Now she can handle the pain
It is the little voice in her head
That reminds her how long she's
handled it that haunts her.
-JmStorm

_____________________________________________________________

I am in the backseat while Ira drives, Eliza beside her. We are going shopping. Again. No, don't even ask me how I got into this situation. I really don't know.

Maaz and Addy were off to work and Ira insisted I should not be left alone at home. Eliza cheerfully skipped class to shop.

'My professor said to do what makes you happy.' I quote Eliza here.

'And sis, shopping makes me happy.' She declared. I'm sure he meant along the lines of career choices but of course Eliza has her own interpretation.

I do not argue with her and let Ira and her chat. I hear Ira explain about Harry and her fears while Eliza listens quietly. As the story ends so does the journey. Ira's gloomy mood evaporates and she bounces along with Eliza into various shops. I trail behind them.

My phone rings demanding my attention.

'Hey.' I say.

'Are you alright?'

'Uh yes?'

'Then why would you go shopping?' His voice is genuinely confused. I can't help but laugh.

'Ira insisted.' I shrug.

'Then you are lucky I'm saving you again, the boys decided to go gaming today. We are on our way. We will pick you up.' Says Maaz.

I hunt down Eliza and Ira to inform them.

'The boys?' Eliza asks me.

'Yeah Maaz, Ziyan and Arhaan I think.' I reply.

'But...' She frantically pulls out her phone and checks her make up. Then she drags Ira with one hand and me with the other to the restrooms. This is going to be one long day. Or maybe not, Maaz will be there. It is strange how that thought cheers me up.

The boys reach soon enough, Arhaan is waiting for us at the entrance, saying Maaz had to park further down since he couldn't get a spot.

'Lead the way.' Ira tells him.

We follow Arhaan in the maze of cars squeezing in between some tight spots. Ziyan waves us over from the distance. He is in the passenger seat with the door flung open, his legs dangling outside. Clutched in his hand is a box of Oreos.

'Hello everyone, want one.' Ziyan holds out the box to us with a grin.

Eliza instantly grabs one and pops it in her mouth. I am still picking up mine from the box. Maaz gives me a subtle shake of his head from the driver's seat. I am about to ask him when I hear Eliza gag. She spits the biscuit onto the pavement while Ziyan cackles with laughter.

'It's the new toothpaste flavor, don't like it?' He asks between fits of laughter. He picks up a small tube from the seat to show us.

Eliza glares at him, 'You don't know what you are up against.' Her voice is low, threatening.

'My car is down there, I'll be back in a minute.' Ira breaks the fight. Eliza accompanies her to the car.

'Out.' I tell Ziyan.

'What did I do to you?' He brings his bushy eyebrows together and pouts his lips.

'That ain't working on me lad. Now out. This is my seat.' I say, pointing to the passenger seat he was occupying beside Maaz.

'Your seat? Possessive?' He wriggles his eyebrows, looking between me and Maaz. I stay impassive, though my heart pounds. Am I possessive of Maaz?

Mercifully we reach the gaming arcade without toothpaste in anyone's cookies or rubber lizards popping out. It is the small things that you have to be grateful for. Putting your siblings in two different cars definitely helps.

After a few rounds of playing, I wander away from the arcade. A small kiosk draws my attention, it is a little gift shop with snacks as well as newspapers and magazines in stands placed outside. Two people stand near it sipping tea. I guess they sell everything in there.

I will never understand how some people start their morning by reading something as depressing as a newspaper. Earthquake in one country, a person murdered in another, one battling economic downfall, another planning war. Headlines alone would suffice to make me want to crawl back into bed. Therefore the newspaper was never a way to start my mornings.

I move into the booth to get myself a snack. A man stands in my way reading today's news. My eyes fall on the page he is reading.

"Teenager chooses Death over Life." Big bold letters reveal. I feel uneasy. What is it that makes people choose death? There are a thousand others have been diagnosed to die who fight for life each day. Yet people who have been gifted with life throw it away in the face of adversity. The world works in strange ways.

'You can have it. I have finished reading.' The man thrusts the paper towards me. I had been staring at it the whole time, lost in thought.

'Thank you.' He walks out fast not giving me a chance to refuse. I get my very own copy of a newspaper for the first time. I look down at it wondering what to do with it. I'm still wondering when I'm roughly pulled out of the booth by none other than my ever excited sister.

'Bowling time!' Eliza squeals.

An hour of drastic fails later, with numerous balls down the gutter I realize bowling is not my thing. Eliza, on the other hand, seems to be taking it very seriously. Arhaan has declared to be her tutor. They both stand in front of the lane. Arhaan shadows Eliza, he holds the ball in his hand and explains to her the right way to throw.

'Give me.' Eliza says. Arhaan takes her hand in his and folds it over the ball. His hand stays over hers on the ball as he begins yet another explanation.

I pick up the paper lying beside me, curious I begin to read. The front page doesn't seem too bad. There's even a mention of peace talks. I flip to the other page, my eyes scan the bottom half searching for the article I had glanced at in the booth.

I begin to read it grimly.

Teenager ends life. Parents say she seemed fine. No signs of distress. Police are investigating.

Would the investigation give her life back? I wonder.

I let out a startled gasp and the paper slips from my hand to the floor. The floor shakes below me, making me stumble. The alley blurs and voices become muffled. I grab onto a garbage can beside me to steady myself.

'Zara?' I hear a voice calling out to me. I make out bouncy curls, wide round eyes, large hands reaching out to me. I'm engulfed in his embrace.

'Sis, are you okay?' Ziyan's voice comes to me. I breathe in deeply recognizing the scent as my brother's.

He holds me up and leads us to a bench, he makes me sit. I lean on him the whole time.

'Zara? Say something.' He is anxious.

I attempt to steady myself, 'I'm fine.' I manage to choke out.

'What is it, sis? Did you see him?' He whispers softly, referring to Numair. No this wasn't one of those visions, I want to tell him. I shake my head, no.

'Zara?' Another alarmed voice approaches us. 'What is going on Ziyan?'

'I don't know, she said she is fine and nothing else.' Ziyan replies, panicked.

Ziyan shifts me into a new pair of hands, Maaz takes me over from my brother. I place my hand on his arm in case I get dizzy again, I look around for my newspaper.

'Sis?' Ziyan asks.

'My newspaper.' I say. Ziyan looks at me as if I said my orangutans.

'You should take her home. I'll handle the others.' Ziyan tells Maaz.

'I'm fine.' I insist.

'Zara you don't read newspapers let alone buy one.' Ziyan argues.

I finally spot the paper a few steps away. I bend down and grab it from the floor with shaky hands. Maybe it was a trick of the eyes. Maybe I was seeing wrong.

'Come, let us get out of here.' Maaz places his hand on my back directing us outside into the parking lot. I let him lead me, I want to get away from the crowd.

Inside the car, I reopen the paper once we are on the road. I'm almost afraid to flip the pages. My fingers tremble, sweat makes the pages stick together and they refuse to flip. I take so much time that we reach home by the time I locate the article again.

There is no mistaking the picture the second time.

Maaz is cautiously observing me, he stays still after parking the car in the driveway.

'Maaz.' I whisper, my voice shakes.

'Yes, Dina.'

'Anna.' I choke out, as a tear drops down my cheek.

Maaz stills beside me, my eyes are unable to move away from the grainy picture printed by the press, of that little joyous girl who was a source of laughter and smiles.

Anna dancing around Smile, her shoulder length hair wild and unbrushed. Her loud laughter echoing down the halls as she runs away to escape the wrath of Aylin. Anna trying to climb over the walls of Smile because she wanted to be free. Anna running and embracing Numair as he lifts her up easily and twirls her around.

Anna, now dead.

The paper is gently pulled out of my hands, Maaz is at my door.

'Are you sure it is her?' He asks me, he helps me out of the car.

'There's no doubt about it.' I say. 'Yet it is so unlike her.' I add.

He walks into our room, flipping on the light. 'You mean?'

'She was strong, way too stubborn for her own good. Not one to give up easily.'

'Oh.'

I sink onto the bed, lost in thought. I don't hear what Maaz is telling me until the very end.

'I'll give you some space. I'll be in the next room if you need me.' Maaz begins to leave the room. My heart sinks further. On instinct I move to him and grab his arm making him face me.

'Stay.' I mumble into his shirt. His body stiffens in disbelief.

A minute passes and I begin to wonder if it was a mistake saying it aloud. But then I feel him relax, slowly he adjusts his body with mine.

'Forever.' He murmurs back.

He takes possession of me, tightening his hold on me molding our bodies together and I surrender to him. He lifts me off my feet and carries me to my bed.

He places me on the sheets pulling back. I hold onto his shirt not letting him go. He tumbles on top of me, his eyes widen then cloud with another emotion. He shakes his head.

'What are you doing?' He whispers his voice hoarse.

'I don't know.' I whisper back. He shifts his legs and adjusts his arms around me forming a cage. One hand slips under my head drawing me close to him making the tips of our noses touch. My fingers clutch his t-shirt at the neck as I gaze at him.

Adoration and concern spark the night blue of his eyes. I don't know what he sees in my dull brown ones but he doesn't look away either.

'Let us escape reality.' He murmurs.

The idea sounds enticing.

'We are going away tomorrow. We will take Henry with us and I wouldn't have to drive.' He declares.

'Where?'

'Away.' He smirks at me. I push him and he falls off me onto the bed.

'I absolutely loathe newspapers.' I confirm grimly.

'You wouldn't have found out about her without one.' Maaz quips. I glare at him.

Would it better to live in oblivion or is it better to know only to grieve?

I fall asleep dreaming of Anna and Numair, in a place far away from me but close to each other.

***

A/N : Bonjour mates!
Don't forget to press that little star before you leave.
Peace.