And like the moon
She had a side of her
So dark, that even the stars
Couldn't shine on it;
She had a side of her
So cold, that even the sun
Couldn't burn on it.
-Abigail J

___________________________________________________________

An unknown number flashes up on my screen as it vibrates. I look at it, puzzled, wondering who would call me.

I answer the call and whisper a cautious, 'Hello?'

'Zara.' He breathes my name.

My slow brain cannot come up with a quick response.

'Where are you ?' He resumes his normal tone though I detect an undercurrent of something else.

'Library.'

'I'll be there in 10. Be ready.' I glance up at the grandfather clock at the far end of the hall. There are exactly ten minutes left for my shift to end.

'But dad would be...' Is the first thing that comes out.

He cuts me off, 'I've asked him for permission.'

My lips open into a gaping hole.

He talked to my dad! That is incredulous.

'But where are you taking me? And why? And...?'

'Isn't that a lot of questions?' He laughs. 'It is somewhere you should have gone a long time ago. Join me and you will know the answers to all your questions.'

'And if I don't want to?' I hedge.

'Tick tock. Seven minutes left.' He says and hangs up before I respond.

I glare at my phone meaning to glare at the person who'd just hung up on me. This man was impossible. Then again a smile creeps up on my face as I recall he always was very stubborn. Once he'd had an idea in his head, until he had accomplished what he wanted, he never gave up.

That leaves me with no option other than to gather up my stuff and sign the library log, waving Liam goodbye from the doorway.

His Mini Cooper is already parked in the front when I exit. He is leaning against the hood of the car one leg extended before the other.

A picture of ease. His short-sleeved shirt leaves his toned arms bare which are folded across. He looks up as I walk towards him.

His gaze makes me feel conscious. I wish I had spent more time dressing up today morning. I could do with some Eliza advice at the moment. I'm wearing my regular library wear, black jeans topped with a full sleeved baby pink tee. I fidget with my fingers clasped behind my back. I stand before him unsure what to do.

He seems to be taking in the moment.

Then, 'You came.'

'Like you gave me a choice.' I glare at him.

'There's always a choice.' He mutters so slowly I'm not sure it was meant for me to hear. The car beeps as he unlocks it moving towards the door holding it open for me. I slip inside and buckle myself.

The door clicks shut closing us in the car. A strange tension hangs in the air after he slips in.

Beside me.

Our arms are inches away from each other. I feel claustrophobic. Subtly I inch towards the door peeping out the window using it as an excuse to move away.

'Where to?' He asks. As if I'm the one who called him to pick me up.

'How do I know?' I say, he chuckles softly.

'Lunch first?'

I nod. The car speeds away, date palms whizzing past on either side of our car.

'Which book are you reading now?' He asks out of the blue.

It is a question I wasn't expecting.

It takes me a second to remember what I had been reading. Recollecting I still haven't read the Agatha Christie I reply, 'Murder on the Orient Express.'

'Ah mystery. My romance obsessed Zara has grown up.'

Something stirs within me at the casual usage of the words My and Zara in the same sentence but I let it pass.

'I wasn't obsessed about romance.' I retort focusing on the other part of his sentence.

'Oh Maaz do you know how Edward takes Bella to this beautiful meadow. Oh Maaz, you should read the scene where Daniel promises Luce to find her. Always.' He breaks into an impersonation of 12 year old me. I stare at him aghast my mouth parted open. 'And when Daemon confessed to Katy it was magic. Tris really shouldn't have died. Poor Tobias, he should just come to me.'

I smack him on his arm, 'Shut the hell up. One more word and I'll jump out of this car.'

He laughs at me thoroughly enjoying my murderous glare.

'You used to talk my ear off about books and now you can't hear the same back?' He questions.

'It was a phase. A distant one. And it has passed.' I say.

'You don't read anymore?' He is surprised. I feel his eyes on me rather than on the road in front.

'No, I mean I do...not really. It is just...' I struggle at a loss of words having lost touch with normal conversations words seem to fade.

'Just?' He prods.

Though his gaze is back on the road I know he is listening intently. I look at the man beside me, the boy who used to listen to anything and everything I used to say, still willing to listen.

It was a strange place where we stood. Our pasts intricately entwined with each other as the best of friends but, a chasm of our present making us total strangers.

'I don't read romance. It is mostly Sidney Sheldon, Jeffrey Archer, Dan Brown...you get the idea.' I pause waiting for words to come. 'Now that you remind me, I don't read as much as I used to. Only occasionally. I don't feel the thrill of opening a new book or the pull of continuing the ones I've started. I have lost interest I believe.'

'We are here.' He announces parking the car in front of a restaurant. 'Steak House' read the red blocks of alphabet hanging on the top.

I step out of the car before he reaches me. I follow him through the ancient wooden door of the restaurant.

'Table for two please.'

A waitress guides us to a table at the corner. Handing out the menu cards she walks away her heels clicking against the marble.

Using my menu as a shield I observe Maaz from behind it. His soft black hair fall to cover his forehead. Dark eyes roving over the menu. He chews on his lip as he decides what to order.

He looks up at me, 'Decided?'

'No.'

'How about fish?'

'Okay.' I smile at him. It has been a long time since I've had seafood.

Beckoning the waitress towards us he places our order. I watch a toddler shuffle around his table making faces, his parents and elder brother laugh at his antics.

'What was the weirdest patient you've had?' Maaz's voice brings me back to our table.

I mull over his random question.

'We had a lot of serious, critical cases but weird...?' I ponder over what was the weirdest case at the hospital.

'There was this boy who was admitted because he drank soy sauce on a dare. He was in a coma for three days before he..' I say.

'Soy sauce?' His surprised voice stops me.

'Teens these days.' I shake my head. 'The team had to work for hours to bring his sodium level under control. The salt had increased the sodium level in his body so much that internal bleeding had begun.'

'You make me fear Chinese food now.'

The waitress arrives with our order. A steaming hot plate of grilled fish layered with lettuce and baby tomatoes. She pours us each a glass of water after serving the fish.

'A teaspoon isn't going to harm you. He had drunk one quart!'

'Did he survive?'

'Miraculously, yes.'

I poke my fork into the soft fish and it separates out into white flakey layers. The soft piece dissolves in my mouth.

'It's really good.' I say. He forks a piece of lettuce.

We enjoy the food in companionable silence. It was odd how at comfort I was at with him. Like falling back into a routine, even after so much time as if my conscience recognized the familiarity of being with him.

The toddler is now running around the place. He stops at our table standing on tiptoes to peek at the top.

Maaz surprises me by greeting him, 'Hey champ.'

The kid breaks into a toothy grin, dimples popping on his chubby cheeks. I catch his parents casting embarrassed glances at each other.

Maaz is now teaching the kid how to handshake. He takes the tiny hand in his large one giving it a firm shake then he folds his hand into a fist. The toddler fails to form a fist and breaks into giggles.

The brother at last makes his way towards our table.

'I'm so sorry about Ben.' He says and picks up the kid off the floor.

'Not at all a problem.' Maaz replies.'Bye champ.' He waves at the kid who is squirming in his brother's grasp.

'Are we done?' He asks me after placing his fork and knife on the plate.

I nod. Once the bill is cleared we head out. Maaz holds the door open for me and I  walk outside into the sun.

'Why did you bring me here?' I voice my thoughts.

Momentary disappointment flashes across his face. 'Since when are friends not allowed to take friends to lunch?' He answers with a question.

'Where are we going next?' I ask. He casts a look at the rear view mirror stopping the car at a signal.

'You will see.' Is all he says as the lights turn green and we are moving.

I cannot believe I am spending so much time outside. My parents must be ecstatic that I have not returned home yet. I wish they would stop worrying about me so much and let things be. Deep down I know that as my parents they would never leave me like this and they could not be happy unless I was.

Happiness unfortunately does not come from the people around. It is a desire from within to keep yourself happy.

And I had lost all desires.

But happiness could be found in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light.

The car slows down as Maaz eases it into a parking slot. I brush my jeans and step out stretching my legs. Maaz comes to stand behind me.

'Where...?' The earth sways as I see the building in front of me.

SMILE reads the board written in a semi-circle. In much smaller letters 'You are Home' is printed beneath.

I take a step back stepping on Maaz's shoe. He places a hand on my back. I can feel the comforting presence of his long fingers through my thin shirt. I am sure he can feel the quick rise and fall of my chest.

'Maaz.' I whisper, memories of my last visit flashing before my eyes. Numair bounding in front of me with piles of gifts in his hands and I following him with a smaller pile at a much slower pace. He had bought clothes for all the kids that day. I don't know how he managed to get the exact size of each kid but he did.

Almost like he knew it was his last time.

The smiles on the kid's faces were dazzling. Their favourite uncle Nemo had bought them new clothes. A name that had stuck with the kids when we had made them watch Finding Nemo. The innovative name spread like wildfire from the younger kids and even the older ones started calling him Nemo.

I can feel a pressure building up in the front corners of my head. Tears threatening to make an entrance.

I will them back.

'I can't.' I whisper.

'We can.' Maaz whispers back. 'The kids have missed you. Imagine how happy they would be to see you?'

'And what will I say when they ask about him?' I question, unable to take his name.

'Shh...' he murmurs his finger catching a drop from my eye before it falls.

I want to run far far away and never come back. Which is what I was doing these past months.

Maaz doesn't remove his hand from my back as if he knows I would bolt as soon as he would leave me.

His eyes look pained. 'Think only about the kids. Only about their happiness. Once we go inside and you still don't feel better after meeting them I will take you home. I promise.'

I stare at him trying to make sense of my thoughts. A part of me wants to sprint away and another smaller one is eager at the prospect of meeting the kids. How much have they grown in this past year? How many have left? Do they remember me?

He keeps his gaze locked on mine, the blue in them prominent in the bright sun. He seems to be able to read my thoughts through my eyes. I look away.

'Breathe.' he murmurs.

Stepping behind me he removes a packet from the backseat then locks the car. He begins to walk towards the daunting glass doors.

Noticing that I am still rooted to my spot he backtracks, I am startled as his pinky wraps around my pinky tugging me forward.

I clear my head and walk along with him. The glass doors part, air conditioning hitting me as we approach.

A brown head is bent over the reception writing something. On hearing us approach she looks up.

Hazel eyes open wide in surprise and she gasps. 'Zara!' Aylin shrieks darting out from behind the counter and attacking me in a hug.

Maaz leaves my finger and I feel the sudden absence of him holding me. I awkwardly return the hug.

'I thought you moved or shifted! You guys were such regulars. The kids waited up for you guys months after you had stopped coming.'  I wince at her usage of the plural, you guys. Maaz's hand finds his way back to my pinky.

'I'm sorry I didn't inform them. Things weren't...' I begin.

Aylin at last notices that the man at my side isn't my husband. Her brows furrow in confusion but she knows better than to ask.

'Can we meet them now?' I detect a hint of impatience in Maaz's voice.

'Sure. Come with me. The kids are ready.' Aylin walks ahead opening a set of doors set at the end of the hallway. I didn't need her to show me the way around. I knew it as well as her. All these formalities weren't there before when my visits were regular.

'They must be in the recreation hall now.' Aylin explains. 'Or maybe on the lawn.'

I nervously follow her. It is pure will and the sturdy grip on my little finger that is propelling me forward. I try not to think about the questions I'm going to be bombarded with. With kids it was even more difficult to lie. With their curious quick minds they often notice and question things with no hesitation.

I hear their laugh before I see them.

We enter the open backyard. A layer of thick shrubbery borders the lawn and in the middle the children are scattered.

Some play on the swings, a group of kids are having a discussion in the middle of the playground talking animatedly, others run around while still more sit with a volunteer listening to her talk.

I stop in my tracks, my eyes roving over the little ones.

I spot Kate on the swings, flying high reaching out her legs as if she can reach the sky. Little Tom is running in circles around the patch of blooming violets. He was a toddler barely walking when I last saw him. Another girl, Vanessa joins him her blond hair flying in the wind as they chase each other in circles.

I find quiet Lisa trying to catch a yellow and blue butterfly. It flits beyond her reach settling on a leaf. She crawls towards it and slowly picks it up. Her forest green eyes sparkle with excitement and a smile graces her lips as the butterfly sits on her index finger then lifting its wings it flies away.

'Kids! Someone is here to meet you.' Aylin yells calling out their attention. They freeze in their spots looking up with curious gazes.

Ashar recognises me first. He comes running from his seat near the volunteer barreling into me. I wrap my hands around his thin eight year old frame. Tom and Vanessa follow next. I kneel down so that I am face to face with them. Tom reaches out to touch my cheeks checking if I'm real. I grab him and begin to tickle him, he breaks into giggles, struggling to get out of my arms. I leave him as the other kids come in for a hug.

The smiles on their faces are exuberant. I feel my own lips splitting into a satisfied smile.

'Why didn't you come since many days?' Kate pipes up.

'We've missed you so so much.' Tom adds shaking his head in agreement.

'I used to wait everyday day for you and uncle Nemo.' Ashar solemnly adds.

I swallow, 'I am really sorry angels. I should have come to meet you sooner.'

I realise that the person who has brought me here isn't beside me. I find him standing behind the small crowd that has formed around me letting me enjoy the moment by myself.

I motion for him to come join me. He kneels beside me in the circle of kids.

'Hey' he says.

'This is um...my friend, Maaz.' I introduce him.

I cringe almost folding behind Maaz when the next most expected question arises.

'Why didn't uncle Nemo come with you?'

Kate asks the same time Ashar says 'Where is uncle Nemo?'

It is Maaz who replies, 'He couldn't make it. He really wanted to meet you and told me to tell you that he loves you all. See what he has sent for you?'

He opens the packet he has been carrying and the kids squeal in delight at the sight of hundreds of glittering chocolates and forget all about their questions. They rush to plunge their hands inside the packet picking up their favourites.

'Careful.' Maaz orders as Tom shoves a boy in his greed to be first. The boy scrambles on the grass jumps back in line behind Tom.

My eyes scan the crowd of kids searching. Unable to find Lisa in the crowd surrounding us I scan the lawn. She is watching us from the far end.

'I will be back.' I murmur and pick up two Galaxy bars, from the packet, moving towards Lisa.
From the corner of my eye I spot Maaz handing the boy Tom had pushed an extra chocolate.
Lisa remains rooted to her spot as I approach her. Her round face is framed with soft black curls, sparkling forest green eyes shaded with thick lashes look at me. Though she has become taller she has lost weight. She reaches my waist.

I lower myself to her height, 'Remember me?'

Her bottom lip quivers and she bites it. I can see the tears she is trying to hold back. The strange maturity of this ten year old had always endeared me. I hold her shoulders kneeling in front of her, with my index finger I wipe away the tear that rolls down against her will.

'Don't you love me anymore?' She asks pitifully. Her voice breaks over the words and I pull her to me holding her close to me.

'Of course I do, honey. How could I ever stop loving you ?' I whisper pressing a kiss on her forehead.

'Then why didn't you come to meet me?'

How do I explain to a child who has already lost her parents and been abandoned that she has also lost the man she used to look up to as her father figure. How do I tell her why I didn't have the courage to meet her.

'I am here now.' I say pulling her even closer trying to put into action the words I couldn't express.

***

Authors Note: This has been one of my longest chapters yet! I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it :D

As always waiting for your thoughts and views.