When my alarm goes off and I notice the date I freeze. It’s the twenty-third of April. The day has finally come and although I believe Zeke when he tells me that nothing will happen, I still get terrified. Even if I know I can change whatever happens today, I’m still scared.

The paranoia sinks in my stomach because every step I take feels like I’ve taken it before, every breath, every sigh, every look. I have done all this. I’ve lived this before, exactly like this although the feelings is different, although now I feel horrified instead of taciturn.

When I make it to the bathroom I do pay attention to my reflection. In my dream I knew what I would see, dull blue eyes, blond straight hair and a pale face. A pale human being, opaque. Today I see a girl with big blue eyes that shine with horror, cheeks flushed pink because my heart is beating hard in my chest, and a messy hair that I keep in that way just to look different. I also grab some scissors and cut my fridge, changing immediately. Then I notice the clothes I’ve picked and realise they are the same of my dreams so I change. I pick a dress instead of the typical jeans and tee.

There. I don’t look like the Allison in the dream at all.

When I go down my parents look exactly the same as in the dream. Same clothes, same expressions… until they see me and small smiles appear on their lips.

“Good morning, Allison. You look very lovely today,” Mum compliments. “Dresses suit you better. Did you do something to your hair?”

“Thank you,” I breathe out and she furrows her brow, so I smile to ease her worry before I walk up to her and hug her. “I love you, Mum.” Then I go to Dad. “And I love you, Dad.”

Each one hug me back and say they also love me before I leave. I can’t eat, I think if I do I might throw up and I rather not risk. On my way I notice I’m shaking and I keep telling myself that it’s okay, I won’t die today. The accident won’t happen. I’m just being paranoid and this is not like me.

Easier said than done.

I don’t remember all the details of my dream as it happened the first time because in my dream I don’t pay attention to anything. Today I do, to everything around me. Like the couple in front of the coffee shop that I recognise from long ago, that random couple that met in a hurry and over spilt coffee. I smile because they are still together.

I also notice in college Dana with a friend, both walking together and arms linked, sharing something private and not noticing me watching them. I smile at them too.

I also notice Butch being rejected by a girl. I chuckle at that. He seems to have problems getting girls since I punched him. I’m glad something good came out of that act of violence.

I also notice how it seems Mr Gayle has found someone as well, the psychology teacher. Both look so lovey-dovey and I think it’s adorable, even if they are past their thirties. They look younger.

So many things going on around me that I wouldn’t have ever noticed if it hadn’t been for the dream, so I guess it was for the best, no matter what happens today. And I hope nothing bad happens. I’ve just started to live and I love it. I love every single moment. I love my friends, I love the causes I help, I love my family, I love my plans more than ever and I love Zeke. I don’t want this to be taken from me.

I want to finish college. I want to take my A Levels. I want to go to Uni. I want to graduate and work. I want to discover something important. I want to change the world. I’m not ready to die. I don’t want to die.

“Hey there,” someone says and I’m so edgy that I jump a metre in the air when I hear him. “Allie, you all right?” he questions next when I turn around to meet Zeke’s worried gaze.

“Yes, yes, you just surprised me,” I say although my voice sounds shaky.

I don’t let him question me further, I just wrap my arms around his waist and hide my face in chest. His arms enfold me and his hands rub my back, comforting me even if I can feel his unease. He wants to ask me what’s wrong, but he also knows I don’t want to talk about it.

I always smile when I realise how Zeke and I are somehow like my parents, communicating without saying the words out loud.

How could I accept my death when I haven’t been enough time with Zeke? I haven’t loved him enough. I have so much to give him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I’m sure of that.

“When I’m in Cambridge, will you visit me?” I ask him instead of saying what’s really in my mind.

Future. Zeke and I have future and I want to make plans. More plans.

“Of course I will, every chance I get,” he replies and I pull back enough to look him in the eyes. He’s smiling sweetly at me. “And we’ll constantly talk. Video call and all that. I’ll use my computer for more than drawing,” he continues and I chuckle.

“And I’ll also come visit and we’ll spend almost all our time together. With Sam, too. And my parents. I know they secretly love you,” I tell him and he raises his eyebrows. “Or they’ll secretly love you by then.”

“That sounds more likely,” he laughs. “And then I’ll move with you wherever you have to go. If you’re suddenly needed in some other country for research and to be part of some secret and royally important team, I’ll follow you. I’ll do the illustrations of your reports.”

I laugh out loud at that and he gives me one of those adorable smiles that I love so much, in which his tongue gets trapped between his teeth and that gives me butterflies. Still today.

I feel so frantic, like I’m running out of time and I can’t get enough air. I keep inhaling but it’s not enough. I keep running, but I’m going nowhere and I don’t know what to do now. I hold on to Zeke even tighter, hoping he can make me feel calm again.

“We’ll be together until the end, won’t we?” I dare to ask. We never talk about this, it doesn’t seem necessary. A part of me intrinsically knows this, I don’t even have to question it. But I want to talk about it now. I need to.

“Of course we will, Allie. Even if you one day realise I’m too little for you and want to part ways, I’ll make use of all my debate skills and convince you again that we have to be together. I would drown you in facts and studies. I would get those.”

I laugh once again and I feel my eyes watering.

I want these plans, I want this future with him. I am so scared I might not get it. Maybe I won’t die today but what if some other accident happens in the near future? An accident I won’t be aware of?

“And one day we’ll marry and I bet my dad is gonna cry,” I continue and Zeke laughs. “He’s actually more sensitive than my mum, I’ve come to realise.”

“Why are you planning a future without me?” someone else asks and I turn to find Sam behind me with her hands on her hips and a severe expression, in the same outfit that I saw her in my dream. “Why haven’t you mentioned I’ll be not only the maid of honour but also the best man? And the flower girl? Be thankful I won’t be also the priest.”

I laugh out loud again, brushing away one tear that has escaped.

“You’ll also be the godmother of our kids,” Zeke promises and she smiles brightly.

“I’ll be the cool aunt! I’ll spoil them rotten,” she laughs evilly next and I have to cover my mouth to keep the sobs. “Allie, are you all right? I won’t spoil your kids that much, I promise.”

“It’s not that. It’s that... it sounds so beautiful,” I tell her which is the truth. It’s so beautiful and I just want it to happen, to have that future with my best friends.

“Allie, if you cry I’m gonna cry so stop it!” Sam demands and I laugh, brushing away more tears.

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” I reassure her and smile at her. “Let’s go to class if you want to ever graduate.”

So we go to our different classes and once again I notice how much this is like in my dream. Me seated in front row, listening to my teachers and without talking to anyone else. Even if Sam and Zeke were here I wouldn’t talk to them because I always pay attention in class.

After ten minutes I feel like I’m going to throw up because the class is exactly the same as in my dreams. Same words. Same gestures. Same questions. Same activities. Same events. Same reactions. All the same. I feel like the world is spinning around me and I must be very pale because Mrs O’Donnell ask me if I need to use the loo and I accept her request. Once there I actually throw up and shiver. I stay there until the bell rings and even then I can barely stand up.

I wash my face and my mouth, trying to calm myself.

“This didn’t happen in the dream. You’re okay,” I tell my reflection and I try to smile, but I still look ill and like I’ve seen a ghost.

I leave the toilet getting weird looks from other girls and then go for my stuff in the classroom before I head to the next class, but it’s just the same. I can’t even pay attention or I’ll get really sick. This is like a constant, endless déjà vu and I just want it to stop. I want this day to be over.

At lunchtime when Zeke finds me his expression shows his concern and he grabs me, pulling me for a hug.

“Allie, what happened? Are you feeling sick? You’re awfully pale,” he speaks in a hurry, pressing his lips to my forehead to see if I’m running a fever, which I’m not. I’m cold. Dead cold.

“Just a bit dizzy, that’s all,” I reply and he guides me to our usual table before running for some water. In the meantime, Sam arrives and shows the same concern as Zeke.

“Allie, maybe you need to see the nurse,” she tells me but I shake my head.

“I’ll get through this day. It’s just a bad period, that’s all,” I say before Zeke arrives. I am indeed in my period but that is not the real reason why I’m feeling like this, yet it is enough to make Sam nod in understanding and rub my back.

Zeke comes back with the bottle and sits at my other side, asking me what I want to eat. I refuse to eat anything because I’ll throw up again. My next class is chemistry. My dream happens during that class. Whether the accident happens or not, I’ll know it in the next couple of hours and that makes me feel sick again.

The bell signalling that we have to go to class sounds too soon and I don’t even realise how Zeke is almost carrying me. I also don’t notice how he asks Sam to leave us alone before we make it to the lab, I just know she’s not around anymore.

“Do you wanna skip this class?” he asks and I blink surprised. “You’re clearly scared and I know it’s because of you’re dream. We can skip and you won’t be in danger. You’ll be safe and the day will be over. You don’t have to be here, Allie. It’s your choice.”

I keep blinking, thinking about it and I’m shaking my head before I make my mind.

“I need to be here, just in case it happens,” I tell him and he looks at me with worry in his eyes. “I might be able to stop it and save others. I wasn’t the only one to die in the dream, after all.”

“Nothing will happen,” he tells me but I can feel he’s also a bit scared. “You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be fine,” I try but I still shiver. “Regardless what happens, you need to know I love you. I love you so much, Zeke, it’s crazy. It defies any logic. I love you with all I have.”

He cups my cheeks and leans in to give me a soft, tender and warm kiss. I hold on to him, petrified that this might be the last time. But he breaks the kiss and I can’t see him clearly because my vision is blurry. He wipes away some tears that are streaming down my face. “I love you too, Allie. Nothing will happen. I’ll see you after class, okay?”

I nod pressing my lips tightly before I give him another kiss, trying to make this moment last but then I hear Sam calling me because Mrs White is already in the lab. I part from Zeke, watching him and mouthing I love you to him.

I’ll be fine. Nothing will happen. I’ll see him again after this class. We have all our future ahead.

-:-:-

I don't know what to say... just that updates will be daily until the end and on Sunday I start my two new stories that you can add to your libraries already:

-Unseen
-It's Just Ann

Bel, xx