John held my hand as we sat in the office of my attorney. He was here to offer support and speak on my behalf if I got tongue tied. Here to offer console and here to make sure no stone was left unturned in my divorce.

"Good morning" McLean Junior walked in not bothering to glance up from his notes and paperwork.

Then he did....offering a hand to shake and overly happy grin to John "John. Mr Lennon, a surprise to see you here. Nothing wrong with the finalisation of the divorce is there?"

"No, just here to see Samantha's problems are sent away"

"Oh good, right. Mrs Bardon, well I've gone through all the documents you brought in. The hospital reports and pictures" McLean tutted at the pictures, bruises and plastered arms, stitches to my forehead, burns. You certainly have grounds for complete and full custody but.."

"McLean there should be no But"

"Mr Lennon... Look, I'll be frank John. Put it this way, Mister Bardon has indicated that this relationship" McLean glanced up and pointed over the table at us two "Has been going on for a good long time, he is citing infidelity along with his other minor grounds for dissolution"

I slammed both my hand flat on the table. My head was reeling with the disgusting way Matt was heading in his fight. I saw red, anger began boiling through my veins "This" I mirrored McLean's finger pointing "Is business. I am Mr Lennon's sons' nanny"

"You live in"

"I. Well.... Yes"

"You see my issue, or his issue, then"

"No. I'm sorry, I don't. Mr Lennon has been kind but nothing has happened between us"

"Frankly...., Bardon is pressuring"

"Pressuring for what"

"Money Missus.... Samantha. Money of size that would make this go away"

John leaned forward "What is he demanding?"

"NO JOHN"

McLean glanced through the pages of documents and I turned to face John and I mouthed 'NO'. This was not happening, John was not paying him off.

I suddenly felt sick to the stomach, hatred flashed over my face. Hate of Matt, hate for the attorney for his implying my involvement with John and I was even feeling hateful of John for even considering buying out my divorce.

As McLean started talking, I seethed. He was blatantly ignoring me, speaking directly with John.

Listing down the 'conditions' and jotting down amounts, big amounts.

Twenty thousand dollars for not uttering about 'us' to the press, twenty thousand for the stress of losing the children to divorce, twenty thousand for costs, twenty for my supposed infidelity.

"Stop this. John you should leave or maybe I should, as I'm obviously not needed at the present time to sort MY DIVORCE" I ripped the notepad from the attorneys hands. He was made to talk but I think he saw flames of fury in my eyes. "I am not asking John to pay eighty thousand dollars to that pig"

"It would actually be more" McLean cowered as he said it. I eyed him wondering what would be said next
"Arrr I mean his conditions are near useless and I'm guessing you want the children 100% AND you would like to leave the country with them at some point to travel back to your parents. A deal would need to be struck. I can return this amount with the attached conditions. Take it or leave it -a bluff. From what you have said he doesn't have endless cash reserves, he will stop, but at what point, and to what consequence, I can't speculate. This employee boss thing; With John being your boss, well it1 would raise eyebrows in the press, smoke leading to fire sort of thing"

"I can't let John do this. Won't that raise eyebrows too!? Mr Jennkins, that's who Matt is using?"

"Reginald Jennkins, I know him. He has ties up town, he can make a mess very easily. This has to be kid gloves all the way- quick and quiet"

I sat back down and let their words wash over me as the conversation rolled on. I let a few stray tears fall and I felt like curling into a ball.

I have been reduced to a beggar.

Now, where does Sam end and a money-whore begin. I feel his eyes on me and he grasps my hand, guitar calloused fingers trying to quell my temper, me ...

Where am I going in all this?

Matt owned me. Now  if John pays up, he owns me next? Do I let this be paid and signed for, to silence my nightmares?

What if I create more, John seems to like me but if we have a fight...?

As if on cue John is asking the McLean to draw up more documents that John has no recourse, no claim on what moneys have been paid over to fight this case. I would never need to pay him if we fought.

He has read my mind.

I'm being stupid, John can have it all, any one he wants. I'm stupid to think otherwise, he doesn't need to buy me through divorce payments.

And I'm just the nanny.

I'm just here for Sean.

Just the nanny.

As we reach the front doors of the multi-storey building John slows, we are about to walk back into the sunshine, then John pauses, casting his eyes about. I am dumb for moments, thinking 'why are you, of all people, scared' then I remember. I grab onto him tightly, my arm snaked with his. My earlier tension and anger subsiding to be his minder, his guard, if only for a minute. Harry will be nearby. John hugs me back and a thankful look returns to his eyes.

The sunlight shines down upon us again.