanation because I'm an objective person and I've paid attention to how my body reacts to him, not the way I want to react or I think I should feel. Attraction is all physical, love and all that it's nothing but a reaction to hormones. It's all scientific, so this should be easy for me. And when I approached the issue from this perspective it was quite easy.

My body reacts to Zeke's proximity and I feel this desire to be closer, to explore new sensations with him. I don't feel like this for anyone else and I've interacted with other boys and girls. No one makes me react like this. As we hang out, I get to socialise—I'm not good, I'm still too awkward but I try—so that's helped me to make things clear in my mind.

It's Zeke.

My monoamines go crazy with all the hormones released and, let's be honest, I do like his genes. He is so handsome and I don't know why but it seems he gets more handsome every time I look at him. I read once that we do feel subconsciously attracted to the genes of the other person as the basic reason for attraction is procreation, so in a way we are looking after our offspring when we feel attracted to someone else.

So when I see the issue from this perspective, it's so easy to realise I fancy him. I really do. And now I face one of the most common things I've read in books, something that I can't grasp from a scientific point of view: taking the first step. It's all this uncertainty because I don't know if he reacts the same way I do. The most likely option is that he does, it seems we are compatible at a chemical level, but unless I carry out some experiments, I can't be sure. Do you know how hard is for a scientist to make a choice when the evidence is not solid? Let me tell you: very hard.

Even if logically I know I should tell him how I feel, I can't make myself tell him just like that. I think I'm not good with words and whatever I say won't sound romantic, it'll just sound like an observation. I think what I have to do is take action but here I face another problem: I'm so inexperienced. I've never kissed someone, or held hands or anything remotely romantic. I've just watched films and that's not enough. Theory is the foundation but practice makes the difference.

"Where did Sam go?" Zeke asks me, breaking through my thoughts and bringing me back to the present. We came to watch some skaters and see if I can try it without killing myself. We came with Sam but of course, she's nowhere to be seen.

"Uh, I dunno," I reply with a sigh. I don't even know what to tell Zeke. "I'm starting to believe she hates us."

Zeke chuckles and shakes his head. It's mid November and it's so cold so I can't see his hair moving because he's wearing a beanie, and so am I, the one he gave me two weeks ago and that, apparently, now belongs to me. We sit side by side on a bench, watching the skaters who don't seem nearly as cold as we are. I wonder if I would feel warmer if I get closer to Zeke. Maybe I should try that.

"I'm sure it's not that. She probably saw something interesting and went to see," proposes the boy next to me and I nod. A skater catches my eye, she's tall and slender, and it seems she's flying but she takes that loop wrong, so I know she'll fall before she does and I cringe when she hits the floor.

"I don't know if I want to try skating, Zeke," I tell him as I see the girl getting back on her feet, clearly in pain. "But watching is nice. I really respect them, you know? Playing with the laws of physic and all that. Do you think the make the calculations to know the speed the need to take the loops?"

Zeke laughs and I turn to look at him. He's not laughing at me, but he's amused by my words, and just then I realise I've said something really nerdy. I bet that even if all these skaters knew the equations to achieve the perfect pirouette, they wouldn't follow that and just do it by instinct. Their guts are more reliable than my mathematic formulae.

"Well, at least you came to see them," he comments and I nod in agreement. "What would you want to do next?" he questions next and I think about it.

So far we've gone to the cinema, visited a bar, eaten fish and chips, sung in the rain, raced each other, visit an arcade and now visited the skaters.

"I dunno, what about seeing something live? Like a play," I suggest and focus on him just to see him thinking.

"There's a Snow Patrol concert this Saturday in London. Would you like to go? It wouldn't be just the concert, it would also be like a field trip and we could do other things there, like taking a trip on the London Eye," he proposes and the idea sounds so amazing I can barely contain myself.

"Really? That would be amazing! A concert sounds even better, and in London! Yes, yes, I would love to! We have to tell Sam and—"

"Um, Allie," Zeke cuts me off and I stop on the spot, my mobile on my hand about to ring Sam to ask her where she is. "I thought that maybe it could be just the two of us this time. I mean, without Sam who would just disappear at the end anyways. I'm sure she won't mind," he hurries to say and I just blink.

He looks away, his cheeks flushed and I just keep blinking, processing what he's just said. Inexperienced as I am, I'm pretty sure he just asked me on a date, and that's probably why he looks so flustered. My heart races and a grin comes to my lips. I can barely contain myself not to shout yes. Of course I would like just the two of us to go there, on a date. And I'm so happy he proposed that because it gives me more evidence to support my choice to give Zeke and I a chance. It supports the theory that he also feels the same way I do.

But then it's reality check. My parents would never ever allow me to go to another city with just a boy, a boy they don't like. They have seen Zeke other times when he drops me home and my parents have arrived already, and yes, they haven't hesitated to let me know they do not approve of someone who looks like bad news. I don't even try to explain that Zeke is not what he looks like because they will never understand the complexity of his personality. If I ask them to let me go with Zeke to London to a concert, which would imply staying over because the concert is at night and we won't be coming back at that time, I think they would just forbid me ever contacting Zeke again. If Sam were to go with us too, it'd be a different story.

"I— I'd love to, but I don't know if my parents will allow it," I tell the truth and Zeke turns to look at me, disappointment written all over his face.

"Right, I forgot about that. They don't like me," he states, his eyes looking down for a few seconds and I think it's the first time I see Zeke actually minding that someone thinks poorly of him.

"I'll ask anyways, I'll try to convince them," I promise reaching out to take his hands in a gesture that comes naturally, without me even realising what I'm doing.

Zeke's eyes now are on our hands and at that action I notice what I'm doing. I try to retract because maybe I'm being too bold, but instead of letting me go, he squeezes my hand a bit tighter before tangling our fingers together.

"I hope they let you go," he says, the two of us seeing our hands together and I can't utter a response because it feels like my heart is beating in my throat. I don't feel cold anymore because a wave of heat runs through me from head to toe.

"Me too," I manage to stutter after a while and he just smiles at me.

After that we stay there a bit more, still holding hands, until I realise how late it is and I have to go back. He walks me home but we keep distance between us. After being so close back at the park, now we walk without our arms even brushing.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Zeke says when we are in front of my house. I would like to invite him in to stay for dinner, but I know my parents would make him feel uncomfortable. I noticed already he minds their opinion.

"Get home safe," I tell him and do another bold movement. I stand on my tiptoes, lean closer and kiss his cheeks as briefly as the bat of butterfly wings. "Later."

"Later, Allie," he says, his eyes soft and warm on me, making me feel all funny inside. Oh hormones, always causing some mess inside when it comes to Zeke.

So I walk in thinking how I can ask my parents about going to London with Zeke. I wonder if Sam has a suggestion. Maybe I should call her first, I'm sure she'll be happy to hear about this plan I've made with Zeke—plans that are not certain yet, but plans nonetheless. So after I greet my parents I go to my room with the excuse to study but instead I grab my mobile and ring my best friend.

"Are you home already?" Sam asks when she picks up the call. "I thought you would use that time I granted you alone more wisely. Why do you always go home so early?"

"Parents," is all I need to say for her to understand.

"Oh right. That. Anyhow, how was it? Did you make some progress? Please tell me you did something," she begs and I laugh. She seems the most impatient for Zeke and I to leave behind the label of friends.

"Kind of," I say and I hear her excited intake of air. "He asked me out on a date. Or at least I think he did."

Sam literally shrieks. "Tell me everything."

"Well, he invited me to a Snow Patrol concert this Saturday in London. Just the two of us: concert and field trip. But there's a problem: my parents. They would never allow me to go alone with Zeke. You know they don't like him."

Sam groans, she really does that. "Why do your parents enjoy so much making our lives difficult?"

I laugh at the way she puts that. "I dunno, but I really want to go. But I don't even know how to ask them to let me go. I'm confident they'll refuse, but I have to try. Sam, what can I do? I think this is like a big thing for us and it's London. I've never been there, even if it's not that far."

"Hhmm... what if you tell your parents that... that you're staying at my place for this weekend. You tell them we have to study for the A-levels. Tell them you want to make sure you're not behind with all the time you spend with us now and you'll teach me because you learn more when you explain things to others. I bet they'll let you if you say that. And I can talk to my mum and explain the situation. She'll help us. We'll cover you and you go with Zeke to London. Just make sure not to die and we'll be fine."

I think about it for a minute, thinking of the pros and cons of this idea. On the one hand, I get to go with Zeke to London. On the other hand, I would be lying to my parents even after I said I wouldn't disobey them ever again after the Halloween party. Well, technically it's not the same situation, this time I won't disobey them because they won't even refuse to the idea as they won't even find out about this, I'll just lie to them regarding my whereabouts.

How much do I want to go to London with Zeke? Enough to lie to my parents and put on this scheme?

"Okay, let's do that," I agree, the answer to my own question clearer than anything else.

-:-:-

She's clever, despite being clueless, don't you think? I love Zellie so much TT.TT

Bel, xx