This afternoon I’ve learnt many things, from the fact that there are places like this, to my own selfishness, my oblivion to this word, a bit more about Zeke and how to play Pictionary. Among other things, of course. I’m not good at drawing, but Zeke’s taught me how to play the game and we had fun after that. Once again, Sussy’s team wins. It’s not that she’s particularly good, she’s just very perceptive and they play a lot, so they know each other. And well, Zeke doesn’t really try to defeat her. He smiles too happily when she wins another round and that gives him away.

After that we realise it’s quite late and it’s time to leave.

“I’ll see you home,” Zeke offers and I stare at him surprised. “If you don’t mind, of course,” he adds as an afterthought with an embarrassed expression.

“That’d be great,” I hurry to answer because, for some reason, I don’t want to part ways just yet.

He smiles shyly and then we start to say goodbye. Needless to say, all the kids refuse to let us go. Yes, us. Apparently, I’ve been accepted.

“Allie, promise you’ll come back,” Nina asks pulling my sleeve.

I look at Zeke, asking for his permission because, after all, he brought me here and it doesn’t feel right that I just come back on my own as if this is what I normally do. I’d love to come back, but I don’t want him to think I’m imposing myself or something.

But Zeke smiles brightly and that’s the answer I need.

“Of course, I’d love that. I mean, I want to look pretty again,” I joke winking at her and she grins widely.

“You are already pretty! But we’ll make you prettier,” she promises and looks over her shoulder at Julie and Sophie who nod enthusiastically.

“Thank you,” I state feeling my chest tightening for some strange reason.

It’s a few more minutes later that we can actually leave and I’m still smiling by the time we are on the street again. I feel happy and blessed. I never imagined Zeke would bring me here but I’m so happy he did. He showed me something that I needed to see, something that opened my eyes to a new reality I wasn’t aware of.

We walk together to the nearby bus stop and my mind is too busy organising thoughts so I’m surprised when Zeke speaks.

“I hope you enjoyed your time here.”

I look at him with my best smile to let him know I did enjoy it very much. “It was great, Zeke. I’m very grateful that you brought me here. It was enlightening,” I reply and he smiles back.

“They liked you a lot, but you don’t have to come back if you don’t want to or don’t have time,” he adds and I wave my hand dismissively.

“I’ll make time if I don’t have to because I have to come back.” We arrive to the bus stop and I stand in front of him. Zeke is a good thirty centimetres taller than me so I have to look up to meet his eyes. I’m still surprised at how approachable he looks when he smiles, which is so different from what I see at college. “You should smile more, Zeke. This expression suits you better,” I tell him tangling my hands at my back and lightly rocking on my heels.

He looks down for a second, embarrassed I think and my own smile widens. Who would’ve thought Zeke was shy? Who would’ve thought I could make someone blush? But it’s not like I do it on purpose, I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable—blushing sucks, I know it now—, but I’m just being honest. He looks far better when he smiles, it lights up his face. If he smiled more at college I’m sure people wouldn’t be afraid of him and he would have some friends. Then again, that’s none of my business and if he doesn’t want to smile at college then that’s fine, it’s his decision after all.

He doesn’t get a chance to say something in return when the double decker approaches and we have to get in. Just like when we came here, I’m seated next to the window and Zeke by my side. He asks me for my address to make sure how to get there and then we are in silence but I don’t mind. I’m not nervous or anxious this time, in fact I feel quite at ease.

“What other subjects are you taking?” Zeke asks me after a while.

“Uh, well Chemistry, Physics, Biology, Maths and Literature,” I reply offhandedly. “I’m taking the A-levels to get in Cambridge, biochemistry.”

“Wow,” Zeke exclaims. “That’s big and complicated. But why Literature? I thought you were taking more humanistic subjects considering we share that class. Although it makes sense you are in that field,” he chuckles lightly.

“I wanted a bit of diversity and I like reading,” I explain and he nods. “What are you taking?”

“Literature, Psychology, Arts and Spanish,” he replies. “I want a major in arts,” he adds further.

“Oh, arts. I didn’t expect that,” I comment honestly. I really didn’t imagine he would be interested in arts, yet again I never gave Zeke’s future a thought.

“What did you expect from me? Frowning 101?” I laugh and he smiles.

“Yes, I totally thought you were after that, it suits you better. Plus, considering you lost against Sussy, maybe arts is not your true calling after all,” I joke along and he fakes hurt.

“How could you say that? Right through my heart, Allie.”

Something happens when he calls me Allie. So far he’s only called me Allison, with a formality that was familiar to me, but hearing him calling me with a shortening of my name, like Sam does, is different. It makes me feel funny inside and here I go again, blushing.

“But seriously, what kind of arts, though? Like oil painting or modern art? I have no idea what I’m saying,” I confess and he laughs.

“I like illustration,” he explains and I listen fascinated. “I always liked comics and thought it would be wicked one day to illustrate one.”

“Oh, that is really cool. I’ve never read a comic, though. My parents would kill me if they saw me reading one. I doubt they have a good opinion on comic books,” I ramble trying to imagine my parent’s reaction. I think they would put me in an asylum or something. They would probably disown me.

“I can suggest some for you if you want and aren’t afraid of risking your life.”

“That’d be great. Thank you, Zeke. I’ll keep it a secret from my parents,” I add and he frowns slightly.

Zeke asks next, “Are they too strict?”

“Hmm… I guess you can say that. They are too obsessive, they don’t approve of anything that doesn’t directly benefit my future. Comic books won’t get me in Cambridge, hence I don’t need to read those. It was so hard to convince them to let me take Literature.”

“That doesn’t sound nice,” comments Zeke.

“Well, I didn’t mind until recently. I was also super focused on my future,” is my reply.

“What changed?”

At my mind comes the memory of the dream, that paralysing fear and realisation that I’ve been wasting my youth, throwing away my present to focus only on a future that I wasn’t even sure I would get.

I don’t want Zeke to think I’m an irrational girl who believes in dreams and lets herself be guided by them. How foolish is that? And I’m not sure exactly why his opinion on me matters but it does.

“I had an epiphany. I realised I was living in the future and wasting the present.”

He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at me and I start to feel a bit uncomfortable under his scrutiny. I don’t know what he’s seeing right now, I just hope it’s not something disappointing.

Zeke realises it’s our stop next and urges me to stand up. We still have some blocks to walk and we do it in silence. I don’t know what he is thinking and I’m busy organising and understanding what I’m feeling. Everything is so new to me, every emotion, every sensation. It’s so interesting! To experience new things, to understand the world first hand instead of through books. I’ve read about people making friends, people wanting acceptance, people feeling nervous next to someone else. I thought I understood those emotions, but it’s so different when experiencing them one self.

It’s totally normal that I want Zeke to have a good opinion of me because I want to keep talking to him; I want to ask him more questions and understand him further. I want to see more of the things the does, the things that are a mystery for others. I want to be friends with him.

“Allie,” he speaks up, bringing me back to reality. Once again I feel something funny inside when he calls me that. “Have you thought of how ephemeral life is?” he questions.

I look at him intrigued, wondering if that’s what’s been on his mind. “Lately I’ve thought about that quite a lot,” I reply. Since I had that dream it’s been a constant thought. “I used to take my life for granted but truth be told, you never know when it’s going to end.”

He is silent for a few more seconds as we keep walking, his eyes glued on his shoes. “It’s worse than that, it’s unpredictable. Everything can change in a snap of your fingers. Your whole life in one second. It doesn’t let you get ready, it doesn’t warn you.”

There’s something in his voice, a weight that makes it darker and denser. It’s like someone else’s voice, not the voice of the guy who’s being by my side this afternoon. But I don’t know why he sounds like that, what’s behind this change.

“That’s why it’s great that you realised it’s not good to live in the future.” He stops and looks at me. “Good for you, Allie,” he adds next and I also stop.

I want to understand what’s behind his attitude. I want to unveil the shadows that are clouding his eyes right now. I get the feelings there something big behind the difference in his voice, but I have no experience that could help me to understand what’s happened to him.

“Zeke… what—?”

“Allison?” another voice interrupts and I turn to my right to find my father getting down the car. I blink in surprise because I didn’t notice we had arrived to my house already. “Why are you arriving at this time? Shouldn’t you be reviewing your subjects?” he asks next and then his eyes are on Zeke, looking at him from head to toe and his disapproval is crystal clear.

“See ya in college, Allie,” Zeke says without bothering to wait for introductions. He gives me one last smile and a nod of his head before he turns on his heels and walks away.

By the time I can’t see his figure anymore and turn around, Father is still standing there and his disapproving stare is heavy on my shoulders.

“I’ll go to review right now,” I succumb to the pressure and without further explanation, I run inside the house and up to my room.

I’m sure Father will ask about Zeke and he will ask me to not waste my time with other people, especially if he doesn’t look like the kind of person he would approve of. But I honestly don’t care about that right now, I’m more concerned to understand what’s behind that look Zeke gave me today.

I will ask him next time I get a chance.

-:-:-

I'm sorry for not updating even when you got the votes before now. I've been extremely busy, sick and just having a bad week. My deepest apologies.

Dedication to @xlittlemissimperfect

Bel, xx