Some people survive chaos
and that is how they grow.
And some people thrive in chaos
because chaos is all they know.

___________________________________________________________

When I return from my shift at the library, dad is seated with uncle Adam in the drawing room.

'Hello Zara.' He greets me. His lips split into a smile making his warm brown eyes crinkle.

'Hey, Addy. How have you been? I haven't seen you in a week.' I slip to my old nickname for him.

'I'm good. You should have come over to our place. Eliza had come home the other day. I'd made lasagna for dinner.' He winks at me.

'Could anyone eat it ?' I retort back with a smile.

He raises his eyebrows at me, 'There wasn't a scrap of it left after dinner.'

'You should make me some then.' I give in, raising my hands in surrender, 'I'll be back.'

I head inside to take a quick shower and change.

When I come outside Dad and Addy are laughing. Seated across from Addy, dad has one arm thrown over the back of the sofa. His salt and pepper hair stick up, eyes twinkling with amusement, he has his legs stretched in front of him. A burst of happiness rushes through me seeing my dad happy and laughing.

I sit down beside him, using his arm as a cushion to snuggle into him, a rare gesture from my side.

'Is everything okay honey ?' His ever concerned eyes bore into mine. I look up at him and merely nod my head.

'Your Addy was just telling me that they are getting their house renovated.' Dad informs me. 'The works may take a week or more to get done and he said they wouldn't be able to stay at home for a week. So they will be living in a hotel.'

'But why at a hotel?' I intercept.

'Exactly what I was saying,' Dad grins down at me. 'I was saying they should move in with us for the week. We have two spare rooms upstairs which we barely use.'

'But I couldn't invade your privacy that way.' Addy says.

'Nonsense, what privacy would you be invading? You are my best friend, this is the least I can do for you. Eliza already spends half her time with Ira, they both will be ecstatic. It is only a week, imagine the fun we'd have.' Dad responds, grinning at whatever he has imagined.

'You are tough to argue with.' Addy sighs. 'Alright, we will move in here till the house gets done.'

'Good boy.'

***

I'm dozing on the couch when the doorbell rings. I hurry to open the door. Ira and Addy stand on the threshold holding suitcases.

'Come in.' I take one of the bags from Addy. 'Dad and Ziyan aren't home from work yet. Eliza is in our room.'

Mama comes smiling, 'Welcome, I'm so glad you are staying with us. I'll lead you to the room.' She takes them both upstairs and I follow with the bag.

'We have only two spare rooms, there's a little living space here.' Mom indicates the two rooms across each other separated by a small hall. A spare couch, lays in the hall on one corner, near the windows that overlook the lawn downstairs. The rest of the hall is bare of any furniture spare a painting on one of the walls.

I follow Addy to the room to the right. A lone bed lies in the center with a pastel green coverlet on it, beside it a square wooden table holds up a bedside lamp, a miniature dresser is on one corner. My old bookshelf is adjacent to it.

I place his bag near the door. 'The bathroom is down the hall.' I inform him. I close the door behind me as I leave.

On my way out mama emerges from the opposite room, 'Ira is settling down there, Maaz might have to take the couch.' She shrugs.

Dinner that night is a merry event. Ziyan, Dad and Addy are roaring with laughter. Mama smiles looking at them. Eliza and Ira can't seem to keep quiet for a second. Only Maaz who is working late tonight is missing.

I turn in early but end up tossing and turning in bed. Eliza slips in around midnight.

The next morning I leave the house before everyone is up even though it isn't time for me to leave yet. I enter the library making the bell tinkle. Liam looks up from the front desk.

'Hey, you are early today.'

'I'm here to read. I'm not working.' I smile at him.

'And here I thought you came to see me.' He makes a sad, puppy face and I smack him.

I settle down on a bean bag behind the counter while Liam sits on the chair typing away on the desktop.

I read for an hour. The smell of freshly brewed coffee tingles my nostrils. Liam plops down on another bean bag beside me, handing me a cup of coffee. We sit together, sipping coffee. It's a slow day with nothing much to do.

Liam leaves in the afternoon after I convince him I can manage on my own and he doesn't need to be there.

Late in the evening I come home. I place my shoes on the rack and hurry to my room before anyone can see me. I lay on my bed staring vacantly at the ceiling.

Don't think. I tell myself, willing back my thoughts. I focus on the white ceiling. Unbidden thoughts flitter on the brink of my mind but I push them away. I struggle to keep away the chaos that threatens to, once again, unfold.

My eyelids feel heavy, a weight seems to be placed on my shoulders, one that is too heavy for me to carry. A while later sleep takes over me.

In the darkness that invades me, I see him. Numair's smiling face beckons me to him, I take a step forward and he takes one backward. For every step that I take to him, he takes one away from me. I hurry to him with my arms outstretched and he moves away from my reach, though his smile stays in place.

 I groan in frustration and feel the pressure behind my eyes. I break into a run. The darkness gives way and he falls, a tumbling mass of muscle. Deeper and deeper he falls into gaping blackness while I pathetically stare at him with my too short arms in front of me that never reach him.

I'm shaken awake roughly, Eliza peers at me, 'Wake up!' She shakes me once more.

I flinch on Eliza's touch, 'Stay away from me.' I growl. The nightmare clings to me, I still see him smiling, I still see him leaving me behind.

Breathe in. Breathe...

'Zara! You haven't had dinner.' Eliza's shrill voice cuts through.

I turn on her, 'I don't want dinner. Can't you see I'm sleeping? Why do you always have to be such an arse.'

'Uh..'

'Was I speaking Latin when I said Let. Me. Be. ?'

'But.'

'Go away Eliza. Just go.'

Too late I see Ira standing at the door which is flung wide open, and beyond that Ziyan and Maaz frozen midway. Ziyan casts an anxious glance at me but he doesn't approach. Maaz looks away and begins to walk down the corridor in the opposite direction from me. Ziyan follows him after another anxious glance at me.

Eliza stomps away taking Ira along with her.

Breathe out.

I head straight to the bathroom, opening the shower I stand under the cold water and let it wash the nightmare. I imagine the pain flowing down my body and into the drain along with the water. I imagine it leaving my body. I imagine his face being washed clean from my memory. I imagine myself feeling light and happy.

Yet the ache in my chest does not subside. I towel my hair and change. I pad down to the kitchen to fix myself dinner. A glass of milk is all that I drink.

The house is quiet. Everyone must have slept. Eliza may have gone to Ira's room. I make my way to the living room. Mindlessly I set the cushions on the sofa correctly. I adjust the table mat of the dining table. I remove a stray pen from the coffee table and place it in the pen stand. I sit on the sofa near the French window looking outside.

Too restless to sit I begin moving again. I slide open the window and head into the lawn. The wet grass tickles my feet. My hair flies wild, the unforgiving cold seeps through me. I trace my own footsteps back and forth.

It was a gloomy, cloudy day when the devastating phone call came. Three words stood out in the haze that followed, accident, Numair and death. My chaotic mind couldn't decipher the words spoken, they never made sense to me.

I had been restless since the day before. Everything seemed normal, yet, there was a storm raging within me. I felt a deep yearning to be somewhere. In a place, where I was needed as if someone was calling me. Invisible threads seemed to tug my heart in the direction of Numair. I missed him too much, craved for his presence. I wanted to run into his arms and stay there forever.

Never had he behaved this way. I couldn't understand what had gone wrong so quickly and we had ended in this situation. Worse, he wasn't willing to explain. He'd walked away without an explanation. I thought the least I deserved was to know the reason for such a betrayal. I was endlessly hurt. Though still very much in love with him.

After hundreds of missed calls and two months of silence from his side, I had lost meaning in life. He had quit his job long before I did. I did not know where to find him.

Our apartment was emptied and a new family had shifted in. They had stared blankly at me when I had gone asking for Numair, describing him to them, to no avail.

After three months the questions began pouring in, Where is Numair? We haven't seen you both in a long time? Why didn't you come to the party we had the other day ? until they became agonizing. Friends, colleagues, relatives all asking the same questions wherever I go. After all I couldn't forever keep saying, 'He's gone for a conference.'

People were bound to know. I stopped attending social gatherings, parties, events at the hospital and at last quit my job. I chose the quiet recluse of my dad's home, away from the questions and whispers behind my back. Always praying, hoping he'd come back for me, someday.

Not all prayers are answered.

Three months ten days later it was not him, but a lifeless body, a hollow shell of a spirit that was sent to his parents home. It was his brother who had called me with the devastating news.

I didn't visit his home for the funeral.

And it was that day forth that I'd stopped hoping.

The click of a camera brings me back to reality. I see Maaz standing up from a crouch on the grass, glancing down at his camera to check the picture he has clicked. He seems satisfied with it.

'Isn't it a little early for a morning walk ?' He inquires, walking up to me. He shuts the lens on the camera and places it carefully on a chair.

I regard him silently. He stands in front of me, arms crossed. His black hair is wild and the wind messes them up further. His night blue eyes penetrate mine as he waits for an answer.

'I have been watching you since an hour.' He points a long finger to the window above. Right, he slept on the couch, I'd forgotten.

'How boring must your life be if that is what you have been doing.' I reply.

'Boring? Not a chance, admiring beauty is my hobby.' I gape at him, perhaps, reading too much between the lines.

He scrutinizes my reaction before saying, 'I mean the garden.' He eloquently spreads his hand indicating the lawn. 'Your mom does a good job of maintaining it. It's quite beautiful.'

I shake my head and walk in the direction of the pool. The waning crescent moon adorns the cloudless sky. The only jewel of the black canvas for tonight. Crickets and beetles sing their lullaby but I'm wide awake. The grass gives way to smooth tile as I reach the pool.

I stand facing the untroubled water. Sad eyes, a straight nose, flat cheeks making the cheekbones prominent framed by a halo of black braided hair, regard me mournfully.  A minute later a shadow comes over me. The girl in the pool now has a boy behind her.

'Zara.' His voice is low, it still holds the odd tone that it did the day he had called me using my name as a greeting, a strange sort of relish.

'A problem shared is a problem halved.' He says.

'What makes you think I'd share anything with you?' I say.

His eyes dim for a second before he responds, 'Because I am your best friend.'

'I couldn't sleep.' I say without elaborating further.

'Then I'll stay awake with you.'

He sits down near the pool, legs arched in front of him and his arms folded over his knees. Skeptically I sit down beside him wondering why I haven't simply ignored him and returned to my room.

'In college, my room was on the ground floor, there was a big oak tree right in front of my window. A hummingbird had built its nest on the branch, near the window. A week later there were two small eggs in it. I used to watch them every day until they finally hatched. Their chirps became my morning alarm. After breakfast, I'd bring back crumbs from the mess and place it on the branch.'

His quite, low voice lulls me into a different world.

'A month later they learned to fly. And at last, they all left. My mornings became quiet, I used to miss the noise.' He recalls with a smile.

And as I sit with him, side by side, on the edge of the pool and he effortlessly spins me away from this world into a world of his own, of life in college, friends, the love of photography, of human flaws and imperfections, I realize why he was my best friend.

***

A/N : Heya! Happy to see you back for yet another chapter :)

Keep smiling!