When I wake up the next day my determination hasn’t gone anywhere. I still open my eyes and take a deep breath, grateful that I’m still here. I know yesterday I didn’t do much, but at the same time I feel like I’ve done so much already. I just looked around and saw things I never saw before. I took the first step and I constantly hear that the first step is the hardest, but it wasn’t.

Or maybe it was. I had to wake up screaming, scared that death would come and I would be nothing. It was frightening, of that I’m sure.

I get ready thinking of what I might see today, of what might happen. I’m also thinking of Sam, of asking her to grab something, of trying to become her friend. I dress up quickly and when I look at myself in the mirror I still see the same girl I saw before, but there’s something different at the same time. A light in my eyes that wasn’t there before. What were dull blue eyes now are eyes that are open and are hungry to see more.

To be honest, today I feel more like a scientist than before, because what is a scientist if not a curious person?

It’s autumn in Manchester and it’s really cold. That’s not a surprise, we’re in October already and it’s England, after all. So I run downstairs holding my coat and with a big smile, excited for today. My parents are having breakfast and once I walk inside, I grab the mug I know it’s waiting for me but before I take the first sip, I kiss both my mum and my dad.

“Good morning!” I chirp and they blink, still surprised by my actions. I chuckle. “You better get used to me being all affectionate. I love you and you need to know that,” I explain easily and take a seat to have breakfast before college.

“Okay,” Mum says but she still sounds unsure but I don’t dwell much on it. I hope one day she gets used to this new dynamic and instead of looking at me like I grew another head. Maybe one day she can even say, “I love you” without sounding like she’s constipated.

But even if they don’t say it back, I shout an I love you before I leave. And just like the day before I stop to look around. I don’t see a couple meeting for the first time like it happened yesterday, yet I see the same girl form yesterday and the same guy, this time walking inside a coffee shop together. I smile at the sight, happy that I know them, although I don’t know them, but I’m aware of what happened. Like watching a movie.

Mum was never very adamant of me watching movies. She says they only stunt my brain. She insist that to distract my mind it’s better a book, because that way I’m at least using my imagination and improving my reading comprehension, even if they are just young adult novels. Although she still doesn’t like those much, she would prefer if I read classic novels only, like the ones for my English Literature class.

At first Mum and Dad were very against me taking that class. They say I didn’t need it for my career, that I should only focus on my A-Level subjects instead of wasting my time in subjects that don’t add anything to my curriculum, but I told them that a mind that understand every topic is even better that one that only understands science. If I can broaden my horizons, that will only help me. I convinced them that way. I just wanted to take that class because I like reading and analysing the stories.

Today, as I make my way to collage and after seeing the couple meeting again, I notice a mother and her kid walking down the street. He’s a boy, he’s probably eight but no more than that, and he is practically hopping like a bunny while his mother tries to keep it by her side. He sings a nursery rhyme as he jumps and jumps and jumps, and his mother only watches him with an amused smile on her lips. The mother is holding the child’s hand tightly, never letting him go and I stop, losing my smile. I don’t remember ever doing something like that. Hopping down a street, singing, whilst my mother took me somewhere. I don’t remember doing things like those. I remember a cold mother, always insisting in me studying, in learning new things. We never went for a walk and when she took me to school she only wished me a good day and hoped I would learn a lot. Then when I came back home she would ask me what I learnt that day.

I’ll never be like that kid. I lost that chance to be a little girl, jumping and singing and just laughing. I’ll never have the chance to be innocent and careless like that because that time already passed and now I’m a teenager, almost an adult.

For a moment, as I watch that mother and her child, I feel like I lost my childhood and I never noticed it until now. It feels like a jab in chest, a piercing pain in the middle of my chest. I know we don’t feel in our hearts, I know it’s all in my mind, but somehow my mind tricks me to believe that pain is located in my heart. I know there are studies that have showed that we do have neurons in our hearts. Well, right now I think those neurons in my heart are connected to the ones in my brain and are making me believe my heart hurts because I realised what I lost.

When I arrive to college and I walk towards the main building I’m still thinking of that mother and her son, and I keep comparing her with my mum. Wondering, hoping things would’ve been different for me.

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice what’s happening around me until I hear a scream that exalts me. It comes from my right and I turn to see what’s going on almost immediately. I’m still not sure for what I’m looking for, but I know I heard a scream. Then I hear a loud thud and I keep searching until I find the source of the commotion. It’s not far from me and some people are already gathering around. I walk towards the two people that are causing the chaos and I find a guy dressed in black clothes pushing another guy, bigger, against the wall. The arm of the dark guy is against the throat of the bigger guy who looks with embarrassment at the small crowd and with hatred at the dark guy.

“You sick son of a bitch!” the dark guy screams and my eyes widen in shock. I look around but the principal is not around. I guess that’s a good thing for the dark boy, he won’t get suspended. “You’re not above anyone else!” he keeps shouting and I don’t know what to do. Should I go for some figure of authority? No one is doing anything but grabbing their phones and recording the fight.

The dark guy pushes the bigger guy against the wall again and the sound makes me wince. He’s skinnier, at least half of the size of the big guy, but he’s stronger than he looks because it seems like this big guy can’t do anything to stop the dark guy.

Somehow the big guy manages to push the dark guy and the latter stumbles back. The big guy takes this opportunity and blows a fist on the dark guy’s jaw that makes him turn around. Only then I can see his face and he’s the guy from yesterday, the guy that was smoking alone, scaring people away. My eyes widen and a shriek escapes my lips. I step backwards, especially when his eyes find me for a second before he turns around and attacks the big guy again, tackling him against the ground.

I bump into someone, scared by all what’s happening.

“Ah!” I shout and step aside, away from the person I bumped into. “I’m sorry I was just—”

“Allie, are you okay?” the person asks and only then I notice it’s Sam.

I don’t know why but I feel a wave of relief when I see her. Her familiar face in this chaotic moment helps me to put myself together. I grab her hands as if that could help me stay on my feet.

“There’s… there’s a fight! A skinny guy is fighting with a big guy but I don’t know what to do!”

Sam looks over my shoulder, holding my hands and I see her trying to recognise the figures. Someone they are back on their feet and more people around. The dark guy has the big guy against the wall again and he punches him in the stomach over and over again.

“We need to help the big guy!” I scream but Sam keeps me by her side.

“It’s too dangerous, Allie. They are two bad guys and you’re just a girl. I don’t think you know karate or something, do you?” she asks me and I shake my head, but I still feel like I need to help. “This is common, Allie. I guess you never saw it before, but it’s normal for Butch and Zeke to end up in a fight. To be honest, it’s more common that Zeke ends in a fight.”

“Zeke?” I ask. I don’t know which one is which.

“The skinny one,” Sam replies and I turn to see the two guys that by now are being separated by two teachers. The dark guy, Zeke, has blood falling from his lips and he looks more dangerous than he looked today, and that scares me. Butch, the big guy, looks ashamed and his face is red and I know he wants to kill Zeke now.

I honestly don’t know which one is worse.

“You know them?” I ask Sam and she shakes her head.

“I don’t know them, but they have a reputation, you know? Butch, whichever his real name is, is known by his parties and his easy access to all kind of drugs. Or that I’ve heard. I try to stay away from him as much as I can,” Sam explains and I’ll follow her example. Someone who has so much hatred in his eyes is someone I should be scared of. And I am. “Zeke is kind of a mystery. I honestly don’t know much about him but I’ve seen him getting into many fights. If there’s a fight, the most normal thing it’s to find him in the middle.”

I turn to look at him again at how he looks at Butch with utter contempt, like he can’t stand to be breathing the same air. I don’t know what Butch did to get that reaction from Zeke. I wonder if he hates everyone around.

“Does he have friends?” I ask Sam, still looking at Zeke.

“Well yeah, Butch has many. Although I don’t really know if they are friends, you know? They are more like followers, for what I’ve seen,” Sam replies but I shake my head.

“No, I mean Zeke,” I specify and she makes a sound of understanding.

“Oh! I dunno. I’ve always seen him alone, if you really see him. He’s like a shadow. Scary, if you ask me,” Sam inputs and I nod. He is scary, but I don’t think in the same way that Sam means.

The crowd has cleared and no only the teachers and the two students involved are standing there. Sam and I are a bit farther away, but I’m still watching. I don’t know what they are saying, but I bet it’s not good things. The teachers are still holding the students.

“He’s in my class,” I tell Sam.

“Who?”

“Zeke,” I reply and that makes that sound again, an aspirated ah.

As if he could’ve heard my name he turns around and his eyes find me. I let out another shriek and I turn around, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“Let’s go,” I urge her and she looks at me confused but oblige so we walk away from the commotion and inside the building.

I’m still shaky for what happened and I wish I could understand what happened. Did Zeke start the fight? But Butch does look like the one who would start it. Am I being just judgemental? Plus, I heard the scream of a girl, and I’m sure Butch didn’t scream like that.

Whatever happened I push it at the back of my mind because the bell rings and I have to rush to my class. That fight is none of my business and I shouldn’t even give it the time of day. They both were in the fight, they are equally guilty and therefore, equally bad.

-:-:-

I am trying to start writing again so I'll see if I can catch up here with the number of chapters on widbook... so yeah, extra update. Can you get 100 votes for another today?

Bel, xx

PS: Picture of Zeke in the multimedia. I casted him as Zayn Malik, as you see <3
PPS: Also, I'm gonna start giving dedications to the best comment, so yeah, keep commenting!