"We never realize how frozen we are
Until someone starts to melt our ice."
- Bridgett Devoue
__________________________________________________________

'Go home, Zara' he says through clenched teeth, his hands folded into fists making his nerves stand out.

I stare at him dumbly, my ears not believing what he said.

'But...this is my home.' I take a hesitant step to him. He towers over me, his broad shoulders dwarfing me.

'I don't want you here.' His voice rises. I touch his hand and he flinches, recoiling from my touch. The air seems to be sucked out of the room. I struggle to breathe.

'You can't mean that.'  My voice breaks, desperation sets in.

'Things haven't been perfect but we can deal with this. I'm sorry for whatever I did, please let us fix this. We can make it through, together Numair. I need you, please don't leave me.' I beg as a lone tear leaks out, followed by another that rolls down my cheek.

He grabs me, his arm behind me and the other wipes away my tear. He holds my face within his hands forcing me to meet his eyes. His almond brown eyes stare defiantly back at me. My heart breaks a little more at the coldness I see in them. Though his stance seems to portray harshness his touch is as gentle as ever.

'It's NOT you, there is nothing you can do to fix it. I don't want you here. Get it?' I feel his hands tremble with rage around my face, his eyes red, livid with anger.

'Just go.' I feel his lips on my forehead and then I'm pushed away. 'I'll help you pack.', is all that he says.

I jerk up from my bed.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I touch my cheek to find it wet with tears; as expected. Ziyan sleeps soundly on the bed adjacent to mine with his arm thrown over his head. Dim orange lights up the room.

I wipe my cheeks and pull the covers over my shoulders. I mull over my dream, a striking picture of my last day with Numair at our house. I had relived the moment so many times. I had imagined and reimagined what otherwise I could have done to change that moment. Now that memory haunts me in my nightmares.

And I'm as helpless as I was that day. I didn't change anything then and now I simply can't.

***

When I wake up, Ziyan's bed is empty. He must have left without me. I head down to breakfast in a rush. I find them seated on a central table in the restaurant. I scan the table, mom, dad, Adam, Ziyan and Maaz. Ira and Eliza are missing. That means they have overslept as well. I wonder if they even slept at night, perhaps at the break of dawn.

'Come join us.' Uncle Adam says.

Maaz pulls out the chair beside him.

'Thanks. I'll be back.' I place my phone on the table and head to the breakfast buffet. I load my plate with a croissant, a Danish roll and grab a small pack of butter and honey.

'How would you like your egg Ma'am ?' The chef asks me.

'Sunny side up please, just one.' I'm impressed when he flips the egg by tossing it into the air and catching it in the pan.

I settle down beside Maaz to devour my breakfast. Last night has left me restless, I play with my fork shifting the egg around my plate.

We are almost finished when Eliza and Ira join us. A bleary-eyed Eliza plops down beside me.

'Get me whatever you are getting.' She mumbles to Ira.

After breakfast, I head down towards the surrounding lawns to clear my head. The thick trees weave around me. They form a protective cover. I tread the leaf covered sandstone deep in thought when a voice calls out.

'Zara!'

I turn to see Maaz running to catch up with me, his hair flying wild. He is wearing a half-sleeved white polo shirt and pants. I remember I've forgotten his hoodie again.

'I'm sorry I forgot to return your hoodie.' I say as he comes to a sudden stop before me.

He is confused for a second before he responds.

'Oh that's okay. I didn't come for that.' He runs his hand through his hair. Something he used to do when he was worried or nervous. A habit that hasn't changed. Though he is nervous about what I don't know.

'Uh I was wondering if you'd come horse riding with me.' I smile at the uncertainty in his voice.

'There's horse riding here ?' I ask.

'Yeah, they have a few horses here. They said the stable was down that way, at the end of the lawn.' He says pointing down the path I was walking.

I follow him as he leads the way.

'You know how to ride ?' I ask after some time.

'Yes, picked up a few things while I was away.' He responds a little uncomfortable.

He is referring to the time he'd gone to university. The same time that we completely lost touch with each other. And by the time he had come back I'd already met Numair and had created a world of my own. A world he wasn't a part of. We both had moved on in our respective lives.

'You had horse riding at uni? That's cool, medical school was all about studying.' I say.

'Not exactly, I did a part-time job at a stable for a few months, feeding and grooming the horses. They also let me ride them whenever I wanted to. That's where I picked up a few things.'

We walk the rest of the way in silence until we reach a wooden sign saying 'Stables' pointing towards the right. We change course and soon reach a small wooden stable with four stalls. Two of them are empty. In the third is a white pony and the fourth is a jet black, tall, intimidating horse that reminds me of black beauty.

Maaz goes ahead to talk to the person in charge. They both head towards the fourth stable and he unlocks the door. The horse trots outside as the man leads it out.

I cautiously approach them, apprehensive about the horse. Maaz gently rubs his hand across its back.

'He looks intimidating but he is quite gentle, don't worry.' I hear the man say once I reach them.

The man hands Maaz a bag of treats. Maaz feeds the horse generously all the while murmuring soothingly to the horse. I carefully lay my hand on its neck careful not to startle it.

The man hands each of us a helmet. Maaz takes a step towards me and places the helmet in his hand on my head. A quick sweep and his hand push my hair behind, barely touching my neck. He bends down to buckle my helmet. I move away.

'I...I'll do it.'

Once he is ready he takes the reins of the horse and walks it down to the lawn.

'Come.' Maaz says. He offers me his hand. I look at him uncertainly.

'I've never ridden a horse.' I tell him.

'I'm going to be with you. I'll show you how to.' Hesitatingly I put my hand in his. He grasps my hand firmly, his rough hands hold me tight. I climb onto the horse gracelessly. I'm ashamed to see him get on effortlessly without any help.

'And that's how it's done.' He smirks down at me.

'Show off.' I mutter.

'The rules are simple. The reins are your steering wheel. You tug them left the horse will go left, you tug them to the right it will go right. Okay ?' I grasp the reins doubtfully.

'Okay.'

He nudges the horse with his foot and it begins to move forward. I exclaim at the sudden movement and my body slams into his.

'Shh...don't scare the horse.' Maaz whispers behind me. He leans forward, his chest presses into my back and I stiffen involuntarily.

'Relax Zara.' He folds his hands over mine on the rein. I don't hear his instructions over the pounding in my ears.

We canter into the lawns. Huge trees obscure the lawns from the surrounding areas. A sea of green extends before us and the horse picks up speed enjoying it's time out in the sun. I may be holding the reins but it's all under Maaz's control.

The wind rushes through my hair as the horse speeds, the green grass blurring beneath us and if I close my eyes I can almost imagine I'm flying, free and careless in the wind.

***

Orange-red light filters into the lobby from the glass overhead. The porter has brought our bags down from the rooms. Dad is at the reception desk finalizing the payment. Maaz and his father have gone to bring the cars. Mom walks in from the far end with her bag in hand. Eliza, Ira, Ziyan and I stand in a crooked circle near the piano.

I cross out things from my mental checklist, re-checking if I have forgotten anything in the room. I have Maaz's hoodie folded over my hand.

'Let's take our bags.' Ziyan announces. He heads over to the trolley and picks out his duffel heaving it over his shoulder.

Knowing that there is some more time left I sit down on the vacant stool in front of the piano. Mindlessly my fingers hover over the keys though I don't know how to play. I watch Eliza and Ira head to the trolley to take their bags. A piece of sheet music laying on the corner keys capture my attention. I take a closer look at it but to me it is the same as Greek or Latin.

A shrill scream breaks my perusal. Startled at the sudden break in silence of the lobby I gaze around searching for the origination. My dad and the receptionist who was catering to him both are looking towards the grand entryway, inquiringly. Other people in the lobby as well have paused midway staring at the source.

Which happens to be my sister.

All eyes are on Eliza perhaps at the horrified expression on her face. I look around searching for Ziyan. It has to be him. I locate him at the far corner near the fountain laughing soundlessly. He winks at me and I shake my head at him.

I walk over to Eliza. I have no idea what Ziyan has done now.

Ira is murmuring soothingly, 'It's only a rubber one.'

Nestled in Ira's palm is a small rubber lizard. Doubtlessly put on Eliza's bag by Ziyan to freak her out. Eliza covers her face in embarrassment.

'Everyone is staring at me.' She moans.

At that moment Uncle Adam walks in informing us that the cars are at the entrance. Eliza rushes outside, nearly banging into Maaz who is entering, to avoid further mortification.

'What happened?' Puzzled, Maaz asks Ira and me.

Ira holds up the rubber lizard in answer. Ziyan walks over to us, almost bounding, mirth evident on his face. His brown eyes sparkle in delight at the incident he has caused.

'You will never give her a break, will you ?' I ask.

'Never.' Ziyan solemnly promises.

He follows me out to our car and together we put our luggage inside. Eliza is already seated inside but glares at Ziyan from within. Dad takes the wheel and mom settles beside him. I'm about to get in when I see the hoodie still resting on my hand. I make my way to the car in front of ours. Uncle Adam and Ira are already inside the car.

Maaz turns around when I approach him.

'Um...thanks.' I say handing the jacket over to him.

'Finally !' He says. 'I thought you'd keep it.' Sarcasm is evident in his tone.

'Of course not.'

'And perhaps sleep with it in my memory.' He smirks.

With a wink, he takes the jacket into his hands and leaves me gaping on the pavement.

***