You struck a match
ignited a blaze
melted my soul
Then walked away
watched me burn
a radiant glow
why you left
I'll never know.
-perry poetry

_____________________________________

'Welcome to The Valley Isle, Maui. This place is beautiful. I may want to stay here longer.' Dad says from the phone. He rotates his camera around to show me the glistening water, powdered sand and towering trees.

'How is Maaz?' He asks.

'He is fine.'

'You don't sound fine.' I lower my eyes unable to lie.

'Does he not behave properly with you?'

'He does but...' I stop.

'But?'

'I don't know.'

'I think it is you who isn't letting him in.' He sighs.

'I love someone else.'

'He isn't here Zara and will never be. Maaz is your present. Do not ruin it with your own hands. Love is a gift not received by all. In this world few people find love once, you found it twice. Cherish it before you lose it.' I stay silent.

'Do you feel amiss when he's gone?' Dad asks after a while.

'Yes.'

'Feeling incomplete without the other. That is love.'

'Is he the first person your eyes seek when you enter a room full of people?'

'I guess?'

'Seeking him out first in a crowd because he is your priority. That is love.'

'Do you sometimes cook things which he loves to eat?'

'Yeah, sometimes.' I confess.

'Taking care of each other. That is love.'

'Do you agree with him on things that you personally don't want to do yet do it for him?'

'Maybe.'

'Compromising for the other. That is love.' He states.

'Love doesn't have to be butterflies in your stomach or strong emotions invoked in you. Love can be subtle, it can be felt in small things around you. It can be comfort, security and peace that you find when you are with the other.' He says.

He pauses and then continues.

'Love is a language which has a vocabulary of more than merely hugs or kisses. Love can be a glance between you two, love can be a touch of reassurance, love can be a smile.'

'I love you, dad.' I say with a grin.

'I know you do. Shower some on him as well.' He replies solemnly.

I circle another suitable post in the newspaper, my pen digging into the thin paper of the classified. After an hour of scouring, I had come up with three places I could apply for a job. I look at the laptop to go through my options once again. I wonder how many of my online applications will be accepted. I had sent in a dozen.

The problem would be to explain two years of unemployment. Perhaps Jason, my psychologist could help me in this matter. He was the one who initiated the take a break thing. Going back to Thumbay, to my previous job would be the best option, I had a good reputation, good terms with the HR and the pay was nice too.

But did I really want to walk down those same halls which echoed with Numair's laughter? Would I be able to keep my food down in the same canteen where Numair and I used to have our meals? What I truly needed was a change, to work in a place untainted with his memories. A place where I could look forward to the future unhindered by fragments of the past.

My eyes search the oncoming darkness for Maaz's car to roll into the driveway. He is late again. I tap my foot, I hope he is okay. I had advised him to take rest and let his wounds heal but he isn't one to listen.

It is dark when he returns. He nods stiffly at me before retreating inside. He has been distant with me. I wonder if I have done something wrong. Knowing me, I know I wouldn't go for long without messing up.

Maaz plays with his fork pushing his salad around before shoving it into his mouth. The silence is heavy with unspoken sentiments.

'Did I do something stupid again?' I ask hesitantly, not meeting his eyes.

His eyes snap to me and he scrunches his eyebrows, 'You? No, you haven't done anything.'

'You are distant.' I state.

His eyes stay on his plate, he pierces a piece of broccoli which I look at with distaste. I hated broccoli, I only make that obnoxious thing because he claims it is healthy. I think he didn't hear me. But then his eyes flash to me, blazing, making me move back on my chair.

His unblinking eyes stay on me, 'Do you like me? As your husband?' His voice is raw, unemotional. He is scary when he isn't smiling. I wish he would smile.

'I like you as much as I like broccoli.' I say with a small smile. He moves so fast that the chair would have toppled over if he hadn't caught it in time. I'm stunned speechless.

'Of course I do Maaz, I wouldn't have married you if I hated you.' I say quickly.

'Maaz! It was a joke!' I try again. So much for making him smile. He dumps his plate into the sink. The sound of running water drowns my words.

'It wasn't funny.' He replies.

I don't see him the next morning, he is gone when I wake up. I call up the few numbers I had noted down yesterday from the newspaper. I email my resume to some.

I am stretching my hands numbed from typing and sitting in one place for so long when I hear the partition door knock. Assuming it is Ira, I call out, 'Come in.'

I'm annoyed to see it is Harry who comes in and closes the door behind him. I am on edge, I definitely don't want to be locked inside a house with Harry.

'Maaz isn't here.' I state coldly.

'I'm here for you.' He replies taking up the sofa, spreading his legs out before him. I stand unsure near the door, in case I have to run.

'Maaz has an office here? I want to see that room.' He gets up from the couch heading to the hallway. I jump under the archway blocking his entrance inside.

'Excuse me? That would come under intrusion of privacy. Also none of your business. Besides, you said you are here for me.' I state firmly.

'Yes, it's for your protection. You wouldn't be defending him if you really knew him Zara.' Harry smirks at me.

I ponder over his words, I know Maaz has kept things from me. But something echoes deep within me that impels me to trust him. It is an instinct deeply engraved into my very soul which refuses to doubt him.

'And you do?' I retort not budging from my spot.

'I know everything that he has kept from you.' Harry responds confidently. My mind recollects the file that I had found. He hasn't told me about it yet.

'From me?' I act ignorant. There is no way Harry knows anything.

'Yes.'

'Because it isn't related to me.' I say with confidence.

'How wrong you are there. It is all about you and your past.'

'I live in the present, the past has nothing to do with me.' I hold my head up high. I hide my hands behind my back so that he doesn't see them tremble.

Harry's confident stance tells me he isn't lying. Believing him would mean agreeing that Maaz has deceived me which cannot be true either. My mind wavers. Or can it?

'You have nothing to do with Numair? How fickle your love must have been if you have forgotten him so easily!' Harry states shaking his head. His name unleashes withheld rage.

'Who are you to pass judgments?' I step close to him, my voice seethes with anger.

'Get out of my house.' I shout.

'Recognize the enemy. It isn't me who should be turned out. It is your dear Maaz who should be turned in.'

'You are lying.'

'Has Maaz told you why he was at the site of Numair's accident?' Harry bends over me, I keep my gaze neutral and do not break eye contact with him thought my chest thuds erratically. I am afraid Harry would hear it.

My head spins and anger swirls within me. I grab his arm and pull him towards the exit.

'I said leave.' I point to the door. Harry stares at me defiantly and doesn't leave.

'I have evidence.' He says after a minute.

I glare at him.

He pulls out a small clear plastic bag from his pocket. Inside it is a black leather wallet. Harry removes it from the cover and shoves it in front of me.

'See these initials? M.A. It stands for Maaz Adam who happens to be your husband.' I stare at the engraved initials on the wallet.

'It took me ages to figure out who they stood for. I may have disregarded him if it weren't for this picture. I found this two months ago and now I have no doubt about the wallet being his.' Harry says.

He removes another clear plastic folder. He removes a picture which is a variant of the one I had seen in Maaz's study. It is another shot from the accident. Numair's crashed black sedan near a bunch of people, all circling Numair who lies on the road in a pool of his own blood.

Harry places his finger on a figure in the background. A man wearing a cap that covers his face partially. He is a few feet away but is looking over his shoulder at the accident. The man is wearing a heavy brown jacket, though his face isn't clear the sharp angles of the face, the prominent straight nose and bow-shaped lips define who he is. The man is a striking resemblance of Maaz.

'There are six other people who look like you in the world.' I respond calmly, looking up at him. 'This proves nothing.'

'That's what I thought until...' He flips open the wallet. It is empty save for a small rectangular picture sealed into it.

'I believe this is you.' He places it in front of me.

I keep my lips shut tight lest I may emit a gasp. The picture is indeed a childhood picture of me. I am standing on the trampoline in our backyard grinning at the camera, my hands on my hips. Sitting below me is Maaz, he has his face in his hands and glares at the camera. I sport two broken front teeth, I may have been six at that time which means Maaz was eight.

'You have changed a lot. I did not know the girl in the picture was you or that the boy was Maaz. Eliza showed Ira and me childhood pictures the other day when we visited your parents' home. Only then did I put two and two together.' He explains.

'The wallet was retrieved from a pickpocketing thief a week after the accident. He claimed to have stolen it from the same area where the accident occurred.'

'Do you need more evidence?' Harry taunts me knowing there is no way I can deny his allegations.

'You haven't proved a thing. His presence at the scene may have been a coincidence.' I say firmly. My mind screeches in disagreement, doubt clouds over it.

'You would know that this accident occurred miles away from this city. Why would Maaz be in a foreign city where he knows no one?' Harry questions me.

'Okay say he was there, so what?'

'You really are naive.' He remarks, his eyes rove over me scrutinizingly.

'Love drives people towards desperation. Maaz has loved you for a long time only to discover you married Numair. Think about it. And then he was seen at the same spot Numair died. He returns to your life and marries you. Seems too convenient isn't it?'

'Get the hell out of my house this minute. I do not want you here a second longer.' I shove him to the door. The pounding in my head enrages me. There is a war raging within me, one side disbelieving Harry's claims while another which is coming up with justifications for it.

Chaos runs amok inside my head. Thoughts crash and collide, one mauling another to prove its authenticity. I want to scream at them to stop. I wish there was a way to shut down thoughts the way I could shut my eyes.

'Keep an eye on him. This is my number in case you change your mind.' Harry places the card on the kitchen table before he ambles out of the door. I slam the door shut making the frame rattle.

***

A/N : Hello amazing people,
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